Hail and well met, fellow ML'ers
2 sporadic gunfire splashed off of it. A crashing report sent
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I thought this was a battlefield, not an office. ^_^ Actually, this _is_
a slightly confusing construct.
a report can also be a loud noise made by a device firing something.
Basically, it's a noise that announces the presence of the object making the
noise, in this case a *BIG* gun.
OK, deep, kinda like Patrick Stewart? I can't imagine anyone with a deep
voice doing the following pitch. You'd need a slightly hyperactive
person's voice for that kind of enthusiasm.
8 grandiloquent voice began speaking as the boomer proceeded
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Hey! This isn't an SAT word! Is it? It's hard to figure out.
Grandiloquent: speaking in a very pretentious, bombastic oratory manner.
I.E. most commercials nowadays, or Lyin' Brian Mulrooney. That has to be
the best example of bullshit and bombast I've ever seen...and I hope I never
see him again... (*politician-hating mode off*)
I know about the American A-10 "Warthog". But naming a boomer after it?
Can't you call it something else?
Sorry...that boomer was meant to be a direct reference to the A-10 TankKiller
How about pulling some of the "plug 'n play" spiel into this? Or at
least make it less "common" sounding, by using "swap" instead of "stick"?
Okay, done.
24 impressive pyrotechnical blast.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This no makie sense. ^_^ Chop off the "al" and it should work.
Hmmm....not sure about that one...have to check on it.
28 can be set up for a minimal charge. Some dealers may sell
^^^^^^
"Negotiated"?
Okay, done.
34 the room lights flicking back on at the same time. The
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This _is_ an executive's office, shouldn't the lights come back on
gradually to save the exec from losing face by blinking against the
strong lights?
There's only Quincy and Madigan there...it's not like he has to save face
this time around.
58 the corners of his mouth. "We do have a reputation to
59 uphold; we wouldn't want defective goods to get into the
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
"it wouldn't do for"
Okay, DOne.
What? No beeping computers? Or have those impersonal beeps moved over
to make way for those annoying car type warning voices? "Your car is on
fire" "Your car is on fire" "Please buckle your safety belt" "Your car
is on fire"
No...the ADP personnel got sick of the beepers and removed the internal PC
speakers. ;P
Is the holster over the Jacket, or underneath it?
Okay...that's been clarified.
248 matter drop. At the same time however, something in him
249 seemed to die, just a little, each time that he had to
250 restrain himself from hitting one of his friends.
OK, this sentence seems to be a run-on. I see one subject, two actions,
and no connection between the two actions.
What? Each time he has to stop himself from hitting one of his friends, he
feels like something...some internal quality is dying in him. I though it
was fairly clear.
295 straightening out her tangled sheets and blankets, he
<SNIP> ^^^^^^^^
"settled"?
Okay, done.
600 Wiping the back of his hand across his mouth, he
601 slammed the mug back down onto the counter, and turned away
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
What, no splash? It still has some tea inside, so it should at least
spread a few drops somewhere.
Oy vey...picky picky picky. Okay, it's got splashes.
1027 "That's why I've been holding myself down; I don't want to
1028 lose control and go hunting. I can't just tear the city
1029 apart and hope I find the bastard."
^^^^
Can you emphasize this word more?
I could, but considering that he's trying to speak normally, having an
emphasized word in the middle would sound like he's suddenly snarling, or
something, and I didn't think it sounded right.
OK, I have a question about Sylvie. Since she knows the KS' secret
identities, and hangs out with them a lot, why doesn't Sylia ask Sylvie
to be a backup KS? She's psycologically more stable than Bert right now.
(the character, not the person)(I hope ^_^;)
Sorry, classified information. ;)
Also, since she is a good friend of Priss, couldn't she emulate her
fighting style (in case someone is watching), and go in with Priss'
replacement suit?
As soon as I've finished REPAIRING Priss' replacement suit... ;)
Thanks for the input!
Sayonara!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Bert Van Vliet
[alias SkyKnight, the Knight Saber with the lightsaber]
Die-hard Bubblegum Crisis Fan and writer of really large Fanfics!
"Trust me. I know what I'm doing!"