Subject: [FFML] Re: [FanFic][SM] NETTG - Terra in Tokyo Ch.6
From: "Benjamin A. Oliver" <benjamin.a.oliver@gmail.com>
Date: 12/18/2006, 11:54 PM
To: Abdiel , ffml@anifics.com

Yaaay!  C&C!

On 12/17/06, Abdiel <gabriel_gabdiel@yahoo.com> wrote:
Standard C&C Disclaimer: I'd just like to remind you before we begin that I am
not God. At least not the Judeo-Christian God, as conventionally interpreted.

Might yew be SlagKgnorf, Lord of the Badger-Slayers, then?

Specifically, I am not omniscient. I may question something that happens in
your story which is, in fact, Actual Series Canon. I have precious little
experience with many 'Actual Series' events, and a lot of my perceptions are an
agglomeration of years of fanfics, numerous anime/cartoons/TV
shows/movies/books of both old and new, and assorted other tidbits.

Fine, as usual.  A reminder to take what is said with a grain of salt,
whether positive or negative. ^_^

Further, I am not omnipresent. I will say things shaped by my experiences;
other people more than likely have different experiences. If you've got five
thousand responses saying your story is the greatest thing since sliced bread
and I (pardon the pun) pan it,

*da-dum-thwissh!*

that's not indicative of any greater knowledge
on my part, merely a different perception/expectation/what have you.
Alternately, if I pan a story, that doesn't preclude the possibility that other
people reading it later will think it's the greatest thing since sliced bread,
so to all you readers reading this: Don't let me stop you.

But what if you like it--nay, LOVE it--and everyone else thinks it's
the worst thing since grilled peanut butter and cheese sandwiches?

It's like Siskel & Ebert or... um... Penn and Teller!

Well, not really.  Take the source into consideration, whether
lavished with praise or smacked around with a large wet fish.

Finally, I am not omnipotent. If I say something should be changed, you do not,
in fact, have to change it, if you don't want to, and you will not be visited
by plagues of frogs or anything of the sort. If you're satisfied with a story
the way it is, or with any factors I've said should be corrected, then leave
it.

Or, go ahead and change it randomly.  That's fun too! :D  Change a
story halfway through.  Bam!  Star Wars is now about a cowboy robot
angel that teaches a misfit baseball team the true meaning of
Christmas!

Oh, and oftentimes I'll rant. God generally doesn't.

In the Ten Commandments and Prince of Egypt, there's some spiffy rantage....

And my current victim is... ;)

...a mushroom!

...'course!  Gotta victimoise the mushrooms.  Otherwoise they gets awl
proideful and won't obey orders.  No dissention between the ranks!

On 4/22/06, Benjamin A. Oliver <boliver@email.arizona.edu> wrote:
Roight, then...

Gotten some comments back on the story...  Basically if you think the story's
been mediocre before this, it's improving significantly, starting with this
chapter.

(steeples hands) Eeeeexcellent. And since it's improving 'significantly', as
opposed to 'slightly', then it's only natural that my expectations are now a
bit higher than before. ;) Don't disappoint me. :P

There's someone who read the story that says his favorite scene in any
NETTG at all is in a later TinT chapter. ;)

It doesn't dissapoint much.  Well, maybe the ending, but that needs
work and could use some tweaking.  Kind of abrubt, really.

On the other hand, another pre-reviewer spent half the chapters
commenting on how sloppy my work was... but even he had a lot of good
things to say about some chapters.

Does it disappoint?  Almost certainly.  No one can live up to certain
kinds of hype.  Good thing I didn't hype it much. ^_^

(Will I be labeled an infidel and denier of the faith if I declare
that I actually liked the Star Wars prequels? ^_^)

Previously, Terra Incognita joined up with a fledgeling

fledgeling --> fledgling

Grammar Rule #0: Watch out for speling erors and typoes.

Right, right.  I always make typoes when in a rush.  And I seldom if
ever spellcheck any of my emails.  It's a wonder anything gets spelled
right. ^_^

group of miniskirted
superheroines, but hadn't been able to contribute much up to this point.
Earlier chapters are at the Florestica site:

http://boliver.florestica.com/tint/index.htm

BTW, suggest: miniskirted --> mini-skirted

Grammar Rule #73: Compound-descriptors should be hyphenated, and non compound
descriptors should be separated.

