Hi everyone!
Here's the latest update on the whereabouts of the Warners. Enjoy!
C(ash) & C(hecks) accepted. No credit cards please. :)
Saf
"$KACHING$!!!"
**********
Bubblegum Warners
=================
Silly Story by Sapphire, The Blue Tigress
DISCLAIMERS:
Bubblegum Crisis characters and sets belong to whoever owns them.
Animaniacs characters belong to Warner Bros.
If any of these people want to sue me, they can have my debts... I'm
broke ;P
*PROLOGUE*
[At Genom Experimental Buma Laboratory, a lone scientist works on new
applications for bumas.]
Scientist [drinking a can of BAKA Pepper] : Maybe some pets or playmates
for children? How about a dog or a cat buma? No more buying pet
food, no more cleaning up after it, and no more paying
veterinary bills. It can even act as a bodyguard.
[Scientist puts the half-empty can down on the console and accesses data
on various animals.]
[An alarm goes off as an explosion occurs in the lobby. Buma guards are
blown to bits.]
[Startled, the scientist knocks over his can and the soda spills all over
the console. A guard runs in yelling about intruders and drags the
scientist away. Gunshots and explosions are heard from the hallway.
The view zooms in on the computer screen.]
Words on screen:
DATA PROCESSED...
ASSEMBLY INITIATED....
[Scene shifts from computer room to assembly room where various machines
start up. A few seconds later, the words change.]
Words on screen:
WARNING!...
ASSEMBLY MALFUNCTION....
POWER OVERLOAD....
[The guards and invaders continue to battle in the hallways.]
Computerized Voice: Warning! Power overload! Explosion in ten
seconds! 9...8...7...6...
[Combatants battle their way out of the building]
CV: ....5...4...
[Scene of assembly room. The machines have completed construction and
are programming the bumas when a power surge occurs.]
CV: ...3...2...1...
[View of building exploding from outside.]
[Pan to nearby park. Zoom in on tree and three small unconscious figures
lying beneath it. All three are covered in black fur with white faces
and feet, long ears and tails, and red noses, and are wearing white gloves.
The tallest is wearing a pair of baggy tan pants and a wide black belt
with a gold buckle. The one on his right is wearing a short pink skirt
and has her ears tied up with a yellow flower. The one on his left is
wearing a red baseball cap backwards and a light blue turtleneck.]
[All three children suddenly twitch as they slowly become conscious.]
*CHAPTER 1*
[Quincy's office atop the Genom Tower. Quincy, seated behind his desk,
and Mason, standing before him, are both watching a video.]
[Zoom in on the video.]
[Video shows a rampaging buma crashing into a candy store. Most of the
customers run out screaming. Three small furry children who had been
drooling over all the candy, turn around and stare at the buma. The buma
fires a missile which destroys a candy display. The children stare,
horrified.]
Wakko (in an agonized voice): The candy! It's gone!
Dot (cutely, as always): Oh no!
[Dot goes into a dramatic pose - standing arms out to where the candy was.]
Dot: Candy, Candy! Wherefore art thou now, Candy?
[Yakko stands with one foot on a footstool, one hand over his heart and
the other open-palmed above his head.]
Yakko: To anvil, or not to anvil, that is the question. Whether tis
nobler in the mind to suffer the bombs and missiles of outrageous
bumas or to take arms full of anvils against candy-destroying
marauders, and by anvilling, avenge the poor candy.
Wakko and Dot (bouncing around): Anvil! Anvil!
[A large anvil appears above the buma and drops down, squashing the buma
flat. The Warners cheer and run off in search of another candy store.]
[The video screen goes snowy then another buma is seen. This time a
combat buma goes rampaging down a street. The Warners are standing at a
corner looking at a map.]
Wakko: That's not the way to Six Flags Over Flushing. This is!
[Wakko points to a spot on the map.]
Yakko (pointing to another spot on the map): No, I'm sure this is.
Dot (pointing to the rampaging buma): Hey, let's ask that buma over there.
