Speaking of B7, I have a Blake's 7 Christmas story. It is also an alternate
ending to the series, actualy as far as I know it might be the real ending. I've never seen the
last episode, but Gan's in it. So it can't be unless he comes back.
Blake's 7 Christmas:
Scene 1 - The main deck of the Liberator.
Jena: Oh goody!!! Christmas is almost here!!!
Avon: (Sarcasticly) I can hardly wait.
Caly: What is this "Christmas"?
Jena: Celebration of the birth of our savour. It was outlawed by the
federation centuries ago.
Caly: Maybe one day they will celebrate Blake's birthday....
Avon: (Sarcasticly) Oh yes, let's see what will they call it. GIT'S-MAS
maybe.
Blake: I heard that...
Avon: Yes and you also heard the last 498 rude remarks I've made about
you, so what's your point?
Jena: Oh you two. Stop fighting and help me get to work with the
decorations.
Blake: Where did you find decorations?
Jena: There were plenty inside Orac.....
Blake: ORAC!?!?!? That WAS the most valuable piece of equipment on the
ship! That WAS our chief weapon against the federation!
Jena: Oh don't be such a Scrudge, I'll put them back.
Villa: I agree with Jena, that hamster cage causes nothing but trouble.
He's more useful this way.
Jena, Villa, Gan, and Cally put up decorations. Blake and Avon
sit on the lounge with very peculiar looks on there faces.
Later that week.......
Jena: Oh boy, it's Christmas eve!!!!
Avon: (Sarcasticly) woopy.
Blake: With Orac off line, we're sitting ducks to the Federation.
Jena: Oh, don't be such a worry wart!
Cally enters, she is carrying a huge vat of eggnog!
Cally: Eggnog's ready!
Villa: Oh boy!!!
Gan: Gang way!!!
Gan and Villa drink up the eggnog in a matter of seconds.
Villa: Hey Gan put on the "Disaster Area" Christmas Album!
Gan: Allrighta.
The Disaster Area Christmas Album blast over the ships huge speaker
system.
Album: CHRISTMAS IS HERE, NEVER YOU FEAR. SANTA IS NOT GOING TO KILL
YOU, REALLY.
Avon is standing in the corner with a sign around his neck reading: I'M
NOT HAVING FUN.
Gan: Hot Black sure did have a way with words...
Villa: Yeah. I really wish he hadn't ODed on shadow.
Gan: C'mon Blake, Avon join in the party!
Villa: Ya, an while your at it lend us the key to the liberator's
mini-bar.
Blake: Well, I guess since it IS Christmas Eve.
Blake hands Villa the key and begins dancing stupidly.
Later that evening.....
Blake: I'm going to bed.
Jena: Me too. All that dancing....
Cally: You said it.
Villa: Gan and I aren't going to bed! We're going to stay up until
Father Christmas comes!
Gan: Ya!
Jena: Oh, you guys are DRUNK! There is no Father Christmas.
Villa: Well, we'll just see about that!
Avon: The idea of an imortal being travelling around to all the good little
children of the universe and giving them presents is perposterous.
Gan: We'll just see if you get anything is your sock.
Blake, Avon, Cally, and Jena depart to their quarters.
Villa: Zen, let's have a vid.
Zen: What would you like me to show?
Villa: I don't know, something about Christmas.
Zen shows the Rankin/Bass version of Rudolf the Red-Nosed-Reindeer. The
Burl Ives voiced Snowman sings that immortal song, Gan and Vil can't
help but sing along.
Gan: (Drunk) YOU KNOW DASHER AND DANCER AND UM UM UM....
Villa: (Drunker) COMET AND AJAX AND DONDER AND SCHITZEL!!!
Later that night...
Villa: (Crying) That was the saddest films I've ever seen.
Gan: (Crying) Th... th.. they wouldn't let him join in any Reindeer
games!!!
Villa: (Still crying) Run it back Zen.
Zen: That is the 16th time you have requested me to do so, do you wish
for me to continue.
Villa: Yes.
Bells: Ching ching ching ching.
Gan: Sleigh bells!!!
Villa: FATHER CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!
Gan: How is her going to get in? The only way is through the airlock,
unless he has teleport.
Villa: I'll contact his sleigh!
Villa opens a communications channel.
Villa: Come in Father Christmas!
Travis: (Unconvincingly) Ho ho ho! Now what do you what for Christmas
little boy!
Villa: Okay I'm opening the airlock to the cargo bay, drive your sled in
there!
Villa messes with the airlock controls.
Villa: I'd better wake the others!
Cuts to Blake's room.
Villa: He's here! He's here!
Blake: Who?
Villa: Father Christmas!
Blake: Go to bed!
Cuts back to the main deck.
Space Commander Travis is there in a cheap Father Christmas outfit.
Severlan is there in an even less convincing elf costume.
Travis: HO HO HO!!! Merry Christmas!
Gan: OH GOODY, WHADYA BRING ME!!!
Travis: A fire engine!
Travis hands Gan the fire engine.
Gan: WOW!!! I've never had a fire engine that ticks before!
Travis: Well I must be going now.
Gan: Please stay and have a drink.
Travis: Well, I guess one won't hurt....
Severlan looks at Travis all cross.
Gan: Your elf can have one too!
Later that night....
Villa: (To the communication controls) Hey Gan, you and Father Christmas
done yet?
Cuts to Gan and Travis in space suits with paint brushes and buckets of
ZERO-G black paint.
Gan: (To his wrist communicator) Just one more space. THIS IS FOR YOU
HOT BLACK!
Cuts to the main deck. Gan and Travis run in.
Gan: So how was your game of cards.
Villa: The elf beat me out of a fiver. Let's get on with the plan!
Gan: Right.
Villa: Zen, Disaster Areas Greatest hit volume 80934.5 on all the ships
speakers, internal and external! Broadcast on all channels, full power!
Set a course for the nearest sun!
Blake enters.
Blake: What the devil is going on?!
Villa: It's our tribute to Hot Black!
Blake: Can you turn it down just a notch?
Villa: No.
Blake: Why is it getting so hot in here?
Gan: That's why.
Gan points at the view screen.
Cuts to a shot of the now black Liberator crashing into the sun, the words
"FOREVER HOT BLACK" are painted on the side in white paint.
The End.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
^ *Ranma 1/2 *Simpsons *Buster Keaton *Marx Bros. *Screwball Squirrel ^
^ *Wizards *Mighty Mouse *Danger Mouse *Are You Being Served? *Red Dwarf ^
^ *Blakes7 *Robotech(Original) *Dr.Who *Smurfs *Bedrock Cops *Mr.Bean ^
^ *WC Feilds *Hillbilly Bears *Cop Rock *Droopy *The Prisoner *Cyborg 009^
^ *Felix the Cat *Gertie the Dinosaur *Banana Splits *Betty Boop *Popeye ^
^ *Monty Python *Barney Bear *Farmer Alfalfa *Rug Rats *Chipmunks ^
^ *Bananas in Pajamas *Sailor Moon *Jack Benny *One Foot in the Grave ^
^ *Benny Hill *Absolutely Fabulous *Quantum Leap *The Saint ^
^ *Inspector Gadget *Black Adder *The Young Ones * ^
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Noah Bellamy
P.S. If you havn't read HHGTTG then you might not get the references to
Hot Black and Disaster Area.