Chapter 8
 
Ranma-neko: MWEORR!! (Hits Shampoo-neko with her hand,
 drawing blood)
 

What he doesn't cut his finger nails?   This bugs me a little.

Shampoo-neko: YEWOR! 
 
(Shampoo-neko tries to jump over her, but Ranma-neko is too
 tall. Shampoo-neko pulls her paws up to her face, shaking, and
 waiting for another blow. A close up  on Shampoo-neko's face,
 as she utters her last prayers in meows. A bonk is heard)

how 'bout : '...as she meows her final prayers'  yours sounds a little long
winded to me.

 Especially not the one that killed Akane!
 
Cologne:-
 

add a little detail like :

Cologne: [fuming on top of her stick]

Ryoga: (Leaning forward, eyes wide) What?

Uh-oh, this is not going to be pretty.  Poor P-Chan.

AlberCrombie
                                                                           
  --==-=-=-=-=-====-==-----===-=-====-----=-==-=-=-=-=-===-=-====-=----===-=== 
                 Ranmamaniac: SOS, CON, COR, LOR, OCS, OAA                 
                    cesnyd01@starbase.spd.louisville.edu                   
               URL: http://www.spd.louisville.edu/~cesnyd01/               
              AlberCrombie ---- The One And Only Space Gopher              
                                                                           
             	"Never open the door to the knock at midnight,               
                          when the moon does not shine."                   
                                  AlberCrombie.