[The trio walk up behind the buma who's firing missiles at an ADP car and
poke it to get its attention. The buma stops firing and turns to look
at them.]
Yakko: Exsqueeze me, is this the way to Six Flags Over Flushing?
[Yakko points on the map. The buma shoots a laser through the map,
setting it on fire. The fire quickly turns the map to ashes which hold
the map-shape for a second, then crumbles in Yakko's hands.]
Yakko: I think we found today's special friend.
[The buma starts targeting the Warners when Dot steps forward.]
Dot (very cutesy voice): Oh, Mr. Metal Man! Pweease don't shoot us!
Awll we wanted was to go to Six Fwags Over Fwushing 'n' go on
aaawwwll the fun rides!
[While the buma stands there processing this very cute request through
his CPU, Wakko pulls out some water guns from his gag bag and he and
Yakko replace the buma's lasers with them. The buma fires, but instead
of a laser, water shoots out.]
Wakko (yells): Oooo! A waterfight!
[Wakko is suddenly dressed in a yellow fireman's jacket and red helmet.
He aims a very _large_ hose at the buma and the scene pans back to
include Yakko in the driver's seat of a red firetruck and Dot turning on
the water. Both are dressed as firefighters. The water explodes out of
the hose and knocks the buma into an electrical line. Arcs of
electricity play over the buma's body; then the buma drops down onto the
street. The Warners crowd around the buma.]
Dot: Awww, the poor widdle Metal Man!
Wakko: I'll fix it!
[Wakko pulls out a huge mallet and whams the buma. A panel opens in the
buma's body and lots of wires and lights show.]
Yakko: Operation!
[The scene shifts to a hospital operating room. The Warners are dressed
in blue scrubs with a little tiger face on the pockets. Wakko and Yakko
are standing on both sides of the buma lying on the operating table. Dot is
standing next to a small rolling cart with lots of sharp, pointy
instruments laid out on it.]
Yakko (holding out his hand to Dot): Scalpel!
[Dot hands it to him. Yakko works on the buma.]
Wakko: Sponge!
[Dot hands a sponge to Wakko. Wakko sticks the sponge in. The operation
continues for a bit with Wakko and Yakko calling out for objects like a
hose, a clamp, a duck, et cetera, et cetera, and Dot handing the items to
them. Finally, they're finished. The Warners step back and untie their
face masks.]
Yakko: A very difficult operation, Doctor Wakko.
[Wakko nods his head in agreement. Yakko turns to Dot.]
Yakko: A very fine job on the instruments, Nurse Dot.
Dot (curtsies): Why, thank you, Doctor Yakko.
[Dot smiles and her dimples show. The Warners turn to the operating table.]
Yakko (gesturing at the white sheet covering the buma): And, now, if you
would, Doctor Wakko.
Wakko: I'd be delighted, Doctor Yakko.
[Wakko grabs hold of the sheet and pulls. The sheet covers the scene and
when it's gone, the buma is on a street corner standing in front of a
flower stall. It is wearing a straw hat and an apron with "Flowers for
sale" written on it, and the buma is giving Dot a pretty pink flower.]
[A click is heard and the video screen goes blank. Pan out to the rest
of Quincy's office.]
Quincy (looking at Mason): I want those Warner kids captured and analyzed.
I also want to know where they came from. Their strange
abilities of matter materialization and of reprogramming a buma
so quickly would be useful to Genom.
Mason (bowing): It shall be done, Mr. Chairman.
[Mason turns and walks out the door. Pan to Quincy watching the door close.]
[Fadeout]
*CHAPTER 2*
[Night. ADP Headquarters. Chief Plotz's office. The Chief and Leon are
arguing as usual.]
Plotz: ...This report shows that every time you go after bumas,
thousands of yen are lost on equipment! The higher-ups are giving me
hell about it and now I'm giving YOU (points to Leon) hell!...
