I'm writing it in the first-person, from my characters point of
view (and to those who think its the height of ego to use 
yourself as the main character -

           NNEEEEYYAAAA!! {poked out tounge}

now that I've got that little bit of childishness out of the
way....)

-------------------------------------------------------------

     This all started one sunny afternoon, it was a beautiful
day outside, the birds were singing, it was hot, perfect for a
swim.  Where was I, well, as usual I was tucked away in my
room, hunched over a computer screen.....


     "Finding new places is really getting hard", I thought to
myself.  Here I was going through my lists of internet sites,
looking (in vain) for a site which I hadn't already plundered
of interesting files.

     "Hey, Brett!", called a voice.

     It was my sister (of course), interrupting me in the
middle of something that could, ahh, well some day be
considered important.  "Are you coming to the pool with us or
not?", she asked, sticking her head around the corner.

     "Naw Jan, you go ahead, there's a few things I want to
check out first", I replied.

     She sighed, "Well, it's your loss, I'll see you tonight",
she said, heading out the front door.  I am in the lucky
position of living downstairs, a place that is not only
spacious, but also walks straight out into the yard (very good
when you sometimes come home at 3 in the morning).

     I stood and walked over to the window, for a moment I
considered calling out and asking her to wait.  The call stuck
in my throat, I really didn't feel like going out with her
friends.

     I walked back to the computer and sat down again.  Not
really caring what I was doing, I pulled up my web-browser and
started flicking through a few links.  I must have spent about
twenty minutes just browsing, before something caught my eye.

                          ENTER THE PEARLY GATES
                (http://www.goddess.gov.heaven/office.html)

     Well it looked interesting, so I followed the link, not
really knowing what to expect.  The picture on the screen
blanked out suddenly, replaced with a shimmering pink-gold
background.  "Nice effect", I thought.  The brightness
gradually lowered, I was marvelling at the unique way it
faded.  The background was gradually replaced with a picture
of a woman.  She looked to be in her mid twenty's, had a mane
of silver hair and a piercing gaze.  She was looking straight
out of the screen at me.

     "Well at least they're using nice graphics", I said,
admiring the figure on the screen.  Two things should have
tipped me off at this stage, the first was that usually images
of this quality take time to download the second was the way
the woman's eyes seemed to follow my movement.

     "Thank you", said the computer, in a *very* female voice. 
I looked at my computer in shock.  I must have been using it
for too long, I was starting to hear things.

     "Your not hearing things", said the voice again. 
Suddenly the image reached out towards me, pushing slightly as
it encountered the monitor's screen.  A delicate hand lay
before me.  "Well?", the voice asked again.  Not knowing what
else to do I took the hand and pulled.

     A well formed arm followed the hand, and the body that
followed the arm was definitely.. ahem.. quite 'well formed'
as well.  The woman looked around thoughtfully and then
proceeded to study me, the same way I used to study laboratory
mice, back in high-school.  "I am Urd", she said, "A Goddess".

     I stumbled backwards, my legs catching on the bed. 
Sitting down heavily, I did all the usual things one would do
in such a situation (that is I pinched myself, checked my
glasses etc....).  "Ahh, how did you do that??", I asked, not
really being able to think of anything else.

     She looked at me disgustedly, "I told you 'I am a
*GODDESS*", she replied.

     "Well, if your a Goddess, why are you here in *my*
room?", I asked.

     "Alright, here's the deal", she said, sitting down in a
chair, "And listen closely because I don't want to have to
repeat myself".  Seeing that she had my full attention, she
proceeded to explain.  "I am here to grant you *one* wish",
she said.

     "That's it?", I responded, expecting a much more
complicated explanation.

     She nodded, "Yep, that's it, you get one wish", she said,
"So what's it going to be?".

     I frowned, "Umm could you give me a chance to think about
it for a minute?", I asked.

     She nodded, "Alright, but don't take all day, I've got
places to be and things to do", she said.

     With that she stood up and walked over to me bookshelves,
examining the huge library that I've collected over the years. 
Meanwhile my mind was in a loop, "If this is a dream or a
joke, it doesn't really matter what I wish for", I thought to
myself, "But, on the other hand, if it isn't...".

