A Ranma 1/2 fanfic
Based on characters and stories by Rumiko Takahashi.
Insert any other legal jargon I forgot -here-
Yes, it's my first fanfic.  
Insert standard "it's my first..." stuff -here-
Written by Rod M.

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(Beta Version)
(Still Looking for a title)
(How about this?)

                        The More Things Change...


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=====================================
             
             PART IX

       A Sort of Homecoming:
     Devils to the Left of me
     Jokers to the right of me
           Here I am
    Stuck in the middle with you

=====================================


[New Year's Day, 2:00am]

   Ukyo was walking home, escorted by Ranma and Akane, from the New Year's party
held at the Tendo hall.  It was almost as good as the Christmas party held 
there, with karaoke singing, a poker tournament, and some dancing.  But, as 
they say, all good things must come to an end, and so Ukyo went home carrying 
the prizes that she had won.  Ranma and Akane accompanied her to make sure
nobody tried to rob her while bringing back her loot.

***

   Somewhere in town, a figure walked, wearing a dark overcoat to shied himself
from the cold weather.  He held an umbrella up to shelter himself from the snow
that was flowing in fluries.  He would have been like the many others who were
traveling through the streets at this time, except for two outstanding
characteristics.
   First of all, he was at the very top of a skyscraper.
   Second, his eyes were glowing a fiery purple. 
   He seemed to look for something.
   "The three of them?" he said, looking puzzled.  "Hm..." he said, as if
thinking about something.  He squinted as if looking at something far away.
"There's the targets,"  He said.
   Then he faded into nothingness.

***

   As the trio of Ukyo, Akane, and Ranma approached Ukyo's resteraunt, they
noticed someone hiding in the shadows, waiting in front of Ukyo's door. 
   "Hey," Ranma whispered, "get behind me.  Someone's there."
   The trio approached the resteraunt slowly, getting a better look at the
figure in the shadows.  Finally, they were standing next to him.
   The person was leaning on the door, in a reclined position, and had an
umbrella covering the upper half of the body from view and a dark overcoat
covering the rest of the clothing.
   "I think he's asleep."  Ranma whispered.
   "Oh, why's that?"  Akane whispered back.
   A loud buzzsaw snore errupted from under the umbrella.
   They blinked.
   "Wait a minute..." Ukyo said, "that umbrella..."  It seemed to be a simple 
bamboo umbrella with red cloth.  It also seemed to be very familiar.  "No way,"
she said, "it can't be."  She rushed forward.
   "Ukyo!  Wait!"  Ranma said, trying to stop her.
   Ukyo pushed the umbrella aside.
   All three yelled at the same time:
   "RYOGA!"
   He woke up startled.  "WHAT? WHAT?"  He yelled.  Then with tired eyes, he
looked at the stunned trio.  "Oh.  Akane, Ukyo, er.. Ranma.  Hey, guys, how've 
you been?  Sorry I missed the Christmas party."  He staggered up to his feet.
   "Ryoga you numbskull, where've you been!"  Ukyo yelled, and then wrapped him
in a tight embrace, knocking him over..  "You jerk!  We thought you were dead!"
   Ryoga wasn't quite sure what to do in this situation.  It certainly wasn't   
an unpleasant sensation, being wrapped up by Ukyo like this.  Hm... no,
definitely not.  But he was still feeling a bit strange inside.  It didn't
help that Akane was there looking at the two of them, now on the ground.
   "Er... um..."  he said with all his dignity.
   "Heeey," Ranma said, "check out the hot couple."
   "Hey, don't embarass them!" Akane said, elbowing Ranma slightly.
   Ukyo froze.  {Hey!  What the hell am I doing?}  She quickly rolled off of
Ryoga.  "Er..." she said eloquently.
   Ukyo and Ryoga immediately got up and started brushing the snow off.  "Um,
er, well, hey, friend, buddy, amigo!" Ryoga said, glancing nervously at Akane
and patting Ukyo in the back in a way that said (Yes, we are merely friends!
Very good friends, but still only friends!)
   "Er, hey, good friend, humble sidekick, pal'o'mine, er, hey!"  Ukyo said,
glancing nervously at Ranma and patting Ryoga in the back in a way that said 
(Certainly!  Merely a platonic relationship here!)
   Ranma turned his eyes up in a way that said (Whatever.)
   "C'mon, let's get inside and celebrate!" Akane said, in a tone of voice
that said (C'mon, let's get inside and celebrate!)

***

[3:00am]

   The celebration, while a happy one, only lasted a few minutes.  This was 
mainly because everyone was already extremely tired to begin with.  
   The main topic of the night was what on earth Ryoga had been doing for the
past month.  He was willing to say that he had amnesia for quite a while and
wandered around alot of strange places doing odd jobs.  However, since they
were all tired, everyone agreed that Ryoga would go into greater detail
tommorrow.
   Ranma and Akane wearily walked back to their house, arms entwined, snow 
falling everywhere.
   A flare of purplish light caught Ranma's attention, but he thought nothing
of it and went to sleep.

---------

[January 2]

   "This is network 23 reporting to you live at a crime scene where several
yakuksa were found dead this morning.  The only clue police have at the moment
is a bloody umbrella..."

---------

[Afternoon]

   "So, what inspired this?"  Ukyo asked.
   "I managed to get a little money from my travels.  Just wanna splurge a
little.  So, what movie do you wanna see?"  Ryoga said.
   The two of them stood outside a movie theater, examining the choices.
   "Um... if you don't mind... I did want to see that new romantic comedy that
just came out." Ukyo asked.
   {Damn.  I guess the new Jacky Chan can wait} thought Ryoga.
   "So, basically, you had no memory and wandered all over the world for a
month?"
   "Yeah.  You learn the strangest things that way.  Did you know they serve
beer at movie theaters in Amsterdam?"
   Ukyo narrowed her eyes and looked at Ryoga.  He was looking at the list
of movies, so he unfortunately didn't notice.
   "And they don't just dump it in paper cups.  They actually give you a big
glass mug.  Surprised me."
   "Hey, I told you that you shouldn't drink!" said Ukyo, elbowing him.
   "Er... um..." stammered the surprised Ryoga, "yeah, but I had amnesia."
   "That's no excuse," Ukyo said, pouting.
   Ryoga shifted topics, noticing that this wasn't going quite right.
   "Um... you know what they call a quarter pounder with cheese in France?"
   "Le quarter pounder?" asked Ukyo.
   "Royale with cheese."
   "Ha ha, very funny."
   "I'm not kidding!"

