Yi Enterprises presents
An Integral Publication of
A Ranma 1/2 fan fiction
by David C. Yi
Standard Disclaimer: This story uses characters from Rumiko
Takahashi's
Ranma 1/2. I hope no one minds since this is not for profit. Also, the
situation is somewhat "borrowed" from Back to the Future.
Given that, everything else is my original creation. Have fun!
Part 1: What Time is it Ranma?
It was a peaceful (or what passed for peace around here) and normal (ya
right) day in the neighborhood. It is a sunny day and all is silent as can be
expected.
{Pan down from the sunny sky to the Tendo house}
Akane: Ranma no baka! Come back here and take you punishment like a man!
Ranma-chan: No way! Akane no kawakune!
Akane: Take this <swish!> and that <thwack!>!
Ranma-chan: Stop it you maniac!
Kasumi: [Pausing from dusting the furniture] Girls should not fight!
Ranma-chan: I'm a boy! Then again, Akane isn't a much of a girl either ...
Akane: Grr ... Well, here's one blow from a maniac to a pervert <BLAM!>
<THUD!>
Ranma-chan: [Weakly] Kawakune... <Slump!>
Once again, resemblance of peace is restored.
{Pan from the house to down the street where a large dust storm can be seen}
Girl #1: [Running] Thief!
Girl #2: [Yelling and running] Come back you thief!
Girl #3: [Yelling, running, and brandishing a rolling pin] Gimme back my
underwear!
...
Girl #100: [Lagging behind the well-armed crowd] I'm going to get you, you
pervert!
Happousai: [Clutching his booty] Ha ha! Try to catch up with me!
{Back at the Tendo house}
Ranma-chan: [Lying down, eyes closed] Ungh...
Akane gets a kettle of steaming hot water and pours it over Ranma
Ranma-kun: [Eyes bolt open] Ieeee! Hot! What did you do that for?!?
Akane: So that I can do this. [She proceeds to punts him up into the
stratosphere]
Ranma-kun: Ahhh!
{Cut to outside}
Happousai: Time to make my escape
He makes a right turn which lands him right at the Tendo house. He stops
for a moment to catch his breath.
Ranma: [Falling down] Ahhhh! [He imagines a particularly painful landing, but
instead moshes Happousai.] Oof!
Happousai: ...
Ranma: [Still lying on Happousai] I wonder what cushioned my fall?
Happousai: [Muffled] Get ... off ... of ... me!
Ranma stands up and peels the old man off of a Happousai-sized
indentation
Ranma: [Holding him in outstretched in one hand] What are you doing here old
man?
Happousai: [Still in a daze] ...
Ranma: Not speaking eh?
Off in the distance he hears a low rumbling approaching closer and closer.
Suddenly, a mass of enraged women pour in through the entrance. Surprised,
Ranma drops Happousai, who regaining his senses grabs his bundle and leaves
over Ranma's head. Ranma barely gets up in time to avoid the mob as they exit
through the newly made back door.
Ranma: [Angrily as he sees the mob leave] That Happousai! Oof!
Girl #101: [Looking back at a flattened Ranma] Sorry!
Ranma peels himself from the floor and exits through the rear door.
Ranma: [Running] That Happousai is causing too much commotion. I got to
settle this before I can get some peace.
{Cut to under a bridge}
Happousai: He he! Look at these lovelies! All mine! And there is no Ranma to
stop me! HA HA HA! [tap behind his shoulder] eh?
Ranma: I heard you mention my name.
Happousai: Ranma! How-d you find me here?
Ranma: Your trail wasn't hard to follow [points back to a line of underwear
leading up to the bridge]
Happousai raises his pipe to attack, but is intercepted by Ranma's foot.
Ranma takes the opportunity to launch him into low-earth orbit.
{Cut to blackness}
Off the screen voice: AhhhhhhhHHHHHHH!
Happousai: [Flying straight up into the ionosphere] I'm going to get you Ranma!
It's just a matter of time!
{Cut to Tendo house}
Kasumi: [Oblivious to the new back door] Ah, Ranma! You're just in time for
lunch.
Ranma: [Sitting down] Thanks, Kasumi. Chasing Happousai is a big pain in the
neck.
Akane: Not as much of a pain as being engaged to a half-girl pervert.
Ranma: Or being engaged to a violent tom-boy.
Akane: [Sticks out her tongue] Bleahh!
Ranma: [Sticks out his tongue] Bleahh!
Genma-panda: [Thwacks Ranma with a sign] [Sign: It is not polite to stick
your tongue out when others are eating.]
Ranma merely fumes, but when he sees Akane feed Ryouga, he's about to
explode. However, he gives it up for some reason (i.e. sees huge mallet behind
Akane's back).
{Cut to Happousai who didn't quite make orbit and is beginning to fall}
Happousai: Whew! It's getting hot!
He takes a fan out from hyperspace and begins fanning himself, but
despite this, his behind is starting to glow bright red.
Happousai: It's getting really hot!
He takes a block of ice out of hyperspace but it melts very quickly. His
behind bursts into flames from the heat.
Happousai: Ieee! Hot! Fire!
He takes out a fire extinguisher from his pocket and puts out the flame,
but he is still very hot. He puts his hand deep into his pocket hyperspace
looking for something.
Happousai: Sunglasses? [it melts], um umbrella? [burns to a wiry crisp], um
beach ball? [explodes], um panties! Ahh! [it promptly burns to ashes in the heat]
oh ... um broken Nanban mirror?
He holds it, half expecting it to explode, melt, or burn up, but it does none
of these. Noticing that nothing is happening, he grabs the mirror, and positions
it as a heat guard between the atmosphere and his posterior. As it heats up,
it provides a errie green glow, but Happousai is too occupied to notice. He lands
into the ocean with a large kerslpash and accompanying steam. He walks out of
the water unto the beach and is about to put the mirror back into his pocket.
Happousai: What? [Looks at the mirror and finds that it has no cracks
anywhere] It's fixed! [Thinks for a moment] Now I can get back at Ranma! HA
HA HA!
He has vision of deep revenge planned ... but his brain takes a side exit
as he looks on the beach to find lots of pretty girls in bathing suits.
Happousai: [Eyes bulge out, go back in and start twinkling] Eh ... after I
attend to some business. Come to me cuties! [He puts the mirror away. Pretty
soon, all that is on his mind is girls and bathing suits.]
-----
{Cut to Furinkan High School. The clock chimes the end of school}
Akane: [Chasing Ranma in the school yard] Come back jerk!
Ranma: [Running away] No way!
Kunou: [Wielding a bokken] Ranma Saotome! You must pay for offending my
dear Akane!
Ranma: [Planting his foot in Kunou's face] I still don't see what you see in
such a violent tomboy.
Akane: [Planting her book bag into the side of Kunou's face as he stands back
up] Since when am I your Akane!?
Kunou stands up to take a look at Ranma and then at Akane before he
plants his face into the ground.
Ranma: [looking over Kunou] I'm glad he's out of the way.
Akane: So that I can finish you off! [Swishes her bag at Ranma]
Ranma: [Dodging] Stop that you uncute girl!
<Thwack!>
Ranma: ... [Plops into the dirt]
Akane walks right over Ranma towards home. A few moments later, Ranma
gets up only to be hit by a fast-moving bicycle.
Shampoo: Nihao Ranma! Ranma? Where are you Ranma? You were just here a
second ago.
Ranma: [From under Shampoo's bicycle] Urgh! I was, Shampoo, I was.
Shampoo: Sorry, but you should look out for yourself. Anyway, I brought some
ramen for you to eat!
Ranma: Food! I'm starved [Remembers the last time that Shampoo gave him food
- mind control fungus] Uh ... don't you mean to test?
Ukyou: [Catapulting in on the spatula over Shampoo] Ranma, I have some new
okonomiyaki for you to try out!
Shampoo: [Looks at Ukyou] After he eats my ramen first!
Ukyou: Ranma, you'll like my okonomiyaki better, huh Ranma?
Ranma: Uh ...
Shampoo: He'll like my ramen better!
Ukyou: No, okonomiyaki! Try one! [Tosses one into Shampoo's face]
Shampoo: Oh yeah! Try this Ginbaku Chow Mein!
She takes out another bowl of noodles. She uses the noodles like a snake
to wrap around Ukyou's neck.
Shampoo: [Holding Ukyou in her noodles] It's a specialty of the Neko Hanten.
You'll have to eat it if you want to get out or avoid suffocation.
Ukyou: Never! Okonomiyaki fighting spirit explosion! <Kaboom>
All of the noodles are lying in pieces about her.
Ukyou: [Gathering her breath] I see we'll have to see whose food is better...
[She takes out her mini spatulas to shred Shampoo's incoming noodles]
Ranma: [Crawling out of the middle of the battle zone] I'll have to get out of
here before something happens to me.
Ranma crawls out only to be overrun by a familiar fast moving small person
and a huge crowd of girls. When the dust clears, Ranma's face is embedded in
the street.
Ranma: Urk! Looks like Happousai's at it again.
{Cut to the receding crowd}
Girls 1-200: Give us back our stuff you pervert thief!
Happousai: Never!
He manages to evade them by leaping on housetops and leaps to the Tendo
housetop where he begins to admire his booty.
Happousai: [Grinning maniacally] I'm going to get Ranma, this time permanently!
HA HA HA! *cough* *cough* I'm getting too old for this.
He pulls out the Nanban mirror out of his pocket.
Ranma: [Suddenly appearing over Happousai's shoulder] You called again?
Happousai: It's too late Ranma [Produces an onion]
Ranma: [Tries to hit Happousai with a roundhouse kick]
Happousai: You missed! Ha!
Ranma: [Hits Happousai with a hook kick with the foot that "missed"] Yep! Too
late with your appointment with the sky!
Happousai's mirror flies out of his hand and lands among the stolen goods
as he is launched into LEO again.
Happousai: I'll get you Ranma!
Ranma: A souvenir! Bring back a nice souvenir, will ya! [Looks back at the
pile of goods] Such a pervert! I can't believe Akane can compare me to him!
[Notices the mirror] Eh? What's this? [A few minutes passes as Ranma's mind
struggles to grasp its significance] It's the Nanban mirror! [To a distant dot
approaching LEO] Never mind about the souvenir!
He sees the cloud of dust in the distance and tosses back their goods back
to them. He then jumps down and enters the Tendo house.
Akane: [Scowling] I see that our resident pervert-transsexual is back.
Ranma: I am not a pervert-trans... [Notices that the entire household is looking
at him] [Embarrassed, he mutters] at least I won't be, soon. [Looks back up,
confidence regained] Where's P-chan?
Akane: I'm not going to tell you that. You'll just pick on him!
Ranma: [Waving his hand] But, but!
Akane: No buts, besides, I don't where he is.
Ranma: [Under his breath] Kawakune.
Akane: I heard that Ranma! Baka!
Akane punts him through the paper-covered door for a drive that even a
football player would be proud of.
Ranma: [Receding into the distance] Ahhh!
Akane: Hrumph! What a jerk!
Everybody but Kasumi is staring at her.
Akane: [Turning back sharply] What do you guys want?
Soun: [Breaking down in tears] Akane is so mean!
Kasumi: There there, father. I'll cook some of your favorite dish.
Soun: [Brightens up] Really?
Everybody returns immediately to whatever they were doing with renewed
vigor (i.e. Soun and Genma-Panda at Shogi, Kasumi cooking dinner, and Nabiki
looking through her financial ledgers.)
{In the sky}
Ranma: At least she didn't throw water on me. [Looks down to where he's going
to land - the public pool] Eeek! No!!! Not here!!
<Kersplash!> The inevitable ensues :-)
Ranma-chan: I can't believe that such a tomboy would get that upset at my
request. It was not like I was going to beat up Ryouga or anything, I just
wanted for him to come to find the Jhusenkyo with me.
P-chan: [Obviously just recently drenched] Kwee?
Ranma-chan: Ryouga! You're here ... wherever here is. Lets go get some hot
water first.
P-chan: Kwee!
{In a drier part of town}
Ryouga: [Towels his hair] You got the Nanban mirror? I thought it was
broken.
Ranma: Me too, but when I sent Happousai into orbit, he left it behind as a
souvenir from his last date with LEO.
Ryouga: LEO?
Ranma: Low earth orbit.
Ryouga: [Chuckle] If he was hot before, he's burning now! [Seriously] So all
we need to do is get an onion, gather the other people and all go back to the
Jhusenkyo?
Ranma: Yep! Eh? [He hears rumbling is heard in the distance]
Ryouga: Ranma, do you hear that?
Ranma: Yeah ...
Ryouga: What is it?
Ranma: It's ... um ... um ... oh no! Run Ryouga! [Takes off]
Ryouga: Wait! You didn't tell me!
Ranma runs back, grabs Ryouga's arm and runs. As they are running, a
cloud of dust appears from ahead.
Ranma: Uh-oh!
They quickly make a right only to face another angry cloud.
Ranma: Other way!
They quickly make a U-turn only to confront yet another angry cloud
preceded by a shriveled speck. They are too busy running from the really mean
looking crowd behind them to notice that Happousai is approaching. Happousai,
on the other hand knows that they are coming and maintains his speed and
bearing. However, unknown to them all is the fact that a young boy, wearing
a backpack, with his head firmly planted in a book is walking toward the
intersection as well. Ranma and Ryouga turn around just in time to notice that
Happousai has leapt over them.
Ranma and Ryouga: Ahh?
Boy: [Continuing to read as he approaches the two] Hmm?
Happousai take a flying leap at the two. He grabs the mirror that just fell
our of Ranma's hand. He takes an onion out and tries to make himself cry, but
just as the tear is about to fall, the boy stumbles into Happousai from behind
just as the Ranma and Ryouga get up and tackle him. Under the pile,
Happousai's teary face is right above the mirror. He tries to hold back but fails
and *poof* the four men disappear, leaving the crowds to collide.
Ranma: [Gets himself off the pile] What? [Notices that it is too quiet] Where
are we?
Happousai takes advantage of the momentary disorientation and exits the
scene.
Ranma: [Hears a scream in the distance] Happousai!
Ryouga: It looks familiar, yet so different at the same time.
Ranma: Darn that Happousai! He has our only ticket to normality!
Ryouga: ...
Ranma: He's far away by now, so I think we better split up to find him.
Ryouga: [Nods] Mm.
Boy: [Notices that his book is beaten up] Hey! [Looks up to see Ranma
running away] Hey! Come back here!
Ranma, of course does not hear this and so the boy runs after him.
Ranma: That Happousai! Where in the world did he send us back to? [Hears
fighting in the distance] Eh? Could that be Happousai? [He then runs to the
source of the commotion.]
{At a nearly empty street}
Gangster 1: [Tosses a young man to another gangster] You know, you're not so
tough as you said.
Gangster 2: [Catches young man and twirls him around a bit] Yeah. You're full
of nothing but hot air! [Punches young man right in the stomach and allows him
to fall flat on the street]
Young man: [Grabbing his stomach] Please! *gasp* I beg mercy!
Gangster 3: [Picks young man up] You're nothing but a wimp. You're trash.
You're lower than scum [Kicks him back down to the street] See?
The young man tries to get up but only manages to prop himself up a bit
with his arms.
Gangster 4: [Kicks him down] We can't allow scum like you to get up.
The young man falls back down, face up.
Gangster 5: [Kicks him again to force him to turn around] Nor can we allow you
to show your worthless face around here.
Gangster 6: [Walking up the beaten up young man] You now what were we
going to do to you?
Ranma: [Coming up from behind gangster 6 and grabbing his neck, hard] You're
going to apologize to him.
Gangster 6 turns around and tries to punch Ranma with his right fist, but
finds that he is not there. Instead, he finds that his entire body is now lying
flat on the street.
Gangster 1: What are you standing there for? Get him!
As all the readers will know, this is a very uneven match ... for the
gangsters. Oh well... Gangster 2 comes in with a running punch that Ranma
easily evades. However, #2 cannot evade Ranma's foot that suddenly get in the
way of his run. He falls to the street and slides into wall, leaving a big
impression. #3 comes in with a flying kick just as #4 comes from the opposite
side. Ranma jumps high into the air while both #3 and #4 look in amazement
right until their respective feet smash each other's faces. #5 comes in with a
roundhouse kick that to his surprise, Ranma grabs. He spins him around to
knock out #2 who was just getting up. Ranma lets him go at #6 who is knocked
away.
Gangster 1: I see that you're looking from trouble, mister. You should not
intrude in the business of others.
Ranma: [Facing him off] I will intrude when that business involves beating up
a man who obviously cannot stand up for himself. Unlike you, I have honor.
Gangster 1: Looks like I'm going to have to teach you the hard way.
Ranma: We'll see about that. [He charges in with a flying kick only to have #1
grab his foot and toss him into another wall, leaving it cracked.
Ranma slides down the wall, limp.
Gangster 1: [Walking up to Ranma's prone form] Done so soon? [Gets ready to
kick Ranma] Just when I was having some FUN!
#1 Kicks Ranma at the word "fun" only to find that he is not there. He
loses balance and falls down on his behind.
Ranma: [From behind] Wrong again!
Ranma launches a side kick at the #1 only to find himself bouncing off.
Ranma: What?
Gangster 1: Looks like you bit off more than you could chew.
He jumps in to do a punch at Ranma who _just_ isn't there. As Ranma
turns to do a round house kick, #1 jumps back, only to be sent sprawling back
by a returning hook kick.
Gangster 1: [Charges Ranma] You'll pay for this!
Ranma jumps up and lands on #1's back. He jumps again, the resulting
momentum change causing the gangster to fall and crash into yet another wall.
