DB Sommer wrote:
Troy Thomas wrote:
% That can have so many naughty connotations.
I didn't think of that. But I should've, considering the group I borrowed
the song title from is called Swollen Members.
Bleach is the creation and property of Tite Kubo.
01. 'Went from a teen to a young adult/No excuses/It ain't my fault'
They say the outer districts of Soul Society's Rukongai are terrible,
especially on children. Whoever 'they' are Ichigo Kurosaki couldn't
figure out, but he supposed 'they' were right, especially if 'they'
had been speaking about Inuzuri's seventy-eighth. It was especially
tough on the feet, and the legs, and the lungs, and even the ears.
% I'd put a paragraph break there
"You little rat!" That was the man behind Ichigo, chasing him. He had
a big stick, which Ichigo felt to be perhaps
% felt to be perhaps looks ugly. 'Ichigo figured came' would be smoother
from the ugly tree the man had fallen out of, hitting every branch on
the way down.
% And then he went up for a second fall.
"Even if you give up now, I'm gonna kill ya'!" Well, felt Ichigo, that
was perhaps the best reason he couldn't stop running now.
Why was he running from the man in the first place though?
The reason was in what Ichigo was holding close to his chest so he
wouldn't drop it. A small bag filled with apples,
Ryuk would love some.
Oh, wait wrong series for shinigami.
Hmm. Death Note/Bleach fusion with Ichigo trying to wipe out Hollows by
learning their names and writing them down?
Nahh. Wouldn't work.
which was one of many that the old man behind him had been selling at
outrageous prices that nobody in the alley could even think about
affording. Since he couldn't pay for the apples, Ichigo had decided to
just take 'em when the old man was distracted. However, the
distraction must've been preoccupied with something else at the time
cut 'else...time.' not needed
He did enjoy
He enjoyed works better.
Collapsing against alley wall, sliding down onto his butt, Ichigo
couldn't help but look up to the sky that was in turn peeking down
between the two buildings at Ichigo.
Argh! So wordy. A lot of this stuff can be trimmed down and still have
flow and flavor.
"Don't think too hard," said Bishou. "Me boss has lotsa' patients,
% And even patience.
but it ain't infinite-like, ye know?"
% Ichigo: No, I don't. Could you count up to it for me?
"ou's coming here, finally," said Ryu. "Took that bastard long enough
Ah, it's a Canadian thing, eh?
we were up to something. Anyway, get the men ready for a fight. And
barricade the allies.
% Yes, we wouldn't out allies to come by and help out (alleys, I think
Actually, I did. ^_^;
The road... was a dangerous place, knew Ichigo. Well, anywhere outside
of the city was terrible for the unprepared, and for the prepared too.
This was because of the law of the strongest. The weakest were pushed
out of the city, and away from the tentative order of the
seventy-seventh, people became... desperate. Perhaps crazy. And this
was in comparison to the city, which was always on the brink of chaos.
Well, felt Ichigo. It was a nice dream anyway. Maybe it'd come true
% Hmm. Interesting. Don't read much Bleach, though familiar with the
anime. In any case, nice job.
Once again, thanks.
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