Leon (interrupting): If those damn bureaucrats would give me the latest
upgraded equipment instead of all these outdated and outgunned JUNK, I
could do a lot more and a lot better...
[Their argument is interrupted by Daley rushing into the office and
dragging Leon out.]
Daley: Sorry, Chief, three bumas have gone rogue and are destroying
downtown MegaTokyo!
[Leon and Daley drive into a scene of fire and destruction. ADP officers
are sniping at the three bumas from behind wrecked cars and buildings.
The bumas obviously outgun the officers. (So what else is new?) Leon and
Daley get out of the car and head closer towards the battle.]
[The Warners run around the corner of a building and up to the two officers.]
Wakko (tugging at Daley's arm): Hey, mister, will you play with us?
Daley (startled): What the...???
[Leon turns around at the sound of Wakko's voice.]
Leon (surprised): What are these kids doing here? Someone get them out
of here! This is a _combat_ zone!
Dot (jumping into Leon's arms with hearts in her eyes): Hellooooo Policeman
Nurse!!!
[Multiple laser blasts are shot near them by the bumas.]
Yakko (pulling out a bag of popcorn and sitting in a chair that wasn't
there before): Pull up a chair, sibs. They're putting on a laser light
show.
Dot (still in Leon's arms, staring dreamily at him): Oooohhhh!!!! Our
first date! Have a seat, Toots!
[Still in his arms, Dot's hand reaches off screen and pulls a chair up
under Leon, forcing him to sit.]
Leon (trying to pull Dot off him): Let go, kid! This is a dangerous
area! Go home!
[A laser blast comes really close to Wakko and he reaches out, grabs it,
and eats it.]
Wakko (rubbing his tummy): *BURP* Needs salt. It's a little light.
[Off screen a voice shouts]: Knight Sabers, GO!
[The camera pans to a nearby rooftop where four suited figures pose then
jump down to street level to battle the bumas.]
Wakko & Yakko: Helloooo Armor-suited Nurses!!!
[The Warner brothers drop their popcorn and rush into the battle zone,
trying to get closer to the Knight Sabers.]
[For once, Dot doesn't say anything about her brothers, being too busy
herself, glomped onto Leon. Leon doesn't even notice the boys running off
since _he's_ busy trying to get Dot off him.]
Daley (seeing the boys run toward the bumas): Hey! Come back here!
You'll get hurt over there! (runs after the Warner brothers)
[The camera pans over to Sylia and Nene battling a buma. The brothers run
on-screen and up to them, easily dodging, or in Wakko's case, eating laser
blasts and concrete blocks and anything else thrown at them.]
Sylia (noticing the boys): Get those children away from here!
[Nene runs to the boys, grabs them and runs toward the police line where
Dot and Leon are.]
Yakko & Wakko: Will you play with us?
Nene: Sorry, boys, we're all a little busy right now with these rogue bumas.
Yakko (wheedling voice): Aww, come on. We know lots of games! It'll be fun!
Wakko: Yeah! We know lots of card games - (starts counting games off on
his fingers) Go Fish, Old Maid, War...
Nene (interrupting Wakko's list): We're already at 'war' with these
bumas and...
Wakko & Yakko (giving each other high fives): All right! 'WAR'!!!
[The brothers wriggle out of Nene's arms and run off. Nene looks around
for them. The camera pans to the Warner brothers in military uniforms -
Yakko as a general and Wakko as a private. Yakko's pointing to a chart
behind him with a stick.]
Yakko: Here's the situation, men. (points to one spot) This is where we
are. (points to another spot) This is where the enemy are. We'll
surround them from all sides and attack. Any questions?
Wakko (hand to his stomach): When do we eat? I'm hungry!
Yakko (looms over Wakko): Hungry? Hungry?? Soldier, you're about to go into
battle for the glory of your country and all you can think about is
food???
[Yakko puts his hand over his heart and is seen standing in front of the
American flag waving in a nonexistent breeze.]