***
   
   As Ukyo was watching the movie and having a sip of megajolt cola, she
suddenly started to cough violently.
   "Hey, you okay?"  Ryoga asked.
   Ukyo pointed a finger at the screen.
   "Well, yeah, it's a bit shocking they'd do a love scene right there next 
to the river in broad daylight.  I mean, they're totally nak-"
   Ukyo cleared her throat and lightly punched him on the arm.  "Not THAT,
stupid!  Look behind them!"
   "Eh?"  He looked.  "Oh.  So THAT'S what all those people were doing there."

   In the background, behind two rather passionate people, was a bandana-clad
black piglet, dragging itself out of the river and trudging across the
background of the scene.
   What they didn't notice was a rather ragged looking Ryo Muhoshin further
back in the scenery, crawling out of the river.

---------

[Sunset]

   Tatewaki Kuno was on the prowl once more, strolling down the streets with
his bokken by his side.  It had been a long time indeed since he had seen his 
pig-tailed girl, and he suspected the demise of the dread sorcerer Hibiki to 
be linked to this somehow.  
   Kuno thought it should have worked the other way, actually.  With Hibiki 
dead, would the pig-tailed girl not be free once more and race into his arms?
Alas, that was not the case.  In fact, during the only times he'd seen his 
beloved pig tailed girl she had reacted very violently to his appearance.  
   Without realizing it, Kuno began soliliquizing.  "What holds back the love
of my pig talied goddess?  What dark forces are cast upon her heart?"
   He closed his eyes, concentrating.  Then he opened them and raised his
voice in anger.  "The scoundrel Hibiki must have placed some enchantment upon
her before his demise!  Yes, that could be the source of her reluctance!  Or...
or perhaps... perhaps he did not perish as my good servant Sasuke had reported?
If he is a mage equal to that rogue Saotome, then surely an exploding bridge
would be nothing but an inconvenience."
   He seemed satisfied with that answer for a moment.  Then his face darkened
once more.  "But wait!  There indeed lies one more possibility.  Yes, one other
dark scenerio.  Perhaps the original dark mage of Furinkan, Saotome, has
reclaimed the pig-tailed girl as his mistress?  I would not put such vile
behaviour beneath him."
   Then Kuno stopped.  He noticed something standing by the edge of the
waterway.  Actually, it was floating.
   "Alas, what manner of creature is this?"  Kuno murmered.
   It was a person.  It was perhaps one foot above the ground with it's back
turned away from him.  It was wearing an overcoat and had an umbrella in one
of it's hands.  It began to glow with a fiery purple, blue, and red swirling
around it's figure like a cyclone.
   "A Demon!"  Kuno gasped.  He readied his bokken to vanquish this dark
visitor from stygian depths.  After all, was the banishment of evil not part of
his duty?
   "RETURN FROM WHENCE YOU CAME, DEMON!" Kuno yelled, charging madly at the
figure.
   It turned around too late.  It seemed as if it was too tired to dodge even 
a full Tatewaki Kuno attack complete with pre-strike warning yell, and Kuno 
struck it dead center in its chest.  Suddenly, Kuno was surrounded by the 
dark mysterious flames as well.  He felt a surge of energy taking over his 
body and then he stumbled back.  His foe also stumbled back, and dropped 
clumsily to the ground.
   For the first time, Kuno got a good look at the face of his enemy.  He
stared in disbelief.  "You?  It cannot be!"
   The glowing man got up to his feet, stared angrily at Kuno, purple fire
flaring from his eyes.  Then he leaned forward and fell on his face.
   "What?  Hey!  I can't float!  I can't float anymore?  WHAT THE HELL IS GOING
ON?"  Then he looked at Kuno.
   Kuno was surrounded by a light glow of dark purple and red.  It swirled
around his body and even around his bokken.
   "YOU!"  the man yelled.  "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"
   "Silence, you demon!  I now know you for what you really are!  It was most
clever to disguise yourself as a mere mage for so long.  You must have abducted
my pig-tailed goddess!  WHERE IS SHE!  I DEMAND AN ASNWER!"
   As quick as lightning, the man grabbed Kuno by his neck before he could
dodge and concentrated, trying to regain what he had lost.  "Give me back my
power!"  he yelled.  The aura around Kuno flickered for a moment but did not
dissapear.  The man raised Kuno high and threw him high across the skies of
Tokyo.  
   "DAMN YOU!" the man yelled.  He closed his eyes.  {Let's see if
teleportation still works} he said to himself.  He closed his eyes.  {Come on!
Come on!  Go Go Go!} he yelled inside his head.  And then he vanished.
   
---------

   "Ryoga!  Hey, you ready yet?  Where are you?"  Ukyo yelled.  It seemed like
Ryoga was lost again, _inside_ the resteraunt.  She sighed and turned around,
bumping straight into Ryoga.  She gasped and stepped back a bit.  "Don't
scare me like that!"  She yelled.  "C'mon, you ready to go?  We're gonna be
late.  Where'd you dissapear to anyways?"
   "Tried to find the front door.  Didn't make it."  Ryoga said anxiously. 
   "Well, Ranma and Akane are waiting for us."  Ukyo said impatiently.
   "Oh.  Uh oh.  Wait."  Ryoga said, frowning.
   "What is it _now_?"  asked Ukyo.
   "Er... did you ever find out why... um.... Ranma-chan.... um..."
   "Oh!  Er... um.  After you dissapeared, I didn't see much point in asking."
   "Hm.  Maybe we should just use the phone to talk to them?" asked Ryoga.
   "You can't run away from him every time he gets near you, y'know." said
Ukyo.
   That remark stunned Ryoga.  {I'm RUNNING AWAY from _Ranma_?  I?  Me?  Run
Away?  NEVER!  Well he did kiss me and... NO!  I do NOT run away from my
enemies!}
   Ryoga suddenly looked confident.  "Guess we'll confront him about it today."

----------

   Tatewaki stood at his practice hall with his bokken at his side.
   He was smiling.
   "The Gods themselves have imparted upon me the means which will allow me to
forever vanquish all dark forces in all of Japan!  I am unstoppable! 
Unbeatable!  Foes shall tremble at my feet!  Shadows shall shrink at my
approach!  The very heavens shall cheer on as I, Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue..."
   Kuno paused, uncertain.
   "No.  Somehow that seems to be no longer appropriate."
   Kuno examined himself and the strange aura that now surrounded him.  "Purple
Thunder?  There is certainly plenty of that color swirling around me.  Plenty 
of crimson and blue as well.  Many a dark color indeed."  
   He concentrated for a moment.
   "Hm... ah!  Just the thing.  I am now... the Dark Thunder of Furinkan High!  
Hm... not bad.  Evildoers beware!"
   The training hall was a wreck.  Practice dummies were mutilated and
shattered everywhere.  There were gashes on the walls and floors.  It would
take Sasuke a month to repair, at least.

