At 09:20 AM 1/31/96 -0500, you wrote:
Aii-Yah!! more! More! MORE! MOREMOREMOREMOREMOREMOREMORE!
Okay, you got it. More it will be. Fortunately I have ideas floating
around in my head. I just hope people like it as much as what I've done so far.
Now normally I don't comment too much... But for this one I just
had to comment. I really wanna see where this goes. I actually
ended up missing my stats class to finish reading it. <much more
groveling deleted for breviety's sake>
Ayiee! I hope I haven't adversely affected your academic pursuits...
(yeah, right... ^_^;; )
Technically I can't offer much help (I can't spell to save my ***
that's what ispell and proofreaders are for). My only comments on
the actual plot are as follows:
1) I liked the interplay between Ranko and Ranma, it felt... right...
I guess is the word for it.
I liked it too. I figured that the more mellow Ranma from Ranko's "past"
(i.e. before Ranma from Ranma 1/2 made his wish) got along poorly with his
tougher sister. And while Ranko always loved her brother, she couldn't
stand the fact that he hated martial arts. Then pops in this 'new' Ranma,
who's a LOT like her. Her reaction is natural, I figured, to how it is
portrayed in the story. Not only are they siblings, but they are both
well-trained martial artists, and hence peers who respect each other's
abilities.
2) I think the fight between Ranma and Kuno should have been more
detailed. Not necessarily so much longer, just more descriptions,
possibly include what the characters were thinking, and maybe draw
it out just a little more.
Well, the answer to that one is simple. I can't write fight scenes worth
beans! ^_^ That's the one thing that I've always had a problem with. I
guess I'm getting better at it, but only time will tell.
One of the reasons that I say I don't know how to write fight scenes I
because I'm not experienced in any way in any form of martial arts. (Hence
my call for assistant editors...)
3) The same is true for Ranma's retraining. Maybe just another
paragraph or two, showing him regaining his skills over the two
weeks.
I tend to agree with you on that point. A look back at how the two siblings
work together. A look into Ranko's thoughts and perceptions over that
two-week period would be helpful in defining the characters. <drafting
ideas in mind as I type...>
Keep up the good work
-DaR
--
Dan Root - dar@andrew.cmu.edu
Thanks for the kind words, Dan. I'll pump out the next bit when I have a
chance. (Job hunting takes a lot out of your day...)
Although, and this is to all the MLers that wrote, I must apologize for not
replying to all of the messages sooner. I had my weekly AD&D night on
Wednesday eve, so I wasn't able to tackle all of the mail until today. And
in case you're wondering, my 7th level Cleric got creamed <again...>
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Later, | "I remember when 'RIF' used to stand
Shadow Stalker | for 'Reading is Fundamental...' "
(Protoculture Addict) | - anonymous victim of the AT&T GIS
(Moderator: The Robotech Echo) | 'Reduction in Force' (IE 'layoff')
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