========================
The Pursuit of Happiness
========================
Part 1
Money and Dreams
Chapter 1
Quiz Show
Soun Tendo was troubled.
First of all, there was the matter of the bills. The cost of living had
gone up considerably since his good friend Genma had moved in. The food bill,
for a while, was unspeakably high (although the bill was made somewhat less
painful when Ranma had won the martial arts takeout delivery race and a year's
worth of free ramen), the heating and electricity bills weren't pleasant
either, and the insurance for the house had skyrocketed after so many wild
clashes in the dojo.
And so, Soun Tendo did what he sometimes does to enter a peaceful state of
mind. He swept his front yard. Left. Right. Left. Right. Sweep. Sweep.
Sweep.... ah yes.... so very relaxing...
taptaptaptapthudthudthudthud *URK*
"Oh, Tendo! Hello there!" Genma was currently being held by the shirt.
Soun, using his lightning-fast reflexes, reached out and grabbed him before he
made it out the front gates.
"Tell me Saotome, just where are you going?" When Genma was running in a
panic, that ment one of several things. Genma may have just done something
stupid and was running to avoid the fallout, leaving Soun to face the
aftermath of the disaster. His wife might be visiting. Or...
Genma adjusted his glasses, then dramatically pointed his finger at Soun.
"Tendo, your daughter is cooking!"
Soun thought about it.
"So?"
"Not Kasumi."
"Oh."
==========
"Akane! Daddy's going to go out for a while!" Soun yelled from outside.
Akane, in the kitchen, elbow-deep in something dangerous and on the verge
of atomic fusion, scowled and turned her head towads the front door.
"Hey! Wait a minute!" She wasn't fooled. She knew what was going on.
"Dad! Uncle Saotome?"
She stomped to the front door.
A cloud of dust and the sound of footsteps fading fast greeted her.
Just for ONCE she would like SOMEBODY to appreciate the effort that she
always put into her cooking. But no, not Nabiki, not her stupid fiancee, not
even her dad.
Akane sighed and went back inside.
Kasumi, walking by, noticed her sisters demeanor. "Daddy's run out of the
house again?"
"Yeah."
"Don't worry about it. Do you want help in the kitchen?"
==========
Meanwhile, in a studio...
"SAITOOOO!!!!"
"Oh no oh no oh no oh no the boss is mad at me oh my gosh what went wrong
now where am I gonna hide oh man I hope I don't get fired!" A thin, timid
little man in a tie scrambled up to a rather large and seemingly important
figure.
"Yessir?"
"SAITO!!! WHERE THE HELL ARE OUR CONTESTANTS?!?!?!"
Contestants?
"THE SHOW STARTS IN ONE HOUR AND WE'RE SHORT BY FOUR CONTESTANTS!!!
SAITO!!! GET MOVING!!!"
==========
"Ah, good day for a walk. Wouldn't you say, Saotome?"
"Mm. Yes, indeed."
Genma and Soun, used to running away from dire situations ever since they
endured their training with Happosai, were far from the Tendo Dojo, where
Akane's food couldn't hurt them.
Suddenly, a thin little man burst through a building doorway. He looked
around desperately and ran towards the two martial artists. "Hey! You two!
Cash money prizes gameshow now thirty minutes you try?"
"You catch any of that, Tendo?"
"Something about money and food."
"Sounds good."
"Wait there's only two of you do you guys have a family we need four
contestants huh huh?"
Genma narrowed his eyes. "Hm..."
He smiled. If he could pull this off right, not only could they win,
they'd get that ingrate son of his to make up with Akane...
==========
Akane sat down and brushed the soot off of her shirt. Dinner, once again,
was a disaster. She wasn't sure what went wrong, but if scientists had
watched over her techniques there they could have observed it and written a
book entitled "Atomic Fusion: quick, easy, and in your own Kitchen."
Kasumi walked by and put a consoling hand on her shoulder. "That's okay,
Akane. You're getting better. Don't give up yet!" Ranma just sat watching
the television.
Akane smiled at her sister's comments. "Thanks. I think I'll just take a
break from cooking for a while."
"That's a relief."
*WHAP*
"Ow! Quit it!"
"Insensitive jerk."
"Why you... you..."