Gangster 1: Grrr! [He grabs a wooden board nearby]
#1 charges Ranma with the board. Ranma jumps and evades the board, but
his isn't prepared for the sudden change in direction when the board comes
swinging back.
Ranma: Urk [He grabs onto the board]
Gangster 1: You're going go have a nice trip. [He starts to spin the board
faster and faster]
Ranma: Kachu tenshin amaguriken!
#1 lets go of the board and Ranma flies into the wall, leaving a huge
depression.
Man 1: [Gasping in disbelief] He ... he lost!
Ranma begins to stir a bit.
Man 2: No wait, he's still moving!
Ranma gets up and brushes himself off.
Man 3: It's a tie.
Woman 1: No he won! Look!
She points to gangster 1 who is unconscious but still is standing a la
Mikado. The wind blows and a leaf falls off the tree to land on the gangster's
head. Needless to say, he falls down into a bunch of trash containers.
Ranma: [Wiping himself off] Humph. I see you found your place in society.
The crowd that gathers around applauds and cheers for Ranma. The crowd
also includes girls who are going wild. One girl helps the young man up but
soon turns to look at where the newcomer is going.
Ranma: [Notices that some girls have taken interest in him] I er ... [forehead
sweats] have some business to attend to so I must be going now.
Ranma runs out at high velocity, passing by cyclists in a race
Lead cyclist: That's not possible!
Second cyclist: I think I'll take up running about now!
Ranma slows down when he noticed that he evaded all of them.
Boy: [Holding up a book that's torn in half] Excuse me, did you do this to my
book, sir?
Ranma: No ...
Boy: Sorry to bother you then ...
Ranma turns around to walk away when...
Boy: Sorry to bother you again so soon, but do you know where we are?
Ranma thinks for a moment, looks around and thinks some more.
Ranma: Eh ... eh ... no.
Boy: I see. By the way, I don't think we've be properly introduced. My name
is Tanachi Eriko
Ranma: Mine is Ranma Saotome. [Looking away, irritated] This must all be that
Happousai's fault!
Tanachi: Happousai? You mean that pervert who's running around stealing
lingerie.
Ranma: That's him alright.
Tanachi: I saw you fight that thug back there ... very impressive!
Ranma: Che ... it was nothing.
Tanachi: Nothing! I still can't get over how you knocked that guy out when he
was spinning you around. It must have taken quite a few punches to knock him
out.
Ranma: 458.
Tanachi: Huh?
Ranma: 458 punches.
Tanachi: [Still puzzled] 458 punches?
Ranma: That's what I said
Tanachi: How'd you do that ...
Ranma: I did the kachu tenshin amaguriken.
Tanachi: The kachu tenshin amaguriken? What do roasted chestnuts have to do
with this?
Ranma: [Sigh] It's a long story ...
Tanachi: Given where we are, I think we have time. I'll treat you to dinner.
Ranma: You're on!
{At a okonomiyaki yatai}
Ranma is eating quite a bit which causes Tanachi to sweat a little himself.
Only with some difficulty does he eat a bit.
Ranma: Is something wrong?
Tanachi: No ... it's nothing ...
He sees something, and visibly relaxes. He eats the okonomiyaki and
orders some more for himself and Ranma. Tanachi pays and they leave.
Ranma: Ah! I'm quite full now. Thanks for the meal, though it must have set
you back quite a bit.
Tanachi: No, not at all.
Ranma: Are you rich or something? I sure ate a lot.
Tanachi: No, not at all.
Ranma: Then how could you afford it?
Tanachi: It's because it only cost 300 yen.
Ranma: 300 yen? How?
Tanachi: I'm not sure yet ... you said it was Happousai's fault, how?
Ranma: He must have used the Nanban mirror?
Tanachi: Nanban mirror? What's that?
Ranma: When the holder drops a tear on it, it takes him to any place or time he
is thinking of.
Tanachi: [Under his breath] So that explains the onion [To Ranma] I'm almost
sure where we are. Hold on a sec.
He goes over to grab a newspaper that someone just threw away.
Tanachi: [Under his breath] October 5, 1965? Ranma, did you say that the
Nanban mirror can take anyone to any place ... or any _time_?
Ranma: Yes.
Tanachi: [Handing Ranma the paper] Looks like he brought us back about
twenty-five years.
Ranma: We need to find Happousai in order to get back to our own time ... but
he could be anywhere now. [Runs around with Tanachi in tow]
Tanachi: The sooner we get back, the better. If we interfere with the events
in the past, we could create even bigger trouble than Happousai ever would.
<pant>
Ranma: What do you mean?
Tanachi: [Desperately trying to catch his breath] I <pant> mean <pant> that
<pant> if <pant> we <pant> inter <pant> -fere <pant> with <pant> past <pant>
events <pant> we <pant> could <pant>
Ranma: Tell me later! Right now we gotta find Happousai before he causes too
much trouble.
Tanachi: [Panting heavily] Can't <pant> we <pant> take <pant> a <pant> break?
<pant, pant>
Ranma: No!
Ranma (with Tanachi in tow) approaches escape velocity and becomes
airborne momentarily. They leap on top of housetops trying to get a better view.
Tanachi is so exhausted and disoriented by the lack of air that he merely faints
- with Ranma still dragging him about.
Ranma: [Thinking] Maybe I shouldn't have left Ryouga go off by himself.
{Cut to a different town}
Ryouga: Where is that Happousai? Maybe I should go back to the school ...
maybe the guys will be there. [Notices a man passing by] Excuse me, sir. Do
you know where Furinkan High School is?
Man 1b: No ... do you have a map, sir?
Ryouga: Um ... [Searches through his backpack] Here.
Man 1b: Hmm ... excuse me, but do you have a map of Niigata, this is a map of
Tokyo.
Ryouga: [Surprised] Niigata? [Takes out another map] Here.
Man 1b: [Ponders over the map for a while] Furinkan high school? It's not on
this map.
Ryouga: That's because it's in Tokyo.
Man 1b: [Really surprised] Tokyo? [Regains his composure] Tokyo is about
a hundred kilometers that way [Points in southerly direction]
Ryouga: Thank very much sir. [Takes off to the east]
Man 1b: [Grabs Ryouga and turns him to the south] That way, sir.
Ryouga: [Turns around and bows] Thank you very much [Heads west]
Man 1b: [Sigh] He must have a horrible sense of direction.
{Back to Tokyo of the past}
The two manage to get back to the location where Ranma fought.
Ranma: You know, this place seems familiar
Girl's voice: Oi! Here! Mister could you please come over here!
Ranma: She sounds sort of familiar too.
They both walk to the source of the voice, not knowing what else to do
since the sun is beginning to set.
Girl: [Peeping out from a two story house] I saw you beat up that thug. [Smiles]
I think that was just wonderful!
Ranma: [Sheepishly] Well, er...
Girl: Let me introduce myself, I Nodoka Kenichi
Ranma: [To Tanachi] She reminds me of someone.
Tanachi: H-Hello!
Girl: [Beginning to be ecstatic] Won't you come in and stay for a while, it's
getting dark.
Tanachi: [Visibly worried] Ranma ...
Ranma: [Beginning to sweat a little as well] Er ...
Girl: It's getting cold outside, right? With all that fighting, you must be getting
tired. I'll get you some food.
Ranma: [Thoughts of food enter his mind again] Food, eh?
Tanachi: [Also very sweaty] We have to find a place to stay for the night!
Girl: Don't worry, you could stay at mine.
Ranma: [His expression changes as her words settle in] Huh?
Tanachi: [Trembling a little] Er, thanks for the offer but we really have to get
going.
Ranma: er...
Tanachi grabs Ranma's hand and runs back from where they came from.
Motorcycle man: [Seeing the two guys pass him by] Not possible! I'm going to
take this thing back for a refund!
Tanachi stops a comfortable distance away, gasping.
Ranma: [Also catching his breath] Where'd you learn to run like that?
Tanachi: [Panting heavily] Er <pant> ... <pant> er ... <pant>
A cute girl passes them by.
<Thud!>
Ranma: Tanachi? [Turns around to see him on the floor] He fainted! Hey!
[Slaps him a bit] Wake up!
Tanachi: What was that?
Ranma: You fainted.
Tanachi: Oh that again?
Ranma: Come on, we better find some shelter.
The two finally manages to find some lodging. They both enter the room,
pull out the futon and collapse on it. Night descends and all is well.
{Some unknown forest}
Ryouga: Where is that Happousai! [Looks around] Where is Tokyo?
{In a room, somewhere}
Happousai: [Examining his day's booty] He he he! All mine, and no one to stop
me!
{Pan camera out to show that Happousai is next door to where the two are
sleeping}
{Next Morning}
Townsmen 1: Are you sure you won't be staying here in Kyoto with us?
Ryouga: [Busy devouring some food] I'm sure, I have some important business
to attend to.
Townsmen 2: Well, I guess you better be off. You're welcome here anytime.
Ryouga: Thanks. [He leave in a easterly direction]
Townsmen 3: I think we'll be seeing him again.
Townspeople 1-50: [Nodding] Mm-hm.
{Back at the lodging}
The sun blares into one of Tanachi's eyes and he turns his body closer to
Ranma. Ranma, unconsciously or not, get irritated and pushes Tanachi back.
The force was a little greater than expected with the result being that he flies
out of the futon and slides up against the wall.
Tanachi: [Waking up, finding himself nowhere near the futon] Brr! Cold!
[Rubs his eyes and blinks for a bit] Where am I? [He turns to see another
person on the futon] Oh now I remember! Hey! Ranma! Wake up! We don't
have a minute to lose!
Ranma: [Still sleeping] Hmm?
Tanachi: We have to get going back home before too much damage is done!
Ranma: [Starts to sit up] What was that about time?
Tanachi: WE DON'T HAVE ANY!
Ranma: [Bolts awake] Yeowch! I'm not deaf!
Tanachi: Hurry up, we have to get going before we or Happousai does any more
damage to this time-line.
Ranma: Can't we get some food before we go?
Tanachi: [Dragging Ranma along] Did you listen to a single word I was saying?
The whole world could be in serious trouble and all you can think about is
_breakfast_?
Ranma: [Gets dressed] Che. You're grouchy in the morning.
Tanachi: Come on!
{Lodging next door}
Happousai: [Sampling his goods] He he he! What a bright new day to get even
more lovely treasures! The past fashions may be simpler, but they still are
beautiful.
{Outside the inn}
He gathers his "goods" and leaves. Unknown to him or the two, they leave
the establishment within 10 meters of each other. The two depart to the right
while Happousai exits to the left.
Ranma: This is all Happousai's fault! [Passing by a yatai] [To Tanachi] Can't
we just grab a quick bite. [Ranma stops and buys some food]
Tanachi: [Grabs Ranma just as he was about to eat a bite] No!
Ranma's food flies up into the air ... it is just about to land into Ranma's
mouth (his eyes were glued on it) when a big bird swoops down and grabs it.
Ranma: Che!
Tanachi is still dragging Ranma along, looking for Happousai. Some clouds
are beginning to gather, causing an otherwise bright day to become hazy. The
two roam about for hours, trying in vain to locate Happousai by his effects on
the local populace.
Tanachi: I'm hot ... and sticky. I need a shower.
As if on cue, the clouds begin to pour.
Ranma: Just great!
Tanachi: Let's go to some restaurant - we can get some food and shelter at the
same time.
Ranma: Good! [Pondering the circumstances] ... wait a sec!
Tanachi: [Running toward the nearest restaurant] No way!
Ranma is trying to say something but Tanachi grabs him and brings him
along in high speed tow. They manage to scramble to a noodle restaurant.
Tanachi: [Dripping] Well, looks like we came out before we became too drenched.
[Toweling himself off with a few napkins] Eh Ranma? [Turns to look at the person
he brought along in tow :-) ] Urk! [He faints]
Ranma-chan sighs briefly before dragging him into the chair.
Ranma-chan: I'd like a ramen please.
Waitress: [Smiling] And what about your friend here?
Ranma-chan: Uhh ... he's out for the moment ... could you come back in a bit?
Waitress: Sure thing [Leaves giggling]
Ranma-chan: <Sigh> [Under her breath] This is not going to be easy for both
of us. [to Tanachi] Oi! Hey! Get a hold of yourself!
Tanachi: Unghh ... [Comes to, but only to look at Ranma and faint right away]
Ranma-chan: He's already wet so ... [Ranma-chan grabs a nearby glass of ice
water and splashes it on Tanachi's face.] Hey wake up!
Tanachi: Yeow! That's cold! Who did that! [Takes a look at the perpetrator]
Y-you! [He faints again]
Ranma-chan: You know, this is getting old. [Takes a look around and spies a
bottle of really hot pepper sauce] Oh well ... [Proceeds to feed Tanachi a
spoonful of the stuff]
A few seconds pass.
Ranma-chan: [Look at the bottle and it's warning signs] I thought that stuff
was hot.
Tanachi: [His eyes wide open] AHHHHH! HOT! HOT! [Proceeds to guzzle down
his glass of ice water]
Ranma-chan: Now that you are awake, stay that way unless you want another
dose of the hot stuff.
Tanachi: [Realizes that he finished his glass of water] HOT! HOT!
Ranma-chan: [Puts her hand to cover his mouth] Will you be quiet and listen?
Tanachi sweats and turns very red but can say nothing.
Ranma-chan: Good. Now listen carefully. This is not going to be easy for me
to explain to you but suffice it to say for now that Ranma has a slight problem.
Tanachi: [His four-alarm fire has subsided into a minor conflagration] Huh?
Ranma-chan: I'm Ranma
Tanachi: [Eyes wide open] HUH?
Ranma-chan: Shh! Not so loud! I don't want the whole world to know!
Ranma stops talking to find that all is silent. He turn around to see that
_everyone_ is looking at them. The two both turn various shades of red.
Ranma-chan: Let me explain this in a more private location ... after dinner.
Tanachi: [Gulp] ...
{Back at the motel room, a little while later}
Tanachi: So you're telling me that you have some kind of weird curse so that
whenever you get doused with cold water, you turn into a girl and when you get
doused with hot water, you return to a boy?
Ranma-chan: Yes.
Tanachi: That is one of the most ridiculous stories I'd ever heard.
Ranma-chan: I guess there is only one way to prove it.
Tanachi: Hot water?
Ranma-chan: Yep. [Walks into the bathroom and pours the hot water over herself]
See?
Tanachi: Urk! [Slump]
Ranma: [Slapping Tanachi a bit] Hey wake up! You did see that? Right?
Tanachi: [Nods looking extremely surprised] Uh-huh ... I - I believe you now.
Ranma: It took a lot of work trying to convince you; ironic considering I try to
keep my other side a secret.
Tanachi: It must be horrible.
Ranma: Yeah. Don't get me wrong, I would really like to become 100% guy again,
but being a girl has its advantages [Recalls getting free food] ... [Notices that
Tanachi's eye's are getting big again] ... sometimes. [His eyes shrink back a
little]
Tanachi: So that's why you want the mirror - you want to get the cure, right?
Ranma: Yes, so lets get moving.
Tanachi: Yeah, after *I* get some lunch. Hot pepper and water don't make a
good lunch.
Ranma: I thought that you said that we don't have time?
Tanachi: We'll make time.
{Later that day. In the distance, there is a dust storm arising}
Girl 1: Come back here you dirty thief!
Girl 2: Give me back my stuff.
Happousai: Never!
Ranma: That's Happousai! Let's go!
Ranma grabs Tanachi and with a bit a aerial footwork, they jump to the
source of the shouting. They find him and stand right in front, trying to grab
him.
Ranma: Get ready to grab him!
Tanachi: [Gulp] Are you sure?
Ranma: Yes!
Happousai comes into view with a large crowd of girls chasing him.
Tanachi faints at a crucial moment, distracting Ranma. Happousai takes advantage
of this to leap over them. Unfortunately, Tanachi snaps out ... just in time to
get run over by the crowd of girls. Ranma leaps out of way only to have a
familiar old woman splash him with water. Distressed, Ranma-chan walks over to
Tanachi and tries to revive him.
Ranma: [Trying to revive Tanachi] Oi! Hey! Snap out of it! This is no time
to be out!
Tanachi: [Weakly] Did anyone catch the license plate of that mob? [Looking at
Ranma] Uh ... uh ... Since when did you get wet again?
Ranma-chan: Never mind that! We have to get the mirror back from Happousai!
Ranma-chan grabs Tanachi's hand and runs off with him to his
consternation.
{At Pinnacle High School}
The young man from before exits the school gates. He reaches the block
ends and walks around only to see the gangsters from before standing in front
of him.
Young man: Oh-oh.
{Near the school gym}
Happousai: This is so great! I haven't had as much fun in years.
Girls: Give our stuff back you jerk!
Happousai: How many times do I have to say no!
Ranma-chan: [Jumping in front of Happousai with Tanachi in tow] How many
time do *I* have to teach you, you dirty old man!
Happousai: R-Ranma! You're here!
Ranma-chan: I'm here because of you! Now give me the Nanban mirror!
Happousai: Never!
He proceeds to leap to the left, leaving the two to confront a large mob.
Ranma jumps away, still with Tanachi in tow. Ranma is just about to pounce on
Happousai when he disappears. (Happousai sighted a delivery truck full of
women's wear and hitched a ride). Ranma then lands on a sloping tile roof.
Ranma-chan: Che! He got away again!
He lets go of Tanachi to grab a short rest. Unfortunately, Tanachi had
decided to take a premature break so when Ranma let him go, he fell down the
tile roof unto the street below.
Ranma-chan: Tanachi!
Ranma jumps down just in time to prevent Tanachi from having a hard
landing, unfortunately, he's still out.