It's a tough call between those and certain kinds of compound words.
Negamafoozle, Nega-ma-foozle, whatchamacallit, what-cha-ma-call-it,
mini-skirted, miniskirted, grizzlybadger, grizzly-badger...  Odds and
ends.

The previous chapter had the title as, "And They All Died..."  And they did
all
die.

Yeah. They pulled a veritable X/1999 there. Indeedy.

I have that series around somewhere, I think... Never watched it
though.  I don't think there were enough time-travelers, aliens, and
espers or something like that.

And now, this chapter is...

Nuke 'Em 'Till They Glow!!
Terra in Tokyo

---Chapter 6:  But It Was Just a Dream.

(facefault)

Don't fear the cliches.  Face them head on and they will pass over and
through you.  They will BECOME you!!!

It's not the cliches that are a problem.  It's the implementation.
Y'know, like a good reader can make the phone book sound exciting?
Same with cliches.  It CAN be done in a perfectly proper manner.

The Kleppe: (berating my facefault) Try to avoid stock, cliched descriptions.
Picture the situation in your mind and try to come up with a fresh take on it.

Er... ^^;;

The Kleppe: Oh, like that's any better.

Fresh takes are overrated.  You have to tweak the words so that it
fits, is appropriate, etc.  Maybe make old things become new for the
reader.

After all, you've seen overpowered random flat people face certain
cliches before.  But you've NEVER seen MY characters face these
particular cliches.

No, that wasn't true.  She
knew all too well that, despite her best efforts, she failed to save or even
aid
significantly her friends.

Hell, she's now experiencing FULL METAL ANGST!

Mylar(waddles on set):  Doesn't that depress you?  It depresses ME.
Mmmohhdear.  T_T

       Sure sucks to be you, doesn't it? a voice from inside the girl's head
said.
"Shut up," she moaned in reply.  She'd already been through insults from the

Suggest: She'd already been through enough insults from the

I agree.  Fixed in my copy.

       "What?  I didn't say anything," the Star Light Knight said, "and
neither did
I."  He twitched and pounded on his own head.  "Quiet, you!"

Heh. Two peas in an intergalactic destroyer's pod, they are.

Quite. ^_^  And a very accurate statement you have there, from a
certain point of view.

       "But don't worry," S.L.K. said.  "It'll all be over soon, thanks to
you.  After
all, if you can't be bothered to lift a finger to save your best buddies to
stop
the end of the world, I suppose you've got something better in mind.  Please,
tell me, I'd love to know your plan."

(palms face in frustration) About me being glad that S.L.K.'s more of a
nincompoop in this fic than in the last fic... I take it back.

"If you wanna be around when I make a mistake, this could be it!"

"Fine, I take it back!"

Making ANCs screw up royally and horribly with disastrous consequences
make them more interesting!  Didn't we discuss this?  Oh, so ya wanna
take it back now? ^_^

Y'know, I think I recall a couple people commenting on how they really
didn't like seeing Terra get tormented.  While I agree nobody deserves
to be the primary target of attention of Any ArbyFish....

But then, they probably hadn't seen a thousand Mary Sues before, in
all their shining overpowered glory, either.  That kind of raises
one's hackles a bit.  ^_^

       "Because I have no sympathy for you.  If you were me and had been
through all
I've been through, you'd have no sympathy for you, either.

Suggest: you, either --> you either

All right.  Changed in my copy.

Why?  Because you
won't do anything except feel sorry for yourself, you little whiny baby.

Heh. Well, he does have a point. And to think, it's this insensitivity of
S.L.K. that led to Carrot's creation of Insertion and his avatar self, which is
also an interesting point in and of itself.

NETTG Classic did inspire a few people to write more.  Something
appealed to them, and I'm glad they did.  It helps bring people out of
the closet and write more stuff.  Doesn't matter if it's junk;
practice improves over time.  Even if you didn't like the plot,
Carrot's technical writing skill did improve significantly by the last
couple series he worked on.

use it anymore, then your spirit is your weapon!  And that only gives out
when
you give up.  But you're right: if you've already given up, you have no
weapons."