Ranma held back on the insults. Ever since the criticism at the hospital
about his lack of originality, he'd been desperately trying to find a new
word to use to insult Akane that _wasn't_ a synonym for "uncute", "unsexy",
or "tomboy". The end result was usually Ranma standing around, pointing his
finger, and saying "why you... you..."
And so Ranma stood there, saying "you... you..." and Akane watched,
getting more annoyed with each passing "you...". She wasn't sure what was
worse, the monotony of "uncute" or this stupid and yet annoying
repetition of "you... you..."
She slapped him. "Snap out of it!"
Ranma, shocked, pointed at her again. "Hey! You... you..."
Suddenly, the front door burst open. Soun and Genma were next to their
children immediately, and grinning like demons. Soun grabbed Akane by the
arm and Genma grabbed Ranma's outstretched pointing hand.
With his other hand, Genma slapped Ranma in the head.
"Don't point, boy! It's rude!"
"Hey!"
"No time for talk, Saotome, let's go!"
"Right with you, Tendo!"
Before either Ranma or Akane could protest, Soun and Genma burst through
the doors, still holding them by the arms, and ran down the streets, faster
than anyone could have imagined them runnning.
"Hey Pop! What's the big idea? Hey!"
==========
"Pop, what's with the curtain?"
"Quiet, boy! Just stand straight and get ready to smile! There's money in
it for us all!"
Ranma looked around. They were standing by some stands with buttons and
microphones, and surrounded by a curtain.
"Dad! What's going on?" hissed Akane.
"Shh, it's almost time-"
Suddenly, a voice boomed.
"AND WELCOME TO VIOLENT FAMILY FEUD!!!"
The studio audience cheered.
Cheezy music filled the air.
The gameshow host grinned. His teeth sparkled.
"OUR CONTESTANTS FOR TODAY, THE TENDO FAMILY, SOUN TENDO..."
The curtains dramatically whipped away.
Soun grinned like a maniac. The cameras did an extreme closeup.
"HIS DAUGHTER AKANE..."
Akane was stiff with shock. Cameras? Audience? Broadcast throughout
Japan? Oh no...
"HER FIANCEE RANMA SAOTOME..."
Ranma knew what was coming. Water. It always managed to creep into
his life when he least needed it. He glanced around nervously at the
floor, the ceiling, the surrounding area, for possible sources of water.
He had learned long ago that his luck had a tendancy to turn for the worse
so often, and this would be just the kind of thing.
From somewhere out there, Ranma thought he heard the words "that
wretch!"
"AND HIS FATHER GENMA SAOTOME!"
Genma grinned like a maniac. He loved television.
"AND FROM THE NOBLE HOUSE OF KUNO..."
Kuno? Akane and Ranma looked in dread towards where the spotlights
suddenly shone.
"THE HEAD OF THE FAMILY AND THE MAN IN CHARGE OF FURINKAN HIGH SCHOOL,
PRINCIPAL KUNO..."
Principal Kuno's wacky grin almost managed to make Soun & Genma's
smiles look normal. Almost.
"HIS SON, TATEWAKI KUNO..."
Tatewaki grinned. His teeth sparkled. Anybody that knew him had to admit,
Tatewaki Kuno was one photogenic guy. Kuno then shot an evil glare towards
Ranma. At first Kuno didn't want to go. This was some stupid family activity
thing that his father had planned. But Saotome? Here? And with the lovely
Akane Tendo as well? He would defeat Saotome in any field of battle.
"HIS DAUGHTER KODACHI..."
Kodachi was... there. No evil laughter. In fact, she seemed to be rather
bored with everything. Kodachi gave a little smile to the camera, waved, and
then looked bored again.
"AND THEIR SERVANT SASUKE!"
The camera swung left.
Nothing.
The cameraman aimed right.
It was back to Kodachi, idly polishing her nails.
"Hey, down here!"
The camera zoomed down. Sasuke's hand barely reaced over the podium.
From the control room, the director spoke into his microphone, "somebody
get him a mini-stepladder."
The assistant director noticed something. "Hey, it looks like the two
families already know each other. What a coincidence, huh?"
"AND I'M YOUR HOST, //ednote: gotta find a typical japanese name...//"
The audience went wild.
The cheezy music got louder.
Ranma elbowed his dad. "Pop! What'd you get us into now?!"