Ranma-chan: [Irritated] Not this again.
Young man's voice: Help! Don't hurt me!
Ranma-chan: [To Tanachi] Don't go anywhere. [She leaves him leaning against
the wall]
Ranma runs off to see who's in trouble. He arrives nearby the school and
sees the same young man that he's saved before being confronted by the same
gangsters. Just as gangster #2 is about to hit the young man's face, it is
intercepted.
Ranma-chan: [Crushing #2's hand] Haven't you guys learned your lesson yet?
Gangster #1: What's a pretty little girl like you doing here? Hmm? [Laughs like
the stereotypical bad guy] This isn't your fight, so get out of the way and I'll
show you a good time later.
Ranma-chan: [In a fighting stance] You're still too cowardly to fight by
yourself, eh?
Gangsters 2-6 prepare to rush her but the #1 hold up his hands to hold
them back.
Gangster 1: You want a one-on-one fight? Why should I fight a little girl like
you?
Ranma-chan: Because I refuse to let you pick on people. Besides, are you afraid
that a little girl like me will beat you. Hmm?
Gangster 1: I see. So what are the stakes?
Ranma-chan: You and your bums will never set foot in this town again.
Gangsters 2-6 try to rush again but #1 hold them back.
Gangster 1: And what if you lose?
Ranma-chan: I-I'll never show my face in this town again.
Gangster 1: Oh no no no. That's not the way I want it. I'll agree to your
terms if you will go out with me if you lose.
Ranma-chan: [Getting very peeved] Fine!
Gangster 1: Then let's fight!
He charges her but she jumps out of the way. She tries to land on his
back to push him out of balance, but he's not there. Instead. He grabs her leg
as it is about to come down and throws her to the street. She comes back up
and charges him, trying to do a flying kick. Unfortunately, he jumps out of the
way and trips her as she is about to land. She scrambles up trying to punch
him, but he gives her the run around and kicks her feet away.
Gangster 1: [Standing] Why don't give up and go out with me!
Ranma-chan: [Tries to do a side kick] Never!
She misses and manages to make a hole in the wall behind him, instead.
Ranma-chan: Why don't you fight!
Gangster 1: I don't want to damage my prize.
Ranma-chan gets extremely ticked-off with that remark and charges with
fists on rapid-punch mode. #1 holds off her punches by putting his hand on
her face.
Gangster 1: [Unimpressed] Feh ... what an amateur.
To his surprise, however, Ranma-chan grabs the arm against her head and
uses it to throw #1 into a pile of garbage.
Ranma-chan: There's no way I'm going out with scum like you.
Gangster 1 gets up. Having lost the "fun" in the fight, he loses his
composure and becomes really angry.
Ranma-chan: Oh-oh.
#1 charges, with his fist pulled back. Ranma-chan side steps him and
manages to land a few dozen punches to his side. #1 appears unfazed however,
and continues to charge her. She tries to block his punch but his mass proves
too much as Ranma-chan is sent smashing into the wall. She gets up in time to
avoid being plowed through.
Man 1: You know, this fight seems familiar.
Man 2: I know what you mean ... we haven't seen a fight like this ...
Man 3: ... Since yesterday.
Ranma lands a few more punches, but they still don't seem to have much
effect. She lures him near a wall and she uses a weaker version of Ryouga's
bakusaitenketsu ("Exploding Point Technique") to blast the wall, causing a dust
screen. As the gangster lunges at the air, he breathes the dust and coughs.
Ranma-chan takes advantage of this to strike a flying blow to his leg causing
him to fall, the mass causing the ground to shudder a little.
Man 4: She's hot!
Man 2: I'd sure like to go out with her.
Man 1: I wonder ...
Man 3: She's really good.
Gangster tries to get up only to meet Ranma-chan's foot right in the face.
However, it seems to have little effect because the really angry gangster just
grabs her foot and sends her flying into the opposite wall, causing a deep
depression.
Gangster 1: [Walking up to Ranma-chan] No little b(beep!) does that to me
[kicks her in the side, sending her a few meters down] and gets away with it!
Man 2: She's in trouble!
Man 3: She may have bit off a little more than she can handle.
Man 4: [Nods his head] Mm-hm.
Young man: [Runs up the gangster and tries to kick him so that he won't punch
the girl] Leave her alone! It's me you want!
Gangster 1: [Tosses him to the side where he hits a pole and is knocked out]
I'll deal with you later. [turn to Ranma-chan who isn't there] As for you ...
huh?
Ranma-chan: [Diving in] Kyaaaa!
Gangster 1 jumps out leaving Ranma-chan to create a crater in the street.
For a moment, there's no noise so he thinks she's knocked herself out. He peers
into the dust cloud when she lunges up again and punches him, causing a tear
in his jacket.
Gangster 1: [He grabs her hand] Why you little brat! [Ranma-chan using this
opportunity to slide under his feet, causing his hand and the rest of his body
to follow. *2] Huh?
Ranma-chan: [Sitting on his back] Had enough?
Gangster 1: Never!
He Pull her back through his feet and releases her, causing her to go
right through the wall. He then walks through the hole and grabs Ranma by the
head and throws her back out.
Gangster 1: [Walking out] This isn't over yet!
He walks out to see Ranma-chan standing up. He charges her and finds
that she is not there to receive his punch. Instead he find himself the recipient
of 283 punches (Ranma's too tired to pull 500+) He staggers momentarily before
moving in. He stands straight up and glares and Ranma walks around him.
Ranma-chan: Had enough?
Gangster 1: I've had it!
At this signal the other gang members charge from behind him. They
surround Ranma and rush in when suddenly, a huge tornado blows them into the
sky. After a few seconds, they fall back down like rocks and remain listless on
the ground.
Ranma-chan: [Tossing her ponytail over her shoulder] Scum.
At this moment the bystanders go wild, especially the males.
Ranma-chan: [Walking over to the young man] Are you alright?
Young man: [Waking up] I have a headache but I think I'm alright. Thank you
for saving me!
Ranma-chan: Thanks for the distraction. [smiles]
Tanachi: [Running in] Hey! Ranma! Are you alright?
Ranma-chan: Yeah, I'm a bit bruised, but I'll be alright.
Tanachi: [To the young man] How about you?
Young man: [Standing up] Yeah, I'll be okay. [To Ranma] So you name is
Ranma?
Ranma-chan: I'm his cousin [Ranma pulls Tanachi in closer, making him very
uncomfortable]
Young man: I'm Genma Saotome.
Ranma-chan freezes on hearing that name.
Tanachi: [Nervously, since Ranma-chan is still holding unto him] Um ... we have
some important business to attend to, huh Ranma?
Ranma-chan: [Snapping out] Yeah, real important.
Genma: Will I ever see you again?
Ranma-chan: Uh ...
Tanachi: We really have to go now! [Grabs Ranma-chan] <Gulp!> Bye!
Ranma-chan: [Being carried off] Um ... take care of yourself!
Genma: Ranma, eh?
{At a quiet park}
Ranma-chan: Why here?
Tanachi: Because I got to tell you something very important! Our lives might
be at risk!
Ranma-chan: Why didn't you tell me earlier!
Tanachi: Because you were dragging me all over town! Listen! You got to stop
interfering with the past. Whatever you do here might seriously jeopardize the
future.
Ranma-chan: Huh?
Tanachi: If we change the past, the future will be changed maybe for the
worse.
Ranma-chan: Like the way I beat up those gangsters?
Tanachi: Like that.
Ranma-chan: So you want me to let those gangsters beat Genma up?
Tanachi: Er ... no but ...
Ranma-chan: I had to teach those guys a lesson for all that they did.
Tanachi: But ... <sigh> [Head tilts downward] Please don't interfere in the
natural events of the past from now on. [Takes out his wallet and glances at the
pictures.]
Ranma-chan: You say that the our lives might be at stake and you're looking
at pictures!?!
Tanachi: [Busy examining the photos] I got to see how much damage we have
done to our time line. [Finishes looking through the pictures] Phew! I haven't
endangered my past. Let me see your pictures.
Ranma-chan: Hey! Now wait a minute!
Tanachi: We don't have that kind of time!
Ranma-chan: [Handing over the wallet] How this will help?
Tanachi: [Looking through] Well, this is not the best test for time-damage, but
it will show how much damage we've done to our own existence. If we damage
the our past enough so that we don't get born ... well ... you don't want to know
the consequences.
Ranma-chan: Why? How bad can it be?
Tanachi: [Still looking intently] Well, at best, you'll never be able to go back.
Ranma-chan: [Incredulously] That's the best case?
Tanachi: Compared to the worst case. Scientists are still debating over time-
paradoxes and alternate universes. [Looks at Ranma who's totally lost] Our
disruption of our birth might cause a time paradox that could rip apart the very
fabric of time! [Ranma's still very lost] That means that this entire universe
might collapse on it's own existence! [Ranma barely bats an eye] [Tries to calm
himself down and speaks staccato] The worst that can happen is that this entire
world may be destroyed !!!
Ranma-chan: [Finally getting it] I ... see.
Tanachi: Do you have some group shots, with a lot of people you know or are
related to?
Ranma-chan: Yes [get her wallet back] there [looking through] Right here?
Huh?
Tanachi: [Getting a little sweaty] What's wrong?
Ranma-chan: [Showing a picture] There's a picture of me, and the Tendo family,
but where's dad?
Tanachi: [Grabbing the photo back] Are you sure he's supposed to be in this
picture?!
Ranma-chan: I'm sure ... it's like he's been erased!
Tanachi: Erased from existence! If things proceed as they are, everybody will
disappear starting with the oldest to the youngest [to himself] or is it the other
way around?
Ranma-chan: Is he gone ... for good?
Tanachi: [Feeling clammy] No. He'll be back if we repair the damage, but we
haven't a moment to lose! Tell me everything you did, everyone you met up till
now!
Ranma-chan: Well, we've been chasing Happousai all over town, then I got into
two fights with those gangsters and saved my dad twice.
Tanachi: Your dad!?
Ranma-chan: Its seems that the young man was Genma Saotome, my father.
Tanachi: That would mean ... oh no! [A la Doc Brown] Just as I feared! You
must have unknowingly distrupted your dad from meeting your mom!
Ranma-chan: ...
Tanachi: If we don't repair the damage soon, the possibility might exist that
we'll never get back home ... or worse still, there will be no home to go back to!
Ranma-chan: ...
Tanachi: Don't just stand there! We have to find your dad and have him meet
you mother!
The two immediately go back to the place where Ranma-chan fought. It
isn't to hard to recognize the area since it has quite a few holes in the walls
and a big crater in the ground.
Man 1: Look! It's the girl again!
Man 2: Can I have an autograph?
Man 3: Me too!
Man 4: Can I have a date?
Men 5-20: Us too!
Tanachi: [Quite nervous] Oh boy!
Ranma-chan: Um ... I'm too busy right now. Do any of you know where the guy
named Saotome-san went?
Man 1: What do you want with that wimp? Wouldn't you rather go out with me?
Ranma-chan: [Getting irritated] I am not going out with anyone! I have to talk
with him about something important!
Man 2: [Getting a little saddened] That means you're ...
Man 3: [Getting pretty sad] ... taken already?
Ranma-chan: [Getting really peeved] It's not that either!
Man 4: Then ...
Ranma-chan: [Grabbing the collar of Man 4] Look, just tell me where he is.
Man 4: I don't know.
Ranma-chan: [Letting him down] [to the crowd] Does anyone know where he
is?
Men 1-3, 5-20: [In unison] He went home!
Tanachi is about to faint again but Ranma catches him before he topples
over.
Ranma-chan: And where is that?
Men 1-3, 5-20: [In unison] It's just two blocks down the street, on the furthest
left hand corner.
Ranma-chan: Thanks!
Men 1-3, 5-20: [In unison] You're welcome!
Ranma-chan: [To Tanachi] Get a hold of yourself ... I'm not going to forgive
you if you faint at a critical moment. [Gets no reaction] Maybe another hot
sauce treatment will ...
Immediately, as if by reflex, Tanachi wakes up.
Tanachi: I'm up! I'm up!
Ranma: !
At the end of a short walk (with a lot of people looking at them, making
Tanachi very uncomfortable) they arrived at a small, unimpressive house.
Ranma-chan: [Knocking at the door] Hello?
Genma: [Opening the door] Oh hello! Very nice to meet you.
Ranma-chan: Nice to meet you too.
Genma: Where are my manners? Please come on in. You must be exhausted
after all you did for me.
Tanachi: Well...
Ranma-chan: I guess I am a bit tired ...
The two enter and sit on the floor mat.
Genma: You're welcome to freshen up while I get some refreshments.
Ranma-chan heads over to the bathroom while Tanachi follows. Ranma
enters and so does Tanachi.
Ranma-chan: Do you mind?
Tanachi: Oh sorry! Heh heh!
He waits outside until Ranma-chan is done. Upon exiting the bathroom, he
finds Ranma-chan and Genma on the floor mats with some food on a table before
them. Ranma-chan is busy stuffing her face.
Genma: Please come here and eat! I was just commenting your cousin on her
martial-arts techniques [To Ranma-chan] You know, that last move you pulled
was very impressive.
Ranma-chan: [Speaking with her mouth full] Well ...
Tanachi only manages to put a piece of food in his mouth. He quietly sits,
not even chewing the food, watching the exchange.
Genma: So how did you become so good?
Ranma-chan: [Still eating] Well, it was because my father trained me well.
Genma: Your father? Isn't it kind of unusual for a girl to engage in such
activities? But then again, you're no ordinary girl.
Ranma-chan: [Under her breath] You don't know the half of it [To Genma] Do
you have a girlfriend?
Genma: [Pops out of his bubble, taken aback by the question] My ... what?
Ranma-chan: [Eating] Girlfriend ... I was wondering if the thugs were after her
or something.
Genma: [Under his breath] Well, not anymore [To Ranma-chan] Er ... no.
Ranma-chan: [Eating even more] I see.
Tanachi: [Very softly] Er ... Ranma?
Genma: I was wondering if I can thank you more properly?
Ranma-chan: [Stops eating ... only for a moment] Eh?
Tanachi: [Whispering] Ranma ...
Genma: I was wondering if I can take you out to dinner sometime soon.
Ranma-chan: [Stops with some food midway between the plate and the mouth]
Dinner?
Tanachi: [Swallows the bit of food in his mouth] [Audibly] Ranma! [To Genma]
Sorry Genma-san! Look at the time! I'm afraid we're late for a very important
appointment, aren't we Ranma-chan?
Ranma-chan: [Still with the food midway] Appointment?
Tanachi: You know, the one where time is very important!
Ranma-chan: Huh?
Tanachi: [Getting a bit flustered] The one that could affect our future ...
Ranma-chan: Oh that one! [To Genma] Thank you but I'm afraid we have to go.
[Quickly stuffs another appetizer into her mouth before grabbing the rest]
Genma: What about the dinner?
Tanachi: [Dragging / pushing Ranma-chan out] She'll get back to you later!
The two leave, closing the door behind them.
Genma: Such beauty and vitality [Sigh]
{Outside, about a block away in an alley}
Tanachi: Are you crazy? What were you doing?
Ranma-chan: Trying to get my dad to meet my mom.
Tanachi: I didn't mean that way!
Ranma-chan: [Bit irritated] You didn't tell me what to do!
Tanachi: That's because you didn't give me a chance to! Now listen up. We're
going to have to be more careful. We can't be that blunt!
Ranma-chan: Che! You mean all that was for nothing?
Tanachi: [Stops himself from fainting] [To himself] Calm down now, calm down
now. [To Ranma-chan] We have to avoid as much contact with you parents.
Any blunder we make can make the problem worse. Let me see you picture
again!
Ranma-chan: [Handing the wallet over] ...
Tanachi: Oh no! Just as I feared! We should have never gone to his house!
It seems that the damage has worsened. Ranma, from what I could tell, I think
your dad has fallen in love with you.
Ranma-chan: [Almost chokes] WHAT!?!
Men passing by: [To Tanachi] Hey! Don't over do it now. [They leave the field
of view] HA ha ha ha!
Tanachi: [Trying to calm himself down] Calm down now ... we got to think
before we act ... and soon, before you vanish out of existence.
{Cut to Nagoya (It's a city to the west of Osaka but east of Tokyo)}
Ryouga: Now where is that Happousai?
{Cut to another part of Tokyo}
Happousai: I better be careful about Ranma. [Looks at his cache] Ohh look at
these beauties! [Hugs them]
{Cut to Ranma-chan and Tanachi, still at the park}
Tanachi: Well, the first thing we have to do is to find your mother.
Ranma: My m-mother? [He thinks about the stupid promise that his dad made]
Tanachi: Why, is something wrong?
Ranma: [Appears relieved] Uh ... nothing!
Tanachi: Once we find your mother, we have to convince the two to get together
and remain together ... if we fail.
Ranma: You don't have to remind me about that. But how will we go about it?
Tanachi: I don't know.
Ranma: What?!?
Tanachi: I've never done anything like this before ... I never even sat next to
a girl, for crying out loud without fainting.
Ranma: Well you are now.
Tanachi: Well ... you'd poison me if I fainted. Anyway, this whole thing seems
so much like martial-arts matchmaking...
Ranma: We can't lose!
Tanachi: Eh?
Ranma: [Eyes glowing] If it has the word martial-arts in it, we can't lose!
Tanachi: EH?!?
Ranma: [Back to normal] I'm serious. I've never lost anything with the word
"martial" in it.
Tanachi: Wow! [Calms down] Well, we'll need it. Hmm ... it would seem that the
best time to find your mother would be at school. We'll go tomorrow ... in the
meanwhile, we should eat and get some rest, because I have a feeling we will
need it.