----------

   *KNOCK*KNOCK*KNOCK*
   "Hey, Ryoko, get the door, willya?"  Megane yelled, as he munched on some
caviar and watched the pay-per-view movie of the day.
   Ryoko got up from the sofa and opened the door.
   She stared, wide-eyed, and in shock.
   "Hullo, sis."  Ryo said.
   "Um... er... you're alive?" she stammered.
   "Nice to see you care."  Ryo replied flatly.
   Survival instincts kicked in.  She hugged him tightly.  "Thank God you're
alive!  You're alive!  You're alive!"  She rubbed her eyes furiously to draw
some tears from them.
   "Hey!"  Megane yelled from within, "who's at the door?"
   "Dear sister of mine," Ryo said, returning the hug, "it's good to see you
again as well.  But..."
   "But?"  She asked, moving away.  She made it a point to make sure he noticed
the tears.
   "How did you afford this place?"  He asked, walking into the room.
   "Hey, Ryoko, who's at the-  uh oh."  Megane put down the caviar.
   "Uh oh?"  What's oh uh?"  Ryo said, mania creeping into his voice.
   Kyoko walked into the room.  "What's all the racket?  Oh... um... Ryo!
Big brother!"  she put on her best big-shimmering-eyes look, ran up, and hugged
him.  She began rubbing her eyes to try and get some tears flowing.
   "Yes yes yes.  Nice to see you too.  Now how are you affording this?" he
said, waiving his arm around the top floor suite that contained among other
things three seperate bedrooms and bathrooms, a grand piano, a balcony with a
jacuzzi, gigantic television, and a grand fireplace.
   "Um..."  the three of them murmered.
   "We're sorry!"  Kyoko squeaked.
   Ryoko and Megane slapped her behind the head.  "Shh!"  they hissed.
   "Sorry?  About _what_?"  He asked.
   "You'll find out anyways, I guess."  Megane said.
   "Now, you've got to understand that we thought you were dead."  Ryoko said.
   "I mean, nobody was using it so..."  Kyoko added.
   "We used your credit card."  Ryoko said.
   "YOU WHAT?"  Ryo yelled.  "HOW MUcH?"  He added.  A touch of mania was
creeping into his voice.
   They handed him the estimate so far.  They had kept track of their spending
mania just for fun.  It was amusing for them to blow cash that was never there.
Ryo looked down the list.
   "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"  Ryo yelled.  He was pale.  "OOOH MYYY GAAAAAAAWD!"
   "Um... er..." the three other siblings stammered.
   Ryo stared at the three of them carefully.  "You bought the hotel robes
too?"  The three of them tugged sheepishly at the robes they wore.
   "Page 12, left column," Megane replied.
   "OKAY!  WE'RE RETURNING ALL THE STUFF THAT YOU BOUGHT!"  He yelled, with
total mania setting in.
   "Um... we crashed the Porshe."  Kyoko said meekly.
   "PoRsCE?!?!?  You're kidding, RiGhT???"
   "Page 20, right side column, near the top." Megane flatly said.
   "GRRRRR."  Ryo was foaming at the mouth.  He closed his eyes.  He took deep
breaths.  "Listen," he said, in a scarily calm voice, "I'm going to be away for
a couple of hours.  When I get back, I want all the stuff we can return packed
away and ready to go.  Do you understand?"
   The three looked dissapointed.
   "dO YoU UnDerStaND?!?!?!"
   The three grumbled "yeah yeah," and moodily skulked back to their rooms.
   Ryo stomped out the door.
   "If they weren't my family," he grumbled, "I'd kill 'em!"
   He stopped.
   {Hmm.  I'm kinda hungry.  I guess teleportation does that to you.}  He went
to the front desk.  "Hey, you know any place around here that's good and cheap?"
   The front desk attendant looked disgusted at such a blunt lack of class. 
Then he said, "Well, there is this place that's known for it's okonomiyaki..."
   "Okonomiyaki?  Nah.  Maybe tomorrow.  Any other reccomendations?"

***

   Kyoko, Ryoko, and Megane were busy reluctantly repackaging their ill-gotten
goods.
   "He didn't have to get so upset about it."  Ryoko pouted.
   "No kidding."  Kyoko added.
   "Wasn't he... I dunno... kinda weird looking?" Megane said.
   "How so?"  Ryoko asked.
   "I mean... his hair got kinda spiky.  Wha'd he do, lick a light socket?"
   "Hey, that's right."  Kyoko said.  "Doesn't help his looks any."
   "And what's with the dark sunglasses?"  Megane asked.


-------------

   "Hey!  What?  Tell me what's going on!"  Ranma demanded.  He had walked into
the main room just in time to see both girls glance at him and giggle a bit.
Ukyo, Akane, and Ryoga were kneeling down at the table.
   "I guess that explains everything."  Ukyo said, smiling.
   Ryoga was grinning stupidly and rubbing the back of his head.  "Gosh, don't
I feel stupid.  VERY much relieved, but still kinda stupid."
   "Akane?  Wha'd I miss?"  Ranma asked.  He hated missing a good joke.
   They told him about it.
   "You idiot!  You had'em thinking I kissed you?" Ranma yelled, grabbing Ryoga
by the shirt.
   "I said I was sorry, didn't I?"  Ryoga shot back.
   "I ought*ACK*"  Ranma's tirade was interrupted by an elbow from Akane.
   "Stop.  That.  Now."  She said.
   After they calmed down, Ryoga started asking some questions.
   "So, where's my tombstone?"
   "You don't have one," Ranma flatly said, "you've got an umbrella."
   "An umbrella?"
   "Yeah, next to the bridge you destroyed." he answered.
   "Oh."
   "Hey, P-Chan,"  Ranma said.
   "Who's P-Chan?"  Ryoga flatly replied.  He smiled briefly and then grabbed
Ranma by the shirt collar.  "You wanna settle this outside?"
   "Fine by me, ya pig."  Ranma said.

