Hrm...  I'm going to be brutal.

voice in the back of William's mind: I thought you were going to sleep!

*bonk*

==========

The first quarter or so went like a Calvin Klein TV ad.  Things were 
happening seemingly out of context, and scenes were being changed 
without any end to the preceding ones.

>From then on, a plot began to take shape.

But, the players in this drama weren't being identified.  Unless you 
like them to be known through overhanded, yet still vague, descriptions.  
There is a condition where one's mind blocks the memory of an event due 
to trauma suffered from its experience.


recap:
--cluttered intro (personally, I stopped counting screen fade-outs into 
  another "percieved scene" after ten)
--plot wants to go somewhere, but is lacking in bredth
--characters need more (quantity) subtle fleshing out; give hints instead 
  of dead-on describing in one word

=====

Don't hurt me.  Please?

I wouldn't take this as a personal attack.  I definitely cannot do 
better, but only due to little practice.

----------
 Yung "William, The Forgotten One, What's His Face, Who?" Wong
(^_^)            -=-<ywong01@barney.poly.edu>-=-           (;_;)
}-============================================================-{
 "Here's something to think about:  How come you never see a 
   headline like `Psychic Wins Lottery'?"
                                           -- Jay Leno
Gon%

[and is wondering where the requested ideas for his own BGC fanfic 
  are all hiding]