{Cut to afternoon the next day, a school yard}
The two are waiting outside the school gates.
Tanachi: [A little sweaty] Are you sure she's here?
Ranma-kun: Of course I'm sure!
Tanachi: [Under his breath] Hope she comes out soon.
Little girl: [Running up to her] How do you like my ribbon Nodoka-san?
Nodoka: [Smiles] It is very fitting!
Ranma: Psst! Tanachi! There she comes!
Tanachi: [Looking around] Where?
Ranma: [Points Tanachi's head in Nodoka's direction] There!
Tanachi: [Faces Ranma] She's your mom? I wonder how your dad met her ...
Ranma: [Faces Tanachi] I don't know either. [Turns around] There she goes.
[starts to follow her] Well come on!
The two trail Nodoka for a few blocks, occasionally hiding behind people,
posts, trees, signs, etc. to avoid getting noticed. She turns into a corner and
the two follow through, only to be met with a surprise.
Tanachi: [Near the corner] I hope she doesn't live too much farther away.
[Turning around the corner] I ... eeek! [faints]
Ranma: [Noticing that katana that made Tanachi faint] Er ...
Nodoka: Oh, it's you! [Sheathes the katana] I wish to thank you for saving me.
Ranma: [Picking Tanachi up] Saving you?
Nodoka: The day before yesterday, you stopped those gangsters from beating
my friend up. He was trying to protect me, but it's very fortunate for both of
us that you came along.
Ranma: [Blushing a bit] Well, er ...
Nodoka: I would like to thank you by taking you out to dinner. I would make
you dinner myself, but unfortunately I'm a little short on supplies.
Ranma: That's okay ... there's no need to thank me.
Tanachi: [Pulling Ranma aside for a moment] [To Nodoka] Please excuse us for
a moment.
The two walk around the corner to talk.
Tanachi: This would be the perfect opportunity for you dad to meet your mom.
Ranma: Eh? How?
Tanachi: You're going to take both of them out to dinner.
Ranma: Wait a minute ... I'm going to take them both out to dinner ... that would
mean ...
Tanachi: Yea, I know. But you'll have to do it otherwise ...
Ranma: ... I know too. But I thought you didn't want me to get to involved with
either of them.
Tanachi: Well, we're going to have to take some risk in order to bring them
together. My plan is that you're going to take them both out to dinner ...
Ranma: ... and?
Tanachi: Give me a moment to think! ... Ah! Somehow, you'll have to disappear
from the picture so that your parents can be together.
Ranma: [A bit unconvinced] And how am I supposed to get out of the picture
so that they can be together?
Tanachi: Well ... you can ... um ... we'll think of it later. Just go ahead and
accept her offer.
Ranma: Fine. But your plan better work.
Tanachi: We must succeed at all cost.
The two go back around the corner to an awaiting Nodoka.
Ranma: I would be honored to accept.
Nodoka: Good! We'll meet at the Hidden Treasures restaurant tonight, if that is
fine with you.
Ranma: Okay.
{At the park, a short while later}
Tanachi: [To himself] How are we supposed to bring your parents together?
Ranma: Well ... hey! I thought you knew how to bring them together!
Tanachi: Well ... as I said, I haven't worked out all the details.
Ranma: You have the brains, can't you think of something?
Tanachi: Well ... [Puts his hand behind his head and thinks for a moment] Do
you know what they like about each other?
Ranma: Nope.
Tanachi: Does you dad have some special quality that your mother fell for?
Ranma: Nope.
Tanachi: Your dad isn't rich or anything is he?
Ranma: Nope.
Tanachi: What about ...
Ranma: Nope.
Tanachi: I haven't said anything yet ... I give up ... is there anything your dad
did or has that is enough for them to start a relationship?
Ranma: I haven't the faintest notion. Like you said, I have no idea how my
idiot dad could ever marry a beautiful girl like her.
Tanachi: I don't want to seem intrusive but Ranma, isn't that a disrespectful
attitude toward your father?
Ranma: I should show him more respect, buy he earns absolutely none of it. He
was the one who kept stealing food from me. He even traded me for a bowl of
rice and a fish when I was little.
Tanachi: Wow! He can't be that bad, can he?
Ranma: He was inconsiderate enough to arrange my marriage with Akane and
later had the nerve to arrange another marriage with Ukyou.
Tanachi: Akane? Ukyou? Do you like either of them?
Ranma: Er ... that's not the point! The point is that he did that without telling
me!
Tanachi: I see ...
Ranma: There is absolutely nothing going for him. It was all his fault that I
have this er ... problem. I don't know why my mother married him, unless he
put her under a spell or something.
Tanachi: Still ... he doesn't seem like such a person now.
Ranma: I wish I knew how he became so ... so ... whatever he is.
Tanachi: But first thing's first. We have to get your parents together!
Ranma: [A bit excited] Right!
Tanachi: If I knew how...
Ranma: [Facefault] ...
{Meanwhile, in another part of Tokyo}
Ryouga: Now where is that Happousai! [Crushes the walnuts that he has in his
hand]
In the distance, there is a large, familiar dust cloud forming.
{In the dust cloud}
Girls: Give us back our stuff!
Happousai: No returns ... that's my policy, heh heh!
Happousai runs away from the girls towards Ryouga who's standing on the
bridge.
Ryouga: You dirty old man! How low can you get!
Happousai ducks underneath Ryouga's legs.
Happousai: That low.
Ryouga is looking between his feet at the fading figure, which does not
allow him to realize the mob that's after him. <Crash!> Ryouga manages to get
to his feet and stagger around, almost falling into the creek below.
<BLAM!> <Kersplash>
Late girl: Sorry about that!
P-chan: [Trying to remain afloat] Kwee! Kwee!
He is carried down by the current. His cries for help are answered by a
passing girl who picks him up and takes him with her.
{Outside Genma's house}
Ranma-chan: Okay, Tanachi! Everything's set! Both my parents are going to
show up in the same restaurant. I really hope you know what you're doing ...
Tanachi: [Under his breath] I hope so too.
{Later that evening, at the restaurant Hidden Treasures}
Ranma and Tanachi are sitting at a table.
Ranma: Okay. Let's go over the plan again. I'll be going out with both of them
... ugh! You know what that will mean!?!
Tanachi: Yeah ... but a man, or in your case, a half-man, half girl like you, has
to do what he or she has to do.
Ranma: [Bit irritated] Well, remember what you'll have to do.
Tanachi: Right. I'm going to be disguised as a waiter. I'm going to be
watching everything that's going on and keep you updated on the hot and cold
water situation and drop some hints, ideas, and plans as they come up.
Ranma: Plans?
Tanachi: We'll have to keep up to date on any unexpected changes or situations.
Ranma: [A bit unconvinced] Fine. [Looks out the door to see Nodoka coming
in] Well, there's one of them. Uh oh ... it's my mother ... it's time for you to
do your part.
Tanachi: Right! [He runs off in the direction of the employee's changing room.]
Ranma: [Standing up as Nodoka arrives] Good evening Nodoka-san! You're
early! [Helping her get seated] Sorry about my dress ... er I couldn't get home
because something came up.
Nodoka: [Her eyes glittering] Not at all.
Ranma: Shall we order then?
Nodoka: Fine with me.
Tanachi, disguised as a waiter comes up to them.
Ranma: [Trying to avoid Nodoka's watchful eyes] Er ... Can I have an order of
kung pao chicken, spicy and [looking back at Nodoka] ... what would you like,
dear?
Nodoka: [Snapping out of her trance] I would some pepper steak and stir-fried
vegetables. [Back to Ranma] Is that all you'll want?
Ranma: <Gulp!> Um ... yes.
Tanachi: Your orders will be here shortly. [Passing by Ranma] Genma's here.
[Leaves for the kitchen.
Ranma: Please excuse me for a moment. I need to freshen up.
Ranma heads towards the bathroom, into the men's room. Noticing that no
one is in, at the moment, he dunks his head into the sink and turns on the cold
water. She immediately towels of the excess water and hurries out. She look
around and sees Genma in the booth in the opposite side of the room. She
hesitates for a moment before walking over.
Genma: [Standing up] I'm very glad you came. Please, sit down.
Ranma-chan: [sitting down] N-nice to meet you too. Sorry about my hair ...
had a little accident in the bathroom.
Genma: Are you sure you'll be alright?
Ranma-chan: Un.
Genma: Why don't we order, then?
Tanachi comes on over, quickly intercepting another waiter before he came.
Tanachi: What can I do for you, sir?
Genma: What would you like, dear?
Ranma-chan: I would like some orange chicken, spicy and egg-drop soup.
Genma: Make that two soups and a order of Peking duck as well.
Tanachi: Very well sir. [passing by Ranma-chan] [Whispering] Don't forget
Nodoka.
Ranma-chan: If you'll excuse me Genma, I need to ...
Genma: By all means.
Ranma-chan heads on over to the girls bathroom. Seeing that there are
girls there, she hurries out ... into the men's side where fortunately no one is
there. She quickly dunks her head into the sink while it is pouring out hot
water. Ranma, back to normal, quickly wipes off the excess water before heading
out.
Ranma: [Walking over to Nodoka] Sorry I took so long.
Nodoka: [Eyes are glimmering] Not at all.
Ranma: I see our orders haven't arrived yet.
Nodoka: [Eyes still glimmering] Ranma?
Ranma: Yes?
Nodoka: How did you get so strong?
Ranma: I had a lot of vigorous training by my father.
Nodoka: He must be strong and handsome as well.
Ranma: [Trying to refrain from laughing] W-well he's uh ... very ... uh ... He's
outdone himself, to say the least.
Nodoka: Really? I must meet him sometime.
Ranma: [Under his breath] Sooner than you link. [To Nodoka] I was
wondering ... where did you learn to use the katana?
Nodoka: [Pulling the sword out from seemingly nowhere] I taught myself how
to use it.
Ranma: Really? Do you carry it with you everywhere?
Nodoka: Well I would rather not but circumstances require me to.
Ranma: I see.
Nodoka: I saw you handle the thugs ... I was very impress with your abilities
... You know, women like strong men.
Ranma: [Sweating a bit] Heh heh ... but you look like you don't need anyone
to protect you ... with that [Points to the still unsheathed katana].
Nodoka: [Sheathing the sword] Well I keep it around because some men know
no honor ... unlike you.
Ranma: Eh ... [Starts sweating more]
Tanachi: [Coming with the food] Here's the order of sweet and sour chicken
and udon.
Ranma: Er...
Nodoka: Excuse me waiter. I didn't order udon. I ordered pepper steak and
stir-fried vegetables.
Ranma: And I ordered kung pao chicken.
Tanachi: Many pardons, sir, madam. I'll fix the mistake right away ... please
excuse me.
Ranma: Er waiter?
Tanachi: Oh ... so sorry. Forgot the side dishes ... heh heh ... whoops
["accidentally" drops some of it on Ranma.] ... a thousand apologies, sir.
[Nervously] Oh dear ...
Ranma: [To Tanachi] That's okay. Please excuse me.
As Tanachi heads back into the kitchen, Ranma follows from behind.
Ranma: You almost forgot your role ...
Tanachi: [Nervously] Sorry ... but all is fine now, right?
Ranma heads on over to the men's room only to find it occupied. He then
looks into the women's room to find it unoccupied and enters.
Meanwhile a couple are eating not to far from the bathroom ... in view of
who goes in and out.
Woman: [Watching Ranma-kun enter] Wait a minute!
Moments later, a red-headed girl with damp hair exits the women's side.
Woman: Huh?
Man: Is something wrong?
Woman: N-nothing.
Ranma-chan: Sorry I took so long.
Genma: [Getting "glimmering" eyes as well] Not at all.
Tanachi quickly rushes in with the food.
Tanachi: Here's the egg-drop soups, sir, madam. The rest will arrive shortly.
[Exits]
Genma: I'm glad you came ... I guess I should be honored to have such a
beautiful woman like you here.
Ranma-chan: ...
Genma: If you don't mind my asking, under who did you learn such remarkable
martial-arts techniques?
Ranma-chan: [Busy eating soup] From my father.
Genma: Your father? Well ... isn't that unusual for a girl, no offense, to be
trained?
Ranma-chan: Well ... I had an unusual father. Although he was a big pain, he
...
Genma: [Interjecting] He meant well?
Ranma-chan: Um ... yeah.
Genma: I would like to meet you father sometime ...
Ranma-chan: [Thinking] You don't need to ... dad.
{Elsewhere in the restaurant}
Tanachi: [To another guest] Many pardons, sir. I will rectify this mistake
immediately [Leaves in a hurry] Oh dear ... Ranma ...
Ranma-chan: [Under her breath] Where is Tanachi?
Genma: Is something wrong?
Ranma-chan: Um ... yeah. I need to go to the bathroom. I think I left
something there.
Genma: I will always be waiting, my dear.
Ranma exits quickly and enters into the men's side.
Man: Eh? [Looks very surprised]
Woman: [Busy eating something to notice.] Is something wrong, dear?
Ranma exits
Man: What? [Turning around] Huh? [To the woman] Oh ... nothing. This sure
is an unique restaurant, isn't it dear?
Woman: [Nods affirmatively] Mm.
Ranma: Sorry to keep you waiting ... the stain proved a little hard to get out.
Nodoka: [Eyes unwaveringly glimmering] It's okay ... the food isn't here yet.
Ranma: [Whispers to himself] Tanachi?
Tanachi exits from the kitchen in a hurry.
Tanachi: [Looking back at the kitchen] Sorry about that!
Chef's voice: [From the kitchen] Brr ... Great! I knew we should have gotten
the larger water heater.
Tanachi: [Hurries over to Ranma's table.] Sorry about the delay. Here's the
kung pao chicken, pepper steak, and the stir-fried vegetables. [Puts them down]
Um sir?
Ranma: Yes?
Another guest: Waiter! I wanted my soup spicy!
Tanachi: I'll be right there sir! [To Ranma] Um ...
Still another guest: Waiter!
Tanachi quickly exits.
Nodoka: [Begins eating] Strange waiter ... he almost seems familiar.
Ranma: [Eating rapidly] He must be new here.
Nodoka: How ignorant of me. You were hungry!
Ranma: [Thinking] I am?
Nodoka: ... and you didn't want me to spend much. [Eyes sparkle] How
considerate
Ranma: [Almost chokes] Well...
Nodoka: Let me order another dish. Waiter!
Ranma: [Whispers] Tanachi!
Tanachi: [Rushing in] What can do for you, madam?
Nodoka: I would like an order of orange chicken.
Tanachi: Very well. [leaves.]
Ranma: [Checking his wallet] Please excuse me ... I think I dropped my keys
somewhere in the bathroom while I was washing the stain. I'll be back.
Ranma is about to enter the women's side, but on hearing women inside,
he enters the men's side.
Woman: Huh?
Man: [Eating] I something wrong?
Ranma-chan exits from the men's side.
Woman: [Pausing] I thought I saw ... nah. Can't be. [Goes back to eating]
The man ponders for a moment before proceeding to eat again.
Ranma-chan: [Sitting down at the table] Sorry I took so long.
Genma: Did you find it?
Ranma-chan: Um, yeah. [Pause] Genma, there's something I need to tell you.
Tanachi: [Very anxious] Sorry about the delay sir. Here's the orange chicken
and the Peking duck..
Ranma-chan: Um, waiter? Is there any problem? <hint>.
Tanachi: Uh ...
Angry customers: Waiter!
Tanachi: I must go now. [Exits as fast as his feet will take him].
Ranma-chan: Unusual waiter, isn't he?
Genma: [Eyes fixed on Ranma] ...
Ranma-chan: Oh yeah, I got to tell you something.
Genma: [Thinking] Is she going to ask for another date!?
Ranma-chan: You should know that I already got a boy-friend.
Genma: [Thinking] Or not [Aloud, looking down] I see.
Ranma-chan: [Bit surprised at the reaction ...]
Tanachi comes to them, dressed sans waiter outfit, but hair in wild
disarray.
Tanachi: Ah, hello Ranma! [To both] May I sit?
Genma: Umm...
Ranma-chan: It's okay Genma-san, he's my boyfriend.
Tanachi and Genma: Boyfriend?!
Ranma-chan stares at him.
Tanachi: [Getting very uneasy] Um right. Hello, Genma-san
In the background, many customers and a angry chef are walking around
the restaurant, hunting for you-know-who.
Genma: I thought he was your cousin.
Tanachi: I'm not really her cousin.
Ranma-chan: I just said that to keep our relationship a secret [Pulls Tanachi in
which causes him to sweat even more]
Tanachi: [Beginning to lose it] Er ...
Genma: [Seriously] I see.
Ranma-chan: [Lets Tanachi go] Don't be too disappointed, Genma-san. I didn't
want to disappoint you
Genma: ...
Tanachi: [To Ranma-chan] What about Nodoka?
Ranma-chan: I have friend that I want you to meet. Tanachi will show you. I
have to go somewhere. Bye and thanks for the meal. [Exits]
Tanachi: [Nervously] Can you hold on a moment? My friend knows her better
... he'll be here soon.
Ranma-chan enters the men's room.
Man: Huh?
Woman: [Looking ] Let me guess ... it's nothing, right?
Ranma-chan quickly exits and enters the ladies room.
Man: Right.
Ranma-chan, hair soaking wet leaves the bathroom. She heads on over to
the man and woman's table.
Ranma-chan: [Pointing to the tea pot] May I.
The woman and man both nod as Ranma-chan takes it and enters the men's
room. A few moments later, a wet Ranma emerges.