Wow. Sounds deep. Ignoring uncalled-for racist connotations, it sounds Mr.
Miyagi-like or Fortune Cookie-like, even. Does he do yoga?

Well, he might.  But he's not a very deep person.  He's speaking
literally here. ^^

a difference, now's the time to start."  He gave her a casual two-finger
salute.
 "Cheers."

Heh. Beats a one-fingered salute. And what a motivational speaker S.L.K. is,
despite the fact that he curiously reminds me of certain self-inserts out
there.

Nothing works better on an ANC than simply slapping them upside the
head now and again.  Pain is the ultimate motivator!  Mwahahahh!

Fear will keep the other ANCs in line.  FEAR of this ArbyFish!

       As S.L.K. approached Jadeite, the knight started toying with him.
"Hey, Jed!
Whassup?"  He raised his hands raised in a feigned friendly manner.

Unless 'raised his hands raised' was used in a humorous manner (and it _is_ a
funny-looking sentence), suggest: had his hands raised in a feigned/raised his
hands in a feigned

Well, yes, funny sentence, but not in the way I originally intended. ^_^

Howsabouts....

	As S.L.K. approached Jadeite, the knight started toying with him.
"Hey, Jed!  Whassup?"  He raised his hands wide and feigned a friendly
manner.  "Remember all the fun times we had back on Mars?  Get over
here.  I've got something I want to show you."

       S.L.K. looked emotionally hurt.  "Not worth your time?  After I kicked
your
lousy donkey around town and back that first time?

Heh. I see. So this S.L.K. still has some Atomic left in him, apparently, what
with him remembering past continuity et al. Too bad the censors got a hold of
him in this continuity... (shakes head) 'Donkey' my ass.

It's kind of like George Lucas tacking on, "I've got a bad feeling
about this!" into the prequels.  Old references, y'see!

Besides, I got it from a Discworld novel.

Ridcully:  And then it'll be time to, what do they say, kick some
righteous donkey?
Other:  Ass, sir.  Kick some righteous ass!
Ridcully:  Was that it?  Hmm...

And so on.  Some discussion followed about a particularly righteous
animal in one of the major Discworld religions, etc. ^^

       The Star Light Knight then took out a bucket of water, labeled "Spring
of
Drowned *CUTE* Girl."

       Jadeite rolled his eyes and said, "Oh, please!  Not that sorry old
trick again.
 I'm immune to that now, thanks to our Great Leader."

Hmmm. And Jadeite knows of past continuity as well? Now that's just cheatin'.
No wonder the Generals were prepared this time around. They did learn from
their mistakes and carried over what they've learned in this new and exciting
fic universe.

I'd say... it's more of antics that took place in the past life era.
But... who knows?  Maybe there was some basic karmic learning from
ancient mistakes.

Besides, the Jadeite in NETTG Classic is kind of an intellectual now.
Totally did a character rewrite on that one.  The old personality was
really... youma possession!  Yeah, that's the ticket!

Author powers trump all.  They are all as pawns for my amusement!  Mwahahaah!

to reveal a device with a digital counter on it, which was only a couple of
seconds away from zero.  He took it out and thrust it up against the
general's
face.  "THERMONUKE TO THE HEAD!!!"

And look here, he's going to use the last of his atomic-ness to...

Wait for it...

       The device fizzled and let out a puff of smoke.

Ah sou. So he really is S.L.K. sans A.

Yup.  Just a Renegade Robot Knight in Shining Armor! ^_^

       YES, Terra shouted within herself.  Let's go further!

Deux ex machina, yo!

'Course!  If there ever was a time for a plot device, it'd be right about then.

Terra's now tapping in on the power that a thousand protagonists have when
faced with a time of great need, endangered loved ones, and a crisis of epic
proportions. (for references, see the climactic scenes of the following:
Superman, Naruto, Yuyu Hakusho, Ranma 1/2, ad infinitum)
Well, seeing that she's practically Metallia or Orochi or <insert force of
nature here>, only stronger, it'd make sense for her to go to the
reality-bending route. Though the harder, more complex route you had her take
to accomplish is applause-worthy to boot.

