Wasn't there a question about Smurf's on this list recently? I can't
remember anything about it. But when I found the following on a computer at
work, I just knew that I had to post it. It is not mine. I do not claim
responsibility for it. Enjoy!
Fozzy Bear
(coutureg@comm.hq.af.mil)
(fozzy@radix.net)
**************************************************************************
From: bgc-list-approval
To: bgc-list
Subject: Smurf FanFic (trust me, it's relevant)
Date: Tuesday, September 12, 1995 9:43PM
HTG
---------- Forwarded message ----------
I just thought up this opening scene while awaiting feedback on
part of a story I am working on (Part one of Ranma 1/2: X-Change Students
should be on R.A.A. as soon as Megazoner posts the next batch <shameless
plug mode off>). I am forced to admit that my memories of the show
mentioned in the subject line are rather fond, but I have always (OK only
since I rented BGC for the Nth time) wondered what would happen if. . . .
____________________________________________________________________________
__
<untitled>
Early afternoon; Smurf Village:
". . . smurf!" Farmer Smurf grunted as he dragged the drape
covered object in the wheelbarrow towards Papa Smurf's home, "this thing
is _heavy_!"
"Wha'cha got there, Farmer?" Hefty asked as he headed home from
Handy's workshop.
"T'be honest Hefty," he responded with a worried glance towards
the tarp, "I wish I knew. Found it out by the far end o' the field
earlier.
"T'is not like anything I've ever seen," Farmer continued as Hefty
peeked under the cloth, "would rather have Papa Smurf figure it out than
try t' toy with it or leave it fer t' Smurflings t' find."
"Yea." Hefty muttered, slightly awed at what he saw.
"Lemme give you a hand with this" he continued as he braced himself
against the other end of the cart and pushed
******
"Oh my smurf!" Papa said upon seeing Farmer's discovery laid on a
hastily cleared workbench.
"You know what it is Papa Smurf?" Hefty said as the Smurf Patriarch
examined it fully while Handy and Smurfette followed the two into the lab.
The thing was, aside from the odd vented hump on the back, the
same general shape and proportion as most humans but apparently covered by
shaped plates of some hard substance with a more flexible material at the
joints. One arm was shaped much like a slender (female?) human's, but the
other was a longer and thicked cylinder with five fingers surrounding a
large hole too dark for anyone to see into; in addition, both legs below
the knee were solid cylinders which widened in one direction towards the
slightly hooflike feet. The head was unlike anything anyone in the room
had ever seen; the bulk of it being a somewhat elongated sphere with long
fins mounded behind and no visible trace of a face as they knew it. The
reflective surface was painted a blue slightly darker that the smurf's own
skin and trimmed with a brilliant red.
"I have no idea Hefty," Papa Smurf finally concluded, "it has the
look of human armor, but. . . this is scarcely larger than _us_."
"I know Papa Smurf," Handy said as he felt the armor, "and I've
_never_ seen any metal like this before."
"Shhh," said Smurfette as the placed an ear to it's 'chest', "I
think there's something alive in he-"
"Papa Smurf," called a Brainy Smurf from behind a stack of books
being lugged down from the attic, "here are these spell books you
werAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"
"What's your problem, Brainy?" Hefty grumbled as he dug Brainy
out of the tomes he dropped when he caught sight of the armoured figure.
"W-w-what _is_ that!" he stammered as he straightened his glasses.
"Maybe we should ask her when she wakes up." Smurfette answered.
******
Mid-afternoon; Papa's Lab:
Smurfette stood over the still figure while Brainy watched warily
from the other side of the room. Hefty and Handy left after exausting
themselves and ruining several tools in a futile attempt to force the armour
open. Papa had managed to find a spell which confirmed that whoever
it was inside that shell was quite unharmed, and was digging through his
archives in the next room trying to identify the spell on the sleeping
form he _did_ detect.
#Who _are_ you?# half the female population of the Village Smurf
thought as she ran her fingers along the helmet, #Where did you come from?
Somehow, I think it was better than. . . eh?#
"Papa Smurf said don't touch it, or we'll both get into trouble."
Brainy noted from the corner as Smurfette fingered the hidden catch.
"He also said he wanted to know _who_ is in here." she countered
as she pressed the release.
Suddenly, the opaque forward dome slid up, revealing a slightly
tinted bowl of glass(?) that revealed the sleeping woman's face.
#She looks human,# Smurfette observed, #but her cheekbones and
eyes. . . they look like that traveler from the east we helped a few
years agOH!#
Her last exclamation escaped her lips as the eyes she was studying
suddenly snapped open. As the red-brown eyes locked on her face Smurfette
saw a mixture of disorentation, shock, confusion, fear, and finally anger
race through them. She barely had time to think about stepping back when
the less mechanical of the armored hands grabbed her by the throat.
____________________________________________________________________________
__
So what's the verdict; run with it at earliest opportunity, seek
help for even thinking of such a thing, get a life and/or some sleep, what?
BTW, does anyone know of a Smurf-related newsgroup or mailing
list that this can/should be sent to?
