Justin Wagner wrote:

- Sorry for the not so great formatting here. Still, it should be ok.
 

It was fine for me to read.

Avenging
Act III, All You Need is Hate
Chapter 4

"So what should we do to the varlets?" Thor asked, stood imperiously
before the group, looking like she wanted to smash something.

- standing
 

Used your grammar corrections

A smiled revealed inhumanly sharp teeth at the idea of things being so easy.

- Makes me think of Venom or Carnage, but it can't be either of those two
at this point in things.
 

Nope. Someone more in line with the Avengers history that has an 
association with the R 1/2 timeline.

"It's a 'safe room'," Overrider said. "If its integrity is compromised
in any way, special stand-alone incinerators inside the room will
superheat it to a thousand degrees, destroying everything inside.
Getting the access codes is the only way to safely remove Culture 1201."



- Oho? A bioweapon? Are we talking Soviet style bioweapon, or
Raccoon City/Umbrella Corp style? (reads on)
 

% The same one that's been mentioned in the last two chapters.

"Oh, I intend to go public with the virus, all right," Man beast said,
bemused.



- I should note here that more people are familiar with bemused as meaning
confused, and not 'deep in thought.' So you may want another word there,
for great clarity (and justice).
 

Should be 'amused' actually

Man Beast suddenly became calm. Eerily so. "Would you like me to tell
you a story? It's called, 'The Evolution of Man'."

- My lawyers insist you tell the creationist version as well. Also the
version

>from Lord of the Rings! You can't not prove its not so, reverse opposite day

or is it! Not in Alabama maybe!
 

% Heh

Man Beast shook his head. "Not this sort of Darwinism. Oh no. Mind you,
Darwin had the right idea, if not the correct version of the true
'origin of man.' The High Evolutionary discovered it, and it took time
for even him to absorb the full repercussions of the truth." Man Beast
turned away and began speaking, waving his arms as though giving a
lecture to an invisible class of students.

- What's this? He knows about the Celestials?!
 

% HE found out about them, yes. More on them in the opening of the next 
act 'The Peacemaker'

"They created three unique types of beings from that first common
ancestor. One was a now extinct race called the Eternals. Another, also
extinct race, was called the Youma. However, the third race was
different. Unlike the other two, it managed to flourish, eventually
covering the planet and becoming the dominant life form.

- Youma? Ha. I wonder if there are any Inhumans in this 'verse.
 

% Actually you'll be amused by the intertwined history of the Eternals, 
Youma, and how I worked an anime into it.

"Our crack human troops are there with the best weapons we bought off of
AIM," Cat Man said.

- Good 'ol Advanced Idea Mechanics! They'll sell anything to anyone for
damn near anything. They're like the Marvel villains' Walmart.
 

% heh. Actually I like the idea of them being a major supervillain 
weapons supplier, the same way Taskmaster provides goons for criminals.

- change to: �louts." She nudged�.

"Hulk likes laughing, but hates tests," he grumbled.

"T'would be a test of strength, which thou doth excel at," Thor reminded
him.

"Hulk would pass strength test. Probably get 'A'," he admitted.

- I should hope so.
 

% Yeah, definitely on that

Giant Man was quick to intercede. "Forgive our companion. He's a bit
childlike in simply blurting out whatever comes to mind."

- In other words, he's like the entire Ranma cast normally would be.
 

% Only worse

"What do you know, a Frog guy that doesn't completely suck," Captain
Japan admitted. "Though they'll be serving frog legs in prison before
the night is out."

- Sticks and stones can break my bones, but bad puns will never
hurt AAAHHHH!!!
 

% heh

Tabur spun and saw his foe. A cat girl, every bit of feline as himself.



- Ah. I see now�
 

% Yep. Tigra has come and gone several times. Her West Coast runs 
obviously being the best.

As though heralding the inevitable, other fights began turning in the
heroes favor. The Hulk had finally recovered enough from the surprise
and force of his foe's savagery, becoming angry himself. "Hulk has
plenty of monkeys on his back! He does not want another one!"



- Now that's Banter! Spiderman gives you two Webs of Approval!
 

% And in the Hulk's case, it's inadvertent

"You ain't going to be killing nothing, except time in a cell," Captain
Japan said.

- Also on the mark. Still a pun, but a classic. Coming up with this sort of
dialogue is such a staple for comic writing, and this comic characters, I'm
impressed by how you can keep at it.
 

% Thanks

He did that several times, then stopped and turned to the group. "Hulk
likes Cat Girl. Cat Girl can join."

"We have to put it to a vote," Hawkeye protested.

"And Hulk voted. So now Cat Girl is on team." The Hulk's body posture
told everyone that as far as he was concerned, election day was over and
his candidate had won in a landslide.

- Demand a recount! It's Florida all over again!
 

Now, it's 'demand recounts until one comes up with the result you want, 
then demand a moritorium on them'

Tigra's feline eyes glistened in delight.

Mission complete. Captain Japan would be hers. It was only a matter of time.

- I don't really review these, but I am reading them. And enjoying them.
Along with a hell of a lot of other people. Thanks DB!
 

% And thank you for taking the time to review it.

DB Sommer

             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'