***

   "Come on you two!  Ryoga just got back yesterday and now you're fighting
again?"  Akane yelled.
   Ryoga and Ranma were poised on opposite sides of the pond, waiting for the
other to make the first move.
   Ranma was deeply concerned about the situation.  "Ryoga, are you _sure_ you
want to fight _here_?" he asked, nervously glancing at Akane.
   "As if you can beat me."  Ryogga snorted.
   "Your funeral,"  Ranma said, leaping across and aiming a foot at Ryoga's
head.
   "Maybe ours,"  Ryoga said, as he took the impact of the foot in the stomach
and then grabbed Ranma in a bear hug.  Then he jumped off the rock (using the
patented Martial Arts Super Jump (TM)) with Ranma still in his grip.
   "Are you insane?!"  Ranma yelled, pounding at Ryoga's head with his free
arm.  "We're gonna land in the water!"
   They started descending towards the water.
   "Ryoga, what are you doing?!" Ukyo yelled.
   "She'll kill us!"  Ranma yelled, glancing again at Akane.
   "I don't care anymore."  Ryoga flatly replied.
   "Noooo!" *SPLASH*
   They landed in the pond with a big splash.  Akane went to the water's edge.
Ukyo was waiting for the moment when Akane would go balistic when she found out
her pet pig that she had brought to bed so many times was Ryoga.  More
specifically, she was getting ready to grab Ryoga before Akane could kill him
and run as fast as she could.
   Akane saw Ranma-chan's head surface, partially out of the water somewhat
like an aligator's.  "Hey, Ranma, where's...."  She stopped.  She noticed
that Ranma-chan was wearing a bandana.  Her hair was a darker shade of red too,
almost black.  That wasn't Ranma.  "Ryoga?"  Akane asked.
   Ryoga-chan emerged from the pool, dragging a very wet Ranma-chan with him.
   "Ranma, you okay?"  Akane asked.
   "Don't kill me!" Ranma said, and covered her head with her hands.
   "What are you talking about?"
   Ranma finally looked up to see _who_ exactly had dragged him out of the
pool.  Her jaw dropped.  "Ryoga?"
   "Yup," she answered.

***
   
   After the boys-turned-girls dried off, they all went inside the Tendo home
and sat around the table.
   Kasumi entered and brought in some snacks.
   "I thought you four might be a little hungry."  She said.  Kasumi glanced
at the four.  Internal stabalizers kicked in.  "Oh, Ryoga!  Nice to see that
you're not dead.  Welcome back."  she said sweetly, and went to the kitchen.
   The four looked on as she walked away.
   "How'd she...?" said Ukyo.
   Ryoga checked herself.  Yup, still a girl.
   They shrugged and wrote it off as uncanny intelligence and went back to the
business at hand.
   "Well," Ryoga began, glancing at Akane, "I was ... just wandering
around for a while when suddenly...

***

   Ryoga scrambled through the bush.  "Where is it... where is it... *whack* 
stupid grass... *whack* stupid trees... I could swear it was around 
heeeeAAAAAAAAAARGH!!"

   The Jusenkyo guide looked up from his recliner chair and put down his
magazine.  He reached over and turned off his CD player.  He looked around.
   "Someone there?  Hello?  Anyone?  Nihao?"
   He could have sworn he heard something.  He resumed his reclined position
looking over several of the glimmering acursed pools, looked sadly at the
remaining devastation, and resumed reading his magazine.

   If he'd turned around, he would have seen Ryoga falling off a cliff and
directly into a spring.

   Someone tapped the Jusenkyo guide's shoulder.  He woke up.  "Oh sirs!
Greetings and welcome Jusen.. en.."
   The reason for his sudden stop was because he finally saw what it was that
had just woken him up.

   "Ook!"  It said.

***

   "You fell into the spring of drownd orangutan?  HAHAHAHAHAHA!!"  Ranma
turned on his side, laughing.
   "Cut it out, Ranma!"  Ryoga yelled.  "Anyways, that's when I got my memory
back in full.  The shock of turning into an orangutan brought everything back
to me, I guess, because..."
   Ryoga paused.  He knew Ranma might get annoying again for this last part of
the story.  Besides, that's where the bad news was.
   "Go on..." said Akane.
   "Well..."

***

   "Oh sir!  Let me boil hot water, yes?"  the guide anxiously said.
   "Ook." Ryoga said.
   Ryoga-orangutan and the guide sat by a fire, watching the kettle boil.
   "What you come here for?  Is very dangerous place!"  The guide said.
   "Ook...ook ook..."  Ryoga said, getting frustrated at his limited vocal
capabilities.
   "Here?"  the guide said, offering a sign and some markers.
   "OOK!"  Ryoga said, nodding his head.
   <<I've been here already>> Ryoga wrote.
   "Oh?"
   <<I was turned into a black pig before>>
   "Oh, tragic story of pig that drown many years ago."
   <<You almost cooked me>>
   "Oh.  Was that you?  So sorry!"
   <<I'm here for the spring of drowned boy>>
   "Oh no.  I am sorry sir.  Great mixup in China govornment.  Very tragic
story."  He pointed out to the field of springs and Ryoga noticed a few of
them seemed to be filled in and a few more slightly paved over.
   "EEEEEK!"

***

   "You mean... you mean... it's gone?" Ranma said.
   "Yeah.  It's gone." Ryoga said.
   Both of them were looking down at the floor.
   "How about... how about the spring of the virtuous man?" Ranma asked.
   "Gone."
   "Drowned warrior?"
   "Gone."
   "Drowned pervert?"
   "When he gets wet, he'll be himself,"  Akane whispered to Ukyo.
   "Gone."
   "Drowned lawyer?"
   "Boy, he's desperate," Ukyo whispered to Akane.
   "Gone."
   "Is there ANY spring of ANY drowned MALE left???"

***

   "Oh sir, terrible govornment accident.  Take out every pool that drown man, 
chicken, or dog.  Very strange accident in Chinese beaurocracy, yes."
   "EEK! EEK! EEK!"  Ryoga said, walking (sort of) in circles and slapping his
head.  This was bad.  Definitely bad.  Being stuck as an orangutan for the rest
of his life!
   "Hm.  Maybe sir does not like being orangutan?"
   <<DAMN RIGHT I DON'T!>>
   "Maybe you like try another pool?"
   "Ook?" he replied.  "OOK!"  Ryoga said, slapping his head.  He realized that
he certainly didn't have to stay as an orangutan when when forever.  After all,
he had a whole selection of pools!
   The pair ventured in and walked around the pools.  Ryoga jumped in to
several of them, with the guide giving an explanation.
   *SPLASH* "squeak"
   "Oh sirs, that spring of drowned skunk!  tragic story of skunk that..."
   {Nope, that wouldn't do.}
   *SPLASH*  "sssssss"
   "...spring of drowned snake...."
   *SPLASH*  "meow"
   "...drowned cat....."
   {Might be fun around Ranma.... nah.}
   *SPLASH* "rowrf?"
   "...panda that drown many year ago..."
   *SPLASH*  "bzzz"
   "...drowned mosquito..."
   *SPLASH* "glub..glub..glub.."
   "...drowned fish..."
   {How the hell did a fish get drowned in the water?}  Ryoga thought.
   *SPLASH* "Ark ark ark!"
   "...drowned seal..."
   *SPLASH*  "HONK?"
   "Oh!  That is nissanichuan!  Spring of drowned Nissan Pathfinder.  Very
tragic story of pathfinder I just buy two weeks ago and crash into pond.  Very
tragic story!"  The guide wiped a tear from his eye.

