Excerpts from mail: 18-Oct-95 Re: [fanfic] Blue Lightning by
William@barney.poly.edu 

The first quarter or so went like a Calvin Klein TV ad.  Things were 
happening seemingly out of context, and scenes were being changed 
without any end to the preceding ones.

I can't explain the whole plot in the first few pages.  It's like a
mystery, almost.  The whole point of the intro is that you *have* no idea
of what's going on.  You find out, the more you read.  That was
intentional.  Whether that's good or bad, well...

I don't know any other way to do it, though.  Suggestions?

From then on, a plot began to take shape.

Yep.

But, the players in this drama weren't being identified.

I have a habit of doing that.  I let you kind of guess for a while who's
who.  But things start to clear up after a while.  For example, you can
take a quick guess as to who the doctor is.  How about the biologist?

A few other characters, you'll get in the next two parts.

Unless you 
like them to be known through overhanded, yet still vague, descriptions.  
There is a condition where one's mind blocks the memory of an event due 
to trauma suffered from its experience.

The only thing I can do in that case is fill in a little more background.
I tried to do that with the recap of the phone call.  Pretty much, this
whole first volume is the introduction of about half of the major
characters in the story.  Some don't even show up until the third, even
the fourth, volume.  Well, they do show up, I take that back.  But they
don't get lines.  You know what I mean.

recap:
--cluttered intro (personally, I stopped counting screen fade-outs into 
  another "percieved scene" after ten)
--plot wants to go somewhere, but is lacking in bredth

I thought it had *too much* breadth.  That might be a problem.  Maybe I
need to start slower.

--characters need more (quantity) subtle fleshing out; give hints instead
  of dead-on describing in one word

Um, huh?  Unless you're talking about names, I don't read you.

Don't hurt me.  Please?

Why?  I appreciate this a lot.

I wouldn't take this as a personal attack.  I definitely cannot do 
better, but only due to little practice.

Okay, let me say that I've only done three (yes, three!) stories to date.
This was the first.  I'm just trying to go over it and bring it up to par
with my other stuff.

I don't think that's natural talent, either.  I started by reading the
"Reader's Digest Guide to Good Writing" before I ever attempted any prose.
It's got a lot of good advice in there.

I showed my work to everyone I could think of.  Some people just said they
liked it, one said he didn't, and only a few gave any actual criticism of
it.  But the criticism helped, a lot.

Hang in there, you can do it if you try.  I guess it's all a matter of
really caring about the story, to do it justice.

Damon Casale, dc56+@andrew.cmu.edu

* Maison Ikkoku * Kyoko Otonashi * Video Girl Ai * Amano Ai *
               * Blue Lightning * Kerin Gray *
Blue Lightning forever...Kerin, are you out there?