[Scene: Engineering.... Geordie's office]
Uranus: Hmmmmm. I'm this "Geordie LaForge" guy. Well.. Assigning us
to our posts was smart,
but continuing on with the mission to take on the Borg? [flashed back
to the fact that there were
little yellow puddles under Darian and Ami at the mere mention of the
Borg. And the fact that they
were in orbit around the ship made Ami pass out and Darian file for
life insurance.]
Uranus: How are things up there on the helm? [hey... they talk to
thin air, remember?]
[Switch to the bridge]
Serina: Well... we've almost got everything under control.
Rei: Dammit, go RIGHT!
Serina: NO, LEFT!!!!
[We see Serina and Rei arguing over a Triple A map that is spread out
on the panel. Luna is
merely mumbling to herself... she knew she would have to fold the map
and put it back into the
copy of "So You Want to Run a Starship" they found.]
Ami: Guys, we're in orbit. The engines aren't even ON!!!!
[Serina and Rei both look embarrassed]
Serina: So... how are you at freeing up the navigational conn?
Ami: We were able to transfer most of the rudimentary piloting
functions to the Science conn, but
we don't have full capability. [thinking] Meaning if that blond
haired putz fucks us over then we
and the crew of 15,000 are going up in a incandescent ball of fire
and Yamato smoke. [aloud] but
that's nothing to worry about.
Rei: Ok, how long then?
Ami: Um.... almost got thought the security barrier. [Cheery]
Patience, intelligence, and strategy
can get through ANY defensive system. [We see Ami working at The Club,
which is locked onto
the conn, with a butter knife].
Rei: Lita, how long till we can send a landing party to the Bor-
Serina: Hey, I'm in charge!
Ami: Just a little more... oops! Patience, Ami.....
Rei: So then what are you going to do?
Ami: Turn this way........ turrrrrrrrrrrrrrn... c'mon. Drat.....
locked up. C'mon Ami, patience,
intelligence and strategy...
Serina: Uhhhhh... ARM PHOTON TORPEDOES!!!
Ami: You stupid piece of plastic..... I can out think you.....
Lita: Alright! Ass kicking!
Ami: Do it..... do........it.... rggg! Patience....
Rei: No! Do not arm those photon torpedoes! The captain and the
first officer must be in
agreement on their launch!
Ami: RRRRRRRRRRRRG!!! C'mon!
Serina: Have you been watching "Crimson Tide".... ooooo, that
Denzel!
Ami [ butter knife finally gives and the end twists off]: GODDAMN
MOTHERFUCKING
PIECE OF MADE IN THE FUCKING USA PIECE OF PLASTIC SHIT!!!! GODDAMN
YOU
TO HELL!!!!!!!!! AND THE SON OF A BITCH THAT MADE YOU CAN FUCK
HIMSELF
WHILE HE SUCKS YACK BALLS!!!!!!! TO HELL WITH THAT ZEN BULLSHIT!!!!!
[Ami
notices that the crew is staring] Ahahaha....ha....
Uranus [from speaker]: We're gonna die.
Makoto: You to? [Implodes]
**********************************************************************
********[The Borg ship. Zoicite and Jadeite are in the control room]
Zoicite: Hey blonde! Ship in orbit.... it's the.... En...ter....
prise...
[Jadeite goes white....-er.]
Jadeite: Zoicite! We need you to go over to the Enterprise.... and
well....get some crystals [flinch].
Zoicite: Are you out of you MIND?! I've looked over the stat sheets
for that ship and it is the
FLAGSHIP!!!!! We may need crystals [flinch] to get some of the
functions of this ship
operational, but it is foolish to think that we could get them from
the Enterprise!
Jadeite: Hey at least I'm smart enough not to go.
Zoicite: Who says.... [transport lights] [he is now on the
Enterprise]
Zoicite: that.... I'm.... going..... whoo boy....
**********************************************************************
********
[Bridge, Starship Enterprise. Luna, Darien, Lita, Rei, and Serina are
trying to hold Ami down]
Ami: Let me at that damn thing!!!!!! I WILL KILL IT!!!