"Relax, boy!"
"OKAY, FAMILIES, YOU KNOW HOW THIS WORKS, EACH FAMILY PICKS A PERSON FROM
THEIR TEAM TO COMPETE IN SEVERAL WILD EVENTS AND FOR EVERY EVENT WON AND EVERY
CORRECT ANSWER GIVEN, THERE'S MONEY AND PRIZES GALORE!"
Ranma looked angrily at Soun and his father. "Hey!" he hissed, "Don't you
realize what kind of game show this is?"
"Yes, the kind that gives out money!" they both said.
"No you idiots! Ain't this the show with all them wacky, wacky, and _wet_
obstacles?"
"So?" Soun didn't get it.
"Oh." Genma did.
==========
"Nabiki! Come quick!"
Nabiki came into the living room, wondering what had gotten Kasumi all
excited. "What's going on?"
"Look! On TV!"
On the screen, there was some game show that she didn't care about. She
was about to leave when she noticed _who_ was on the game show.
She looked. She looked again.
"Kasumi, tell me that's not daddy on television."
==========
"OUR FIRST EVENT: MASCOT RACING!"
Genma and Ranma looked relieved.
"AS YOU CAN SEE ON THE SCREEN..." the announcer blared as a giant screen
between the two contestants came to life, "WE'VE GOT A LINEUP OF WACKY
MASCOTTS IN A RACE TRACK, READY TO RUN JUST FOR YOU! BOTH TEAMS WILL PLACE
THEIR BETS AND IF THEIR PICK WINS, IT'S BIG MONEY! IF THEIR PICK DOESN'T
GET FIRST PLACE, BUT BEATS THE OTHER TEAM'S PICK, THEY GET SOME FABULOUS
PRIZES!"
Ranma was getting a headache. Boy that announcer was loud...
Each team went into a huddle.
==========
"The fish mascott, I tell ya. We got stuck watching this stupid gameshow
when we were stuck in the hospital and that stupid fish always won."
"Hm. I'm not sure. Isn't the cat mascott's costume more lean and
aerodynamic?"
"You've got a good point, Saotome."
"That ain't funny, pop."
"I'm with Ranma. Pick the fish."
Both parents suddenly looked happy. "Oh look Saotome! Our children are
getting along once again! Oh happy day!" Soun started dancing around with
fans.
"Indeed it is Saotome!" Soun tossed around confetti.
"WILL YOU TWO QUIT IT?!"
==========
"I like the pineapple."
"I don't know, father dear, I think I like the alligator."
"The fish is the thing, I tell you, to capture victory against the
infernal Saotomes."
==========
"OKAY, TEAM KUNO, DO YOU HAVE A PICK?"
Tatewaki was about to speak when his father suddenly popped forward
and yelled "The pineapple! The pineapple!"
"TEAM TENDO?"
Soun cleared his throat and said, "we'll take..."
==========
"PICK THE FISH!!! PICK THE FISH!!!"
Nabiki was surprised.
She'd never seen Kasumi so excited over anything.
==========
"... the fish."
"OKAY! NOW, CAN YOU GUYS HEAR ME ON THE TRACK?"
On the giant screen, the various mascotts waved or nodded their heads.
"RIGHT! ON YOUR MARK! GET SET! GO!!!!"
==========
The mascotts burst out of the gate in a hurry. The cat blazed forward,
leaving almost everyone in the dust.
Except the fish.
The two were neck and neck, racing down the track, racing as gracefully
and ernestly as two guys in goofy costumes could race. The finish line
was ten feet away... seven... three two one...
==========
"AND THE CAT WINS!!!"
Kuno looked angrily at his father. "Wise pick, dear father. The
pineapple RAN IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!!!"
"THE TENDOS WIN A YEAR'S SUPPLY OF RAMEN!"
Ranma blinked. "Hey, didn't we win that before?"
==========
Meanwhile, back at the tracks...
The fish mascott huffed and puffed its way to the sidelines, along with
everyone else. The cat was walking rather smugly. Everyone else was glad it
was over. Another stupid stunt, another not-so-bad paycheck.
A fox mascott fox sat down and rapidly yanked off the headgear. He
wheezed. He coughed. He wheezed some more.
