Well - it's a start.
It read a little like an overview, or synopsys. You might want to add in a
little depth here and there. You could leave this chunk as an overview just
to catch the reader up to speed, and then put in a more evenly paced story
from chapter two, on.
The concept is ok, but has been done before in various forms (something
happens and there is a male and female Ranma running around). That doesn't
matter as long as you feel that you have made your's different from
everybody elses.
Let's have a chapter two, then it will be easier to offer suggestions. Not
much to work with here. Not yet, at least.
good luck.
AlberCrombie
--==-=-=-=-=-====-==-----===-=-====-----=-==-=-=-=-=-===-=-====-=----===-===
Ranmamaniac: SOS, CON, COR, LOR, OCS, OAA
cesnyd01@starbase.spd.louisville.edu
URL: http://www.spd.louisville.edu/~cesnyd01/
AlberCrombie ---- The One And Only Space Gopher
"It's not the one bullet with your name on it that you have to worry
about; it's the twenty thousand-odd rounds labeled `occupant.'"
--Murphy's Laws of Combat