HTG
From: bgc-list-approval
To: fanfic
Subject: Just a Teaser
Date: Sunday, October 15, 1995 7:36PM
Comments or feedback anyone?
Think I should run with this? (not immediately, I have midterms and
X-Change Students)
HTG
____________________________________________________________________________
__
Early afternoon; Smurf Village:
". . . smurf!" Farmer Smurf grunted as he dragged the drape covered
object in the wheelbarrow towards Papa Smurf's home, "this thing is
_heavy_!"
"Wha'cha got there, Farmer?" Hefty asked as he headed home from
Handy's workshop.
"T'be honest Hefty," he responded with a worried glance towards the
tarp, "I wish I knew. Found it out by the far end o' the field earlier.
"T'is not like anything I've ever seen," Farmer continued as Hefty
peeked under the cloth, "would rather have Papa Smurf figure it out than
try t' toy with it or leave it fer t' Smurflings t' find."
"Yea." Hefty muttered, slightly awed at what he saw.
"Lemme give you a hand with this" he continued as he braced himself
against the other end of the cart and pushed
******
"Oh my smurf!" Papa said upon seeing Farmer's discovery laid on a
hastily cleared workbench.
"You know what it is Papa Smurf?" Hefty said as the Smurf Patriarch
examined it fully while Handy and Smurfette followed the two into the lab.
The thing was, aside from the odd vented hump on the back, the
same general shape and proportion as most humans but apparently covered by
shaped plates of some hard substance with a more flexible material at the
joints. One arm was shaped much like a slender (female?) human's, but the
other was a longer and thickened cylinder with five fingers surrounding a
large hole too dark for anyone to see into; in addition, both legs below
the knee were solid cylinders which widened in one direction towards the
slightly hooflike feet. The head was unlike anything anyone in the room
had ever seen; the bulk of it being a somewhat elongated sphere with long
fins mounded behind and no visible trace of a face as they knew it. The
reflective surface was painted a blue slightly darker that the smurf's own
skin and trimmed both with white and a brilliant red.
"I have no idea Hefty," Papa Smurf finally concluded, "it has the
look of human armor, but. . . this is scarcely larger than _us_."
"I know Papa Smurf," Handy said as he felt the armor, "and I've
_never_ seen any metal like this before."
"Shhh," said Smurfette as the placed an ear to it's 'chest', "I
think there's something alive in he-"
"Papa Smurf," called a Brainy Smurf from behind a stack of books
being lugged down from the attic, "here are these spell books you
werAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"
"What's your problem, Brainy?" Hefty grumbled as he dug Brainy out
of the tomes he dropped when he caught sight of the armored figure.
"W-w-what _is_ that!" he stammered as he straightened his glasses.
"Maybe we should ask her when she wakes up." Smurfette answered.
******
Afternoon; Somewhere in the Great Forest:
The wood elf Laconia calmly walked towards refreshing looking
spring for a quick dip. At first glance she looked like a fairly
attractive slender human female aside from the pointed ears and leaf based
clothing; looked human if an observer ignored one small detail.
She was a foot tall, tops.
She thought about how her friends the Smurfs were dealing with the
fairly pleasant weather as she noted that her wanderings carried her over
a full day's walk from their mystically concealed village. She sighed, a
swim would be nice, but a swim with company was always the more enjoyable
option if at all possible.
As she headed to the pond's edge, she abruptly stumbled and fell
when something rolled out from under her feet. As she started to return
to her feet, her eyes widened at the sight of what had been hidden under
the leaves seconds before. She carefully stepped over the half-buried
iron grey and pale olive armor too pick up the rounded green and orange
helmet before her. It was of no material she had felt before, natural,
man-made, or otherwise; and ornamented with two long white ribbons.
She silently pondered who (if anyone) could make heads or tales of
this artifact, the like of which she had never seen ever since the. . .
incident that cost her her voice and stranded her in this forest. As she
stood and prepared to hide the rest of the armor more securely before
heading towards the Village Smurf with the helmet, she heard an ominous
click and felt a small circle of. . . something. . . pressed to her back.
******
Afternoon; Creepy Deepy Swamp; Great Forest:
"Looket those little wings, It's a pixie I tell ya, a _pixie_!"
hollered the Wartmonger as he and his comrades marched towards their
king's palace.
"I dunno Sludge," muttered another of the toadlike creatures as he
nudged the clear bubble forwards, "pixies ain't got shells _or_ horns,
this thing's got both; I say it's a beetle."
"Uh-uh," Sludge replied "beetle got them little skinny legs, and a
lot more of 'em too. An' I thought only pixies an' smurfs liked those
ugly colors (pink an' red, eeyuuu)."
"I got an idea," piped in the smallest and palest of the three as
he pushed the bubble back on course, "maybe it's part pixie _an'_ part
beetle."
"Yea-yea-yeah, a _beexie_!"
"No! It's a _pixtle_!"
All the time the hunters argued; their prize, a basically humanoid
figure the size of a pixie with a pink and red carapace and winglike
structures sprouting from it's back and faceless head, pounded fruitlessly
on the inner surface of the bubble with it's asymmetrical arms and vented
it's impotent fury in an incomprehensible tongue.
