Voice in: Captain Jean-Luc Picard
"Space...the final frontier. These
are the voyages of the starship
Enterprise. It's continuing mission:
To explore new worlds. To seek out
new life and new civilizations. To-
MMMPH!"
<Sounds of a struggle, and an all too familiar voice takes over>
Nabiki: "And to see just how much we can
take 'em for."
FANFICTION: RANMA 1/2, THE CURRENT GENERATION
PROLOGUE:
The Tendo Dojo was quiet that day, all except for the wind in
the trees, the chirping of the birds on the trees, and the rhythmic
pounding of Ranma's scull against the wooden floor. Between the
thuds was the sounds of Akane's yells of "Baka!!" and "Hentai!!".
A groggy and slightly bemused Tendo Nabiki looked out upon the
scene.
"Mmmmmph. You can almost set your watch by them" she mused
"I'd say it's about five-fif-..."
Stopping in mid-sentence she had glanced over at her clock which
read 5:54.
"5:54 AM!!!!??????" she gasped "Why do I let them get me up
with that constant fighting!? I was having a nice dream too..."
Below her, Akane had just finished off Ranma.
"Hmphhh, that'll teach you to insult my cooking! Now back to
the kitchen." Akane spun on her heals and exited the dojo, walking
right under Nabiki's room. The thought of having to eat Akane's
cooking swept into her mind like U.S troops through a small
country. With a hint of a smirk, she thought "Sorry to have to do
this to you Ranma, but it's my life (and stomach) on the line now".
With that, she hurled a small rock had been used as a paperweight
at a gutter pipe, where then it careened off of it and hit Akane
in the back of the head. She spun around,her eyes filled with fury
at Ranma, who had a look of "I didn't do it" with a little "Oh,
****, I'm gonna get it" and a side of dazed pain. Yeah, one of
those looks only Takahashi herself could pull off.
"What were YOU THINKING!!!!???????????????????" she screeched
at him, as Akane's version of the Kasu Tensin Amaguriken laid into
him. Akane's version of it was: beat the living crap out of your
opponent while they were too weak to do anything. It's usually used
after serving them her curry or a meal at your school cafeteria.
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmppppphhhh" was Ranma's pathetic reply to
her question, though not so pathetic if you imagine what YOU would
have said after an Akane beating.......if you could still speak...
The sounds of Ranma's beating didn't bother Nabiki in the
least. For she had bigger sushi to....um,...leave raw.
*******************************************************************
"Attack me you fool!" sneered a voice who's owner's figure was
smeared by fog. He seemed to be on a familiar looking pole...
"When I become full Q, you'd better watch out, Trelane!" shot
back a second figure. Also on a pole....
"Both you idiots shut up and beat the crap out of each
other!!" commanded another voice. The arguing stopped. For a
moment.
"Hurry up and attack me, you imbecile! I don't have all
millennium!"
"Why don't you go first. Or are you too weak from your journey
into The Heart of Chaos?"
"DAMN YOU!!!"
The figure landed a surprisingly strong kick which seemed to
glow slightly, but that is not important. What IS important is that
Newton's first law of motion and the law of conservation of energy
were in full effect, and all that energy slammed the second figure
off his pole and to the ground. The ground, however, was
surprisingly....wet.
"Oh, Mr.Non-paying customers! What you doing?!" the Chinese
guide stepped out form behind a rock where he was enjoying a meal.
"This is very dangerous spring!"
"Hmmmmm?" The fog lifted and a face familiar to all trekkies
came visible: it was Q. Behind him was Trelane, very happy he
defeated his comrade. His comrade, however, is nowhere to be found.
"This spring of drowned raptor. Three year ago dinosaur fall
in. Now who fall in take body funny looking dinosaur!".
"Fine timing! Why were you so late!?" Q grabbed the guide by
his collar.
"Ahem... you NON-PAYING customer. I no care what happen to
you. I don't even warn some my payers!"
"Um... wait a second. How could these springs even be here 65
million Earth years ago?"
"You do not believe that, but body changing story no phase
you?"
"Nevermind... I really shouldn't have asked" Q sighed.
Now the 3rd figure became apparent. It was a 5 1/2 foot tall
raptor with a....housecoat on? Q motioned the raptor to join him
and Trelane. The raptor accidently Trelane with his tail, to which
Trelane glared at him. He just gave him an innocent look.
"This will certainly speed up your learning of the
transformation skills, wouln't it? Now, time for your homework!"
The raptor growled: hadn't he been through enough already? With the
ceremonial rights of passage fights and the body change and what
not? He didn't know what this "homework" was, but it sounded like
a torture. In a blaze of light, the three vanished, leaving the
guide alone. He was sure he was cracking up.....