     The woman (ahh that is to say Goddess), yawned loudly,
and sat back down, after inspecting my collection of video
tapes.  She sat waiting expectantly, I was getting rather
nervous, I kept coming up with nothing, my mind kept turning
around in circle.  In desperation I decided to delay for a
while.  "So, ummm, how's business?", I asked.

     Urd broke off her examination of my posters, "Are you
trying to delay me?", she said, "I told you I've got things to
do".

     "What things?", I asked, trying to delay her even more.

     Urd sighed, looking at her wristwatch, "Well I've got to
get home soon, my sister will have made dinner and it will be
getting cold", she said.

     "Sister?", I asked, forgetting my contemplation of my
wish.

     "My younger sister, Belldandy, she's annoying sometimes,
but she can really cook", Urd replied.

     "I know what you mean", I said, remembering my own
sister's delicious dinners.  "So what does your sister do?", I
asked, getting interested in the conversation.

     "Oh, at the moment, she's living with this Japanese guy
named Keichii", she replied, "But usually *she's* the one
going round answering wishes".

     "Is that all you goddesses do?", I asked, "answer
wishes?".

     Urd nodded, "Well pretty much, when we're not answering
wishes, we're supposed to help out people in trouble, but
after that our time is our own", she explained.

     "Wow", I said, forgetting something important, "I wish I
had that kind of a job".

     Urd's face registered shock, as she suddenly began to
glow.  She suddenly raised off the ground, energy seemed to
crackle around her, filling my room.  A huge beam of bright
light shot from her, through the ceiling and into the sky.

     "Your wish has been approved", Urd said in a quavering
voice.

     "WHAT!!!?!?!?!", I practically screamed.




                              Oh my God  ????

                          An Oh My Goddess FanFic

                                    by

                                Brett Handy


     The Goddess seemed quite bewildered herself, "According
to our office - you've made a contract that's been approved",
she explained.

     "You've got to be joking", I spluttered, "Why.. I
couldn't do a job like that.. I mean I'd have to be a...".

     Urd sat chewing her lower lip, "There's got to be some
mistake here", she muttered.  Suddenly she snapped her
fingers, "I've got it", she exclaimed, jumping up and grabbing
the phone.  She then proceeded to dial an impossibly complex
number, my mind boggled trying to keep up with the speed she
was hitting the buttons.

     I shook my head, "this has got to be a joke", I thought
to myself.  Not knowing what else to do, I got up and had a
look out of the window.  As I caught my own reflection in the
window something made me pause.  For a moment I couldn't tell
what had made me stop, then I saw it.  Moving a shaking hand
up to my brow, I felt the distinct outline of some kind of
gemstone.  I jerked around and raced over to my mirror.  It
was there alright, just visible below my hairline.  It was a
light golden colour and seemed to shine the more I looked at
it.

     "What do you mean, *I've* got to take care of him??!?",
Urd was shouting into the phone, "I thought this was supposed
to be a one-shot, 'grant the wish and get the hell out of
there deal'".

     Urd winced and held the phone slightly away from her ear. 
Even across the room I couldn't miss the authoritarian tone
emanating from the earpiece.  Urd sighed heavily (a
magnificent sight in itself, but we won't go into that), "Yes
sir", she finally answered, "Yes, for as long as he needs it,
and no I won't do anything to try to get out of it' she said.

     Shocked and a little (make that a lot), scared by the
change in my features, I had resumed my seat at the bottom of
the bed.  "All I wanted to do was find some new software", I
was thinking to myself morosely.

     Urd hang the phone up and began pacing the room, "I can't
stay here", she muttered, "If I don't keep an eye on Belldandy
and Keichii something sure to go wrong".

     I just sat meekly on the bed, my mind was totally blown. 
"Alright!", she said finally, "Your coming with me".

     I looked up, startled, "I beg your pardon?", I said.


     She looked around the room, "Throw anything you need into
a bag and we'll get out of here", she said.

     "But... what about my family, I can't just..", I began.  

     Urd snorted, "Just leave them a note, saying that you'll
be gone for a few days - that should be enough time to sort
this mess out", she said.

