Just finished reading up to 5.0 pre-release, and here's a few thoughts 
off of the top of my head.

1) A header would be nice, just so that people can tell when the fic 
starts and what is preamble.  (This seems to have been done since chapter 4.)

2) Chapters 1-3 are just plain awesome.  Minus some dings for grammar and 
punctuation, I can't think of a single thing about them that needs to be 
changed.

3) Chapter 4.  Nabiki's ploy of using Ryouga to make Ranma jealous seems 
to have died too soon.  I mean, in between chap. 3 and chap.4, at most a 
few hours has passed.  In my opinion, if Nabiki was going to pull this 
kind of ploy on Ranma, she'd probably stick with it more than a few 
hours(which is inferred rather than described).  And it would probably 
take more than Ranma putting his arm around Akane to make her stop after 
a few hours.  If Ranma had kissed Akane in front of her, in that time 
period, I could see Nabiki giving up, otherwise, it just doesn't seem 
like Nabiki would act that way.  Other than that, the rest of chapter 4 
was pretty good.

4) Chapter 5.  Agnst!  It needs more agnst.  Two scenes come to mind.  
The scene with Ranma and Akane in the dojo and where Nabiki confronts 
Ranma on the roof both need more agnst.  Also, Ranma seems to be taking 
all of this really well, for him.  I mean he somethings seems to have 
feelings for either Akane or Nabiki or both, and sometimes not.  
Sometimes he acts on them, and sometimes not.  This is giving him a 
rather inconsistent characterization and while its more obvious in 
chapter 5, it appears in the previous chapters of the fanfic as well.  Of 
course, there's also a few scenes still missing from it.

5) Final nitpick.  Kasumi seems to be more supportive to Nabiki in her 
problems with Ranma than to Akane's.  From my read on Kasumi's character, 
she'd probably be equally supportive to both of them, or perhaps more 
supportive to Akane in her problems with Ranma, as Nabiki has seemed more 
self-dependant to me than Akane.

Frank


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