Serina: Ami! You're wiggin' out! Regain your cool!!!!! CHILL!!!!!
[In the confusion, no one notices that the "Strange being transported
over" light just went on]
**********************************************************************
********
Zoicite: Get the crystals [flinch].... get the crystals [flinch]....
[he had managed to get to
engineering before he is spotted...by Uranus]
Uranus: Hey... who are you? And how much starch is in that suit?
Zoicite: Ahhhh....ahhhh [thinking] what did Malekite teach me about
espionage? Yes! I should
beguile men with my feminine charms... even though I'm a guy. And
besides.... this man is fairly
attractive.
Zoicite: Heyyyyyy....cutie.... care to trip into the utility closet?
A... "pit stop", heh heh. [bats
lashes]
Uranus: [shocked] Ah....er.... how much?[thinking] This girl is
kinda pretty.
Zoicite: Some dilithium crystals [flinch]?
Uranus: We've got tons of that stuff. After we... um, finish, I'll
pay.
[Next scene]
[Uranus and Zoicite are more or less making out in a closet. Uranus
is kissing down Zoicite's
neck... and half of RAAS is wondering if they should be enjoying this
or not. Zoicite presses up
against Uranus and nibbles her ear. Uranus presses her hands up to
Zoicite's chest. "Hmmm...
damn flat chested woman" she thinks.... deja vu. Zoicite decides that
he wants to hurry this up
and slides a hand down the front of Uranus's pants. Both gasp.... but
for different reasons]
Zoicite: YOU'RE A GIRL!!!!!!!!!!
Uranus: Uh.... aren't you?
Zoicite: AUGH! I was making out with a girl! Bleach!!!!! Of all the
unnatural, perverted
acts....!!!!
Uranus: Oh... I thought you were homosexual too.
Zoicite: I AM!!!!
Uranus: Then...... I felt up a GUY!!!!! AUUGGHH!!!! SICK!!! [Charges
ki attack... but Zoicite
transports out]
Uranus: RED ALERT!!! A SEXUAL DEVIANT JUST LEFT THE SHIP!!!!!
**********************************************************************
*******
Somewhere in Nerima, Hinako looks up.
Hinako: Ranma? On a ship?
**********************************************************************
********
[The bridge of the Borg ship. All of the Youma are around. Zoicite
transports in.]
Zoicite: Auch! P'tooie!!!
Jadeite: Did you come back with anything?
Zoicite: *gag*!!!!! Listerine!!!!
Malekite: Isn't that a song?
Neflite: That's "Glycerine"
Zoicite: I KISSED A GIRL!!!!!!!!
Malekite: Ok, THAT is a song!
Neflite: Yes.
Jadeite: Wait... do they know we're on here?
Zoicite: Ahhhh.... yeah.. We have, I estimate, 20 seconds to get the
hell out of here.
Jadeite: From when?
Zoicite: 19 seconds ago.
[The Borg ship is rocked by an explosion]
**********************************************************************
*******
[The Enterprise... again... the bridge]
Uranus [over speaker]: -THE SHIP!!!!
Serina: Ryo Saeba? Let's get em [accidentally lets go of Ami's
arm]
Ami: Alright! [kicks off of the other Sailors and tears the club
off]
Ami: Ok, I better now.
Darian: Arm torpedoes and fire!!!!!
Lita: Ok!!! [Fires]
Rei: Gee, Serina... you had no problem with HIM giving orders.
Serina: Oh, shut up.....
Lita: Captain! They're getting away!!!!!-
**********************************************************************
*******
[Borg ship]
[BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM]
Jadeite: What is the fastest we can get away?!
Malekite: Impulse power is all we have!!!!!
Jadeite: USE IT!!!!!!
**********************************************************************
*******
Lita: -...very slowly.
Serina: Fire again! Retro Rockets! Shower on the poop deck!!!
Luna: Do you have ANY idea in hell what you're doing?! Lita obey,
the first order!