Yakko: What about pride and honor and patriotism and all the rest of the
high sounding words that politicians spout off during election year?
Don't you care about that???
*** I'd like to parody a real speech here. Anyone have any suggestions? ***
Wakko (looking confused): Can you eat those?
[As Yakko is about to answer, a block of concrete is thrown their way and
smashes the chart.]
Yakko: Move out, men! The enemy is upon us! Good luck! (salutes)
Wakko (stands at attention and salutes): Yes, sir! (relaxes) I'm still
hungry.
Yakko: We'll eat after maneuvers, men. (running toward the bumas,
yelling) For honor and glory, CHARGE!
Wakko (running after him): For honor and...and...FOOD! CHARGE!
[Nene spots them and scoops them up into her arms. She takes them to
Leon who still has Dot in his arms. By now, she's making wedding plans.]
Dot (holding up a picture of a white wedding gown with pink bows): This
will look perfect on me! Don't you think so, hon? The wedding will be so
beautiful; I can't _wait_! (shrieks in excitement)
Nene (trying not to laugh): It seems you're the babysitter, Inspector
McNichols. Here are two more charges for you.
Leon (now really pissed off): AAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!! Get off! We are NOT
getting married!
Dot (in a sad, little voice with tears welling up in her eyes): You
mean... you mean, you don't love me anymore??? WWWWAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Leon (looking very upset at the crying): Awww, I didn't mean that...don't
cry!...We'll play a game, OK?
[Leon obviously doesn't know the first thing about children.]
Dot (looking up brightly with no sign of tears on her face): Really?
Leon (knowing he's been set up, starts backpedalling furiously): Ummm....
Ahhh... We'll take you kids to the amusement park AFTER the bumas
have been dealt with.
Nene: Sure! There'll be lots of rides and games to play there.
Yakko: It's a deal! (sticks out his hand to Leon)
[Leon solemnly takes his hand and shakes it. The Warners cheer loudly,
causing the three rogues to turn and come their way.]
Nene (trying to herd them away): You kids get out of the way!
Yakko: Ehhhh, I don't think so. You take too long and we want to play.
(turns toward his siblings) Ready, sibs?
Dot & Wakko: Ready!
[The three rogues rush up, firing wildly at everything but missing Leon,
Nene, and the Warners completely. The Warner trio calmly wait until the
rogue bumas are very close, then all three pull out mallets and WHAM the
rogues flat as pancakes. Leon and Nene look on in shock.]
Dot: _Now_ we can go to the amusement park! Yay!!!
[Wakko reaches down to the bottom left corner of the screen and peels off
the street scene to reveal daytime at the amusement park. Leon, Daley, all
four Knight Sabers, and the Warners are all riding the merry-go-round.
Sounds of laughter, fun, and tinny amusement park music fill the air.]
[Fadeout.]
*CHAPTER 3*
[Inside a nightclub called "Hot Lips". Priss and the Replicants are
performing. Three little kids run through the mob at the door. The
bouncer yells and tries to catch them.]
Ralph (in a stupid voice): Duh... Come back here, youse kids! Youse not
allowed in here!
[Ralph pushes through the crowded doorway and stands in front of the mob
looking around. He is an overweight, bald man with a permanent 5 o'clock
shadow wearing blue jeans, a grubby white t-shirt, and a red bandanna on
his head.]
Ralph: Duh... where are youse kids?
[Camera pans over the crowded tables and dance floor to the Warners
approaching the stage. The Warner Brothers see Priss.]
Wakko & Yakko (ears flapping, tails wagging): Hellloooooo Rock Star Nurse!!!
[Wakko and Yakko's tongues hang out as they stare.]
Dot (bored look on her face): Boys, go fig!
[Yakko and Wakko jump into Priss's arms and give her a big smooch.]
Priss: Ugh! Get off me, you little twerps!
[Priss tries to pry them off but their arms just stretch and shorten like
rubber bands. Dot walks up to the microphone.]
An unknown voice: And now, Dot's Poetry Corner.