Ranma: [Dropping the pot off] Thank you for the tea. [Leaves]
The man and woman look at each other.
Man and Woman: Check Please!
Tanachi: [Seeing Ranma come] Ah Ranma! You're here!
Genma: Ranma? [He looks him over in puzzlement]
Tanachi: We're late as it is ... we mustn't keep Nodoka waiting.
Ranma and Genma: Right! [They look at each other]
The three scramble to Nodoka's table.
Ranma: Sorry about the delay ... while I was looking for the keys I met an old
friend of mine. Here's Tanachi whom you already met.
Tanachi: [Bows slightly] Nice to meet you, Nodoka-san.
Ranma: ... and this is Genma.
Genma: [Bows slightly] Nice to see you, Nodoka-san
Nodoka: Well, the food hasn't arrived yet ... such a weird waiter.
Tanachi: [Clears his throat and nudges Ranma] Um Ranma?
Ranma: Yes, Tanachi?
Tanachi: Aren't we forgetting something?
Ranma: I don't thinks so ...
Tanachi: Ranma, I mean didn't you forget to do something?
Ranma: I don't think so ... [Tanachi nudges him] Oh yeah ... I remembered that
something extremely important came up. I'm sorry Nodoka, but this is very
important ... could you please keep Genma company while I and Tanachi attend
to our business.
Nodoka and Genma: ...
Right as the two were about to leave, a shriveled old man with a huge bag
comes walking in.
Ranma: Happousai!
Happousai: Ranma! I remembered that I didn't want any Chinese. Bye! [Runs
away]
Ranma and Tanachi chase after Happousai. However, Tanachi doesn't have
the stamina to keep up. The two chase each other on the housetops, running to
and fro and in circles. Nodoka and Genma are watching the exchange.
Eventually, Happousai is kicked into the sunset.
Nodoka: Ranma!
Genma: Ranma!
Tanachi: Ranma!
[Author's note: Guess how each are saying his name :-)]
{Cut to same inn, same night}
Ranma: What do you mean the problem is worse?
Tanachi: It seems that our plan failed.
Ranma: Our plan? Get this correct, it was _your_ plan.
Tanachi: Well it wasn't my fault that so many things went wrong ... after all,
Happousai wasn't supposed to come.
Ranma: I thought you would come up with other plans in these kind of cases.
Tanachi: I did ... I just couldn't follow through because I had other problems
... Well, what's done is done ... we'll just have to go home and try again
tomorrow.
Ranma: <Sigh>
Tanachi: Did Nodoka make any headway with Genma?
Ranma: Er no, just as I expected .
Tanachi: You mean you mom is still ...
Ranma: Uh-huh.
Tanachi: There has to be something you mother sees in him in order to marry
him.
Ranma: Like I said, I see absolutely nothing. She's looking for a strong man
but Genma's a such a wimp, a coward.
Tanachi: I see. [Face brightens] What if you pretended to be weak while
someone beats you up. Genma would come in, beat the bad guy up and you mom
would be impressed, fall in love with him, and marry him. What about that?
Ranma: [Shaking his head] It won't work ... the last time I tried to get a friend
to beat me up, he got beaten up instead. Besides, my old man could hardly
provide a challenge ... he's even weaker now. He's too weak to fight against
anybody.
Tanachi: Too bad he didn't have some of your skills.
Ranma: Too bad ... wait a minute!
Tanachi: ?
Ranma: There is one move that he can do ... it's a very powerful move but it
doesn't require a strong body ... it'll be prefect!
Tanachi: [Yawns] Then we'll have to go back to him ... tomorrow.
{Next door}
Happousai: That Ranma is going to interfere in my fun ... I have to do something
about him.
{Somewhere, in another home}
Girl: [Hugging] How's the cute little pig doing?
P-chan: Kwee!
Girl: Want to sleep with me?
P-chan: Kwee?
She turns off the light and they go to bed. A short while later, she falls
asleep, her arms fall to her side, freeing P-chan. With a quiet "kwee" he leaves
her arms and heads out of her room.
{In the morning}
Tanachi: [Getting up] Life getting too weird. [To a still sleeping Ranma] Oi!
Wake up!
Ranma: Just a few more minutes ...
Tanachi: We don't have that kind of time! Come on get up ... we better hurry
before we lose track of Genma.
Ranma: [Sits up and squints] Fine ... [Falls back down]
{Next door}
Happousai gets up and grabs another panty before falling back asleep with
a grin on his face.
{At a open air market}
P-chan is running for his life while several people with butcher's knives
are in hot pursuit.
{At Genma's house}
Tanachi knocks and in a few moments, Genma comes to the door.
Genma: [Yawns] H <yawn> -ello. What are you doing here so early?
Tanachi: [With a straight face] Do you want to impress Nodoka or not?
Genma: Well ... yes
Ranma: Then come with us.
The two grab Genma and take him to a secluded section of a park.
{Later in the day}
Ranma: Do you understand what I taught you?
Genma: Y-yes.
Ranma: Good, because you're going to have Happousai up.
Genma: Wh-what!
Ranma: Well, we did say it wasn't going to be easy.
Genma: B-but isn't he really tough
Ranma: Well, yeah ... but the technique is even stronger!
Genma: B-but!
Tanachi: No buts! If you want to "win" Nodoka you'll have to convince her that
you're strong enough.
Genma: Isn't there an easier way? Can't I just pretend to beat you up?
Ranma: The last time I had a friend beat me up, he got beaten up instead.
Besides, I don't want to fall for that weak punch of yours.
Genma: [Sighs] Fine. I'll do it. So we'll do this tomorrow, after school, right?
Ranma: Right!
Genma leaves, a little apprehensive.
Tanachi: Are you sure he can handle Happousai?
Ranma: No. That's why we'll be there to provide covert support.
Tanachi: I hope you know what _you're_ doing, having him handle Happousai.
Ranma: What could be simpler? I'll lure Happousai as a girl. I'll drop the bra
causing Happousai to pause to pick it up. Genma will then come in and demand
it back for me. Happousai will get mad, and Genma will wipe him out with a
beautiful tornado punch. Once Nodoka falls in love with Genma, my "timeline" as
you say, will be fixed. We then just grab the Nanban mirror and an onion and
whisk back to our time.
Tanachi: [A bit apprehensive] Let's hope that nothing goes wrong.
Ranma: [Ecstatic] Martial arts match-making. If it has the word "martial" in it
I can't lose!
Tanachi: ...
{Next day, midday}
Tanachi: [Grits his teeth] Let phase 1 of "martial timeline fix" begin! [Dumps
a bucket of water over Ranma]
Ranma-chan: I'll get Happousai, now you make sure Nodoka is there to see it.
Tanachi: Right!
Ranma-chan runs off into a dust cloud running across the horizon.
Ranma-chan: [Jumping in front of Happousai] Oi Happousai!
Happousai: Y-you!
Ranma-chan: Yes, it's me! Do you care to see me in the bra?
Happousai: [His eyes bulge out] Sweeto! [Dives for Ranma-chan]
Ranma-chan: [Jumps aside to avoid him] First you'll have to get this bra away
from me! [Jumps away].
Happousai follows, on the housetops. As they fade into the distance. The
crowd that was chasing him suddenly stops to see this chase.
Girl 1: Poor girl...
Crowd: [Nods in affirmation] Mm.
{At the school}
Genma is standing outside the gates, nervous. Inside the school yard
Nodoka is coming out of school with her entourage.
Female student 1: Wow, Nodoka-san! You really have a boyfriend that strong?
Female student 2: Is it really true that he can really beat up that pervert
running through the streets?
Nodoka: Well... I'll tell you about him over ice cream, my treat.
Female students 1 and 2: Alright!
Tanachi: It's a good thing I caught up with you! I have something very
important to show you!
Female student 1: [To female student 2] That can't be him, right?
Nodoka: Well, what is it?
Tanachi: Er ... I can't show it to you right now, but it'll be here in just a few
minutes.
Female student 2: [To female student 1] Of course it isn't him!
Nodoka: Then it will have to wait until my friends and I have some ice cream.
Tanachi: But you can't! You must come and see!
Nodoka: What's so important?
Tanachi: I - I can't say, but it'll be coming by the school gate in just a few
minutes.
Nodoka: I'm doing this for _his_ sake. Will he be there?
Tanachi: Er ... yes [To himself] In some form at least.
Female student 1: W-what is that! [Points to a rapidly approaching dust cloud]
Nodoka: [Looks at a nervous Tanachi] Is this it? [To the others] Let's see.
{Outside the school gates}
Nodoka: [Sees Genma standing in the open and pulls him back] Get back here
where it is safe.
Genma complies. The two have just dropped down to the street in front
of the school.
Ranma-chan: [No longer just baiting him, but running for her life] Get away
from me you lech!
Happousai: Never!
Male student 1: It's her!
Male student 2: She's taking on this brute!
Ranma-chan: Oops! [Drops the bra]
A sudden hush falls over the school crowd.
Happousai: [Grabs the bra, admiring it] Ahh!
Genma: [Nervously steps out] Er ...
Happousai pauses for a moment before charging right through Genma to
catch Ranma who's a short distance behind him.
Happousai [Chasing]: Hah! You'll wear this!
Ranma-chan: [Running away] Not until you catch me!
Male student 3: This is gonna be great!
Immediately a female student comes up and hits him on the head before
taking his spot in the watch.
Female student #3: Kawaii! Such an envious figure ...
She sees the male students caught up in this performance and takes the
opportunity to kick their feet from out under them.
Female student #3: Perverts.
Ranma-chan: [Grabs a barrel] Get away from me!
Happousai: [With his arms spread for a catch and the bra still in his right
hand] Not until you'll wear this!
Ranma-chan: Never! [Throws barrel] Which Happousai grabs and crushes.
Happousai: [Jumps] I'll get you!
Ranma-chan: [Jumps on top of a telephone pole] You'll have to get me in this
form first!
Happousai realizes what this means and purses Ranma-chan on top of
telephone poles and wires.
Male student crowd: Wow! Such agility!
Ranma-chan: [Looks around and spies steam coming out of a house] Ah hah!
[Jumps down]
Happousai: [Landing in front of Ranma] Oh no you don't!
Ranma-chan: [Jumps over] There's no way I'll let you do that to me!
Happousai: [Runs after] You're not going to get away that easily!
Ranma-chan: [Entering a restaurant] Can I have a cup of hot tea?
Happousai enters.
Ranma-chan: Second thought, hold onto it! [exists with Happousai in close
pursuit]
The usual chase scene follows: Ranma-chan running through the streets
and on top of housetops and Happousai chasing her like the perverted maniac
that he is. Many overturned food stands, broken walls, and turned faces are the
result of this grandiose race (It's not Ranma's fault; she sidesteps them but
Happousai run right through). She heads back to school several times, each time
running close by Genma, hoping that he'll intervene like he's supposed to.
Unfortunately, each time Happousai runs over him. Seeing that Genma is in no
shape to confront Happousai, Ranma-chan draws Happousai away from the area
(with the male population still in pursuit to see most of the aerial attacks)
Finally, Ranma-chan is caught in a dead-end alley with walls too high to jump
over and no foothold to be seen. Ranma-chan is plastered against the wall,
awaiting the inevitable ... which doesn't come. She opens her eyes to see that
Happousai is gone
{In a street next to the alley}
Happousai: [Running after the lingerie truck] Wait for me beauties!
{Back at the alley}
Tanachi: [Paying the cabbie] Thank you very much for the wild ride. Here's
a tip to compensate you.
Cab driver: Um thanks! [To himself] That was the weirdest thing I ever saw.
Tanachi: [Comes by] I think we have some problems ...
Ranma-chan: You have some problems! Look at mine!
Tanachi: [Sheepishly] Er ... I think you wanted this? [Hand over a cup of hot
tea]
Ranma-chan: [Pours it over herself] You can't believe ...
Ranma: .. . at I did to lure that Happousai. Che! After all that trouble Genma's
still hasn't convinced Nodoka that he's the one. <sigh>
Tanachi: We have to do something before the future is irreversibly damaged!
Ranma: Don't you mean the present?
Tanachi: [Exasperated] Whatever. We _need_ to make Genma a _real_ man! Are
you really sure she's you mother and that you're not adopted or something?
Ranma: [Staring at him] Tanachi.
Tanachi: Okay, okay. I'll think of something ...
{At Genma's house}
Tanachi: Genma, do you _really_ understand the plan now?
Genma: Kind of... so someone will come up to me and will challenge me to fight
for Nodoka, right?
Tanachi: Right!
Genma: Who's going to fight me?
Tanachi: Ranma in disguise ... all you have to do is beat him up.
Genma: Are you sure it's okay?
Tanachi: Trust me ... don't worry about Ranma, just try to act convincingly.
Genma: Well I hope your plan works this time ...
Tanachi: How was I supposed to know that Happousai would just run _over_
you? This time, try not to get run over, will you?
Genma: ...
{that evening}
Ranma: Tanachi, I hope you know what you are doing ...
Tanachi: Well I hope so too.
Ranma: What!
Tanachi: Look! I had it up to here (put hand as far above his head as he can)
with all these weird thing going on. I'm trying to compensate, but there's only
so much that I can do. If you have a better plan, we'll do that. Until then,
we'll go along with this one.
Ranma tries to say something but an industrial-strength glare from Tanachi
takes care of that. Ranma is trying on a disguise so that Nodoka would not
recognize him. The disguise isn't that great due to the fact that they didn't
have any time or the materials to make it out of.
The two arrive near the staging area, a restaurant. Tanachi goes into the
restaurant to find Genma, who asked a reluctant Nodoka out to dinner. They talk
and eat for a while before Tanachi excuses himself to go relieve himself. Soon
after he does, he is apprehended by some thugs who tie and gag him, leaving
him in the bathroom stall.
Genma and Nodoka are having dinner, rather unsuccessfully since Genma's
getting very nervous. Genma thinks that Tanachi left to cover some other part
of their plan. Thus, they leave the restaurant and are walking in the street.
Nodoka: Is something wrong, Genma-san?
Genma: N-no. Everything is alright.
Gangster: [Walking up to them, he has bandages on various body parts] Not
after we're done with you.
Genma: [A little apprehensive] W-what do you want!
Gangster: I think you know what I want. The question is whether you'll give
it to me.
Genma: [Getting really nervous] [To himself] I can't believe he got a disguise
that realistic! [Regaining composure ... not!] J-just tell me what you want and
leave us alone!
Gangster: Oh that won't be possible. You see, I'm going to take your girl.
Genma: [Getting really nervous] [Thinks] You're beginning to scare me, Ranma!
[Trying to remember his lines] Er ... I'll let you have her!
Nodoka and gangster: What!
Genma: What I mean is that there's no way I'll let you have her! You'll have
to get through me to get her!
Gangster: What a pity that I'll have to waste my energy smashing you. I
normally wouldn't go through all this trouble but tonight, I'm going to pay you
back for what you friends did to my me and my gang, every last bruise, bump
and cut.
{On the other side of the block}
Ranma: [Looking at his watch] Time to act!
Just as he begins to walk down, a cat crosses the street right in front of
him. Naturally, Ranma freaks out and freezes on the spot. His frozen posture
invites the cat to use him as a warm "pole." In a few minutes, all of the
neighborhood cats are having fun with their new-found statue.
{In the restaurant bathroom}
Man: You're sure need to get more fiber in your diet.
Tanachi: [Squirming in the stall] MNMmmmnm!
{Back to the other side}
Genma: [Trying to be brave] You have no honor! Didn't you promise to leave
this town when you lost.
Gangster: [Approaching] I don't need honor when I have this! [Punches Genma
right in the stomach; Genma immediately bends over]
Nodoka: [Gets her katana out] Why you!
She is about to strike, but two more of his henchmen grabs her from
behind and disarms her.
Gangster: [Kicks Genma in the face] You're going to pay for every last bit of
humiliation you've given me! [Turns to Nodoka] After that, I'm going to have fun
with her.
{Back at the restaurant bathroom}
Tanachi: [Untying himself] Finally! I'm free! Hope I'm not too late
He runs out to the appointed spot but sees no one there. He walks a bit
further to see cats congregating on a familiar statue. Curious, he goes over to
investigate.
Tanachi: Ranma?
Ranma: [To paralyzed to answer] !
Tanachi: What are you doing here!
Ranma: !
Tanachi manages to shoo away the cats but Ranma's still paralyzed. He
runs back to the restaurant to get some water.
{Back to the fight}
Genma staggers up to punch the Gangster as he turns around. The
gangster is barely affected while Genma hold his hand in pain.
Gangster: [Picking Genma up and throws him into a nearby trash heap] Well,
who's the low life now, eh?
He walks over to the pile when suddenly a plateful of old Chinese carry-
out trash hits his face.
Genma: [Staggering up again] You are!
The gangster tries to throw a punch which Genma "dodges" by collapsing
down. Just as he is about to be kicked he reflexively jumps out of the way to
avoid lying on smelly garbage. Getting frustrated, the gangster charges him ...
only to slip on a oily mess that Genma wiped off of his pants. The frustrated
gangster gets up and approaches a really frightened Genma. He back into the
wall, right unto a old stone sticking out. As he ducks in pain, the gangster
charges the wall, his face running right smack into the block. Genma, being
dizzy, staggers in circles with the gangster in the middle of it.
Genma snaps out of his fear long enough to realize the technique [Having
the thug also be dizzy helps too]
Genma: You're the low life scum! [Grows dizzy but shakes his head] All you
do is talk and talk but you don't do anything! You have no honor by going
back on your word! It just shows that a coward like you can't even keep a
deal.
Gangster charges Genma but Genma slips aside.