***

   "Oh come on!  Now you're joking!"  Ranma accused.
   "Hey, it happened." Ryoga said.
   "A guy turnin' into a car... sounds like a bad cartoon plot!"
   "Hm.  I was thinking of calling myself Turbo Teen.  It would have been
interesting, being a car, but I figured that I'd just be able to get lost
faster than before, so I quit on that idea and I tried every spring that 
was left..."
   "How about the spring of drowned twins?" Ranma asked.  He thought that
becoming two seperate boys wouldn't be as bad as turning into a girl.
   "The guide said that it had disasterous effects on people already cursed."
   "Damn."
   "Anyways, I figured that I might as well stay human no matter what and went
with the spring of drowned girl."
   "Heh, just don't let Kuno see ya," Ukyo said.
   "Oh?  Why's that?  He's ugly in either form.  Now, me on the other hand..."
Ranma-chan smirked.
   "Oh, you saying I'm not good looking?"
   "Unsexy, definitely."
   "Hmph.  Sexier than YOU, definitely," said Ryoga-chan.
   "Oh yeah?"
   "Yeah!"
   "I don't think so!"
   The two naturally inclined girls looked on.  "Idiots, both of 'em."  Ukyo
said, rolling her eyes up.
   "Definitely."  said Akane, nodding solemnly.
   "AKANE!  PIG-TAILED GIRL!"
   The four looked outside as they saw Kuno running quickly to them.  Ukyo,
Ryoga-chan, and Akane looked annoyed.  Ranma-chan readied herself for the solid
puch to the face that she always inevitably gives Kuno when this sort of 
encounter happens.
   "Oh, but who is this?"  Kuno said, stopping in front of Ryoga.
   "Get lost, looser."  Ryoga-chan said.
   "Ah, another beauty graces the Tendo home?  Allow me to introduce myself..."
   Ryoga realized he was still in she-mode.
   "I am Tatewaki Kuno, Dark Thunder of Furinkan High."
   Ryoga took a step back.
   Kuno grabbed his hand and kissed it.  Ryoga jerked her hand away from his
lips, grabbed him by the neck, and slammed him face-first into the pavement.
   "And your name is?"  Kuno asked, his face _still_ in the pavement.
   "You jerk, I'm Ryoga H-"  Ryoga was suddenly stopped by Ranma covering her
mouth.  Ryoga pushed Ranma's hand off of her mouth.  "What are you doing?"
   Kuno stood up quickly.  "WHAT?  YOU ARE CLAIMED BY THAT SORCERER HIBIKI?
HOW DARE HE!"  Kuno's newly  aquired aura flared around him, surprising
everyone else.  "I knew he might not be dead, and this tragedy solidifies my
belief!  I shall hunt him down and smite his darkness from this world!" He
said dramatically, and whipped his bokken dramatically.  A striing of dark aura
flew from the bokken and impacted with a nearby tree.  It was sliced in half.
"I shall return victorious!"  Kuno yelled, and bounded away.
   "Damn."  Ryoga said.
   "Shoot."  said Ranma.  She was looking particularly agitated.
   "What's wrong with you?"  Akane asked.
   "I forgot to ask him who looks better." she answered.
   Ukyo, Akane, and Ryoga-chan booted him into the pond.

***

   Ranma-chan was still in the pond, soaking in the realization that the
spring of drowned boy was _gone_.  Not just that, but the spring of _any_
drowned male person had been destroyed in an incredible mistake in Chinese
Bureaocracy.
   "Ranma, get out of there!  You'll catch a cold," Akane said, standing at
the doorway.
   "Leave'em alone, Akane," Ryoga said, "it took me a while to get over the
horror too.  He'll get over it."
   "Hey, one thing's still bothering me," Ukyo said quietly, "when we last
saw you, it was raining.  Do you understand?"  She looked at Akane who was
fortunately still standing away looking at the soaking Ranma.
   "I was... er... inconvenienced... for a couple of days... until I had the
most incredible luck.  I wandered into a public bath, fell in, and managed
to steal some clothes.  Still didn't remember anything at that point, but
I knew by instinct that, er," he made sure Akane was still away, "a cold rain
would be disasterous for me, y'know?"
   "And then?"  Asked Ukyo.
   "Well, I wandered around again until...."

***

  A small bush snuck sprouted a head and limbs and snuck off.
  {He's still alive!}  Tsubasa angrily thought, {HE is STILL alive!}  Tsubasa
was already laying out blueprints for the next disguise-mech in his head.

***

   Some hours later, Ukyo had gotten a map and they had tracked down Ryoga's
travels.  To everyone's surprise, he'd managed to walk through Tokyo once
before, and within 100 miles several other times.  The only problem was that
once he got near Tokyo he didn't stop and proceeded to badly overshoot past
the city and turn back only after a _long_ distance.  Basically, Ryoga was
traveling in figure 8 loops, with Tokyo as the center of the 8.
   "Wow, I really did some walking," Ryoga said, as he examined the map.
   "So that _was_ you we saw before," Akane said.
   "You saw me?" asked Ryoga.
   "Me and Ranma," Akane said, pointing a thumb at Ranma (who was now doing
a full Soun Tendo Wail (TM) in the pond) "were out one night when we saw a
guy with a bandana hobbling around a corner.  We thougth it might have been
you."
   "What's the first thing you remembered anyways?" Ukyo asked, "I mean, next
to avoiding cold water, that is."
   Ryoga blushed.  "Well, um..."  he nervously fingered the compass necklass
hanging around his neck.  "I was reminded of somebody when I was in America.
I met her-"
   "Oh, a her?"  Ukyo said, raising her eyebrow.
   "Er.. yeah, anyways, met her in the park just when some guys were mugging
her.  I rescued her and then she took care of me for a while," said Ryoga.
   "And the point is?"  said Ukyo, impatiently.
   "Well, I guess it was because of her long hair, or maybe because she
cooked pancakes for me at one time, but..."
   "You remembered Ukyo first?  How sweet!" said Akane.
   "Er... well..."
   "Me?"  said a surprised Ukyo.  "Is this true?"
   "Well, um, she did look kinda like you... that's why," said Ryoga.  "You
understand, right?"
   "Oh, yeah, perfectly."  said Ukyo, who was smiling a bit.
----------