"There has *cough*... got to be *wheeze*... an easier way *cough*cough*
to get a *deep*breath* paycheck," Ryo said as he flopped off the bench and
had a lie-down on the grass.
"What's the matter, out of shape?" teased Ryoga as he peeled off the
headgear of the pineapple outfit.
"At least I... whew.... at least I ran... in the RIGHT DIRECTION!!!"
"Shut up!"
"I _hate_ being the fish," muttered Tsubasa, as he peeled off the head of
the costume.
"You ran fast, though," said Kyoko, removing the cat-head off of her
costume.
"Oh. That's 'cause I'm used to runnning around in disguises."
Ryo slowly let some relaxation techniques bring his body back into
balance. This wouldn't do. The paycheck was too small, he was NOT
having fun, and this job had lousy benefits anyways. As proof of that,
the guy who usually does the fish bit had quit last week and gone to
work as a janitor. He wouldn't normally resort to this, but recent events
had driven him to desperate measures. Ryo recently had a talk with other
UWSMA members, and the ones that actually visited the home office made it
clear that things weren't looking up. The bottom line? The Unorthodox
Weaponry School of Martial Arts was now defunct, crashed, gone, el finito,
all thanks to the greatest mistake any martial arts school could make: they
went bureaucratic. The paperwork just absolutely ruined the system. The
reputation of the school, which was just beginning to become elite once more,
had sunken once again. Meanwhile, some members got lucky and managed to get
jobs as bodyguards or, if they were willing, assassins. Others, like Ryo,
were forced to do whatever it took to make a living.
Ryoga desperately hoped that Ukyo wasn't watching. He took up the job so
that he wouldn't leech off of her anymore. It was a matter of pride. When
Tsubasa told him about the job opening, he couldn't resist.
==========
"That's funny, why'd the pineapple run the wrong way?" asked Akari.
"That must've been Ryoga." Ryoko grinned a bit.
"Yeah. Definitely." Ukyo couldn't figure out why, but something about
being around this girl that bothered her. It wasn't that she was ugly. On
the contrary, she seemed rather sweet natured. She didn't look evil either.
She just seemed to be an ordinary 16 year old weilding a pair of metal yo-yos
and a bandolier loaded with boomerangs.
Maybe it was because of who her brother was?
Ryoko wasn't entirely sure why she was there. As of late she'd been very
much concerned with her life. It had alot to do with genetics. Her brother
Ryo, she had often observed, lived with a false sense of self-importance.
Ryoko always prided herself with being a very down-to-earth realistic sort
of person. But then came the chance to see Ryoga again, and suddenly she
found herself becoming a giggling fool around him. That wasn't right. Not
at all. At first she honestly believed he'd be in love with her, naturally.
But her practical side was demanding to be heard, and it said that she was
being rather stupid. After all, he always seemed nervous around her, never
offered to take her on dates, and never, in fact, ever said that he loved her,
cared for her, or took an interest. The Voice Of Reason then declared that
she had, in fact, been in severe denial.
Okay, she said to herself, maybe I am. Now what?
Obviously, The Voice Of Reason advised, you'd better see what Ryoga is up
to nowadays. Y'know, what he does, who his friends are, what kind of person
he's become. You don't stay the same as time goes by. People change. And
by the way, are you _really_ sure you love him?
I... I think I... Ryoko was stuck for words. I hate it when I think like
this. Damn it all, I'm hungry.
And so she ended up at Ucchan's.
"It's cute the way that Ryoga-chan gets lost like that." Ryoko giggled and
drank some of her tea. "By the way, this is _great_ okonomiyaki."
"You really think so?"
"Best I've ever had."
"I gotta agree," said Akari.
Ukyo couldn't supress a bit of a smile. A compliment is one thing that
cooks can't resist.
"Ukyo, can I ask ya something?"
"Sure."
"Does he ever... talk about me?"
"To be honest, well, no."
Ryoko sighed.
"I don't know. Maybe I'm just lying to myself. I mean, we've never
kissed. He's never said he loves me."
Ukyo found herself wanting to encourage this line of thought.
"Ukyo?"
"Hm?"
"Could you ask him for me? I gotta know. Sometimes I get the feeling
that he'd rather not be around me, y'know? And I don't think I could..."
"Hey now..."