Lita: Hai! Mc Nuggets, fries, and a Coke to go!
Luna: What?
Lita: Sorry, first order at my old job. Firing!
**********************************************************************
********
[Jadeite's ship]
[BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM]
Zoicite: Oh, so it's YOUR ship now?
Malekite: Shields starting to fail!!
Jadeite: It's gonna be my pile of rubble if we don't get the hell
out of here. Any ideas?
Zoicite: Fire tachyons. They do all sorts of weird stuff in this
series.
Jadeite: Noted. Neflite, make it so!
**********************************************************************
********
Rei: Fire again!!!!!!
**********************************************************************
********
[BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM BOOM SHAKE SHAKE THE ROOM, TICK TICK TICK TICK
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!]
Zoicite: The Fresh Price?
Jadeite: A little speed here! Need help?
Neflite: Thanks, but I got it. Firing!
[The warp conduit from "Descent" opens up, and the Borg ship is
gone]
**********************************************************************
********
Lita: They're gone!
Serina: Pursuit course!..... that's right, isn't it Darian?
Darian: Nope.... they're just gone.... call it a night Serina.
[Serina sighs.... fade to black]
**********************************************************************
********
[Serina's room. All of the trek cast went back to their host's
families, promising to meet again in
the morning. Data is crawling into bed]
Data: Aughhhh.... all this dress up, different bodies... I never
want to think about girls again! I
want my manhood back. Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn......
[Out of the shadows a small figure appears. The face is obscured by
the lack of light, and the
figure crawls up into the bed.]
Data: WHO IS THAT!?
Voice: Ahhhh... Serina... I've missed you.
Data : [gulp]
**********************************************************************
********
[Kick in El Hazard Next Episode BGM]
Data: In our next episode, we discover why Wesley Crusher wants us
dead! So we try and find the
most powerful force against him in the galaxy: HIS MOMMY!!!
[Scene of Crusher with a belt in her hand, pan up]
Data: The Sailor Scouts discover the Guardian of Forever, which may
have to power to send
them home.
[Scene of Mei-Mah chasing Min-Mei around with fan]
Data: Is that the right clip? Oh, and it looks like Alliele scored
[Scene of Alliele and Minnie-may with really goofy grins on their
faces]
Minnie-may: "Yup! We've been going at it like weasels!"
Data: And the author apologizes profusely. See ya there!
It is the dream of those who
skipped their medication
**********************************************************************
********
Even though you may see it here, going to a prostitute is very,
very wrong! Aside from the
legal and moral problems, going to a prostitute is a gamble.
[Scream scene of Zoicite and Uranus]
It's like a box of chocolates, I open them up and see that someone
has taken a bite out of every
one.... that's when I have to take out my .45 and.... oh, wait... I
meant to say that "You never
know what you're gonna get." Good b-
[POW]
DAMMIT, Rei, STOP HITTING ME!!!!
**********************************************************************
*******
And now, a special section: LUNA LETTERS!!!!!
Luna: Hello! I'll be fielding real letters from you all... ok,
our first one...
From: Mike A Lyons ( )
Subject: Re: [FanFic] Spiner Moon (test)
Sent On: 12/30 03:37 PM PM ET
Date: Sat, 30 Dec 1995 12:37:46 -0801 (PST)
From: Mike A Lyons [lyonsm@netbistro.com]
In-Reply-To: <013.07576079.RKXE96B@prodigy.com>
Subject: Re: [FanFic] Spiner Moon (test)
Hilarious story! I've never seen Sailor Moon (although I've been
meaning
to get around to it) but I thought it was hilarious nevertheless.
Luna: Thank you Peter. Watch our show DAMMIT! What you don't have 30
minutes a day to
spare out of your busy schedule for us!? HUH!? Men......
Ok, next letter!
From: Jon Quirit ( )
Subject: [FanFic] Star Trek X-over Overkill?
