Dusting off those C&C muscles...
Standard C&C Disclaimer: All the below is my only occasionally useful
humble opinion, my only occasionally correct grammatical and spelling
corrections, and/or my only occasionally funny humor.
David Johnston wrote:
"Man, what a dump!" Ranma assessed as he looked at the bar. It was
fairly large, but poorly maintained. The windows were too dirty to
see inside and there was a stench in the air from the fishing
trawlers at the near-by docks. "Why would she run to a place like
this?"
I'm fairly certain you don't need the dash in nearby.
Genma looked at him gloweringly, and said "If you can't figure it
out boy, I can't see how you expect me to. With your relationship
you _should_ understand her better than anyone else could ever hope
to."
I don't think gloweringly is a word. Suggest just "Genma glowered at him"
In any case, comma after gloweringly isn't needed, but one is needed
after said.
Comma needed after "figure it out" also.
As they entered, it wasn't hard to pick her out. A ring of patrons
surrounded her as she faced off against an opponent at least twice
her weight. He wasn't totally unskilled either. Genma quietly
said, "Military hand to hand...I'd say American Marine Corps."
"hand-to-hand"
Suggest a paragraph break here.
She wasn't bothering to try anything fancy though, just side
stepping her opponents attacks, then taking the openings revealed by
his attacks.
side-stepping, I believe.
Her opponent was taking a lot of punishment, but had
an almost Ryoga-like staying power.
Either "he had" or lose the comma.
Not much to say other than those corrections. It seems like you're
trying to keep some ambiguity as to whether the girl is Akane or Ranme
until the end; I don't think it works very well. The story might be
stronger if you dropped that element and instead were able to have some
more specific reactions/thoughts on Genma's and Ranma's parts.
Hope I said something useful.