On Tue, 5 Dec 1995, Jeanne Hedge wrote:

Hi Brett,

Interesting idea you've got going here - bringing Trek to BGC rather than
BGC to Trek.  I know it sounds the same, but there *is* a difference (as a
local movie theater chain advertises).

Yup - I got a few 'it's been done before messages' when I first put it 
out (they had obviously not even read the Fic.. just saw the name and 
decided that I was ripping off Bubblegm Trek)...  but I think no one's 
come up with this idea before??? - If I'm wrong - someone tell me :)

Of course, I've comments and questions (why else would I be writing this? <g>)

  *sigh* ok - well be brutal and frank....

Firstly, do you realize you have two Chapter 2's out there?  The first one
is in what's on the remailer, where Leon shows up.  The second one is with
the second part that you sent to the ML a few days ago, right before Mara
and John meet the Outriders.

Yup - sorry about that, I had originally intended to release it in 
chapters (but I got writing and basically kept going... and I decided to 
go with one release per chapter...) anyhow - thought that I'd edit that 
out - oh well I'll fix that on the next update :)

About the Endeavor: how big is a Nebula-class starship?  I find it
interesting that their 'rec area/bar' is also called "Ten Forward".  As I
understand it, Enterprise's "Ten Forward" was called that way because it was
the point farest forward on a Galaxy-class ship. 

OK - according to the specs that I've got - a Nebula class has a 
*slightly* bigger saucer section, but a much smaller 'primary hull' than 
the Galaxy class (the primary hull is what's left behind after 
seperating, contiaing the warp drive and main weapons).  Ok ten forward 
is the most forward point - but it's also on deck ten (the middle of the 
saucer...) so I figured that it was probably a standard thing on 
Federation starships... since the saucer is not really very different on 
the Galaxy class and Nebula class....

Why doesn't Dr. Conroy show a bit of remorse over (it seems) abandoning his
patients in the triage area?  I'm talking about well before the breach
happens -- he's ducking into a shuttlecraft with his friends, leaving his
patients behind.  You'd think a doctor would be carrying on about not
leaving his patients behind.  (well that's how it seemed to me anyway)

OK - well Dr Conroy is only a new officer - also he is *not* stupid, 
standing up and waving his tricorder at the enemy wouldn't really 
acomplish much, would it??  Look from his position.. - you see the 
forcefields holding the air in, fluctuating... there are strange aliens 
trying to kill you and anyone else that they can see - you see an open 
runabout with friends of yours inside... what would you do?

Also, if Dunvar and Halman are an item, shouldn't she be a bit upset about
him being apparently dead?  Dunvar, Halman, Uslim, and Conroy are supposed
to be very good friends, but nobody has even mentioned that Halman's
supposedly dead.  (I say supposedly because I'm guessing if USSD has the
Captain then Genom has Halman <g>)

When have they had a chance?? they've gone from crashing the runabout, to 
crashing the runabout worse, looking for parts, fighting Boomers......

I mean they've not been able to really think about what's happened (and I 
would say they're trying *not* to), you've also got to take into account 
that they are in an alternate past with no way home and no support... 
they've got enough problems without mourning.

I like your explanatory notes, like the one about Murray being a river in
Australia.  I think you might want to move them to the end of the story as
end-notes or something tho - to me they seemed to break up the flow of things.

OK - good point - I'll do that from now on :)

As to the Knight Sabers, do you know this is the only story I can think of
(off the top of my head anyway) where something happens to Sylia and Linna
takes over.  Usually it's Priss.  I'm curious about why you chose to go this
way - like I said, it's a different tack to take.

Well I *like* Linna and I also think that she's more intelligent than 
Priss (no offense in tended to Priss, of course).  Linna seemes to be 
pretty cool under fire and I would think that this is a better quality in 
a leader than Priss's 'kill em all and sort it out later' attitude....

And finally, the boring, usual stuff.  You might want to take a re-read and
straighten out the contractions and possessives (your/you're, its/it's) and
things like that.  :)

Yup - ok I'll check it out eventually :)

Looking forward to the next part.

OK - well I'll being writing that after I get he next part of OMGod and 
BGShift done....

-----Brett

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Address: darkwnd@sv.net.au   WWW page: http://www.sv.net.au/~darkwnd

Kane: "Master, the other children tease me..."
Old Master: "Have you learnt nothing from my teachings, Grasshopper?"
Kane: "What do you mean master?"
Old Master: "Well can you not beat the Sh#T out of them???"

  -----Fast Forward (1990)
---------------------------------------------------------------------