From: Neoculture, aubry.thonon@qed.qld.gov.au
NOTE: This is taking place sometime during Babylon 5's third season. I
have tried to make as little "guesses" about the season as possible
to avoid any legal problems for JMS. However, I am almost certain
that any guesses I may have made are totally wrong and that JMS has
something even weirder in store for us.
You're telling me, friend... just finished watching "Messages from
Earth." :) Erp. (I re-watched all of season one and two a couple of weeks
ago when I was laid up with strep throat, so I might get a little
nit-picky; apologies if I do.)
If you don't mind a little C&C... (and stop drooling, all you hentai in
the peanut gallery! Ivanova's *not* here!)
Sheridan: Are they on our schedule?
Ivanova: No, sir. They didn't even use a jump point. They just...
appeared in a flash of liquid light.
Sheridan: Liquid light? How long before impact?
Ivanova: Two hours, unless they change trajectory.
[Sheridan looks at computer screen.]
Sheridan: Have Zeta Squadron put on stand-by. If these ships get too
close before moving off, I want them turned into plasma.
This doesn't quite ring true. True, Ivanova was ready to blast the Soul
Hunter's ship when it was on a collision course with the station; but
that was mainly due to the very tight time frame. IIRC the Copernicus in
"The Long Dark" was also on a collision course with the station, and in
that case they went out and stopped the ship before it could hit. Two
hours would seem like plenty of time to scramble enough fighters and
shuttles to pull the ships away from the station -- assuming the ships
aren't *huge*. (I admit I'm not familiar with your three ships; I haven't
read [or found] any of your earlier stories. Gomen.)
Siniya: I recommend the evacuation, then detonation, of the ship.
Magiso: This is not the Zentraedi Way. What will our sisters
think?
Siniya: The Humans have a saying: He who fights and runs away,
lives to fight another day. Would you deny the fact that
these humans are good fighters?
Magiso: No. They may be many things, but cowards they are not.
Very well. Evacuate the ship. Execute the first Meltran
who questions the order. Maybe this will prompt the others
to obey.
Again, I'm not familiar with the ships or your characters; but it doesn't
seem quite in Zentraedi character to simply abandon ship without making
*some* attempt to save her. I'd also expect some discussion of what their
situation will be after they abandon ship -- do they expect B5 to rescue
them, and what will they do to build back up again? (This is another
point that might be answered by the earlier stories -- if the Zentraedi
are working together with the Mordred, they might be expecting
rescue/help from them.)
[Int. shot, Babylon 5 Casino. Garibaldi is sitting at a table drinking
mineral water. Londo sees him and approaches.]
Londo: Garibaldi, my good friend!
Garibaldi: Oh no, Londo. I'm not lending you any money.
This exchange sounds like something out of B5's first or early second
season -- by the third season their relationship is *very* strained
(remember the scene between them when Londo returns to B5 in "The Long,
Twilight Struggle"?), and Londo wouldn't need to borrow money (remember
Londo paid Garabaldi back when his fortunes had improved, as a friendly
gesture?). This bit might work better if you set it back in that period,
depending on what you have planned with the Shadows.
[Int. shot, Babylon 5 Alien section, Kosh's quarter.]
Sheridan: Do you know anything of these new arrivals?
Kosh: The surest path to knowledge is the straightest one.
Sheridan: Why won't you answer my question?
Kosh: ... They are lost, Captain - as you are.
I'd drop this scene completely; Kosh doesn't sound right, and you could
probably get the same effect simply picking up with Sheridan coming back
from talking to Kosh.
I'm sorry, this is all sounding like criticism, and I don't intend it
that way; I really like B5, I appreciate how difficult it is to write in
that work, and I admire you for trying. :>
-------------------
The Professor peeked around a corner, wondering if it was safe to come
out with all of the passion spice in the air. "Er... um... hello?"
(For anyone really interested in some of the Professor's history, check
out the stories at <http://www.tfs.net/~tbutler/myths/myth.html>.)
Travis Butler
(The Professor, formerly of Myth and Magick!, Lawrence, KS;
tbutler@tfs.net, now from the Wandering Powerbook;
<http://www.tfs.net/personal/tbutler/>;
Mac page <http://www.tfs.net/business/tbutler/>)
..Cats are the proof of a higher purpose to the universe.