"Maybe I'm being paranoid. I don't know. I just don't wanna be strung
along and find out he's just too scared to say anything."
"Yeah, I know how you feel."
"Hey! The commercials are over!" Ryoko and Akari resumed watching the
television. Ukyo looked at Ranma, ever so briefly slipping into a sentimental
mood, and joined Ryoko in watching them make fools of themselves.
==========
"NEXT UP, THE IQ TEST!"
"Great," muttered Akane, "we're doomed."
"TODAY'S TOPIC... MARTIAL ARTS!!!"
"Martial arts? Heh, we can't loose," both Saotomes echoed.
So that's where he gets it from, thought Akane.
==========
"Martial arts? Ranchan won't loose."
"Ranchan? Awfulllly familiar with him, are ya? Hey, you having an affair
with him? Huh?" teased Ryoko.
"Um. I used to be... engaged to him."
"Oh. Um. Gosh, I'm sorry. I... I just don't know when to shut up
sometimes. I didn't mean to-"
"Don't worry. It's a dead issue. We're still good friends, though."
"Still friends? I don't think I could do that. Isn't it... I dunno...
kinda awkward when he's around?"
"Not anymore. It just took time to recover, I guess."
"Oh. Sooooo, who ya dating now? Huh? Maybe you got a crush on that
stud Ryoga?" teased Akari.
"Uh-no! Just friends we are yes. Ahem."
"Mm?" Ryoko was unsure of what she'd just seen. Was that a moment of
nervousness and uncertainty? It was just a joke but did she really...
"Besides, he's lucky to have a girl like you, eh?" Ukyo said, playfully
punching Ryoko in the arm.
Naaaah. Ukyo was really a rather nice person. A friend, even. She never
had too many of those, since the dojo back home was competitive to a vicious
degree and Ryo was always overprotective.
"Yeah, he's lucky to have me. If only he said so..."
==========
Meanwhile, back at the game show, Genma and son were having a field day.
Akane had to admit, maybe he was stupid in general, but Ranma really did
know his martial arts _very_ well.
As the questions came, they took turns answering in the blink of an eye.
*BUZZ* "Kata!"
"THAT IS CORRECT!"
*BUZZ* "Paean!"
"THAT IS CORRECT!"
*BUZZ* "Jokuzetzu!"
"THAT IS CORRECT!"
*BUZZ* "Jackie Chan!"
"THAT IS CORRECT!"
*BUZZ* "Mantis!"
"THAT IS CORRECT!"
*BUZZ* "Tai Chi!"
"THAT IS CORRECT!"
*BUZZ* "Solar Plexus!"
"THAT IS CORRECT!"
"......"
Then there was the last question... which had the Saotomes stumped.
*BUZZ* "Watermelons!"
"THAT IS CORRECT, AND THE KUNOS FINALLY GET SOME POINTS ON THE BOARD!"
Kodachi rolled her eyes up in disgust. So, this was how life was without
the aid of mind-bending chemical substances.
And this was her family, was it?
How embarrasing.
==========
The assembled mascotts lounged around idly in the locker room.
"So, what's our next bit?" asked Ryo.
"I dunno," replied Tsubasa, "but I heard the producer had something new in
mind to try out today."
"Oh. Great. Hey, where's our gatorade anyways?"
"Ryoga said he'd go and get it."
"Ryoga?"
"Um... that was a bad idea, wasn't it."
"Never mind. I'll get my own drink."
<<MASCOTTS REPORT TO THE BATTLE ARENA IN 5 MINUTES>>
"Well," said Ryo, "I guess that's our cue."
<<MASCOTTS SWITCH TO ALTERNATE UNIFORMS. THIS IS REQUIRED.>>
"Hey! I was just getting used to mine."
"Well, I'm glad I'm getting out of the stupid fish costume," muttered
Tsubasa.
"I guess Ryoga will miss the next event, yes?"
Ryo thought about this. Gosh, it would be _too_ bad if Ryoga missed out on
getting that extra bit of pay, wouldn't it? Tsk tsk tsk.
But no... wait... then Ryo will loose the opportunity to best Ryoga again in
another event. Hm. Which is the better of two evils?
He came to a decision.
"RYOGA! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?"
==========
[MUCH UNFINISHED SCENES -insert-here-]
==========
==========
==========
==========