Yup!  I'm glad you've taken it in that way.  If a protagonist CAN'T
call upon some incredible power to save the day when all seems bleak,
then why in the world do we want to watch them, except for sheer
morbid curiosity?

The reason why you're reading this particular story is to see what
route this particular main character uses.

Besides, I've scarcely seen a proper anime that didn't involve calling
upon that extra power boost at some point.  It's real cool when it
happens.  The main character, battered and beaten and broken, stands
back up one last time and unleashes the gigantic power that's been
held back all this time!  Usagi has Moon Princess powers, Naruto has
that nine-tailed demon fox, and Terra has... that great big
galaxy-destroying entity as her true identity!

If someone can look at your character, shrug, and note that she kind
of fits into the genre, then you as an author have probably done your
job.

It's like when the two robots were introduced into Excel Saga halfway
through.  They kept getting blown up and didn't make all the other
characters totally useless.  They fit right in! ^_^

       Then Terra couldn't take it anymore.  Her mind burned.  However it
happened,
whether by expending effort to send her brain patterns back in time or by
actually changing the universe around her, it expended a lot of effort.

But of course, to keep things interesting, we have to keep in to use the plot
device to a minimum and involve some sort of limit to it or else we'll be
having yet another episode of Dragonball Z where Goku powers up and saves the
world yet again.

Yup.  Besides, it strains believability when a character has all that
power, knows how to use it, and yet doesn't.  C'mon, if I could
obliterate the enemy bosses with little or no effort, don't you think
I'd be doing it all the time?

But... putting in a major serious and believable limitation makes the
high-power moments all the more special.  You think this sort of
thing's going to be happening in every scene?  No, it's a spiffy
moment!

Like in Bleach when that, "Ba~na~ba~naa!  If ya wanna see some
ack~shun!" music comes on.  It's something special!  ...that happens
every other episode.  Oh, all right, so bad example. ^_^

       Despite the pain, Sailor Chibimoon refocused her determination.  "NO,"
she
intoned, rising to her feet.  "I WILL PROTECT THEM THIS TIME!"  The power
within her flickered, but remained strong.  She grasped time again and pulled
it to nearly a halt.

Wow. I feel myself cheering for a Sue. I thought I'd never see the day. ^_^ Her
'face' turn from being a 'heel' is certainly more believable and successful
than Randy Orton's, as far as I'm concerned. :P

We've beaten her up enough in past episodes.  You've seen the
pathetic, warty sides of her personality.  Time for her to get back
up, brush herself off, and... KICK SOME RIGHTEOUS DONKEY!! XD

Character balance isn't just about making characters suffer.  It's
also about making them rock when the time comes! ^_^

And if their... rockiness also makes them suffer, so much the better!

       The girl forced her legs to move faster as she sped toward her target.
 Her
knees rattled and little by little her muscles snapped.

Ow. That's gonna leave a mark.

The super speed without the super muscles.  Imagine Rock Lee from
Naruto if he were out of shape and trying to move at hypersonic
speeds.

       "Sailor Chibimoon, no!" Sailor Jupiter cried when she saw what state
her new
friend was in.  "I'll get you for this, you--"  Then she stopped when she
discovered that Nephrite was in far worse condition.  "Oh, YECCH!"

So much for Naru's angsty-love with Nephrite, but then again she doesn't live
in Juuban anymore.

Yup, she's out of the picture.  Nephrite can die at the plot's pleasure now. ^_^

       Terra cried out in pain again when she tried to move.  "Oh, I paid for
that all
right," she said weakly.  She would likely never walk again, for one thing,
and
she'd need to relearn how to write with her left hand.  That is, provided she
survived.

Wow. A "Suethor" that knows conflict is infinitely more interesting than
exaggerated powers. Indeed, exaggerated powers plus conflict equals...
long-suffering Sue protagonists, that's what! ^^;

^_^  Character balance.  High points and low points.  Having one
without the other is just as bad.

Your character CAN have exaggerated powers.  In fact, the character
HAS to have something special about them or we don't care about them
anyway.  But if they don't have to work at it just like everyone else,
that strains believability.  Like you mentioned about your "Mary Sue
BS Detector," credibility is oftentimes lost without this kind of
balance.

