[Frank replies piecemeal below.....]


On Tue, 28 Nov 1995, Mr. the Rutsch wrote:

On Tue, 28 Nov 1995, 'D'Artagnan' Frank Ho wrote:

Just finished reading up to 5.0 pre-release, and here's a few thoughts 
off of the top of my head.

Thank you for the extensive reply.  

I'm just glad that I got caught up enough on a fanfic where I can 
actually post a comment and not be two chapters behind.

4) Chapter 5.  Agnst!  It needs more agnst.  Two scenes come to mind.  
The scene with Ranma and Akane in the dojo and where Nabiki confronts 
Ranma on the roof both need more agnst.  Also, Ranma seems to be taking 

Errr...what is angst?  General anger and depression?  What would I do to
add angst?  More arguing?  

Agnst?  That's a hard one.  It sorta like when someone wants to do 
something, but really can't bring themselves to do it, but really wants 
to do it anyways, but just can't.  The best I can do is call it internal 
emotional turmoil.  Not really arguing, but more of an internalized dilemma.
(I'll ask the other anime guys around for a better definition.)

all of this really well, for him.  I mean he somethings seems to have 
feelings for either Akane or Nabiki or both, and sometimes not.  

Yeah, I'll have to work on that.  He has feelings for both but he doesn't 
commit until the end of the next chapter, so I kind of have to mute 
intentions in either direction, but I do it rather poorly.

No, don't mute his intentions.  At this point, I'd think it'd be better 
off if Ranma does show his feelings towards both of them, but maybe does 
more waffling to keep the reader in suspense.  Also, this might tidbit 
might work well within the story.  Akane technically does have some sort 
of claim over Ranma, as he did fight for her with Kundo and protected her 
from Kuno.

Well...not too happy with R&N 5 pre-release so it's getting a major 
re-write...the Kasumi scene was the first victim.  If you don't mind, any 
idea of the type of scene needed?  I mean in the most general, like 
"Ranma and Akane need to argue" or "I want to see Dr. Tofu."

As a replacement to that scene, maybe something like this:

Ranma has overheard Nabiki and Akane's confrontation, because he was 
outside Akane's window.

He comes in to talk to Akane about it and they start arguing.

Eventually, it turns into something like the Nabiki and Ranma scene over 
P-Chan in Nabiki's bedroom from Chapter 4.

This will give you some parallelism between Akane and Nabiki in regards 
to Ranma to keep the reader guessing as to who Ranma will pick.  Also, 
give you a decent lead in to Ranma explaining martial arts to Nabiki the 
next day.

Hope this helps,

Frank