Genma: [Confident] You're so ugly you can't even get a date. Maybe you're so
stupid that you just forgot about the promise.
The gangster is now steaming with rage.
{Back to Ranma, who has cats back on him}
Tanachi: Shoo kitties! Ranma! Here's the hot tea! <Splash!>
Ranma: Iee! Hot! I thought they'd never get off.
Tanachi: [Picking up a cute kitty] You mean you're afraid of this cute kitty?
Ranma: !!! J-just g-get i-it a-away!
Tanachi: Right! We still have a job to do! [They run down in the direction of
fight]
{Back at the fight}
Genma: Hiryuu shoutenha! [Throws his tornado punch]
Tanachi and Ranma arrive just in time to see the punch thrown. Nodoka
shakes off the surprised thugs and throws them into the tornado. Needless to
say, all three thugs are carried by the intense winds into the next city.
Genma: Are you alright?
Nodoka: Of course I am, thanks to you, Genma-san! [She hugs and kisses him
causing him to blush]
Ranma and Tanachi: ...
Genma: [Looking over Nodoka's shoulder] Hi Ranma, Tanachi! [A few seconds
pass] Ranma! [Having realized what happened he promptly faints]
Nodoka: [Holding the prone form] Poor thing, he must be exhausted from the
fight. [To Ranma and Tanachi] I'll take him home and take care of him. [To
Genma] Come on now.
Ranma: Is it all right now?
Tanachi: [He nods] Un...
{The next morning, the two show up and Nodoka's house}
Nodoka: Good morning!
Tanachi: Good morning! Is Genma-san alright?
Nodoka: [Nods her head] Uh-huh.
Genma: [Squeezes in the doorway] Yes, thanks to you two. I'd like to thank
you for all your help.
Tanachi: That's okay ... we have to leave town very soon.
Genma: [Stops embracing] So soon?
Ranma: Well, we have to get going back home.
Genma: So soon, after all that you done for me?
Ranma: But there's one favor I'd like to ask of you.
Genma: Sure.
Ranma whispers something into his ear, causing him to squint a little in
confusion.
Genma: That's your request? Kind of weird but I'd be glad to oblige you.
Ranma: Thanks! Bye!
Tanachi: Bye!
Genma and Nodoka: Bye!
Tanachi: [Walking away] What did you tell him?
Ranma: Just some friendly advice.
Tanachi: Oh. [To himself] Nothing wrong with that, I hope.
{Afternoon}
The two walk out, looking for Happousai who appears just a few seconds
after them. They head in opposite directions, never noticing each other.
{Midday}
Tanachi: We fixed our problem, but we're stuck here without Happouai's mirror.
Just as if on cue, Happousai appears, chased by a large group of angry
girls wielding katanas and bokkens.
Happousai: [Still carrying his bundle] Get away from me!
Girls: Never!
Just as he rounds a corner, a hand comes out and stuffs him under a
basin. The angry crowd passes by.
Ranma takes the basin off to reveal a frightened bowl-shaped Happousai.
Happousai: Save me, Ranma!
Ranma: [Unconcerned] Why should I?
Tanachi: So that we can get back home!
Ranma: Why should I take you home instead of leaving you here?
Happousai: I'll never steal again! Please! Take me home! These girls of the
past are just too wild!
Ranma: [Nonchalantly] I wonder why?
Tanachi: Ranma!
Ranma: Fine! Mirror please.
Happousai complies.
Ranma: Onion!
Tanachi takes it out of his pocket.
Happousai: Well?
Ranma: I think we forgot something ... I can't put my finger on it. Oh well.
{Somewhere in Siberia}
Ryouga: [Thinking] I knew I should have made a left instead of a right at
Nepal.
Ranma: First thing's first [Crushing the onion making him teary. He then
drops a tear on the mirror.] Take us to the Jhusenkyo!
{A bright flash later, they arrive at the fables pools}
Guide: I see you are back, honored guests! You're seeking the Nannichuan, no?
Ranma: How'd you ever guess?
Guide: Follow me. It took me a long time, but I found it. I'll show you where
it is.
On the way there, they pass by many lakes with the usual bamboo poles
sticking out.
Tanachi: [Looking around in amazement] Wow! What are all these ponds?
Guide: [Points to various ponds] There's the Chanyuiniichuan, Spring of the
drowned octopus. Over there is the Shannenniichuan, Spring of the drowned
virtuous man and next to it is the Chuanshontsuniichuan, Spring of the drowned
twins. Over there under cliff is the Heitouenniichuan, Spring of the drowned
black pig. On the other side there is the Maoniichuan, Spring of the drowned
cat. [Ranma: Hmm] and a few over is the Yaazuniichaun, Spring of the drowned
wild duckling.
Tanachi: Wow! I wonder how these lakes were formed ... Mr. Guide, sir, did you
say that people actually fell into these lakes?
Guide: Oh yes! Right over here is the Shonmaoniichuan, Spring of the drowned
panda and right in front is the Nyanniichuan.
Tanachi: So that's the one you fell in?
He gets a little too close to examine and is about to fall in when Ranma
grabs him.
Tanachi: Thanks for the save. I'd sure hate to be a girl ... ugh!
Ranma: Don't mention it.
Guide: There's even the Niuhoomanmaorenniichuan, Spring of the drowned "bull-
crane-eel-and-yeti"
Tanachi: I'd feel really sorry for who ever got into that one.
Happousai laughs weakly to himself.
Guide: Ah yes! Here's the Nannichuan!
Ranma: This is it!
Ranma jumps on in without any further ado and finds that he is still male.
A few minutes and a change of dry clothes later, the gang is ready to go home.
Ranma comes out as himself. A few minutes later, the gang, are ready to
go home.
Ranma: [Dropping a tear on the mirror] Take us back to our time!
{Bright flash later, they arrive in an intersection}
Ranma: We're back!
The four look up just in time to see four angry mobs of girls all headed
for them from all direction. Needless to say, all four were clobbered..
After a long while they manage to get up .. only to notice that the mirror
is broken, so Ranma gives the remnants to Tanachi as a souvenir. As for the
others, Happousai takes off on his usual spree, Tanachi heads for home while
Ranma heads for his. Ranma enters home only to meet an angry female with
short hair :-)
Akane: [Very angry] Ranma!
The yell echoes through the once quiet streets.
Part two: Normal time?
{It is morning in the Tendo residence}
Ranma: [Waking up] Ungh! What a horrible nightmare! It must me something
Akane made.
Ranma gets up, dresses and enters the dining area to have breakfast. He
sees everybody eating, including his dad, who amazingly is in human form.
Acting as if nothing has happened, he sits down and starts eating. He has a
nagging feeling but he can't put his finger on it so he just continues eating.
Ranma: [To Kasumi as she enters] This is pretty good food you made, Kasumi.
Kasumi: [Smiling] Oh I didn't made the food today, Akane did.
Ranma instinctively chokes on his food. Akane hits him on the back to
help. Ranma gets over it, but the look of surprise is still on his face.
Ranma: _You_ made the food?
Akane: Of course, since Kasumi had other errands to do.
Ranma: I mean, you made the food? What were you thinking of!?!
Akane: Well, I thought about making something fancy, but since we didn't have
the ingredients, I just whipped this together.
Ranma: ... <Thud>
Everybody look at a fainted Ranma until Nabiki splashes cold water on him.
He immediately gets up and notices that he is still a he. He then proceeds to do
a retake with more water, to everybody's confusion ... and then faints.
A few minutes later he winds up in the guest room, with a towel on his
head. He slowly regains consciousness, but remains down.
Akane: Did I do something wrong, Ranma?
Ranma: [Sits up] Wrong! That was the best food you made that I ever tasted!
Akane: [Brightly] Really?
Ranma: [Looks suspiciously] Akane, have you been sick?
Akane: [Confused] No ...
Ranma: No one put a spell on you or anything?
Akane: [Slightly irritated] No ...
Ranma: Are you really Akane and not an impostor.
Akane: [Peeved] Of course not! What are you driving at?
Ranma: I'm not sure ... these past couple of days have been very confusing for
me...
Akane: ...
Later that day, a confused Ranma heads out to sort out his mind.
Ranma: [Lying down] Everything seems so ideal ... yet it feels so weird. [Sits
up] My dad is actually human. Akane is actually acting like a girl ... I can't
believe she cooked something that was edible! I should be happy ... but I'm not?
What's wrong with me?
Just then Ryouga comes into the guest room.
Ranma: Ryouga! What are you doing here?
Ryouga: I'm just here to meet my best friend!
Ranma: [Looks around him] Where? Where?
Ryouga: Always the joker. Ha ha! That was one of your better ones - you
looked really convincing. Are you doing okay? Akane mentioned to me that you
weren't feeling well.
Ranma: [Thinking] Akane said that? [To Ryouga] I'm okay, really.
Ryouga: I've known you long enough to tell ... come on, what's eating at you?
Ranma: Well ...
Ryouga: Spit it out.
Ranma: I don't know why, but everything seems so different; it just doesn't feel
right.
Ryouga: What do you mean?
Ranma: I feel like I don't belong here ...
Ryouga: What!?! How can you say that when the big day is coming up so soon.
Ranma: I don't know ... hey, what big day?
Ryouga: Your marriage to Akane! You must have a bit of amnesia ... I knew we
shouldn't have practiced yesterday - that last kick must have hurt more than
I thought.
Ranma: [Quietly] I'm marrying ... Akane?!? [To Ryouga] Can I have a moment
to myself so that I can sort my thoughts out?
Ryouga: Sure. If you need me, I'll be training room. [Leaves]
Ranma: Akane cooks well, Ryouga is my best friend, and I'm marrying Akane!?!
It seems that everything wrong is fixed ... but why aren't I happy?!?
{Later that day}
Ranma is out walking in the streets, rather aimlessly. He is going through
a park when he hears footsteps approaching. He turns around to meet Tanachi
Ranma: Oi! Tanachi!
Tanachi: [Panting] Yo! Ranma! I've been looking for you!
Ranma: Well you found me now. How is it going for you?
Tanachi: [Still panting] Everything's perfectly normal ... how are things with
you?
Ranma: Fine ... I think.
Tanachi: Eh? What do you mean? What's wrong?
Ranma: Look around ... do you see anything odd?
Tanachi: Hold on a sec.
Tanachi looks around the park, then walks to the Tendo house and peers
into various rooms, the kitchen, the practice room, and even the yard.
Tanachi: [Puzzled] I don't get it ... there's nothing wrong.
Ranma: Exactly!
Tanachi: Eh?
Ranma: It's too quiet ... there's no misunderstandings, arguments, or fights
going on at all!
Tanachi: So ... isn't that normal?
Ranma: Not around here ... or at least it used to be that way ...
Tanachi: You're probably just a bit paranoid ... [Ranma glares at him] Hey!
Wait! After all, you've had a rough experience. [Ranma lets down] I guess
you're too used to mayhem.
Ranma: ... [Remembers the every fight he had, along with the memorable Orochi
episode]
Tanachi: You'll get used to it ... it can't be worse than getting beaten up all the
time. [Looks at his watch] Dang! I'm late! I have to go now, but I try to drop
by later. Bye!
Ranma: [Not paying attention] Sure ...
A few moments after Tanachi leaves, Akane comes by with a catalog.
Akane: [Showing Ranma the catalog] I've picked out my wedding dress ... what
do you think of it?
Ranma: [Big drops of sweat trickling down] ... [Faints]
{Voice-over}
Ranma: Well, before I knew it, the big day came. Quite frankly, I still haven't
sorted out my thoughts. I love her ... I never thought I'd ever say that but
something still something is nibbling at me. What Tanachi said is probably right,
I'm just too used to the confusion and mayhem ... I need to settle down. [Ranma
turns to see Akane in her stunning wedding dress] Kawaii! [Thinking]
Everything is going to turn out fine.
{Back to the wedding}
The two walk down the aisle with quite a few people attending: Ryouga
as best man, Genma and Soun sitting up front with all floodgates open, Nodoka
smiling (no sword), Nabiki smiling along with Kasumi holding Tofu-sensei's hand
[For once Tofu is not shredding anything in sight], Kunou lying in the back
knocked out, the Chinese guide from Jhusenkyo, and many of their best
classmates.
Ranma swallows a lump in his throat as he approaches the pulpit.
Ranma: [Thinking] My heart was pounding so hard that I hardly heard what
the minister said but every work Akane spoke came as clearly as the spring
waters. I had scarcely finished saying my vows when I felt something horribly
wrong.
Minister: I ...
There was a loud noise as a hole suddenly appeared in the ceiling an a
dark figure came crashing through. As he stood in the sun, he cast off his dark
robe.
Robed Figure: You will do nothing of the sort. [He blasted the minister out with
a ki blast] I will not permit this marriage to take place. Akane is mine!
Ranma: Why you! Kachu tenshin amaguriken!
Ranma tries to pound the figure with 578 punches, but from the figure's
reaction, i.e. a lack of one, it is clear that they are having no effect.
Robed Figure: Pathetic creature! Pha! You're not worth wasting energy on.
The figure merely flicks his right finger at Ranma who is instantly hurled
into the side wall and exits through it. Ranma quickly gathers his will and runs
back in, but the figure is gone along with Akane. In his wake, there is a card.
In anger Ranma picks it up and reads it:
The wedding between The Shadow and Tendo Akane will take place
tomorrow at sunset. All guests, invited or uninvited are to come to Mt ***** for
the ceremony. There will be a gate check.
Ranma: Damn it! [Crumbles the note in his hand]
By next morning, Ranma is standing next to Ryouga at the base of mount
*****. He tried to convince Soun and Genma to come along, but they refused,
saying it was his duty (not to mention theirs as well - to keep their hide) to
save Akane. Kunou was still knocked out. The others ... there were none.
Ukyou and her okonomiyaki restaurant weren't there. The Nekohanten along with
Shampoo, Cologne, and Mousse were not anywhere near Tokyo either. Even
Happousai was nowhere in sight. He considered trying to lure him, but there
was no time. The two nodded to each other and walked toward the mountain,
catching sight of the palace on top.
It was a strenuous walk, but the fight had not yet begun. Off in the
distance they could see the gates that lead to the mountain palace. They looked
uninspiring, but when they walked up to the front, they realized that it would
be much more difficult that the gates of *****. The entire structure was devoid
of color, save for a ominous gray. The tall metal gates creaked slightly as they
swung outward.
The two silently nodded to each other before they entered. The two
uneasily looked back as the door closed. They knew it would happen, but they
were unprepared for the darkness of the first gate. Slowly, their eyes adjusted
to the dim blue light. Nothing could be heard except for their silent march
toward what they hoped to be the exit.
Ranma: [Thinking] Something is wrong
His body was tense with anticipation for the enemy that never came.
Ranma: [Thinking] Stop!
His body responded.
Ranma looked at Ryouga; he had stopped walking too. He could have sworn
that he heard something suspicious in the distance, a sort of a hollow sound.
They stood frozen for a few moments. Nothing. Cautiously, they took a step
forward. Still safe. They slowly took several more steps. They heard another
hollow "thwoop" sound. It was closer, but still far away. They paused for a few
moments before they continued ... the "thwooping" sound gradually came closer
and more quickly. Likewise, they sped up their pace. In about a half minute
they were running. They both looked back; the whole floor was giving out from
under them. They couldn't see how deep the floor was, but they did not dare
to find out.
Panic turned to desperation as they saw the floor in the floor also giving
out. The two were hopping from block to block before they too receded into the
darkness. After several minutes of this they began to tire with no exit in sight.
Ryouga saw a faint glimmer through the sweat that was getting into his eyes.
He thought that it was just the sting, but in a few moments he realized that
there really was a light up ahead. They both raced for it.
Their second wind kicked in and they managed to beat the floor to the
light. Relief turned to horror when they found out that it was not an exit, but
merely the light from a skylight high above.
"Bakusaitenketsu!" Ryouga yelled as he charged at wall.
The wall exploded into a million pieces that caused the two to face away
momentarily. When Ryouga faced to look, he was disappointed that there was
only a small hole in the thick wall. Ranma looked back, the floor was catching
up; he could feel the stones beneath tremble in anticipation. He faced Ryouga;
Ryouga nodded.
Ranma concentrated for a moment before he unleashed a big ki blast at the
hole. He expected the hole to be larger for that amount of effort, but he had
no time to contemplate that. They leapt through, barely missing the fate of the
stone that they had been standing on. They simultaneously let out a sigh of
relief before looking ahead, the next gate was not too far ahead.
This gate now loomed in front. It was done in the ancient style, and had
something written on top of the gate, but neither of them could read it. They
merely stepped up to the front and the gate swung open like the last, allowing
a bit of light to banish the dark interior. Ranma had scarcely taken a step
inside when loud footsteps approached. Both of them slowly took a few steps
back as the figure came into the light.
Huge guy: [Deep voice shaking the ground] I am Tourai, keeper of the second
gate. No one may pass without my permission."
Ranma: I don't have time for this nonsense! Let us through!
Tourai: Impudent young fool! If you want to pass, you have to defeat me first!
Ranma: Alright! Kachu tenshin amaguriken!
Ranma yelled as he unleashed his flurry of punches at Tourai. Tourai did
not flinch a bit as the full brunt of the punched came upon his stomach. Ranma
realized that it was having no effect, but that came too late; Tourai's hand came
straight through and forced him back, leaving a long furrow before he hit the
mountain side.
It was now Ryouga's turn. He unleashed a direct hit with his umbrella at
point blank range, but the guard was still standing unperturbed.
Ryouga: [Surprised] What?!
Tourai: "Earthquake fist!"
Ryouga quickly jumped away. As he landed, he saw that Tourai had hit
the ground he was standing on with the full brunt of the attack.