Not always, but that's the trend.  It depends on the story and the
skill of the author.

Besides, if by now you still think that Terra's kind of a
self-insert... you must think I HATE myself. ^_^

Jack Carver (Self-Extraction): Would you like us to put you out of your misery
now?

Terra(quivers as a squishy lump on the pavement):  Mmohhdear...

       "Troublesome brat," Jadeite said, "now that you're done interfering.
I'll just
finish you all off now."  He stuck out his hand and a long sharp crystal
sword
appeared in it.  He raised it over Sailor Mars' head.

Go, Mars! Go Manga all over Jadeite's ass!

Wait for it...

       Then she remembered his words:  "And when your body's broken and you
can't use
it anymore, then your spirit is your weapon!"

Well color me green and call me grasshopper...

I think I've just found a new favorite expression of surprise. ^_^

And here I was thinking S.L.K.
was merely saying some tired old quote about never giving up for sarcastic
purposes.

Nah, he's pretty uncomplicated.  He was speaking literally the whole time. ^^

       Before Jadeite stood a youngish woman that looked sort of like Terra,
dressed
in ancient Roman soldier-style garb.  She wore a shining white breastplate,
armored skirt, plated boots, and a sparkling helmet with a gem at the
forehead.

Athena from SNK vs. Capcom Chaos?

I was kind of thinking of some outfits of Sophitia from Soul Calibur.
Actually, that'll probably be one of the next "design bases" I'll ask
Esa to make a character off of. ^_^

http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&q=sophitia&btnG=Search+Images

       The general looked her over battered form and said, "No, I really
think you're
done for this time."

Heh. I like your portrayal of Jadeite. More badass, and he doesn't even need a
Kame Hame Ha to prove his manliness. Less sight gags, more storytelling. I
can't believe this is a NETTG fic!

It's been nigh on seven years since I wrote that initial Jadeite
KameHameHa scene.  I'd be worried if I didn't get at least a *little*
better at storywriting between then and now. ^^

Chuck Norris: (_can_ believe that this is a NETTG fic)

:D

       What now?! Terra screamed at her mind.  It had been so helpful thus
far, maybe
it had some sort of suggestion.  Maybe she could make area-effect blastwaves.

Suggest: blast waves

All right.  Changed in my copy.

       Then Jadeite shrieked in surprise when a large spike of ice forced its
way out
his chest.

Mercury using Ice Spears? Only in SM fanfics, folks.

No reason she can't have the capability in an emergency situation to
summon the power to do so. ^^

Besides, some of her later attacks were pretty chilly.  Even the
bubbles had a cold element to them.

Dhiti (SM 4200): Well, it makes more sense than bubbles ever will!

Thus saith the ice queen, let there be sprayed soap bubbles!

       "AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGH!!!"  A bolt of lightning struck the man, and
finally a
glowing golden disc impacted on his midsection.  The area around him burned
bright with the tsunami of powers hitting him.  Where the golden disc struck,
his chest and waist flowed away as they vaporized into ashes, followed by the
rest of his body.

       "You're right," Terra coughed.  "That WAS pretty funny."

Hehehe. Nice one.

Her mind may not be able to give her a fun life, but it can certainly
supply her with snappy quips and retorts. ^^

       Sailor Moon nodded.  "You single-handedly defeated four of the Dark
Kingdom's
finest warriors!"

       "Negamafoozles," Terra said derisively.  "Gotta whack 'em, you see."

Awwww... How cute and touching. If she dies, then the whole point of this fic
is gone, which leads us to either A.) This fic series jumping the shark, or B.)
The gravitational pull of this fic's plot hole will overcome the quantum
boundary, eventually collapsing in on itself in an inimitable vortex before
vanishing into a singularity.

('fic vanishes into a black hole with a burst of light)  *ding!*

Considering that this is chapter 6 of, like, 25, it WOULD be quite
bizarre if the main protagonist stayed dead at this point. ^^

       I would have liked to know them longer, she reflected.  But dying a
heroine and
surrounded by friends didn't seem so bad after all.