******
Afternoon; Gargamel's Home; Great Forest:
"Arrrggghhh! _Stupid_ _cat_!" yelled the mage as he nailed the
last board into place over the larger window and clambered to the floor,
"If it wasn't for that fleabag, not only would I have a spell to send
those disgustingly cute little smurfs into Infinity, but I'd at least be
able to reach the top of my own table!"
Gargamel swallowed hard at that thought, realizing that whatever
faulty growth spell Azrael knocked into his cauldron had given the walking
throw rug all of the mass he had lost when he was shrunk down to roughly
the size of his cat. #And after all I'd done for him, he tried to _eat_
me!# he thought angrily as he remembered scrambling up to the dead tree
over the muck filled pond behind his house, it was sheer luck that the now
panther sized feline misjudged his leap and became firmly ensnared in the
mud.
He slid down the wall for a moment to catch is breath, then looked
up at his worktable and shelves of ingredients, then at the door which
would have to hold Azrael if he freed himself, then at the table and
shelves, then at the door. He finally sighed and marched towards the
former, muttering angrily about cat-fur mittens.
******
If the tiny white and ice blue figure was fearful or worried, the
featureless helm and faceplate concealed it well. It hid carefully in the
shadowy rafters, carefully watching the events unfolding below it and
drawing what conclusions it could from what could be seen and heard.
It was apparent that whatever had happened to the cat and man was
related to what had happened to itself, and rather obvious that the man
would soon take steps to at least try to reverse the effect. The cause of
the size alteration was decidedly non-technological in origin, at least as
far as the figure in the armor could understand (considering it's
background and intelligence, that is saying a lot), and what it could see
and hear of the man's language was completely unknown to it. The only
option it could see at that point was to abandon any preconceived notions
about the concepts of magic and alchemy while recording _everything_ the
apparent wizard said and did with both it's own senses and the armor's
until he restored himself to normal.
"WAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!"
CRASH
The armored figure slumped visibly and then settled into a more
comfortable position.
This could take a while.
******
Elsewhen; Far from the Great Forest:
"Wow, what _is_ this place?" said the pigtailed smurfling as she
stared in awe at the gleaming red two-wheeled object before her.
"I dunno Sassette, but I don't like it." said the profoundly
uncomfortable young smurf in the straw hat and overalls as he sat
trembling in a corner of the metallic room.
One minute they were within sight of Gargamel's hovel (Sassette
and Snappy had dared each other to approach the human's home, and Slouchy
and Natural had the presence of mind to keep them out of trouble), the
next minute there was an explosion, a large chunk of cauldron arced out
the window towards them and exploded in a flash of light; when their
vision cleared, the smurflings were surrounded by an alagam of steel,
glass, and materials utterly alien to them.
"Nat's right guys," Slouchy said in a quiet voice as he leaned
against the side of the blocky metallic object resting on 4 rubber wheels,
"this might be a trap, I think we better out of here."
"Alright scaredycats," Snappy muttered contemptuously as he hopped
down and bounded towards what seemed to be a door. After several moments
of pounding, shaking, pulling, and pushing the metallic panel, he paused
to catch his breath as Slouchy casually strolled to the door, looked at it
for a moment, and pressed the small panel on the right.
The door slid open to reveal a blocky yellow mechanism larger than
the four of them put together, bearing (in addition to distinct arms and
legs) several cylinders and lenses that gave the suggestion of weapons.
Of course they were all aimed at the smurflings' heads.
"Uh-oh." observed Slouchy.
******
Mid-afternoon; Papa's Lab; Smurf Village:
Smurfette stood over the still figure while Brainy watched warily
from the other side of the room. Hefty and Handy left after exhausting
themselves and ruining several tools in a futile attempt to force the
armor open. Papa had managed to find a spell which confirmed that whoever
it was inside that shell was quite unharmed, and was digging through his
archives in the next room trying to identify the spell on the sleeping
form he _did_ detect.
#Who _are_ you?# half the female population of the Village Smurf
thought as she ran her fingers along the helmet, #Where did you come from?
Somehow, I think it was better than. . . eh?#
"Papa Smurf said don't touch it, or we'll both get into trouble."
Brainy noted from the corner as Smurfette fingered the hidden catch.
"He also said he wanted to know _who_ is in here." she countered as
she pressed the release.
Suddenly, the opaque forward dome slid up, revealing a slightly
tinted bowl of glass(?) that revealed the sleeping woman's face.
#She looks human,# Smurfette observed, #but her cheekbones and
eyes. . . they look like that traveler from the east we helped a few years
ag-OH!#
Her last exclamation escaped her lips as the eyes she was studying
suddenly snapped open. As the red-brown eyes locked on her face Smurfette
saw a mixture of disorientation, shock, confusion, fear, and finally anger
race through them. She barely had time to think about stepping back when
the less mechanical of the armored hands grabbed her by the throat.
******
(Soundtrack cue: Kony'a wa Hurricane (Instrumental) by the Smurf Orchestra)
BubbleSmurf Crisis:
A new tale of the Knight Sabres
____________________________________________________________________________
__