Ryouga: Hah! You missed!
Tourai: [smiling] Have I?
He proceeded to jump back to the gate. Suddenly, the entire area began
to shake. Cracks appeared everywhere and sections of the path began to slide
away into the valley. Ryouga tried desperately to jump around, attempting to
reach stable ground, but the area of devastation was too great. He was trapped
on a small plateau; it was too far for him to jump toward anywhere.
Ranma began to recover from the previous attack. He stood in shock as
he saw the path crumble from underneath Ryouga. He ran to help, but it was
too late, the platform gave out.
Ryouga: [Falling] Get Akane for meee!
Ranma: [Running] Damn it! You'll pay for that!
He barely landed on the other side of the hole.
Tourai: We'll see who pays ... Earthquake fist!
Ranma saw that coming and jumped toward the gate. The strategy paid
off. The quake had removed all of the path up to the steps of the second gate.
Ranma: Saotome secret technique!
Tourai did not bat an eyelid, but when he saw Ranma run through the
gate, he grew alarmed and began pursuit. He entered the gate but saw no
Ranma.
Ranma: [Charging] Yah!
Instead of hitting Tourai he directed the full force of his punch downward.
He continued with a series of punches that approximated a circle. Tourai smiled.
Ranma thought that the guard's confidence would be his downfall. Just moments
after the last punch, the ground beneath began to tremble. He could see small
puffs of smoke emanating from the circular crack that just appeared.
Ranma: [Grinning] Heh heh, now who's in trouble?
Tourai: [Still stoic] You are.
With that, he brought his right foot down. All of a sudden, the cracks
spread throughout the floor. Ranma tried desperately to escape through the
door, but it was shut. He jumped from plateau to plateau in a hopeless attempt
to stay up. He managed to reach a small ledge that had tenaciously clung to the
wall. Ranma gripped at the cracks in the wall. It seemed to be forever before
he heard the low rumble beneath him. Sweat dripped on his forehead into his
eyes. It stung, but he gathered the strength to turn and face his tormentor.
Tourai merely smiled as the tile slowly gave way and fell. Ranma was now
dangling from two hands, and then one. His foot searched for a grip but none
was to be found. A few more tense seconds passed before he fell; he could see
the Tourai's smile.
{In a dark place}
Ranma woke up, but at first he could see nothing since it was so dark.
Gradually it became lighter; someone was coming. He tried to get up, but every
muscle in his body cried in protest; he gave in.
Old woman: Don't try to move. You and your friend were badly hurt in the fall.
You've been out for quite a while.
Her face showed wrinkles from a once cheerful youth, tempered by wisdom
of age.
Ranma: [Very weakly] Ryouga's ...
Old woman: He's alive, but barely. He had a nasty fall. I'm not sure he'll make
it, but right now you both need the strength. Don't try to speak anymore.
With that, she came to Ranma to dress his wounds.
Old woman: If you need me, I'll be tending Ryouga.
Ranma nodded. As he lay down, he thought about how much time had
passed. Was he too late? He again tried to gather his strength to move, but
failed. He gave up and instead turned his head to see where he was. He was
in a cool, rather clammy hut. The air was musty, since a portion of the roof was
rotting. There was no furniture in the entire house, save for a low table and
a wash basin. Ryouga was lying down on the opposite side of the wash basin.
He was in bad shape, his clothes ripped to shreds and stained by blood. He was
still breathing, but it was weak.
Poor Ryouga, he thought, so valiant, but now so helpless. Ranma thought
about the past he shared - all the fights, all the arguments, all the "I'll kill you"
times ... but now ... now was dying and he couldn't do a thing about it. Tears
came into his eyes as sleep subdued him.
The next day Ranma awoke. It felt like morning, but it didn't look it. He
tried to get up and succeeded. He was sore all over, but otherwise he appeared
to be fine. He got out of bed and went over to see Ryouga. He was still
gravely injured, but his breathing appeared to be stronger. I'll get that guy
if it's the last thing I do, he thought. He heard footsteps approaching.
Old woman: [Talking to herself quietly as she entered the hut] Poor girl. [She
sees Ranma getting up] You should be in bed!
Ranma: I'm fine.
The woman looked him over and was astonished that he was indeed mostly
alright.
Ranma walked over to the door.
Ranma: I have to go now. I'll be back for my friend later.
Old woman: Don't worry, I'll take good care of him ... but where are you off to
in such a hurry?
Ranma: I have to save Akane.
Old woman: Before you go, tell me, what is your name?
Ranma: Saotome Ranma.
Old woman: [Becoming blanched] Ranma!? ...
Ranma: [Very concerned] Is something wrong?! Did something happen to
Akane?!
She couldn't speak a word. Just then, an old man walked through, her
husband. He nodded to Ranma.
Old man: I guess it's useless to delay the inevitable. I heard that a girl named
Tendo Akane got married to the Shadow yesterday.
Ranma's face blanched. He turned to face the woman.
Ranma: [Desperate] How long was I out?
Old woman: About a day and a half.
Ranma: ...
Old woman: They say that when you didn't show up, that she lost hope and
married him.
Ranma: Damn it!!
At that moment, he wanted to level the entire mountain, but his drive was
now gone. Tears welled to his eyes. He wanted to yell at the top of his lungs,
but his mouth wouldn't open.
Old man: [Walking over to Ranma] She mean a lot to you, didn't she?
Ranma still could not speak. He nodded, tears dripping from his chin. He
tried to open him mouth again, but failed.
Old man: I don't know what I can do for you...
Ranma: [Finally gathered enough strength to whisper] I've never failed her
before ...
A few more days passed. Ryouga had recovered enough for them to leave,
but had no where to go to. Ranma couldn't face his parents after failing. He
had resolved to live in solitude, never to go back home. However, he was
mindlessly following Ryouga at the time, and had arrived at the airport at
Peking.
Tanachi is standing at the middle of the airport, clueless as where to go
and what to do when suddenly he spies the two meandering around the airport.
Tanachi: Ranma! Ryouga! I'm glad I found you guys! I booked the first plane
here ... [thinking] something's wrong [aloud] Where's Akane.
Ranma: Ak...
Ryouga: [Cutting him off] We were too late. She got married to the Shadow.
Ranma: [looks down at the floor] ...
Tanachi: We can save her still!
Ranma: [Angry] Did you hear what Ryouga said? She's married already!
He breaks down into tears.
Tanachi: We can still fix that. Here's a little present for you.
Ranma: I don't want it.
Tanachi: You don't want the Nanban mirror?
Ranma: [Tears the package open] It's fixed! How?
Tanachi: I'll tell you later. Anyway we could use this to go back in time a
couple of days to save Akane!
Ranma: [The brightness is his eyes fade] We can't.
Ryouga and Tanachi: What?!?
Ranma: We don't have the strength to face him when he does come.
Tanachi: We tell our past selves to be on the look out; we could have the
wedding in a different place, we ...
Ranma: [Cutting him off] He'll find out eventually, and when he does, we won't
be able to defeat him. We couldn't even make it beyond the second gate.
Ryouga realizes this fact too and loses confidence.
Tanachi: What happened to the Ranma I used to know? What is this no-can-win
attitude? You said that if it had the word "martial" in it, that you couldn't lose.
Ranma: I don't know what to think anymore ... so many things has happened so
quickly ... I don't feel anything is the way it's supposed to be.
Tanachi: [Serious mode] Hmm ... maybe there's still something wrong with your
past.
Ryouga: Maybe we grew too secure and lazy with our training.
Tanachi thinking for a while, as can be seen by the changing expressions
on his face. After several minutes of this, he finally speaks.
Tanachi: That's it! We'll go back into the past and mess it up!
Ranma and Ryouga: What!!
The whole airport crowd stares at them.
Tanachi: I think we should discuss this in a more private location ...
{At a Chinese restaurant}
Ranma: We're in the middle of a crisis and all you can think of is eating!?!
Tanachi: Hey! Hey! It's not like we're late or something. We have all the time
we need. We have to plan ahead! It's because of that impromptu comment that
you made to your father that caused this.
Ranma: I still don't know how you got that mirror fixed...
Tanachi: I tell you later ... it's a loooong story. Anyway, I believe Ryouga's
theory to be correct. Both of you have become very strong because of the
numerous hardships you two had to face. If you don't live like you did in the
past ... present, whatever ... if you don't live like the way you used to, you two
will never face those trials, and you will never be strong enough to defeat the
Shadow.
Ranma: So does that mean we have to mess up both our pasts in order to save
Akane?
Ryouga: [Angrily] I'm willing to make the sacrifice for dear Akane! Wouldn't
you?
Ranma: [Waving his hands] Relax, Ryouga. [Seriously] Of course I am. I'm
just not sure what will happen. We ... well at least I almost terminated my
existence because of something I did. I'm sure about what will happen if we go
back again.
Tanachi: Which is why I'm going to go back first and gather some data. Hold
on a sec ... [Walks over to the bathroom].
Ranma is holding his head down.
Ranma: After all these years ... I thought that I'd never marry Akane ... but ..
at the wedding I ... I couldn't stop him from taking her.
He breaks down into tears of sorrow for perhaps the first time in his life.
Ryouga: [Trying to comfort him] You did what you could.
Ranma: I ... I never lost to anyone before.
Ryouga: Sure you did, remember ...
Ranma: But I always managed to win in the end. I was always confident that
I would ...
Ryouga: But now you're not so sure, huh?
Ranma nods in reply.
Tanachi: [Returning in different clothes] Okay. Before we go anywhere, I need
to know everything.
Ranma: Well ... here's what I remember ....
Tanachi: Wow ... you know all these people? Looks like we have our work cut
out for us. Anyway it seems that we have to make your past the was it was
supposed to be, everything from the nannichuan water, to Shampoo, Cologne,
Ukyou, Mousse, Kirin, Toma, Happousai, Kodachi, Pansuto Taro ...
Ranma: I get the point. Looks like there's no going back now. What about
Ryouga?
Ryouga: What?!?
Tanachi: Don't worry. I don't think there's anything wrong with his past, except
for the Heitouenniichuan, but that doesn't affect your past, [Thinking] I think
[Aloud] so we can leave Ryouga alone. [Ryouga calms down.] Besides, from what
I could see, a lot of the problems that you have is due to the fact that you get
lost so easily. You need to know how to follow directions; you need to know
what they mean.
Ryouga: Are you saying that if I didn't get lost I wouldn't be so miserable?
Tanachi: Yes.
Ryouga face faults. Ranma grins a bit and pats him on the back.
However, Ryouga takes it the wrong way and begins to attack Ranma.
Tanachi: Ryouga! This is not time for this.
Ryouga: [Stopping himself in a midair kick] Sorry. [Falls down]
Tanachi: Any more questions? No? Alright! Then let's do it
Ryouga: For Akane!
Tanachi: Right! Let's go!
Right then, the waiter comes with a big bill. Ranma and Ryouga are
cowering slightly since they have no money. Calmly, Tanachi gets out his wallet
and pays the meter long bill.
Ranma: Where did you get that kind of money?
Tanachi: Souvenir sales. I'll explain later. We'll meet at the park in two hours.
I have to do something first.
{Later, at a park}
Tanachi: All right! Let's go!
Ranma: What about Ryouga and Happousai?
Tanachi: Don't worry about them. Once we go back to the past, everything in
the future will be alright.
Tanachi gets an onion out and drops a tear on it.
Tanachi: Take us to Tokyo, October 12, 1965!
With a brief flash, the two vanish.
Part Three: Double time
Ranma: [Looks around at the place they just arrived at] Are we here?
Tanachi: [Picks up another newspaper that some man just threw away] Yep.
Now remember, absolutely do not interfere with anything!
Ranma: Okay! Okay! I won't! Sheesh. Anyway, what do you plan to do?
Tanachi: [To himself] It's still hard to believe that your father did all that.
He's such a nice guy ... oh well [to Ranma] I'm not sure how to make him a total
worthless, incompetent, selfish, scheming, food-snatching, can't-read-Chinese,
idiotic, stupid, sneaky ...
Ranma: [Slightly miffed] I already know that ...
Tanachi: Hmm ... too bad we can't find out anything more about your real past
while we're in this alternate timeline. Hmm ... oh! ... no ... but ... maybe not ...
Ranma: [Tapping his foot] Well?
Tanachi: [Scratching his head] I'm still thinking ... from what I could tell, you
could you more of that as well.
Ranma: [Scowls] ...
Tanachi: Ah! Yes! Well ... maybe not. Oh well, it's the only way.
Ranma: What is?
Tanachi: We're going to have to make you father take on a grand quest to save
the world.
Ranma: WHAT!?! He's can't even save himself from a stupid curse, for crying
out loud. All he needs to do is get airfare to China and he even botches that
up!
Tanachi: We both know that, but he doesn't. Or at least he used to ... or is
that he will or is that he would have? Oh dear ... when one time travels,
grammar can get awfully confusing. Anyway, we have to make him have a big
ego ... he has to train his son to save the world. If his son isn't competent,
then he has to fulfill it himself, but at the cost of his life. He's not the self-
sacrificing type, so he's bound to train you.
Ranma: [Thinking] Oh no. He's not planning *that*, is he?
Tanachi: Pity we have to do this ... but remember, it's for Akane.
Ranma: Right!
The two leave the area and head for Genma Saotome's house.
{A short while later}
Genma: I can't handle that kind of task.
Ranma: [A bit exasperated] What about the hiryuu shoutenha move that I taught
you? What about the fight? [Walks up to Genma] Doesn't that count for
anything?
Genma: [Walking back up against the wall, visibly sweating] Can't you get
another person to do the quest?
Tanachi: [Waves hand in front of Genma's face] Hello!! We just said that you
were the *only* person this quest was meant for. If the world gets destroyed
*just* because you don't want to fulfill your duty ... we will be ... most
displeased.
Ranma cracks his knuckles for added emphasis.
Genma: Uh ... [his head droops down] All right, you win.
{Several days of added emphasis later}
The two are looking back on Genma ... who does not look so good for the
"practice."
Ranma: Are you sure he'll be a jerk now?
Tanachi: Uh-huh, I'm sure ... well maybe ... I hope so.
Ranma: !
Tanachi: Okay, okay! I'm not sure ... but the only way to be sure is to go into
the future and find out.
Ranma: I hope you're right.
Tanachi: Do we have everything and everyone?
Ranma: Yep! ... [hears a faint squeaking noise] hold on a sec.
At that moment, P-chan comes running by as a black bullet. He runs by
the two because he is being chased by 5 cute girls who want to adopt him, 3
butchers who want him on the menu, 3 men in black suits attempting to capture
him for their wealthy but lonesome master who wants him to be his pet, 2 police
officers who thought that the pig was stolen, and an animal expert who wants
him stuffed and mounted. Ranma runs up to P-chan, passing the crowd in the
process.
Ranma: [Wryly] Ryouga, you sure got yourself into a mess this time.
P-chan faces to bite Ranma, but on turning his head, the sight of the large
menacing crowd convinced him not to. Ranma then proceeded to pick Ryouga up
by his bandanna and jumps on top of a nearby roof to escape the crowd.
Tanachi: It's a good thing that you found Ryouga ... [thinking] I hope he
didn't mess up this future. [Aloud] All right! Let's go.
Tanachi does the usual onion thing and transports them back to the
present, only this time, everything seems normal, including the usual number of
disturbances caused by Happousai. Everybody just stands there in the middle
of the street. Well, almost everybody - Ryouga disappeared as usual. Moments
later, Akane turns in from a corner and she does not look happy.
Akane: [Angry and irritated] Ranma!
Ranma: [Walking backward while struggling to think of an excuse] Wait a sec,
I can explain!
Akane: Can the excuses. We're going to be late for the wedding!
Ranma: [Silently] Wedding!?!? Oh no ... not again.
This timeline proceeds along the same lines as the previous one, i.e. the
ceremony barely starts when the Shadow comes to swoop her away. Ranma tries
even more valiantly, knowing who he is expecting, but instead of getting
punched, he gets zapped with electricity. As usual (i.e. in the case of Akane-
kidnappings) the entire household, along with the entire gang (i.e. Kunou,
Mousse, Shampoo, Cologne, Happousai, Ukyou) meet to charge into Mt *****.
The entire group passed the first gate with no problems, i.e. the
disintegrating floor ... except for Tanachi who was as pale as a sheet. The entire
gang arrived to face Tourai once more. However, this time Ranma and Ryouga
had no problems anticipating and dodging his attacks. Everybody but Genma and
Soun left with the two for the next gate. (They stayed behind to watch Tourai
in case he comes to, or so Genma and Soun said)
They all ran until they arrived that the third gate ... kind of. Shampoo
read the Chinese and said that this is really the second gate since the very first
gate is really the entrance to this mountain and isn't worthy of being called a
gate. However, the third gate did not look like much of a gate either. It was
a huge cylindrical shell about 30 meters in diameter and 20 meters high. It had
numerous vertical holes that looked like tall versions of medieval glassless
windows. The entire group stepped into the structure, looking around nervously
as they headed toward the exit. There was a sudden breeze and a guy dressed
in sky blue appeared, falling from the sky, but landing on a miniature tornado.
Wind man: I am Shinobu. Keeper of the second gate. I take it that you are
crashing the wedding.
Ranma: Yes we are. Let us pass and you won't get hurt.
Shinobu: Do you think that you can defeat me this easily? Hurricane punch!
He would have thrown an ordinary punch were it not for a strong blast
of wind that shot out. Ranma and the others jumped out of the way, but Kunou
was not as observant. (In case you are wondering, Tanachi is standing at the
entrance scared to death).