[Some days later]

   It was a surprisingly busy night at Ucchan's.  She and Ryoga were barely
able to keep up with the orders.  Finally, things settled down.
   Ukyo filled a glass with tean, then she turned to a person sitting at the
bar section and reading a newspaper which was covering his face.
   "Here ya go!"  Ukyo cheerily said.
   The newspaper lowered.  "Thanks."  he said, grabbing the drink and returning
to reading the paper.  She wasn't too sure if it was Gosunkugi because for some
strange reason he was wearing dark sunglasses.
   "Um... Gosun..."  Ukyo said, unsure if it was indeed Gosunkugi because of
the unusual appearance of the person.  It could have been Gosunkugi, if he had
revamped his look a bit.
   "Ukyo!  Hey!"  Gosunkugi said, entering the store and waving happily.  "I'm
back from vacation!"
   Ukyo looked uncertainly at the person who was once again covered up by
newspaper, then turned to Gosunkugi.  "Hey!  Welcome back!  Good to see ya!
I loved the flowers, thanks!"  She gave him a little hug.
   He had a dazed look in his eyes.
   Ryoga stepped out from the back.  "Hey, Ucchan, we're.... um..."

   An interesting chain of events took place.
   
   Ryoga saw Ukyo hugging Gosunkugi, which triggered a bout of something
vaguely familiar within him.  He usually felt this way when Ranma was around
with Akane.  He realized it was jealousy.
   Gosunkugi saw Ryoga emerge from the backroom and turned even more pale than
he usually was.  "R-R-Ryoga!  You're alive?"  He stuttered.
   The man reading the paper suddenly and quickly folded it and looked around.
"Ryoga?" he asked, looking around.  "RYOGA!"  he said, tossing his paper aside.
   Ryoga looked at the bar.  "RYO!"  
   Ukyo turned to look where Ryoga was looking.  "Ryo?"
   Gosunkugi turned to look where the two of them were looking and he saw what
he honestly thought was his evil twin.  "EEK!" he whimpered.
   Ryo noticed Gosunkugi.  "Eh?" he muttered.  "Gosunkugi?" he asked.
   "Y-y-yes?" Gosunkugi stuttered.
   "Hm.  No wonder."
   "Muhoshin.  Get out of here.  Now."  Ryoga said, stepping protectively in
front of Ukyo.
   Ryo suddenly flared a dark swirling aura.  He took off his sunglasses, which
revealed eyes that were glowing a swirling purple, red, and black.  "This time
for sure..."  Ryo said.
   The resteraunt emptied out immediately.  They knew trouble when they saw it.

***

   "Hey, Ryoko, I'm hungry.  How many more blocks until we get to this place?"
Kyoko whined.
   "We're almost there, quit whining."  Ryoko snapped.
   "We're still using that jerk's card.   He owes us for being such an ass."
Megane sneered.
   "Why do we hafta go here?" Kyoko asked.
   "It's cheap, it's good, and the credit card is almost max'ed out." Ryoko
said.
   As they came to the door, they saw a figure flung out in a blur.
   "Ryoga!"  Ryoko gasped.

***

   From inside the resteraunt, Gosunkugi was recovering from the shock of 
seeing his evil twin.  Gosunkugi settled down and reasoned things out.
   {He's an evil spirit here to take over my life.  That's what.  After all,
after messing around with magic for so long, I guess it was bound to happen.}
   He sat at the bar, depressed.  {Another girl lost!  Another one!  And to 
another martial artist too!  Damit, why couldn't Ryoga stay dead?}
   In Gosunkugi's mind, a plan was very slowly forming.
   Behind him, his evil twin was storming out the door, ignoring Gosunkugi
entirely.

***

   "RYOOOOGA."  someone said from inside the resteraunt.
   Ryoko ran to Ryoga's side and leaned over him, stroking his hair.  "Hey,
are you okay, darling?"
   "Hm?  Yeah, sure.  Hey, wait a minute.  Darling?"  said Ryoga.
   "Oh-hohohoho!  Ryoga darling!  You're alive!"  Kodachi said, appearing out
of nowhere, perched on the roof of Ucchan's.
   "RYOOOOOOOOGAAAA!"  Ryo yelled, floating (barely, about one inch above the
ground) menacingly towards Ryoga, eyes ablaze and aura swirling.
   Ukyo emerged right behind Ryo and tried to grab him in a strangehold but he
merely flung her to the left, where she landed on her feet.
   "STOP RIGHT NOW!"  Ryoko yelled.
   Ryo landed and the aura fizzled.  "Ryoko?"
   "Don't you dare hurt my fiancee!"  Ryoko yelled.
   "Eh?"  Ryo said.
   "What?"  Ryo said.
   "FiAnCEE?!?!?!"  Ryo yelled.  Mania was edging into his mind.
   "FIANCEE?" Ukyo yelled as she emerged from her resteraunt.
   "YOU ARE MY RYOGA'S FIANCEE?  NEVER!"  Kodachi snarled.  She jumped to
Ryoga's side.  Ryoko stepped back and whipped out two fans.
   Ryoga got to his feet and nervously looked around.  This was no good.
   "Nobody told you?" Megane asked Ryo.
   "I WiLL nOT allOW tHIS!!"  Ryo bellowed.  "GeTTT OuT oF The WAy!"  Ryo
roared.  His aura flared again, appearing like a dark mini-twister.
   "Now hold on, dammit!" Ryoga yelled.
   "Whatever ya say, lover."  Ryoko purred, glomping unto him.
   "gET OFFF oF HIm nOOOOOW!" Ryo unevenly said.
   "They're engaged, man.  Sensei's orders."  Megane said.
   Ryo deflated.  "Sensei's orders?"  He asked.
   "But why?"  Ryo whimpered.
   "Um... they said that if you embarrased the school by failing to utterly
defeat Hibiki, that they would do some damage control by claiming it was a test
to see if he was worthy of joining the fold and marrying your sister."
explained Megane.
   Ryo closed his eyes.
   Kodachi whipped out a battle-axe.  "You let go of my darling Ryoga now!"
she hissed at Ryoko.
   Ukyo stepped towards the girls and readied her spatula.  "Just leave him
alone, girls."
   "Oh, you're after my darling Ryoga too?  Then you too must die!"
   "Hey!  Wai-"
   "I DoN'T CarE!  I dO nOT CAre!  ThE SensEIs jUSt Can'T gO aROUnd anD MaRRY
oFF mY SiSTer to mY EnEMY!"  Ryo unevenly said.  His eyes really fired up.
"kILL RyoGA!"  Ryo charged forward, glowing like a fiery comet now.
   Ryoga scrambled off his feet and yelled "SAOTOME SCHOOL OF ANYTHING GOES
MARTIAL ARTS SECRET TECHNIQUE!" running towards Ryo.
   Ryo stopped suddenly, remembering how devastating  Ryoga's attacks could be.
   Kodachi and Ryoko stepped back as well, unsure of what to expect.

