At 09:07 PM 11/12/95 -0500, you wrote:

Hi Andy,

Coming right along, aren't you.  I'm still not quite sure where this is
going, but that's good, isn't it?  :)  Keep up the good work!

Thanks Jeanne! I'm trying ;)

    Sylia Stingray stood quietly in front of the huge window that overlooked
Mega Tokyo's downtown core from her apartment. Hundreds of headlights
moved haltingly through the main streets as the night took hold of the city.
Serpentine files of pedestrians wound their way along the jammed
sidewalks to their destinations amid the bright flicker of neon light and
constant traffic noise. A media barge moved slowly through the skyscraper
canyons just overhead, spewing its never-ending loop of announcements and
news clips. Bright spears of white light emanating from the barge's belly
scanned the streets and buildings below in a sweeping, circular pattern. 

Sounds like "BladeRunner" <g>

That's where it all came from and there is a 'media barge' in the first episode
of BGCrisis too :)

Linna laid back against the chair she was seated in, and
looked blankly at the TV which spewed out the evening news.

?  Are you saying she was slouched in the chair, or sitting straight upright
against the back of the chair, or sitting backwards in the chair - leaning
forwards against the back of the chair?

I know, I know. I'm trying to say that when the reader first 'sees' her she's
sitting up a bit, but in a chair. Then as the reader keeps looking she sits back against the back of the chair.  It's tough to slow down sometimes when you're trying to move things along to the . . . Well, I'll leave that for Part 6 ;)

until Nene
spoke up, "Sylia, do you think we'll ever have to fight a Boomer again?"
     Macky's head snapped around to the middle of the room at the
sound of Nene's voice while Linna groaned and fell back into her chair,
rolling her eyes.
    "I hope not Nene. I really hope that we never have to face another
Boomer as long as we live. Genom is long-gone and things have been quiet
for some time. I really hope it's over."

OK, earlier you've got:

While Priss' instinct could unveil immediate dangers that usually
manifested themselves in the form of Boomers, Sylia's inner vision was
focused on the arrival of impending danger.

This reference to Priss's instincts finding Boomers sort of sounds to me
like they've been fighting Boomers all along, yet Nene asks if they'll ever
have to fight Boomers again.  Something doesn't sound right.

Okay I see. I have to describe Priss' intuition as it was when they used to
fight boomers. Gotcha.

(BTW - Nene's question about fighting Boomers again is a big red flag saying
"OF COURSE YOU WILL NENE!"  Like on TV cop shows - the cop talking about how
wonderful life is is the first one who gets shot dead - within the next 5
minutes <g>)

It's cliched but they're animated characters who live cliched, heroic lives.
Kinda like when Macky shows up with the Knight Wing and blasts those
superboomers with missiles in ep #6 of BGC. Cliche rescue but I loved it!
But you're right, there is a limit.

They weren't training regularly anymore- it was getting harder to convince
the others that it was still necessary. She and Linna had kept in shape but
Nene was getting good at creating excuses 

Nene?  The same Nene who once told Sylia that if Priss and Linna quit the KS
she'd go on by herself?  That she LIKED being a KS?

Nene wasn't big on the training stuff though was she?

There was something going on with Priss that
she could not fathom, and she refused to talk about it with anyone. 

What else is new?  :-)

They were all used to Priss' inner turmoils but sooner or
later the source of her problem would surface, whether Priss wanted it to or
not. 

What else is new?  ;-)

This time the problem lay buried beneath her friend's cool exterior,

What else is new?  <g>

Guess I've finally gotten Priss right eh?  ;^)

Turning slowly to face the dazed and
expectant looks of her companions she began issuing instructions, 

Can you be dazed and expectant at the same time?

Hmmm, perhaps not. Noted.

He checked to make sure that the note he'd left on her pile of clothes
hadn't fallen on the floor and then closed the door quietly behind him.

Hey, when did Priss take off her clothes?  All she'd removed before was her
jacket.  Something happened 'off-stage', huh? ;-)

Ack! Ya got me. Left over stuff from the problems with 3 & 4. This part has
been sitting for a while but I just brushed it up today for posting and
forgot to update it to comply with the changes to 3 & 4. Yeesh :)

Priss yanked her telnet card out of the vidphone's slot and grabbed her
helmet. She then picked up her gun and headed for the door, checking her
pockets for her keys.

Isn't she going to put her clothes on?

Above.

Blackie,

Thanks for the tea. I'm feeling much better thanks to you but I had to go.
I have your number and I'll call you soon. I promise.

Priss

Priss:  "Gee, isn't life wonderful?  I've got me a new boyfriend and
everything!  Now, I've got to go fight these Boomers now, but I'll be right
back, you wonderful hunk you. La la la la la la la......"

Heh, give him a chance to screw up Jeanne. It won't be any fun if he's
Mr. Right will it? ;)

Boomer:  "Kill Blue Knight Saber"

Blue Knight Saber (staggering around dizzily, as Boomer approaches):  <splat>

Sylia:  "Blackie dear, my long-lost <insert relationship here>, your new
girlfriend Priss went splat tonight.  But she had a wonderful life, she said
so right before she went splat."

Heh, heh. What were you saying about a story where Priss gets killed?

;) ;) ;)

Jeanne Hedge

Thanks again Jeanne! You're the best :)

Andy
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BG Cross
askuse@execulink.com
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