Ranma 1/2: Reality Bites, Hard.
                              Part 1.pa

                        By Bruce R. Brunk
                      brbrunk@agora.rdrop.com

  This is a bit more, the redone prologue and the first Akane section.  
I'm looking for mechanical/stylistic advice still at this point, along 
with other comments.  As comedies are harder to write than dramas, 
(especially for a guy who's last fictional writing attempt was when he
was 10) and the subject matter (of my story, not Ranma) isn't all that
funny to begin with, don't expect multiple, intentional chuckles.
(Laughing at my writing is a whole other subject.)

[* Insert standard "This is my first fanfic attempt don't flame" whine. *]
Hate this, don't flame me, I'll ignore it.  If you would like me to 
just go back to lurker mode, just don't respond.  If I don't hear 
anything I'll fade away faster.


[* Insert standard legal jargon. *]
IE none of the characters are mine, the ultimately belong to Rumiko
Takahashi.  She can sue me for everything I'm worth and come out with
less money than she started with. So on with the show

Prologue

  It is a Saturday morning at the Tendo Dojo, in the kitchen, after an 
unusually quite breakfast.  Ranma, helping bring in the dishes, stops,
looks around and seeing that nobody else is around, says "Kasumi"

  "Yes, Ranma?"

  "Well, I was wondering, just in case you get sick again, or have to 
be out around dinner time, with your sister's cooking ability and all.  
If you could teach me a couple different types of recipes.  I'm afraid 
that my skills stop at salads and vegetable stir-fry, Pop never having 
enough money for meat and stuff like that."    "What's wr.. Oh-oh."


Kasumi worriedly and lets out a little squeak, "Oh my."

The cause of Kasumi's outburst, is clear Akane, having just walked in, 
obviously overhearing everything.  Obviously because of the blue 
aura surrounding her.  Also having just pulled out sledge hammers, 
#37, her least favorite, which was why she kept it hidden between the 
fridge and the cabinet.


  "Ba, Ba, BAKA!!!!" yelled the short haired girl.  For some reason
today, instead of an overhead smash Akane swings the head of the hammer
up and away from Ranma and in her best Peter Jacobsen impersonation
swings the hammer down, around and up, making clean contact with
Ranma's chin as he turned around.  This, of course, sends him through
the roof.  However, instead of going cleanly through it, his left
shoulder hits a crossbeam spinning him around so that he flies out feet
first.

  "Akane, that didn't look to good.  I've never seen Ranma fly out
of here like that."  Kasumi observes.  

  "He'll be fine." replies Akane, "It looks like he'll land at Dr
Tofu's clinic."  to herself she adds, "Why does he always have insult
my cooking!"


Dr. Tofu's clinic 5 minutes later.

  Dr. Tofu sits at his desk, reading a book titled "27 Methods of
Drying Ginseng Root With Effects on the Shelf Life of Poultices."   A
thunderous racket, coming from his waiting room, jars him from his
concentration.

  "Oh great!  Who is it this time?  I'd better have Genma get
over here tomorrow.  I'll need it cleaned up before..." 
  All thoughts of fixing his office fades from his mind as he catches
his first glimpse of Ranma.  Nothing unusual there. Landed on his face, 
body somewhat perpendicular to the ground, again normal.  However what
was not normal was that while Ranma's right hand was in the proper
"Please spirits, this is gonna hurt" position.  His left arm was
hanging limp.  Not good.  Moving closer Tofu could see that Ranma was
pale, _very_ pale.  Then he saw the blood.



Chapter 1

  Late afternoon arrives at the dojo proper, Akane works on her katas.
As she finishes her last movement, her mind wanders, "I hope I didn't
hurt him too bad.  That jerk is usually home before this."  She shrugs
and resumes her practice, not quite as crisply as before.  She does not
hear the knocking at the front door.  Nor the familiar figure with the
unfamiliar look on his face, who enters the household.  She does,
however notice when her sister, Nabiki, walks in and she also notices
the puzzled look on Nabiki's face.

  "Sister," says Nabiki, "Dr Tofu would like to speak with you."

  "He does?  Is Ranma with him?"

  "Yes, he does, and no he isn't." Nabiki shifts her footing, "Sister,
I think something bad has happened.  Dr. Tofu showed up in surgical
pants and asked Father to get Mr. Saotome.  While Father was out he
_talked_ to Kasumi.  Then he walked into the kitchen with her, coming
out as Father and Mr. Saotome walked in."  Nabiki pauses, shifts her
footing and resumes, " You know what has me worried the most, little
sister?  The whole time he was with Kasumi, nothing happened.  He was
as calm as if he was with you or me.  His glasses didn't even fog up."

  "N-No." stutters Akane.

  "Yes." Nabiki returns, "Anyway, Dr. Tofu is in the Saotome's room
with Mr. Saotome, and he asked if you would wait outside the door
for them.

  "Hai." somehow mumbles past her lips and she starts to numbly walk
out of the dojo, in to the house.  Entering the house she shuffles
through the now empty living/dining room, over towards the stairs.
As she neared the top of the stairs, she sees her father standing
across the Saotome's door.   Their eyes meet.   After a period of
time, both at once seeming as an instant and an hour, she lowers her
eyes. She has nothing to say.  Not realizing her father has just done
the same thing.