   Ukyo rolled up her eyes.  Akane told her about this one.  She knew
immediately that she wouldn't see Ryoga for days if he was going to pull
that stupid trick.

   "RUN AWAY!!!" Ryoga yelled, as he suddenly changed direction and blazed 
down the street. {Is this cowardice?}  he wondered.  {Certainly not!  I'm...
um... just getting some distance from the fight so I can come up with a
strategy.  Yeah.  That's it.}
   Ryo blinked.
   Kodachi stared blankly down the street.
   Ryoko said "THAT is how my fiancee behaves?"
   "RyYYoOOGgAAA!!!  GeEET BAcK HeEErE!"  Ryo yelled.
   "C'mon, big brother," Kyoko said, taking Ryo's hand, "we're all hungry
and a big meal oughta calm you down."

***

   Gosunkugi had managed to creep out of the resteraunt from the back door.  He
knew he was lousy at the martial arts stuff, so he didn't even try to get near
the scene of what was obviously going to become a gigantic fight.
   Gosunkugi rememberd something.  Something that would definitely be his ace
up the sleeve against Ryoga and take care of his evil twin too.  It was 
dangerous, but...
   "THERE YOU ARE, EVIL SORCERER!"  Kuno bellowed.
   Gosunkugi turned a paler shade of white.  Kuno was charging at him,
surrounded by a dark swirling aura.  His bokken seemed to be engulfed with
purple, red, and blue fire.
   "I know the true nature of your existence, foul demon!  I shall vanquish
you now!"  Kuno yelled, slashing with his sword.  A black string of energy
surged forth off of Kuno's bokken and slammed into the wall next to Gosunkugi.
It collapsed.
   "GAAAAH!"  screamed Gosunkugi as he ran down the street faster than he ever
ran before in his whole life.

***
   
   Four figures walked down a street.
   "Just great, Ryo!  You get us banned from a resteraunt before we even set
foot in the place!" yelled Megane.
   "There's always someplace else." Ryo said.  He glowed slightly again and
floated feebly one inch off the ground.
   "Say, how'd you do that?" asked Kyoko.
   "Deal with a devil," said Ryo.
   Everyone stared at Ryo.
   "Well, actually, this big yakusa guy, glows like me but alot more, and he
has a huge chin."
   "So, you get any money?" asked Ryoko.
   "Yes, for every, er, job, that I do for him.  And that reminds me, you
guys _have_ returned the stuff, right?"
   "Oh, certainly," they said, fingers crossed behind their backs.
   "And the glow is for?"  asked Megane.
   "This." Ryo poked Megane in the chest, which sent him flying several feet
as if he was hit hard.
   "That was _not_ funny, man," said Megane.

----------

   In his room, Gosunkugi opened a long untouched book.
   "They said this book was dangerous... they said it backfired more often than
not... they said it brought misfortune upon many and rewarded very few... they
said never to use this unless I was desperate..." Gosunkugi muttered,
   He thought of Ukyo.  She actually talked to him!  They went out once or
twice together!  She hugged him!  He never got this far with Akane.
   "I'm ALWAYS unfortunate!  My schemes ALWAYS backfire!  And now... well now 
I'm desperate, dammit!"
   Not only that, but he had an evil spirit looking to take over his life
to get rid of too.  He wondered how that happened, since his few attempts
at magic were sickeningly uneffective and shouldn't have attracted the
attention of any demons.
   Gosunkugi's mind was swirling with jealousy, anger, angst, frustration,
helplesness, and confusion.
   
   There was a label on the book.
   In small print.
   In the bottom of the first page.
   It warned that when the book is opened, you had best be in a calm state 
of mind.  It had the ability to boost magical talent, but it also boosted 
anything else that was floating dangerously near the surface of the mind.  
If you opened the book with excess happiness, you became a giggling fool.  
If you opened it when you were mad, you'd be a raving psychotic.
   
   Of course, Gosunkugi missed this.
   
   He flung the book open which suddenly shot forth a bright blue light,
engulfing him.

   And the rest was Magic.

----------

   The women of the apartments screamed in terror.  They  were running through
the halls, screaming, looking for deadly weaponry, and looking very angry.
   "What's the matter, ladies?  Aren't you glad I'm back?  Wheee!"  Happosai
gleefully said.  He darted past a barrage of kitchen knives, dove under a wall
of women armed with baseball bats, and crashed out a window.
   "See you pretty ladies later, okay?  Hahahahaha!"
   Suddenly, Happosai stopped.
   "Hm.  Wait.  I sense something....  HE is ba-*ACK*"
   Unfortunately, he stopped long enough for an angry mob of women to catch up
to him....

----------

[some days later]

   A cruise ship sailed into the harbors of Tokyo.  Crowds surged on the
edges of the boat to have a look at this city's bright lights.
   One particular girl looked out at the city with hope in her eyes.
   Manami Hinako looked out, across the waters, across the towers, across the
miles of streets, looking for her first true love.  It seemed destined that
they be together again.  Manami was already happily astonished when her father
told her that they'd have to move back to Tokyo because the company had changed
it's mind.  She felt lightheaded at the now very realistic possibility of their
reuinion.
   Manami looked down at the photograph of the bandana-clad boy which she kept
in her locket and whispered "where are you?" 