Dot: Mary had a little lamb.... with mint jelly. Thank you.
[Dot curtsies to the sound of snapping fingers although no one in the
club seems to be doing it.]
[Priss is still trying to get the Warner Brothers off her when Ralph
arrives at the stage.]
Ralph: Duh... Now I'se got youse kids!
Warners: Yikes!
[The Warners jump off the stage and lose themselves in the crowd. Ralph
chases them.]
Priss (yelling after Ralph): Get those kids out of here! They're ruining
my act!
[Nene and Linna, sitting at a corner table, had seen the antics of the
Warners and are laughing at Priss.]
Nene (giggling): Did you see Priss's face when those two kids jumped into
her arms?
Linna (also giggling): And when the little girl took over the microphone?
Nene: Aren't those the kids who defeated those three rogue bumas the
other day?
[Linna nods.]
Nene: I wonder where those kids ran off to?
[Yakko pops up on the lower right-hand corner of the screen.]
Yakko: Now _there's_ an entrance cue.
[The Warners jump into the scene: Yakko jumps into Linna's arms; Wakko
jumps into Nene's arms; and Dot jumps onto the table.]
Y&W&D: Helloooo Nurse!
Linna: Who are you?
W&Y: We're the Warner Brothers!
Dot: _And_ the Warner Sister!
Yakko: I'm Yakko. *points to Wakko* That's Wakko. *points to Dot* And
that's...
Dot (smiling and fluttering her eyelashes): I'm cute!
Yakko: ...Dot.
Nene: Where are you from?
Yakko (pointing to the stage): From over there.
Linna: That's not what she meant. Where are your parents? Aren't they
worried about you running around like this? Especially in such a
dangerous area?
Yakko (looks sad): We don't have parents...
Dot (starting to cry): We're orphans! WWWWAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!
[Dot collapses onto the table top and starts bawling and rolling around,
etc., etc. ....typical over-acting.]
[Nene looks at Wakko. He looks sad and starts to sniffle. Nene gives
him a smile and a hug. He sighs happily and melts into a little black
puddle on her lap. Nene starts to look alarmed when Wakko pops back into
shape and hugs her back.]
Wakko (to Nene): I _love_ you!
Linna (ignoring the commotion): Where are you children staying then, Yakko?
Yakko (watching Dot's performance): We don't have a home. We just wander
around.
Dot (bawling even louder): No parents! No home! Nobody loves us!
WWWWAAAHHHH!!!!!!
[Yakko, holding a little golden oscar, leans over to Dot.]
Yakko: Congratulations, Dot! You just won another oscar for that
stirring emotional performance!
Dot (suddenly stops bawling and sitting up): Oh thank you! It always
pays to overact. *cute smile*
Nene (looks at Linna): I could take them home with me....at least for
tonight.
[All three Warners look hopefully at Linna with cute, pleading faces.]
Linna (looking a bit worried): Nene...I don't think...
[Yakko and Wakko join Dot on the table and fall to their knees and clasp
their hands in front of them.]
Warners: Oh, pleeeaaassee???? We're really easy to take care of. Watch!
[Dot stands up and pulls out a pink watering can.]
Dot (pouring water over Wakko): Just add water and watch us grow!
[Wakko's fur starts growing until he looks like a huge furry beachball
with a face.]
Dot (pointing at Wakko): There. See? Just like a chia-pet!
Yakko (pulling out a little hand-mower): And if it's too big, all you
have to do is mow it.
[Yakko jumps on Wakko and a large cloud of flying fur covers the two.
When the cloud disappears, Wakko looks as he did before Dot watered him.]
[Linna and Nene laugh.]
Linna: All right. You can all go home with Nene.
[The Warners cheer and start running and jumping around in celebration.]
Linna (whispers to Nene): And maybe you can discover more about these
strange children and how they do all these tricks.
[Nene nods in agreement.]
Nene: It's getting late. Let's go home, kids!
[Fadeout.]