     I sighed, not knowing what else to do I followed her
instructions.  Leaving a note for my family, I also called a
friend and let him know that I would be gone for a few days. 
"Why, what's up?", Hubert replied, to my jumbled explanation.  

     "Never mind, I just need to get away", I said, noticing
Urd was tapping her foot impatiently.

     "Oh come on Brett, you can tell me", he insisted.

     "Look, can you just tell my sister or parents, that I'm
staying with you, if they call?", I asked again.

     Urd stomped over to the phone, snatching it out of my
hand, "Look just do as he asks", she said into it angrily.

     Snatching it back quickly, I was met with silence on the
other end.  "Hello??, are you still there???", I asked,
wondering if he had hung up.

     "You sly devil!", Hubert exclaimed, "No wonder you never
wanted me to fix you up with a girlfriend.... ", then
remembering what the conversation was about he quickly agreed
to take care of any questions from my family.

     I hung up the phone with a sigh, "This will take a bit of
explaining when I get back", I thought to myself.  Grabbing up
my bag, I turned to a now very-impatient Goddess.

     "Well *Finally*!", she said, grabbing onto my hand and
walking over to the computer.

     "Uhhh, I don't think I'll fit in that", I said to her as
she prepared to jump back onto the screen.

     She gave me a flat stare, "Trust me", was all that she
said.  Suddenly I found myself on the other side of the
computer.

                                  ******

     I'll say one thing for travelling behind the screen, it's
certainly not boring.  We whizzed along circuit paths,
sometimes stopping to let other travellers pass.  That's
something that I also found incredible, there are actually
hundreds of, well people in there.  We had just gotten to the
junction where information flows outwards from Australia to
the rest of the world, when I finally realised how much goes
on behind the scenes.

     Urd had decided to stop for a rest, we were sitting
somewhere in a database on a large mainframe when I finally
got around to asking about all the other travellers.  "Oh,
there other gods/goddess etc, all providing wishes or services
for mortals", she explained.

     From what I gathered, since the expansion of the
internet, the Goddess Relief Office and a number of other
heavenly (and other) services had decided that using the net
for transport was the best way to get around.  I guess
progress follows progress, where once gods and goddesses had
to fly themselves to where they wanted to go, now they just
hitchhiked on the super-highway.


{Authors Note:  No I *don't like the phrase 'information super
highway' - but it seemed to fit in here.....}

     Anyway, while it seemed like we travelled for hours, Urd
later told me that it only took a few seconds to travel from
my home in Australia, all the way to Japan.  I must say this,
it's certainly a unique way to travel.

                                  ******

     Well when we had finally reached our destination, I had
my first experience with looking at someone from the other side
of the monitor.  In this case, it was a young girl, she was
sitting typing away at her terminal.  Urd and I appeared
suddenly from out of the screen, "Hello Sis", Urd greeted her.

     "Oh... hello Urd", she said (as if this was an everyday
thing - and I was to find out later that it *was*).  Then she
noticed me, "Who is this?", she asked, "Another poor fool,
who's fallen for your 'love' potions?".

     Urd winced, "I told you that wasn't my fault, I got the
wrong dosage....", she said.

     "Oh right", said her sister sarcastically, "You
'accidentally' give the guy enough for one *hundred*
doses...".

     I stuck out my hand quickly, "G'day, the name's Brett".

     The young girl looked at my hand suspiciously for a
moment before returning the handshake, "I'm Skuld", she said.

     Urd turned and walked over to the door, "Where's
Belldandy?", she asked Skuld, "I need her help".

     Skuld smiled maliciously, "Oh, our sister's *out* at the
moment", she said, "Why what's wrong this time?".

     Urd snorted, "Never mind", she replied, "Come on you,
lets find you a room", she said to me.


     I smiled apologetically and Skuld and followed Urd from
the room.  Something about the situation struck me as strange
(well actually the whole situation was bloody weird.. but this
stood out), the whole previous conversation had been in
Japanese - I didn't speak Japanese!  Ignoring that fact for a
moment I followed my reluctant hostess down a small corridor. 
She opened a sliding door, "Here, this is your room", she
said, grabbing my bag and throwing it inside.