  Her thoughts are chaotic at best,  "I hope he isn't..."  "He can't
be.." "He's always been ok before..."  Then from some dark place deep
with her,. someplace she wished didn't exist, but it did, she thinks,
"Well, what do I care, it's not like I like the guy or anything."  One
second later she is struck by what _she_ had just _thought_, struck
like one of Shampoo's Bonboris' in the gut.  So overcome by shame
and revulsion for her own thoughts, along with worry for Ranma, causes
Akane's mind to shut down.  She stands across the doorway with her
father, staring at the door, not a single conscious thought crossing
her mind.  She and her father stand there, she is alone in her misery,
but at least not alone.

  At some point DR Tofu walks out of the door and starts to talk
with her father.  None of this registers with Akane.  She just stares,
stares past  Genma, his face pale, body unmoving.  After another
meaningless period of  time Soun walks  into his friends room, shutting
the door behind him.

  Eventually the fact that Dr. Tofu is gently shaking and calling her
name, penetrates the fog of her mind.  "Hai."

  "Are you all right Akane?"

  "Hai." she mumbles.

  "Lets go to you room where you can sit down."

  Akane feels herself being lead back to her room. and being sat on
her own bed.

  Akane looks at Dr. Tofu, as he sits on one of her chairs, he seems
lost in thought, his body shifts as though he has come to some
conclusion and seems to turn his attention back to her.

  "Akane, are you sure your all right?"

  "Hai, sensei."

  "Kasumi said that you were the one who sent Ranma through the
ceiling this morning."

  "I'm sorry, I.." her words stall momentarily, "Is he .."

  "He's hurt very bad.."

  The weight falling from her shoulders might well have been her ears,
for all she hears of what follows.  He was still alive.  She doesn't
stop to analyze from where her exaltation comes from, she just revels
in it until she feels Dr. Tofu shaking her again.

  "Akane, were you listening to me?"

  "Ranma's alive."

  "Yes, but he's badly hurt.  He apparently hit a ceiling  crossbeam
with his left shoulder on his way out.  I found this hanging from an
l-brace on the beam."

  She sees the white scrap of silk being held up by the doctor.  It
matches the shirt Ranma was wearing that morning.

  "It was enough to shatter his collar bone, a fragment of which
damaged the main artery for his arm.  He needed a major blood
transfusion."

  "He will be ok though, right?"

  "Honestly, I don't know."  Tofu pauses, "I'm going to take Genma
to the hospital now and I felt I should check up on you before I did."

  Akane see Dr. Tofu get up and walk out of her door, she follows,
finding her father holding Genma's backpack, Mr. Saotome, and Kasumi
waiting in the hall.  Her father speaks.

  "Good, Akane, you're here.  I want you to accompany us to the
hospital, Nabiki will watch the house while we are gone."

  She follows behind the others, out towards Dr. Tofu's car.  Before
she leaves the house Nabiki entangles her arm and says.

  "Hey, what's wrong with Ranma?"

  "He broke his shoulder."

  "Is that it?"

  Disengaging her arm from her sister's, Akane replies, "No." and runs
to catch up with the others.


 Author's comments and questions.

First off thanks to Shannon, Thom and Charles.  I really needed those
suggestions (didn't really agree with your reasons Charles, but you were
still right, it needed changing, and I wouldn't have noticed on my own.)
Apparently people thought I was trying to hard to be funny with the book
title, "37 Methods of Drying ..."  I wasn't.  Oh well, I guess you had
to have spent a lot of time as a kid, in your father's office, looking at
stuff called "25 Different Varieties of Cold Sores, With Pictures and
Treatment Recommendations."  If the new title is still too forced I'll 
change it again.

Chapter 1 (the Akane section) should give you more of a feel as to how
I'm going to be handling things.  I wanted to have the prologue be
"normal" until the last paragraph.

I still have to do the last part (Chapter 2) of Part 1.  This deals
with Genma, much the same as I did with Akane.  One reason for doing
this is that I couldn't see Dr. Tofu telling _everything_ to a 16
year old.  I was trying to show him struggling with what to say, while
still keeping the chapter Akanecentric.  I also have some angles on
Genma I want to explore.  Anyway, mechanically I have 2 ways of doing
this 1) starting it about the time Dr Tofu shows up and following Genma
linearly, or 2) starting it when DR Tofu gets up to leave Genma's room
and doing a series of flashbacks.  For K.I.S.S. reasons I'm leaning
towards the former.  Any comments?

I hope to have the rewrite of chapter 1 and the first version of
chapter 2 done and posted by Sunday.


 ___________________________________________ _______________________________
| Bruce R. (just call me Ryoga) Brunk       | All those animals.            |
| Lake Oswego, Oregon                       | People eating Akane's cooking |
| Senior Systems Engineer, FEI America, Inc.| and liking it....   Something |
| brbrunk@agora.rdrop.com                   | weird is going on here!       |
| brbrunk@industrial.com                    | - Saotome Ranma               |
|___________________________________________|_______________________________|