Sent On: 12/30 03:14 PM PM ET
Date: Sat, 30 Dec 1995 13:05:17 -0700
From: Jon Quirit [ozymand@netzone.com]
Reply-To: fanfic@andrew.cais.com [fanfic@andrew.cais.com]
Subject: [FanFic] Star Trek X-over Overkill?
Being just a member of this fan-fic mailing list for about a week now,
I've
notice a rise in the amount of Ranma-BGC-Sailormoon-Star Trek-
"whatever else
can be crammed into a single fanfic without making it ridiculous and
ludicrous to the reader so that they won't dump it as soon as they
see the
title for it" crossovers on this mailing list.
While this may seem like I'm ragging on the people that are writing
these
crossovers, I'm not (cross my black heart and hope not to come back
to life
again). I really enjoyed Spiner Moon and Ranma �: The Current
Generation.
In fact, I kinda pissed off my roommates by laughing so hard that I
woke
them up ("Ok, ok, I promise not to laugh so hard next time that I
will not
wake you up at the middle of the night." <with fingers crossed>)
Keep up the good work and I hope to soon see the second part of
Spiner Moon!
Ozymandias aka Jon Quirit
Question to all: What if Sailormoon had mecha? What would they be
like?
Luna: Thank you very much! Granted, we kicked Ranma �: The Current
Generation's ass left
right and center, but thank you for mentioning them. They'll love
your little letter.... the only one
they got. Oh.... you liked us more, right? Hey, I can get Sailor
Venus to come over to your
house... or Sailor Jupiter. You liked us better, right?
As for your room mates, try and get them smashed on that
non-alcoholic Budweiser. It
wouldn't solve the laughing problem, but it will be funny as hell to
watch.
And Sailor Moon's mecha? Imagine a pink Gunbuster that could
cry!
Ok, NEXT!!!!
From: Sailor Gallifrey ( )
Subject: Re: [FanFic] Spiner Moon (test)
Sent On: 12/29 11:17 PM PM ET
Date: Fri, 29 Dec 1995 23:14:08 -0500 (EST)
From: Sailor Gallifrey [omega@io.org]
Reply-To: fanfic@andrew.cais.com [fanfic@andrew.cais.com]
In-Reply-To: <013.07576079.RKXE96B@prodigy.com>
Subject: Re: [FanFic] Spiner Moon (test)
<ahem>
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
!!!
to paraphrase a line from your 'fic.
You are demented and need serious psychiatric attention--you
even stole some of my jokes, you bastard!!!! :)
Despite that, I will carry out my threat of producing yet
another-
Luna: [to someone off stage] Shit! Busted! [Notices cameras are on]
Ahahah.... DOESN'T
ANYONE SCREEN THESE!? Next one is the last one... NEST!!! Great....
one damn line.... I
blow it.
From: Andy Skuse ( )
Subject: Re: [FanFic] Spiner Moon (test)
Sent On: 12/29 09:19 PM PM ET
Date: Fri, 29 Dec 1995 21:19:37 -0500
From: Andy Skuse [askuse@execulink.com]
Reply-To: fanfic@andrew.cais.com [fanfic@andrew.cais.com]
Subject: Re: [FanFic] Spiner Moon (test)
Jamal, this has got to be the funniest thing I have ever read on this
list
so far!!! I especially liked "The Club" on the Enterprise's control
panel ;)
Poor Geordie!<snicker>. And never mind where Sailor Moon keeps that
scepter- where the heck is Luna keeping the BFG???!!!
Can't wait for the next chapter!
Panda (I think . . .)
********************
BG Cross
The Dark Traveller
askuse@execulink.com
********************
Luna: Again, thank you very much! And as for your BFG question...
choose one of three replies:
1) None of your DAMN buisness!!!!
2) I'll tell you when you're older.... heh.. heh.... HEH.
3) Come to my place and find out ( I didn't think this one
up... blame Chuck Summers!)
Ja ne!!!!!
**********************************************************************
********
Ok, thank you for your kind (and so helpfull) comments. Please
tell me if the plot is a little
more evident in this version