Oh, and C.) The fic has just ended with the Mary Sue dying a very traditional
martyr death with friends and loved ones mourning her loss while readers
cheering on, glad for the fanservice of seeing her die. :P

See?  It's not the fact that an ANC died a martyr's death.  It's all
in the implementation!  A character can fulfill ALL of the Mary
Sue/ANC/SI hallmarks and still make a lovely story.

It just gets very tricky to do so after a while.  That's why we tend
to warn authors away from the Sue cliches.  You have to be pretty good
to make a fun story with those as elements.

...But I actually halfway like Chibispore Two, er, Terra now, so... Awwwwww.

I think it was Larry that noted I make some of the best-of-breed ANCs.
 Even if you don't like the character, some aspects tend to turn out
better than average.  At least... you can understand the dialogue.

Unless it's Arby you're talking about.  Ah well. ^_^;

Her death was genuinely sympathetic, as opposed to the forcefully heroic
run-of-the-mill Sue death.

After what she's been through and the work involved with the
just-barely-squeaked-by-win-with-a-casualty... a reader may be able to
grudgingly accept Terra as a protagonist.

...at least, a probationary protagonist, junior grade, with restrictions. ^^

Actually, ANCs in fanfics have to meet much, much stricter
requirements than the actual characters in manga and anime.  We're
just too cynical nowadays and it's tough to convey what a cool
character your ANC is without seeing a beautifully drawn manga/anime
with him or her in it. ^_^

Indeed, draw me a good comic series with your character in it, and
I'll accept that character's overpoweredness much more readily than if
you just wrote a paragraph about 'em. ^_^

---

       Any regrets?

       No.

       Would you have liked to live longer?

       Yes.  Oh, yes.

Oh yeah. Then there's D.) Miraculous Protagonist Resurrection/Jesus Effect.
(see: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Superman, The Dark Knight Returns, Dragonball
Z, Pokemon, Urotsukidoji, ad infinitum)

Again, it's not the cliche that's the problem.  It's the
implementation.  Gotta write it such that there's a reason for what
happens.  I mean, a lot of DC/Marvel comics seem to get away with the
worst of the worst contrived resurrection schemes.  Death now holds no
meaning for any DC/Marvel comic.  Doesn't matter what happens, just
read the comics for the amazing technicolor pictures. ^_^

Additionally, some of the resurrection stuff in some series tends to
take the bite out of what might otherwise be a depressing ending.
It's one thing to have a protagonist beat the final boss guy, but it's
another kind of story if that protagonist dies from that and doesn't
come back.  After all, by that time, you've got some emotional
investment in that character.  Not to mention merchandise and
contracts that go into real anime series.  Sometimes, the main
character must live for the greater good.  Profits! ^_^

       Terra looked up at her and smiled.  Here, everything was so warm and
peaceful.
After all that she'd been through, it would be very nice to have a break.

This would have been a hell of miniseries if it did end this way. Well, that's
it for this chapter. Despite all the nitpicks, it was a good one, and I
thoroughly enjoyed it.

Thanks a bunch!

It could have been a miniseries... but I wouldn't have broken my
writer's block with something just 6 chapters long.  I needed
something beefier to squeeze past my story inhibitions.

Prose flowed reasonably well, and there were hardly any typos or grammar
errors, save Grammar Rule #0 and Grammar Rule #73, and both weren't even in the
story proper itself (they were in your beginning author notes). Again, we're
back to chapter 1's cleanness in regards to grammar and spelling.

Yay!  Larry shall be pleased.  ^_^

Or perhaps
it's just the halo effect of me liking the content of your fic more than the
earlier chapters such that it made me miss one or two corrections this time
around. Oh well, either case still speaks highly of you as an author, methinks.

Again, thanks.  I'm glad the story worked out for you.  From the
comments I've gotten, it's not everyone's thing.  That's fine.  One
individual noted that it looked like I was trying too hard.  But... I
think I am somewhat better than when I started nearly a decade ago.