-------

   At the top floor of an obscenely expensive hotel....
   "Surprised we're still staying here," said Kyoko.
   "Well, Ryo just got his first paycheck, and he suddenly felt better," said
Ryoko.
   "Hey, Ryoko, ya got a telegram," Megane said, handing an envelope to the
girl.
   "Hm... it's from the sensei.  Got a new target to bring down," said Ryoko.
   "Oh, I thought Ryoga was the last target?" said Megane.
   "Hm.  Ryoga was a test for Ryo.  Apparently this one is a renegade branch
of our school," said Ryoko.
   "So?" said Kyoko.
   "So what?" said Ryoko.
   "So who's the target, dummy!" said Megane.
   "Oh... let's see... it says Kodachi Kuno, master of Rythmic Gymnastics."
   "Say, isn't that the girl Ryo's got a crush on?" said Kyoko.
   "Where is Ryo anyways?" asked Ryoko.
   "Oh... he just ran out the door muttering something about killing Ryoga,"
said Kyoko.
   Ryoko ran out the door.
   "Hey!  Wait for us!"

-------

   Ukyo stood at the doorway of her resteraunt, watching the sunset.  She
thought about the events of the past several days, and about how she reacted
to them.
   She closed her eyes, and a boy's smile came to mind.  It wasn't Ranma's.
   {Him?}  she pondered.  {Maybe.}  She smiled, remembering a certain kiss.
{Just maybe.  It's been a while now.  He oughta be back by now.}
   She looked out into the streets, searching for a bandana-clad figure,
and sighed.

-------

   A girl and her rather vicious looking pig walked down the streets of Nerima.
She sat down, looking sad.  "I don't know," she said to the pig, "I don't think
I'll ever find a worthy husband.  Grandfather would have been dissapointed."
   The pig snorted proudly.
   "I really was hoping that Shutaro Mendo would be the one.  It would have
been nice to be rich."
   The pig grunted and glared at her.
   "I know, Katsu-Migiri, I shouldn't give up."
   The pig squealed.
   "I'll find the man of my dreams if it's the last thing I do!"  she said,
standing up and yelling at the sky.  She sat down on the sidewalk.  "But where
on earth is he, anyways?"
   Somebody bumped into her, knocking her over.
   The pig snorted angrily.
   "Oh, sorry."  He said, reaching out to help her up.  "Really, I am."
   {He's cute} she thought.
   "Er... interesting pig you've got there," he awkwardly said.
   "He's a sumo pig." she said proudly.  "Hi, um... my name's Akari... Akari
Unryuu.  Sorry I got in your way."
   "Oh, not at all.  I just wasn't looking at where I was going.  My name's
Ryoga Hibiki."  he said.  "If you'll excuse me, I've gotta get back home soon."
   "Do you live in this city?" Akari asked.
   "Yeah, I'm working at Ucchan's resteraunt.  Drop in some time."  Ryoga said,
smiling, and wandered away.
   Akari looked at him with an appraising eye.  "He's so hansome!" she
squealed.  "So, what do you think?" she asked her pig.
   The pig grunted it's approval.
   "Well, let's find out.  Go get'em!" she said, and the pig charged.

***

   And so Ryoga wandered through the streets, feeling pretty good in general.
Admittedly, picking up several love interests and finding out that your worst
enemy seems to have gotten a major power boost was not good.  That wasn't
important at the moment.
   It felt pretty damn good to be _here_ in this city, this district, this 
little corner of the world.  It was a nice feeling.
   A girl's smile came to form in his mind.  It wasn't Akane's.  Ryoga smiled
and it seemed that somewhere in the universe there was a *click* as if a loop
was being closed or a job completed.
   {Maybe I'll tell her today} he thought, {if I can get back there today.}
He hummed a little tune he heard in America.

   He didn't notice the sumo-pig charging at him a block away.
   He didn't notice a girl behind a window of a resteraunt holding a locket 
which held a picture of her first love, staring at Ryoga in shock as he 
walked down the street.  
   He didn't notice Tatewaki Kuno glowing with dark ki energy charging at him
with a frighteningly fiery bokken.
   He didn't notice Kodachi Kuno with her bouquet of toxic flowers and fiery
obsession in her eyes.
   He didn't notice Gosunkugi perched high atop a building nearby and aiming a
rather nasty curse at him.
   He didn't notice Ryo Muhoshin struggling to run at him, being held back by
Megane and Kyoko.  Ryo didn't notice Happosai charging at him from behind.
   He didn't notice Ryoko bounding towards him and calling his name.
   He didn't notice the two story building that suddenly sprouted several 
mean looking cannons, tank treads, and had a blonde little transvestite
in the second floor window, grinning madly.

   Ryoga went on happily, humming the little tune.

   He dug into his shirt and pulled out a little compass necklass.  He looked
at it and smiled.  "Guess I'd better find my way back." he said, and started
walking again, hopefully in the right direction.

   After all, he had to get back home.

                  =FIN=

===============================================

[Fade out from scene]
[keep sound of Ryoga whistling]
[Roll credits]
[Start credits sequence]
[Ryoga's humming tune merges with a song that begins playing, getting
louder as it begins, and soon the humming is replaced by...]

"I'm gonna be (500 miles)" 
   by The Proclaimers 
 from Sunshine on Leith

  [start clip of Ryoga being waken up by Ukyo from part I]

When I wake up yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you

  [flashback clip of Ryoga & Ukyo at theater]

When I go out yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you

  [start flashback clip of Ryoga stumbling into Ucchan's drunk]

If I get drunk yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you

  [show flashback clip of Ryoga wandering]

And if I haver yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's havering to you
But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked 1,000 miles
To fall down at your door

  [Show flashback clips of Ryoga working the tables & washing dishes 
  at Ucchan's]

When I'm working yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's working hard for you
And when the money comes in for the work I'll do
I'll pass almost every penny on to you

  [Show clip of Ryoga looking walking in the street, looking at his compass
  and smiling.  From far away Kodachi, Tatewaki, Gosunkugi, Ryo, Ryoko, etc 
  etc etc are blocks away but catching up to him]

When I come home yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you
And if I grow old well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's growing old with you

  [Show Ukyo standing at the doorway of Ucchan's.  Camera shifts to over
  the shoulder.  Ryoga comes into view from turning around a corner.  Ukyo
  smiles.  Then the rest of the war party become visible.  She frowns and
  retreats into the store, closing the door.]

When I'm lonely yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's lonely without you
When I'm dreaming yes I know I'm gonna dream 
Dream about the time when I'm with you

  [Fade out as the camera does a closeup of Ryoga's hand on the door.]
  [A moment of silence, then Loud Violent Fighting Noises (TM) erupt.]  
  [End with Ryoga screaming.]