Having read up to Chapter 19.  (All that was available on the remailer.)

I thought I'd make a few comments on it.

The premise and storyline are great, I couldn't put it down till I finished 
reading all of it that I had.  The plot scripting is good, as well as 
the characterization, very true to form.

However, a few things did catch my eye.  I did see some grammar/spelling 
mistakes in the copy I had, as well as some wordo's here and there.  
There may have one factual error, but I can't be sure, since I've read 
three fanfics in one sitting this morning.

Also, while the plot and storyline is very good, the plot does seem to 
move forward like a rock rolling downhill.  Essentially, through the 19 
chapters, the story runs through the storyline at a steady even pace.  
This weakens the suspense and angst elements that are present and jumps 
over points which could've been used to tease and intrigue the reader.

I hope these comments are helpful,

Frank


*****   Dark Shadow   *****

The "Supreme God of Documentation White Space" in Dogbert's New Ruling Class.

Undercover Suzzallo-CRC inspector.

"Yes, I actually have a TIP patch on my camos."

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