I've read up to part 5, I thought I'd write a few quick thoughts.
It's a good fanfic, and there really isn't that much for me to comment on.
The storylines are flowing fine so far, but I can see where it's going
to get confusing real quick. If you could put in a title identifying the
storyline of the section, it would be helpful to the reader. I'm also
sensing some confusion on your part in keeping track of the storylines as
you jump and forth in writing them. A trick to help clear this up , is
to write *major* chucks on a single storyline at a time, and then writing
*major* chunks for the other storyline. Then you could break up the
chunks into smaller parts combine parts from both storylines into the
chapters like you've done for part 5.
While it's nice to see that Ranma is getting a soft ride in the storyline
where he's married to Akane, I think he should/will/might get in trouble
with her in regards to the anniversary. Also, it's his first day in that
storyline, it should be interesting when the day is over. (Not
necessarily lemon stuff.) This also applies to the storyline where they
aren't married. I think, in the married storyline, Ranma kicks himself
out of bed, while in the not-married storyline, Ranma gets kicked out of
bed. Maybe with the usual Ranma foot in mouth style of antics, or
something like samauri honor for the other.
My $0.0002,
Frank
***** Dark Shadow *****
The "Supreme God of Documentation White Space" in Dogbert's New Ruling Class.
Undercover Suzzallo-CRC inspector.
"Yes, I actually have a TIP patch on my camos."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
D'Artagnan - Dark Shadow | Live Fast, | "Have Phantom, Will Travel."
dkshadow@u.washington.edu | Shoot Straight, |
Technical Communications | Love Hard, | - Bear -
University of Washington | Die with | Band of the Hand
Seattle, WA USA | your boots on. | TIP#388
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
***** CAUTION: Signature file unstable. *****