     I was about to protest the treatment of my stuff, when I
heard a motorcycle pull up outside.  Urd quickly ran from the
room, leaving me to trail along behind her.  I walked through
the house more slowly, looking around, absorbing the feel of
everything.  Now I've got no idea what a *traditional*
Japanese home looks like, but I got the feel that this was
something close.  The walls were, for the most part, a kind of
paper and the floor seemed to be rather unusual.  I headed in
the general direction that Urd had disappeared in.

     I finally came to a wide veranda and took my first look
at the outside of the house.  It looked like a rather large
Temple.  I wondered at the statues and buildings, it all
looked so incredibly peaceful.  Then I shook myself, "Where
else would a Goddess live?", I thought.

     I noticed a rather dispirited Urd sitting on the
steps leading out into the courtyard.  I walked up beside her,
"What's wrong?", I asked.

     She stood suddenly, "I'm afraid that my sister has
decided to visit heaven for a few days", she said, "According
to Keichii she won't be back until Friday".

     I frowned, "Who's Keichii?", I asked.

     My question was answered a few seconds later as a young
guy came around the corner of the building.  At first I
thought he was just a young kid, because of his height.  But
then I noticed that he was carrying a set of keys and wearing
a motorcycle helmet.  He was also carrying a pile of groceries
bigger than himself.

     Urd made no move to help him, so I grabbed up the top few
packages, just before they could fall.  "Thank's Urd", he
began.  Then he noticed that it was *not* Urd in front of him. 
He looked at me awkwardly for a moment before I introduced
myself, "Uhh  G'day, I'm Brett", I said, bowing slightly
because my hands were full of groceries.

     The young man nodded, "I'm Keichii", he said, "Not that I
mind the help, but what are you doing here?".

     I shrugged, "You'll have to ask her that", I said,
indicating Urd with a flick of my head.

     Keichii's face took on a pained expression, "What has she
done now?", he asked.

     Urd stood up indignantly, "This is *not* my fault!", she
said, before heading inside and slamming the door.

     I exchanged a long look with Keichii, his look was one of
sympathy, "Come on, you can explain inside", he said, making
his way up the steps.

                              ******

     "And I thought that *I'd* made a mistake", Keichii
muttered under his breath.  I'd just finished filling him in
on what my situation was.  We had unpacked all the groceries
and were sitting on the front steps talking.

     I sighed, looking up at the afternoon sky, "I'm really in
trouble", I said, "My family's going to start worrying about
me if I don't get back within a few days".

     Keichii nodded, "Well Bell-chan should be back before
they get too worried and I'm *sure* she'll be able to work
this out", he said confidently.

     "Bell-chan?", I asked.

     Keichii blushed slightly, "Umm yeah, well Belldandy and I
are.. ummm", he began.

     Taking the hint I nodded, "That's ok, I was just a little
confused - I woke up this morning not knowing how to speak
Japanese", I explained.

     Keichii's eyes widened, "But... You're speaking it so
well, without even an accent", he said.

     I shrugged, "It must be Urd's doing", I said.

     He nodded and got to his feet, "Well, your welcome to
stay, as long as you need to", he said, walking inside.

     I smiled, "Thanks mate", I replied.

     "I heard the accent that time!", Keichii called from
inside.

     I just sat and looked up at the slowly darkening sky.

                              ******

Authors Notes:

	This just came from a suggestion from someone about
new OMG FanFics - so here's an attempt (I will admit that I'd
*really* would be stumped if someone offered me a wish..), well
anyway I originally intended it as a joke, but then thought
'hey, why not?' - and there you have it.....

	Anyone who's actually read this without getting too
sickened - please let me know what you think.....

-----Brett (aka: DarkWind)

BTW: I *really* do speak the way it's written - just ask my
     mates - uhh... make that 'my friends' :)


---------------------------------------------------------------------
Address: darkwnd@sv.net.au   WWW page: http://www.sv.net.au/~darkwnd
"This is getting on my nerves, now that I have them"
                       - Q after being banished from the Continuum
---------------------------------------------------------------------