To:     MX%"fanfic@andrew.cais.com"
Subj:   [lemon] comments

/I'm reposting this because I don't remember if I posted it before 
 Yes you did.

/(today was REALLL  LONG - too much #%#&^@$% homework)
 [Ricardo pats the gopher in the head] :)

/What's really bad is I can't remember the name of the bloody thing.
The Road Not Traveled. I wanted the tittle to resemble the title
of a beautiful poem (that I have forgotten) by Robert Frost.

/(I apologize profusely to the author).
 No problem.

/Well she did say something about taking a few days off - I think it was
/supposed to be doctors orders or something.
 I have been on the ML less than a month, I suppose I missed that
comment.

/>  That same afternoon Shampoo lures Ranma with free food to the
/> Nekohanten
/After all the times she tried to snag him with poisions/potions - he's not a
/little concerned?  Especially if this is (more or less) their last meal?!
 Works every time. The only food Ranma can resist is Akane's. Or at
least I don't know of one time Ranma has refused Shampoo's food.

/>  "Then you no longer want to marry me?"
/>  "Yes, but Great grandmother has and Shampoo can't disobey her
/> orders."
/'g.g. has' what?  I'm confused.
g.g. wants Shampoo to Return to China and Shampoo can't disobey her.

/>  Shampoo places her arms around Ranma and with a swift movement of
/> her right hand touches Ranma's neck. Ranma's loses control over his
/> body from the neck down.
/So there was nothing in the food?
(grin)

/Just muscle control?  How come she hasn't tried to paralyze him
/before (if she has - I don't remember it)?
 Cologne knows a lot about pressure points and Shampoo has the dexterity
and the skill (and remeber she is now DESPERATE) needed to learn them. 

/> that it could melt a man$s heart at a hundred yards. Ranma$s brain short
/I don't know if anybody else got 'em - but I got weird characters instead of
/apostrophies.
 Gomen. Word7 no baka.

/> Shampoo did felt a bit of pain, but it was quickly substituted by waves
/I think you're starting to flip flop between past and present tenses here.
/I believe you want 'Shampoo felt' or maybe 'Shampoo did feel'
 Gomenee. I wanted to write using past tense, but I dunno why present tense
comes out of my fingers when I don't want to.

/> ear "Now you are Shampoo$s man" and jumped out of sight. ]
/She is nasty, isn't she?
 But ain't she cute :)

/>  Ranma is at the dojo teaching a group of about two dozen teenagers.
/> "...first made themselves unconquerable in order to await the moment
(snip)
/> importance of not lowering their guard one second. He remembered clear
/> as the sunlight what can happen if you leave your guard down.
/Is this a flashforward?
 Yes.

/It's a little akward in the story.
 Mhh, It is supposed to change the story from Shampoo's point of view to
Ranma's. All I can do is try to rewrite it make it more obvious it is
set on the present (future?)

/>  "What is it you are here to tell us?" Asked Soun.
/>  "I will go to the point. My Great-granddaughter is going to have a baby
/> and Ranma is the father"
/> It took a few seconds for everyone to recover from the shock.
/Oh come on - something like that deserves a good discription of everybody
/doing facefaults and giving looks to Ranma and Shampoo!  Please?
 I'll do my best.


/>  "You should go to the authorities." Said Ukyo. An image forms in
/> Ranma's head.
/>
/>  We see an scene from a TV newscast. There is a photo of Ranma with
(snip)
/> rape, if you have any information leading to the arrest of this perpetrator
/> please call to the number on your screen"
/Took me a second to realize that this was a dream.  Maybe change margin
/size stick a note saying 'dream' or something to help people (ok, me) see
/this is not part of the main story.
 You got the idea noteless, eventough I suppose I will change it to:
Ranma had already thought in what would happen if he went to the
the police.

/>  "No, no, calm down. You are going to marry the three of them"
/Wait, Woah, hold it!  How did Ukyo get mixed up in this?  They never saw
/her with a binding engagement before, why now?  Akane I understand, Shampoo
/I understand - but Ukyou hasn't done anything to get involved with this.
(Ukyou spoilers ahead, unless you already know how Ukyou was introduced
to the Ranma 1/2 cast)
 Ukyou was engaged to Ranma when they were children by Genma and Ukyou's
father (at the moment nameless as Akane's mother). Genma did this to get
free food. When the moment come they left and Ranma didn't realized what
had happened. If you think this engagement was no big deal consider this.
 The lose of honor was so big that Ukyou had three choices:
a) Sepuku (unthinkable at such an age)
b) Severing all ties with her family (Unthinkable at that age)
c) Becoming a male in the eyes of society (This was an option only because
Ukyou was VERY young at the time)
 So Ukyou is along with Akane the only other true fiance. Even if Ranma$s
engagemnet predates Ukyou (They were engeged basically before they were
born) it is equally valid.

/> downstairs to do a pair of phone calls. Then she walked towards the
/'to do a pair of phone calls' ?   I don't get it.
 Let me know if it was still unclear after you finished the story.

/> carried anymore her katana around. That was a sign that she thought
/'carry her katana around anymore'
Are you sure about this?

/Real cool - you've got a good story going here.
 [Ricardo bows]

/One last question, maybe I just missed it, but could you explain just
/what happened to everybody at Jusenkyo?  (how the curses work now?).
 As I said before that is what Part 3 is about. Could someone help me,
I want to remeber I line from Shakespeare for the title but I can only
remember "..where demons dwell and take their toll."
 
/thanx
/hope the editing helps
 Thank you. Your have been very helpful.

Ricardo Martinez Garza