Ranma: [Charging up] Hiryuu shoutenha!
Ranma threw his tornado punch, but at the same moment, Shinobu
countered with a tornado punch of his own but with the opposite spin. They
headed toward each other and combined. They whole group expected it to cancel
each other out, but was very surprised when the tornado instead grew stronger
and tossed them all about. Shinobu constantly had them on the defensive,
blasting out various air strikes.
Meanwhile Tanachi stands next to one of the windows. He feels a breeze
every time Shinobu launches an attack nearby.
Tanachi: [Thinking] Can it be? Are these holes directing the wind for that
Shinobu guy? Of course! [Aloud] Guys! Destroy these holes to stop the source
of his power!
The entire gang hears and starts to bash the walls. Shinobu tried to stop
then, but the large, irregular holes began to curtail his power output.
Mustarding all the power he had, he began to summon a huge tornado.
Ryouga: [thinking Ranma's marrying Akane ... grrr] Shishi houkoudan!
The blast leveled the entire complex .. a bit too well. What was left of the
Shinobu's tornado and the flying dust was that Cologne got buried neck high in
the stuff. Her usual techniques would not work against powdery stuff like this.
She knew that there was a way to get out ... if only she could remember the
proper move. Likewise Ukyou was also trapped, but she had a spatula to help
dig her out ... now if the debris did not slip off so easily, she would have been
out by now.
What was left of the gang, Ranma, Ryouga, Shampoo, Mousse, and Tanachi,
approached the fourth gate. Like the third, this one was also very odd. It was
a mere fence surrounding a medium lake that was in the depression between the
two mountains.
Entire gang: [Thinking] Oh no, not water!
Woman in green: [Popping out of the surface of the water] I am Luna, keeper
of third gate. No one may pass without my permission.
Tanachi: Luna? I thought that meant moon. Aren't you supposed to have a
name like Aquaria or something watery?
Luna: [Thinking] How does he know my real name? [Aloud] Shut up!
Ryouga: Unless you want a fight, move aside and take your water with you.
Luna: Fine! Tsunami thrust attack!
With that came a huge wave of water. Everyone tried to run away, but it
was much too fast. Luna expected to see five unconscious people, four males and
one female. However, she was very surprised to see that although Ranma was
still there, a small black pig with a yellow bandanna, a duck with glasses, a cat,
and an unconscious male in its wake.
Ranma: I hate this!
With that, he dives in trying to get Luna. However, if Ranma had used his
brain, he would have realized that fighting an aquatic being in the water is
generally not a good idea. In the meanwhile, P-chan and Shampoo-neko waited
at the beach since neither of them could swim in their present condition. Mousse
swaddled around for a while before he finally realized that he could fly over to
the other side. Once he got there, he read a small sign:
Warning! Do not touch!
(Signed) Luna
Below the sign was a chain. Since he had not intention of obeying Luna, he
decided to give the chain a tug with his beak. Nothing happened.
The fight was faring badly for Ranma. He was getting blasted and blasted
and blasted. Finally in desperation, he make it to the shore and convinces
Tanachi (soggy, but awake now) to put the cat in her face. Both manage to
overcome their fears temporarily to do so. Ranma yaoled; he was in full cat-
mode. With that, he jumped back into the lake, shredding the water-pillar attack
that Luna was using so frequently. Even her dedicated sharks were beaching
themselves to avoid getting caught by Ranma. The fight was now even.
Back on the shore, Mousse-duck has gotten the chain wrapped around a
boulder. With a considerable difficulty, he rolls the boulder over the ledge.
However, the chain holds fast ... for all of one second. With a loud "plop!" a
huge, black, rubber plug splashes out of the lake and into the canyon.
Luna: [Sees the vortex forming in the middle of the lake] Oh, oh ...
Within a few seconds, the entire lake empties into the drain, Ranma
swimming furiously to get out. Luna, however, is not so luck and twirls around
for several moments in the hole before going down under (which, BTW, is where
she eventually ends up).
A few moments pass as our intrepid gang is narrowed to one and quarter
able persons (P-chan and Shampoo did not count and Tanachi could not fight).
After a steep uphill climb, they reached the fourth gate. It was impressively
ostentatious, arrayed in marble and decorated with rubies and emeralds. They
noticed that it got hotter as they came closer. Once they entered the gate, they
could swear that the place was a blast furnace.
Man dressed in red: I am Fireli, keeper ...
Ranma: keeper of the fourth gate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we know all that. We'll
just go and spare you the trouble of being defeated.
Fireli: Don't be so smart miss! Heat wave attack!
P-chan, Shampoo managed to duck under, due to their size. Mouse flew
over, but Ranma and Tanachi caught the full brunt of the attack.
Ranma and Tanachi: [Steam rising from their once-soggy clothes] Hot!!
Fireli: [Looking at the now male-Ranma] Flambe attack!
He throws a fireball that rolls along the ground, causing everything it's
touching to catch on fire. The two duck behind a boulder to hide.
Fireli: You can't hide there forever! Fire storm!
He tosses a lump of fire into the air which breaks apart and rains glowing
embers behind the boulder.
Ranma: [Trying to shield his head from the embers] He's right. We can't stay
here much longer if he keeps this up.
Tanachi: [Calm and reserved] Don't worry ... we'll be out of here in a few
minutes. They should be here in ...
Ranma: Who's they?
Tanachi: Five ... four ... three ... two ... one ... *cough* *cough*!
Tanachi was coughing because a green smoke cloud that just appeared.
In the midst of the smoke was a young lady with green hair who just fwoshed
in.
Young lady: Miss Akemi of International Magic Express. [Poofs in two packages]
Here's your packages sir. [Poofs in a clipboard] Please sign here.
Tanachi: [Signs it] Impeccable timing. [Gives her some money] Have lunch on
me!
Akemi: Thanks! Bye! [Fwoosh!]
Tanachi: *Cough* [To himself] Gotta remind myself to order some gas masks [To
Ranma] [In a really ecstatic mood] It's here!
Fireli: [Irritated] I said that you can't stay there forever!
Ranma: [Steps out from behind the boulder. He is wearing a silvery suit]
You're right. We'll be going now.
Tanachi: [Also dressed in a silvery suit] See ya!
Fireli: Heat blast!
The blast heads toward the two but merely bounces off.
Fireli: NOOOO!!!
Ranma: [To Tanachi] Too bad you don't have any more of these for the others.
Tanachi: Yeah, but they should be safe as long as they stay outside the gate.
Meanwhile, at the gate, the duck and the cat try to approach the gate, but
violent outbursts of fire keep them at bay. After another grueling hike, they
manage to arrive at the mountain castle. With a silent nod from Ranma (and
trembling one from Tanachi) the two enter.
Voice: I'm glad you could make it to the wedding ceremony.
{At the rear of the castle, Akane is dressed in a beautiful wedding gown.
However, she is tied to the wall by magical bonds on both her arms and feet}
Akane's voice: [She hears noises] Ranma?
Ranma: Akane!
Akane: Ranma!
Ranma: [To the voice] If you hurt Akane in any way I'll ...
Voice: [Walking into the open; it is the Shadow] You'll what?
Ranma: I'll kill you!
Shadow: We'll see about that. Tornado punch!
Ranma easily dodges it but Tanachi isn't so lucky. He catches the full
force of it and is slammed into the wall, unconscious. Ranma sees this and
renews his efforts.
Ranma: [Charging in] Kachu tenshin amaguriken!
He throws 479 punches, but they all hit an invisible barrier
Ranma: [Shakes his red fists] Owch! Owch! Hiryuu shoutenha!
His punch is powerful and reaches into the ceiling, but the Shadow is not
there to receive it. The roof manages to hold fast.
Shadow: Hah! You missed.
Right then, one of the ceiling blocks, loosened by the tornado, falls and
hits him on the 'noggin.
Shadow: [Bump on his head] Grrr ... fire fists!
He throws off many punches, like Ranma's tenshin amauriken, but his are
glowing red with heat. Some of them make contact and leave singe marks on
Ranma's shirt.
Ranma: [In pain] Ahh! [Regains his pose] Grr ...
While intense fighting continues, Tanachi open his eyes. He looks at the
two fighting. A drop of water falls on him, causing his to shudder a little. He
looks up and sees the dark ceiling, including the small hole. Brief flashes of
lightning illuminate the interior before the deep rumble that shakes the castle
slightly.
Shadow: No more of this wimpy stuff. [He raises his hands which begin to glow]
Lighting attack!
Ranma tries to dodge the attack, but the electric arcs pursue him and zap
him. Ranma collapses momentarily.
Shadow: [Grinning evilly] Lighting attack!
Time after time, he zaps Ranma, who has barely enough strength to try and
crawl away.
Shadow: Lightning ball!
A ball of crackling electricity materializes in his hand. He proceeds to take
aim and bowl it along the ground at Ranma, who is too weak to notice. It closes
in ... 10 meters ...5 meters ... 2 meters ... 1 meter. As he was about to cackle,
the ball abruptly dissipates up a rod.
Tanachi: [Holding a staff] I think that's quite enough. [Shakes his head]
[thinking] Dang! He gave me such a bad headache.
Shadow: I should have destroyed you while I had the chance ... what a
nuisance. Lightning attack!
Tanachi stood fast as his staff absorbed the blast. He managed to walk
forward while absorbing the other blasts that the Shadow threw in frustration.
Only too late did the Shadow realize the meaning of the blue glow on the staff.
Tanachi: [Grinning] It's my turn now. Capacitor discharge attack!
The glow fades for a moment.
Tanachi: Huh?
Shadow: Hah! Your attack failed! Now die!
The Shadow raises his hands above his head and prepares a huge ball of
energy. Meanwhile, Tanachi looks through his bag for a few precious moments
before he finds a small booklet entitled _Magical Lightning Staff_: owner's
manual.
Tanachi: [Face brightens up] Oh yeah! Capacitor discharge attack! [Thrusts
the staff into the ground, aiming its tip at the Shadow]
Shadow: [Launching his ball] Consummation Blast!
The glow on the staff increases in brightness greatly for a second before
it sent a blindingly bright blue beam [try saying that five times quickly ^_^]
toward the Shadow. The two attacks meet in between the two [Don't they
always?] in an iridescent array that lights up the entire inside. Ranma regains
his consciousness slightly and looks on as the two attacks hold their own for all
of one second. The beam quickly pierces the ball and strikes the Shadow in the
chest. He is knocked into the wall, leaving an indentation just below the huge
dragon statue looming overhead. Gravity took over and forced him to fall on his
face. Tanachi was watching the Shadow and didn't notice that the remaining
diffuse blast was headed his way. It struck him down and blew the staff away
a considerable distance.
A few moments pass and Tanachi regains consciousness and stirs a bit.
However, by that time, the Shadow is already up and armed.
Shadow: [A bit shakily] I have had enough of you! [Lightning begins to
crackle between his hands] Die ... urk!
Ranma: [In ki blast throwing position] No! Your fight is with me!
Shadow: So ... you're still alive, eh?
Ranma: Which is more than I can say for you! Kachu tenshin amaguriken!
He throws 329 punches. All his strikes land since there's no barrier, but
they still aren't doing much damage. Tanachi manages to look up and see a dim
glow in the dragon statue's eyes. The shadow attacks with tornado blasts that
Ranma manages to avoid. Coming up from behind, Ranma manages to land several
more punches, again having little effect. Tanachi again notices the dim reddish
glow.
Shadow: [Grinning maniacally] You can't hurt me that way!
He stops his attacks in anticipation of a heavy strike. Ranma grabs a
nearby large block and throws it. It hits the Shadow directly in the face, but
it hardly fazes him.
Tanachi: [Sees the red glow] Hmm [Thinking] Call me stupid, but I think that
statue has something to do with that guy's defense. [Out loud] Ranma! Hit the
statue!
Shadow: Death arrow! [Throws a thin blue blast that does look like an arrow]
Ranma jumps out of the way, but it scores on his lower right leg. He
collapses in pain as he crashes down.
Shadow: [Grinning maniacally] It's over now.
Ranma: Not yet!
His hands glow as he throws a ki blast directly on the statue head,
obliterating whatever was inside in a cloud of brilliant red smoke.
Shadow: [Blinks] Did you really think that will stop me? Now die fool!
He raises his hands to strike, but is hit in the head with a small pebble.
He turns around and sees Tanachi holding a handful of the rocks along with his
staff.
Shadow: I should've finished you off while I had the chance. [He steps forward
in a menacing manner]
Tanachi: [Realizes that he has the Shadow's full attention] Eh ... um ...
Capacitor Discharge Attack! [He strikes the ground with the staff but nothing
happens] Oh, oh ... all out of juice.
As he lifts his hands again to strike, Tanachi saw a bright light grow from
behind the Shadow. When it struck, the Shadow fell face down, smoking.
Tanachi sees Ranma also collapse, his energy spent.
The dark mantle that surrounded the Shadow crackled with the blue arcs
and then dissipated to leave a prone guy - Hikaru Gosunkugi dressed only in
boxers.
Tanachi: Eh?
Gosunkugi: [Groaning] What happened?
Tanachi: I'd like to know that as well [Crackling his knuckles] Owch!
Freed from her magical bonds, Akane runs up to Ranma.
Akane: [Tears in her eyes] Ranma! Are you alright?
She gets no response.
Akane: [Shaking him] Ranma! Ranma! Come on!
Ranma: [Opening his right eye and then his left] ... of course ... I'm ... not ...
alright ...
Akane: Ranma! [Hugs him tightly]
Ranma: Owch!
Akane: Releases him ... sorry... [She hold onto his hand]
Ukyou, Shampoo, Mousse, Soun, Genma: [Running in] Did we miss anything?
Epilogue
{Voice-over by Tanachi}
Everything is fine now. It seems that Gosunkugi had stumbled unto a
magical mantle which was filled with dark forces. But since it's toasted now, I
think everything will return back to normal - whatever that is. I was wondering
why he didn't threaten to hurt Akane during the fight ... I guess his will was
strong enough to repress it ... who knows. Anyway, now that I look back, I
forgot to re-curse Ranma like I thought we needed to. Forgetful me, but since
everything seems to be okay now, there's no need to subject him to that sort of
trouble.
Ranma: [coming up from behind] Tanachi!
Tanachi: [Jumps up] Eep!
Ranma: Sorry about startling you like that.
Tanachi: It's okay, after all we've been through.
Ranma: I'd like to thank you for your help in saving Akane ... I wouldn't have
made it if it weren't for you.
Tanachi: No sweat ... what are friends for?
Ranma: Thanks!
They give each other a firm handshake ... a little too firm.
Tanachi: [Grabbing his hand] Owch!
Happousai: [Running closer with a bucket of water in his right hand] I'm
coming my dear Ranma-chan!
Ranma ducks out of the way of the incoming water but ...
Tanachi: [Turning around] Huh?
<Splash!>
Tanachi: [Drenched] Gahh! Cold! I just had a shower too!
Ranma: Ehh? [Eyes bulging out] Tanachi! ... you're ... you're
Tanachi: What? Why does my chest feel so tight? [She takes one look at
herself before fainting.]
Ranma: [Turning around] Happousai!!
<Splash!>
Ranma-chan: I'm going to get you for this! [Begins chasing Happousai]
{A month later}
Ranma reads a letter from Tanachi:
Dear Ranma,
After spending several weeks with this curse, I can finally understand
girls ... mostly ... a little ... maybe not. Anyway, I met a nice girl named Maiko
and I'm actually friends with her (not a girlfriend ... yet). Anyway, not too long
ago, I went back to China and got the nannichuan water so I'm cured now. A
package should soon follow this one, and it has a bottle of the water for your
cure. Good luck with your marriage to Akane. Don't forget to invite me to the
wedding!
Your friend,
Tanachi.
{The next day}
Ranma: [Holding a smashed, dripping box] No, no no no.
Akane: [Holds his ear] Come on ... we have lots of work to do.
Ranma: No, no. Owch! No ...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Afterword:
This is my first real Ranma fanfic (I previously wrote a 120 page parody
of Ranma for a writing class, but that doesn't count) and I hope you all like it.
I tried to take the characterizations from the TV episodes and the movies, along
with some Korean and English-translated manga. I've also read *every* Ranma
fanfic out there, many good, some bad. I've had this in the works for a long
time, but I didn't post it up because I hated reading unfinished stories (hint,
hint). I'm horrible with making up names, so I hope Tanachi, the co-protagonist,
is a guy's name.
I got this idea for this story from, of course, _Back to the Future_, a cool
series of movies. I figured, if the Nanban mirror existed, it could cause
precisely the same mishap times the wackiness level in Ranma. I got a hint of
an idea from Actor in the Mirror, but most of the plot is my original synthesis
(or is that phrase a paradox?).
Tanachi is partially based on myself, except that he can't handle women
whereas I can't remember names. (Yes, my memory of names is really that bad.).
He doesn't have many abilities except for the fact that he runs really quickly 1)
from women, and 2) from rain and that he is smarter than Ranma, not that this
is saying much.
If you have any questions, comments, queries, praises, manifestos,
_constructive_ criticism, please email them to ranmakun@welchlink.welch.jhu.edu
or david_yi@jhunix.hcf.jhu.edu. All flames will be redirected to /dev/null.
Seriously, I'd like to know if I'm making serious mistakes about the Ranma 1/2
continuum. If there are serious discrepancies, I'll post a bug fix.
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-,V-.;'./^\-='+-""+o-_#./^\_.='-=O'-=.w-.'~.*-.='-';=.'^^ ^^'O=.+-n.[-=*_'.,
David C. Yi's Internet Aquarium - Ranma 1/2-BGC-Porco Rosso-Laputa-MI-KOR