Harsh Language Warning: Haha! This is the first new warning i've had to
write since these revisions began, because, for the first time _ever_,
i've uncensored all of the '#$)(&' things that everyone seems to
One cheers for the violence, and the next, for the profanity O_o;...
All taken into consideration, it might be best to consider this a new,
'Quick and Extremely Painful' version of "Breath..." I'm tempted to
call it "Breathe Faster!" but that just doesn't roll off the tongue as
That's a good compromise, though i think i shall keep the original title ^_^...
"What exactly did you mean, when you told Sakura to 'remember her
"Why, I meant her courtesan training from those special kunoichi classes,
You know, as creepy as it sounds, considering they'd have been 10~12 at the time, they probably _did_ have at least some rudimentary training in that field (though probably nothing 'hands-on') O_o;...
"Haha! Have you noticed something interesting, Kakashi?" Absently
kicking his current enemy across the gallery, the bushy browed jounin
looked over his shoulder at his comrade. "While I admit that the
progress of your other students is truly impressive, you were foolish
to ignore adorable little Sakura-chan!"
"She gives MUCH better head than Sasuke..."
85% of the Sasuke fanboys/girls on the internet would disagree with you...
That didn't mean that he would be denied a victory, however. "That
reminds me of a child I once knew," he mused wistfully, sizing up the
younger woman. "I can remember how she used to come home with burned
fingers and lumps on her head after trying to steal sweet chestnuts
from street vendors..."
Anko's expression soured for a moment, but she recovered quickly. "Well,
if we're talking ancient history here, I can remember a few things too,
...did Anko just call *herself* old?
...>_<;. Maybe nobody will point it out to her- i dunno _who_ she would kill in this situation...
Reeling as the banshee's wail mercilessly castrated his ego,
Must use that word as often as it is appropriate...
Standing back to back with Kakashi to show the righteous solidarity of
platonic teacher's love, Gai pointed an accusing finger at the
examiner. "If the girl who was here just a moment ago was truly a
clone, then tell me, what have you done with my darling Sakura-chan?"
...ooookay THAT is a little creepy.
Gai just has this weird homo-pedo-erotic vibe sometimes that's really hard to get past ^_^;...
While she was adjusting the ties to keep the cloth snug against her
face, a faint whistling sound caught her ear. Sakura looked to her
right just in time to see a few leaves on the ground leap into the air
as if they were alive, before a glistening, half-seen ribbon of light
shredded them to pieces- razor wire! *FUCK!*
I think fucking razor wire would be...extremely painful.
Apparenly Sakura agrees, though who knows for sure, with a little Anko running around in her head...
"Eh?" Glancing down, Sakura realized that her tattered gray t-shirt was
flayed open diagonally in front, and the loose binding she'd tied over
her breasts had been neatly bisected as well. Apparently she hadn't
escaped the Sound nin's last attack _completely_ unscathed.
Wait for it; it gets worse ^_^;...
Dropping her poisoned needle, the kimono-clad ninja clung desperately to
the branch she'd just landed on as the forest to the left of her
erupted in a deafening wall of fire. "HOLY FUCK!"
Yare yare...this isn't Pleasantville...
Eheh... are you referring to the carnage, or Sakura's language?
Cancelling her windup into a block, the Sand nin hopped away, releasing
a Kamaitachi in Sakura's general direction. The wind attack was blunt,
In which case, then, it wouldn't actually be a Kamaitachi at all, would
it? Since that's literally a cutting wind...
What would one call it then? It's probably a derivative technique...
*That jerk!* Even if this was what they'd agreed upon, he could have
stuck around long enough to do more than throw a couple kunai! *Dammit,
he'd better keep Sasuke safe, or I'm gonna introduce that jackass to
Mom's favorite family-sized can of Raid!*
I wonder if i need the trademark symbol there...
Abruptly, Temari shifted her weight and began turning left. As he
adjusted his footing to mirror her, Kankuro heard the clang of steel on
steel, and felt his sister's arm jerk.
A feeling he's well used to!
Before he could reply Kankuro felt Temari's shoulders tense violently
against his back, and the shadow of the girl above them began to ripple
and warp. Looking up, the last thing he saw was a sky-blackening
curtain of crawling, chittering bugs descending upon him. *Aaaaw, fuck
Shino: "....I apologise. I do not engage in that type of behavior."
Sakura(Temari): "I'll bet the poor dog-boy would be crushed if he heard ya say that..."
"Is she dead?" he inquired cautiously.
"She's stopped breathing, but she still has a weak pulse," the ANBU
replied in a hopeful rush. "Come over here and hold her arms in case
she struggles," she commanded, gesturing him forward.
...you know, in a sense, you might be right -_-;.
Opening her eyes, Temari stared around dazedly until her gaze fell upon
Sakura. "What the he-" Temari's face contorted in shock as she lapsed
into another fit of wet coughs.