At least I'm not writing Jurassic Park fan fiction anymore. ^_^

This chapter was certainly worth a chuckle or thirteen, seeing the number of
'Heh' comments I've sprinkled profusely in the C&C. Also, despite me normally
gagging at Terra's inhuman feats (in spite the obvious toll she paid for it), I
did find myself willing to suspend my disbelief and see this chapter as Terra's
chance to shine and show her true abilities for the sake of her newfound
friends' sakes.

It was time.  It would have been a totally different kind of story if
the protagonist never even got her chance to shine.  It's only
believable because it was time and the plot practically demanded it.

It's the hardcore NETTG fan's fanservice chapter, it is. I now
see her as a true and viable protagonist and not just another avatar with a
sickeningly vast array of reality-bending powers (though she is, in essence,
exactly that) that doesn't have any right to be a protagonist.

*Cheers!*  Yay!  So Terra passes the initial battery of tests?  She
can get her Copper Protagonist Club Card and sit in the Hall of
Legends lounge? ^_^

Or at least a T-shirt?

I mean, what's
the difference between her deux ex machinations and Sailor Moon's Ginzuishou or
Goku's myriad of Super Sayajin levels or Superman reversing the spin of the
world to turn back time? Not much, but more importantly, there's not much
difference between the motivations and drama behind these plot devices, which
gives these said plot devices all the more meaning.

That's how you can tell if a character is working: if they blend in
with other main characters in some way.  Earmarks and things.
Tattoos.

What sold me to Terra's powers is the age-old, tried-and-true drama of making
the protagonist face a situation where the collective fates of his/her loved
ones are involved. The little past-reference with Queen Serenity and Terra was
also a nice touch.

Thanks.  Again, it seemed appropriate.

It was, for lack of a better term, somewhat touching. At
that point in time before she died, Terra grew up a little, and the fic was
made better because of that little bit of drama.

Highs and lows.  Everything we've talked about. ^^

Your slightly grown-up Terra
makes for an interesting main character (and a worthy one to take the helms of
main character in a fanfic to boot, unlike all the other Sue/Insert/Author
Avatar fics I've read), and it was a good idea to make S.L.K. and Jadeite
retain their memories of yesteryear to make their subsequent fight truly
interesting. It's also curious how they did it, so I'll be expecting an
in-story explanation sometime soon...

Some past-life experiences, and some red herrings.  They may have had
some experiences in the distant past that can now be referenced.

An author has once said that I critiqued his fic all wrong because I inherently
loathed the 'Superpowered Original Character that may or may not be the authors
themselves' Self-Insert genre, and the fact that I loved the improfanfic
'Self-Extraction' may lead further credence to that remark. Then again, I liked
this fic, and I daresay it's perfectly within the genre. So... nyaaah-nyaah. :P

We've reiterated that it's not the cliches that ruin a story.  It's
how those cliches are implemented that's the problem.  A good writer
can make it work.

So... to that person you mention, basically you can speak the truth by
saying, "No, there's nothing inherently wrong with the genre.  It's
just that you, personally, stink as an author and can't seem to carry
it out right!  Try harder!"

Oh yeah, that'll make 'em less defensive.  Yessirree! ^_^;;;

I'm definitely looking forward for more. Hell, the mere fact that there are
more chapters after this (seemingly final) one is worth giving the rest of the
chapters a look. And, of course, do keep on writing.

Thanks a bunch for the review!  I appreciate the effort it took to put
it together, and I'm glad you got some enjoyment out of reading.  I
like detailed comments (both positive and negative, for the record!)
because I can learn things from them and know what to put into action
in the future.

I especially love it when people give examples of paragraphs I can
include.  Copy and paste is fun! ^_^  Then it's a simple matter of
grafting the rest of the story around it, and others' humor becomes
our own.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
"English: A language that lurks in dark alleys, beats up other languages, and
rifles through their pockets for spare vocabulary."

I love this quote. ^_^

"Japanese: Tried to do the same mugging technique that English did, with
disastrous results."

^_^ Too true!

Thanks again!

-- Benjamin A Oliver benjamin.a.oliver@gmail.com Master of Science in Management Information Systems Eller College of Management University of Arizona Writings: Fan Fiction http://boliver.florestica.com/ Webcomic: Nuke 'Em 'Till They Glow!! The Early Years http://nettg.com .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----. | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com | | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com | | Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject | `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'