*******************************************************************
Happosai was preparing for his morning raid when Nabiki
stepped into the room. Instead of being dressed in her normal
sweater and pants ensemble, she was in the Ranma 1/2 movie 2
"dress"(available at your local Belk's). Happi put down his sack
and began to salivate. Though he may be stupid in some respects,
even he knew this meant trouble. And seeing as no one else was in
the room.....
"No!!!!" he thought, "even if this is a girl, it's Nabiki!
She'll probably have something horrible in for me!". Happi began to
break out into a cold sweat, trying to control himself. His eyes
darted wildly around the room, trying to avoid looking directly ar
her. Nabiki had planned on this.
"What's the matter, Happi...-baby?" She had to spit the last
word out, seeing as baby was used for idiots she was especially
fond of. She sat down on Happosai's futon, bracing for the impact.
In the process, she slid a small, strange object behind her.
"Hmmmmm, Happi?".
Happi began to shake like an overfilled washing machine at
Nabiki's last actions. "Must not let her win, must not let her win,
must not let her win, must not let her win....." he murmured.
"Oh? Well then, I feel safe doing this...." She slowly
reclined back into the bed. Happi's will broke like a cement block
hit with one of Akane's muffins.
"Ah, screw it...SWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETOOOOOO!!!!!!"
burst from Happosia's lips and a lecherous grin spread over his
face as he flung himself at a waiting Nabiki. In the next few
seconds, something amazing happened, almost as unbelievable as the
dub job on Akira. Ok....maybe not that shocking. Showing an
incredibly display of agility and speed, Nabiki began to roll to
her right while blocking the old fart with her hand. She then
reached behind her for the object. Before Happi could respond, the
object hit his neck and a small yet familiar
"Psssssssssssssssssssssst" sound was heard. Then, a loud
"Hentai..!" sound was heard (as usual). From there, she calmly got
up and pitched an unconscious Happosai out of the room. Now it was
time to get what she came for....
She went over to his bag and rummaged through it. Her hand
slipped around a small mirror and a hint of a smile was on her
lips. "Finally", she thought,"all my hard work will pay off. Look
out universe here I come!" She removed a small newspaper clipping
she had made and forced herself to look at it. In large letters it
read "Yen Drops To Dollar!!! Exchange rate 200/1!!!!" The tears
naturally began to flow, and in a blast of light she was gone.
In 3 seconds, she was back, but in an odd one piece uniform
that had 4 pips on its collar......
******************************************************************
"C'mon guys, try it!" egged Akane as she proffered one of her
latest creations to Ranma, Genma, and Soun. Nabiki had disappeared
to her room with a "Do not disturb...and you know what happens if
you do!" sign hanging on her door. Kasumi was also absent from this
gathering. It seemed that she had a _very_ urgent trip to the
market, and Akane would have bought it if it weren't for the fact
her older sister had ran as fast as her legs could take her.....in
the wrong direction. Well, she could get her opinion later. But
now...
Ranma looked from Genma to Soun and back again. He would have
tried to break for it, but he had yet to regain full motor skills.
All he could do was sit there, say "Nnnnnnnnnnn", and look at the
pot....which was bouncing.....
"Ok, whose first?" she said smiling. Genma and Soun
instinctively pushed the defenseless Ranma forward while they eyed
possible exits.
"Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn" he protested.
Akane opened his mouth and scooped a big glob from the pot and
A squeal of pain came up from the...something. "Oh, like _you_
have something to complain about" Ranma groused. The spoon moved
closer..closer...closer...um...what next? oh yeah..closer...CLOSER-
Our hero would be dead now, if the doorbell hadn't rang. Akane
immediately got up to answer, dropping the spoon and glob. The glob
of...something... slithered towards the pot, hell bent for revenge
upon Akane. It had just slipped under the lid when Akane walked in
with Kasumi. Kasumi had the foresight to buy some antacids. LOTS of
antacids...
Soun then had a rare and timely stroke of brilliance.
"Akane.... would you please put the antacids in the hall
bathroom? I'd hate to have them just lying around." Soun turned to
Genma and winked.
"Hmmmm? Oh, sure dad;" she said as the started down the hall,
"you guys can start on the food. Ok guys....guys?
She turned around to see an open back door, a window broken
from the inside, and a large Genma shaped hole in the wall. All
that was left was Ranma, was quietly Nnnning to himself.
"Those jerks don't know what they're missing, right Ranma?"
"Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn"
"I thought you'd agree" She said as she bent over to pick up
the spoon. The blob of ...something...saw its chance. It reared up
and shot a tendril out of the pot dead at Akane. Unfortunately, it
had the aim of a platoon in G.I. Joe and ended up lightly smacking
her backside. It reeled the tendril back just as Akane turned
around.
"RRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNMAAAAAAAA!!!!!!" came
from her throat like the fires of hell. Or that gassy stuff after
eating bad food, whatever.
Resigned to his doom, he made no effort to move or Nnnnn his
way out of it. Instead, he looked at it like a twisted blessing. At
least I wouln't have to eat her cooking.....
*******************************************************************
"So you mean I get to stay on a cruise to my Ran-chan and all
I have to do is work for you?" Ukyou asked. This had certainly
caught her attention.
"Mmmfffphhhg....<GULP>..good okonomiyaki. Yeah, that's about
it. You'll need training, though." Nabiki leaned her body over the
now cold griddle till her nose was almost touching Ukyou's. "Will
you do it?" she said as she put on the well practiced "bargaining
face" and unconsciously crossed her legs. Ukyou caught that last
gesture, commonly known as "The Nabiki Maneuver". It generally
meant that you were already screwed and she was just putting the
finishing touches on.
"Perhaps....... how close will I be sle-,.... "bunking" with
Ran-chan?" Might as well make this trip enjoyable. I mean, on a
cruise with Ranma, she might finally catch him for good....and she
didn't want any rumors going around about "that girl who goes to
room 216 at night" or whatever the room they'd be in.
"You will be sleeping 1 room away. Is that good enough for
you?"
"I suppose..." She sighed.... well. let the people think what
they wanted.
"Good. Meet me in the park at 8:00 am." Nabiki said and walked
out before Ukyou could protest or remember about the okonomiyaki
she hadn't paid for.
*******************************************************************
"On a cruise with the pig-tailed girl? AND AKANE!? I'd pay to
be on that ship!!!!"
"Ukyou-sama will be on there?! I'll get my disguises ready!"
"What? Cruise with Ranma? I happy!"
"Shampoo is going you say? Then I too shall come. How much?"
"RANMA-SAMA WILL BE THERE!?<Fill in ear-splitting laugh>. I
will come too! And don't try to stop me, Tendo Nabiki!"
"Gee, Nabiki. That blood trickling from your ears looks bad.
Did you tell Kodachi a funny joke? Anyway, I'll have to go on this
cruise to look after you. I'll just pack my med-kit.."
"Dr. Tofu will be going? I believe I shall go too. All the
other young men around here are so....young."
"And I get a space station and she gets a moon!? Thanks boss!
But.... how?"
And so on all day. Many different conversations with Nabiki,
but all had the same conclusion. However, the next morning at 8:00
there was only one conversation with Nabiki, with everyone in
unison:
"NANI!??????? You didn't tell me THEY going to be here!"
"Well, you never asked. You also never asked what kind of trip
or what kind of training. I'll fill those in now: for 1 year you
will attend Starfleet Academy. The Academy years will not be in
this series, so don't even ask why we go directly to the starship"
"NANI!????????"
"Yes. A star ship. And it will be leaving..... now." Nabiki
held up the magic mirror, and before a Shisihokodan or an spatula
could be hurled at it, they were gone.
*******************************************************************
Q looked upon the starship NASDAQ with great interest. It
seemed to be traveling to Nearpoint, the station opposite Farpoint
(bad pun, yes, I know). "Yes....this Nearpoint station will make an
excellent test. Q!!! Come here boy!"
The younger Q came grumbling up to Q. "How come we can make
starships go at Warp 10, crush planets with a thought, but have to
wait 15 &*$%^%$^ hours for the Maytag repairman to fix the washing
machine?"
"Oh, union rules. We're only god-like creature's you know.
Besides, I have something more important. You will be having your
first major test. See that ship over there?" Q pointed into the
darkness of space at a dot of light. His pupil decided to just
agree with him and not look stupid.
"Yeah, I see it."
"How can you? I just pointed to the Sol star." The younger Q
looked stupid.
"Well, whatever. So you want me to take the USS NASDAQ, harass
it's crew, pillage all their valuables, kidnap their women, destroy
their replicators, clog their toilets, disassemble their engines,
put back milk cartons with one teaspoon of milk in them, and
generally make an asshole of myself?"
"Ho-....how.....how did YOU know?!" Q exclaimed.
"I read ahead in the script. It had you saying "Take the USS
NASDAQ, harass it's crew, pillage all their valuables, kidnap their
women, destroy their replicators, clog their toilets, disassemble
their engines, put back milk cartons with only a teaspoon of milk
left in them, and generally make an asshole of myself." Q beamed
with pride; he had outwitted Q.
"Well, go. Annoy, harass, plunder, and bring back some Shampoo
from the ship! We're out!" Q kicked Q 1/2 out of the continuum and
Q 1/2 heard a loud SLAM behind him. "How do you slam tear in space
time?" he wondered as he set out to take the NCC...ah, you know.