"No..." Paling, Sakura recoiled. "Not again! I didn't even do the stupid
seals this time!" she cried, shaking her head in denial. "This can't-"
...oh HELL no.
What, you didn't see it coming ^_^;? Sakura-chan gets _no_ breaks in this story...
"Like hell it can't!" Temari rasped, trying to sit up. "I know- eh?"
Noticing that Shino was still restraining her, Temari heaved sigh of
exasperation and looked away, pinning Sakura with a hood-eyed glare. "I
know ya felt it! Ya think _you_ got a problem with this? I'm the one
_in_ the fuckin' bitch!"
*Well, at least I know she still 'me,'* Sakura mused ruefully. The
abrasive attitude could have been Temari's influence, but that tongue
was definitely familiar.
...you don't know what the original version of this scene was like ^_^;. I had to put a warning on the chapter about potential yuri content...
"Don't look at me, I'm the one flat on my back with some pervert holdin'
me down," Temari spat. "Speakin'a which, if yer gonna hump my leg,
would'ja mind movin' that thing a bit lower, lover-boy? I know that
ain't a fuckin' scroll in yer pocket." The blonde wiggled her hips for
This 'other' Sakura is never afraid to say _exactly_ what's on her mind, much to the 'normal' Sakura's embarrassment -_-;...
Laughing out loud when Shino fairly sprang off of her to land a few feet
away, Temari sat up and rubbed her wrists. "Heh, guess ya picked that
up from Kiba, huh?" she teased, giving Shino a nasty grin. "You guys
close like that, or what? C'mon, be honest; I won't tell anyone."
...'tis best not to think too hard about Shino in such situations, for one simple reason: BUGS! Eeeeeeew...
"How am I the pervert? _He's_ the one with a hard-on!"
"And you rubbed up against it!"
"Hey, a girl gets lonely!"
"Couldn't you wait?! What about Sasuke-kun?! You know how jealous he gets!"
"He started it! And it made 'im stop bonin' my thigh, didn't it?"
Grimacing, Temari stiffly getting to her feet, the glanced down in
Didn't we already establish that's exactly what we DIDN'T want happening?
(Who didn't want it? h.h)
Ack! I just realized her reaction could be interpreted that way O_o;...
"She doesn't wear 'em either! How the hell can they stand it?" Temari
demanded, gingerly picking at the bottom of her sodden dress. "No
wonder she's such a bitch; she walks around with a fuckin' fish net
crawlin' up her ass."
Sakura-chan may indeed be the only kunoichi in Naruto who actually wears underwear...
"Ah, c'mon, I'm just teasin'!" Temari took a step back, holding up her
hands in submission. "I mean, look at 'im; he's like a fuckin' tomato
in sunglasses an' a dorky overcoat!"
And thus the trauma begins...
Instead, she turned to examine the opposite river bank, waiting for her
blood to cool. Halfway through her second, slow ten-count, Sakura
pricked up her ears as a familiar sound echoed through the depths of
the forest: the thunder a hundred identical, irritating voices,
screaming in unison. "Naruto?"
Naruto is kinda like a Zerg rush...if it's coming, you KNOW it's coming.
Indeed; not very ninja-like, but i guess that's Naruto for you...
"T-that's the monster inside him?" the orange-clad boy wondered in awe,
staring up at the mountainous creature before him. *Man, he's even
uglier than the stupid fox.* Naruto supposed it sort of looked like a
tanuki, but it was all lumpy and deformed- and it didn't even have
feet! It was like a giant mashed-potato monster!
Of course, considering that he _is_ modeled after a Tanuki, that huge amporphous mass around where Shuukaku's feet should be might just be his nuts...
"Sakura-chan!" Naruto started to turn around but a slender arm snaked
under his shoulder, reaching up to clamp a hand over his mouth. A
second arm then wrapped around his waist, tightening until he felt a
body pressing firmly against his back. Two small bits of topography
coupled with the sound of her voice told Naruto who his captor was, and
for a brief moment he was too stunned to react.
NOT the time to be thinking about that, dobe...
Naruto isn't interested in that stuff yet, much to poor Hinata-chan's detriment...
"...uuuuaaaAAAAGGH!" Emitting a barely human scream of agony, the
bunshin tensed up like she was having a seizure and then suddenly
_exploded_ into a fountain of steaming red blood and black serpentine
That's the reaction we're going for! ^_^...
Quickly slipping beneath this unrelenting stream of torment, Sakura
barely noticed when deep shadow fell upon her, but in the moments
before the unconsciousness finally claimed her, she looked up to see a
great, sandy claw descending, and then she saw no more...
As Aaron mentioned earlier, it's really not much of a cliffhanger when you know that there _are_ chapters after this that have alredy been written, but i had to try -_-;...
Thanks for reading!
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