- Sorry for the not so great formatting here. Still, it should be ok.


Avenging
Act III, All You Need is Hate
Chapter 4

"So what should we do to the varlets?" Thor asked, stood imperiously
before the group, looking like she wanted to smash something.

 - standing

Captain Japan touched a button. A small section at the center of the
table retracted.

 - In the center, perhaps? "at" sounds odd.



"�saying that the animal rights group known as the Animal Liberation
Front has seized control of the headquarters of Kobayashi
Pharmaceuticals, which had recently been purchased by Kunou Enterprises.
Witnesses say an armed force of masked people, led by some sort of men
and one woman dressed as various animals, stormed the building and
seized control of it, taking everyone inside hostage. The Avenger, Iron
Rose, attempted to stop the takeover, but was herself defeated in
spectacular fashion. We have no word yet on whether Kodachi Kunou, the
owner and president of Kunou Enterprises, is among the hostages, though
the presence of her bodyguard raises the question. Kunou Enterprises has
refused to comment on the situation. I--."

 - The masked people, and dressed as various animals parts sounds
repetitive.
Cutting down this paragraph a bit to something more succinct may be a
good idea.


He said in a pleasant, though firm voice, "Greeting, citizens of Japan.

 - Greetings



A smiled revealed inhumanly sharp teeth at the idea of things being so easy.

 - Makes me think of Venom or Carnage, but it can't be either of those two
at this point in things.



Overrider turned her head slightly. The solid fishbowl-shaped helmet,
with only one-way red-covered eye slits, made it impossible to tell her
emotions. Her voice reverberated slightly within her helmet. "Culture
1201 is here, and according to the test data, it works exactly as we
were informed. But it's stored in their most secured bio-hazard vault.
They have it covered by as many protective programs as they could find,
to the point of paranoia. It'll take me a while to get through all of
their protection systems before I can get the entry codes to their
vault. They really didn't want to risk this thing getting out."

"We could try a brute force approach," Cat Man suggested.

"It's a 'safe room'," Overrider said. "If its integrity is compromised
in any way, special stand-alone incinerators inside the room will
superheat it to a thousand degrees, destroying everything inside.
Getting the access codes is the only way to safely remove Culture 1201."



- Oho? A bioweapon? Are we talking Soviet style bioweapon, or
Raccoon City/Umbrella Corp style? (reads on)


"And then justice will finally be mete out." Man Beast appeared ready to
jump out of his fur in anticipation.

 - meted


The interruption made Man Beast turn on him in fury, making even
Shinjiro gulp. There were times when his new leader scared him, he was
ashamed to admit. Such doubts made Shinjiro feel like he was a failure,
in some ways.



- get rid of the comma after failure, I think.



Humans were more frightening than any animal, even if Man
Beast's unusual half-man, half-animal state blurred the lines slightly.

The anger remained on Man Beast's features for only a moment, then it
passed, an eerie sort of calmness settling over him.



- "And then it passed�"



"You've done so
much for me,



- Semicolon here, instead of a comma, I think. ";"



I suppose you're entitled to an explanation. Culture 1201
was initially started as a cure for cancer. A virus that's was intended
to go after cancer cells, and kill them, thus serving as a cure for
cancer. Culture 1201 does indeed do that, attacking them with a vigor
that's nearly unbelievable. But after it's finished with the cancer
cells, it moves on to the healthy ones, literally devouring the flesh
from the bones. It's an airborne virus as well, so it's easily transmitted"



- Needs a "." Or "!" at the end here.

Shinjiro blanched. "That's� that's hideous. But I'm not surprised. KP
has all the earmarks of a secret member of the military industrial
complex, especially after they were bought out by a weapon's
manufacturer like Kunou Enterprises. I wouldn't be surprised if the
government secretly commissioned them to work on bio-weapons, as well as
working on medicine that only attack symptoms of the disease, rather
than curing them. It's a brilliant plan. We can blow the whistle on this
company when we go public with our findings, and they can't deny it
since we'll have actual physical samples of the virus."

"Oh, I intend to go public with the virus, all right," Man beast said,
bemused.



- I should note here that more people are familiar with bemused as meaning
 confused, and not 'deep in thought.' So you may want another word there,
 for great clarity (and justice).

Man Beast suddenly became calm. Eerily so. "Would you like me to tell
you a story? It's called, 'The Evolution of Man'."

 - My lawyers insist you tell the creationist version as well. Also the
version
from Lord of the Rings! You can't not prove its not so, reverse opposite day
or is it! Not in Alabama maybe!


Man Beast shook his head. "Not this sort of Darwinism. Oh no. Mind you,
Darwin had the right idea, if not the correct version of the true
'origin of man.' The High Evolutionary discovered it, and it took time
for even him to absorb the full repercussions of the truth." Man Beast
turned away and began speaking, waving his arms as though giving a
lecture to an invisible class of students.

 - What's this? He knows about the Celestials?!


"There is a race of enigmatic beings, thousands of feet tall and each
encased in its own unique armor, called the Celestials. They go around
from life bearing planet to life bearing planet, since that is what they
do. They visited Earth a million years ago and examined the 'highest'
life form: your ancestors. They decided to experiment on this 'highest'
life form on a genetic level and see what would happen.

"They created three unique types of beings from that first common
ancestor. One was a now extinct race called the Eternals. Another, also
extinct race, was called the Youma. However, the third race was
different. Unlike the other two, it managed to flourish, eventually
covering the planet and becoming the dominant life form.

 - Youma? Ha. I wonder if there are any Inhumans in this 'verse.


"Our crack human troops are there with the best weapons we bought off of
AIM," Cat Man said.

 - Good 'ol Advanced Idea Mechanics! They'll sell anything to anyone for
damn near anything. They're like the Marvel villains' Walmart.


"They are immensely dissatisfying," Wasp said as she relieved the last
of the resistance of her consciousness with a low powered sting.

The Hulk picked himself up off the floor, snickering so hard his eyes
were tearing. "Stun blasts tickle Hulk."

"We'll be sure to let you handle all of them in the future, you big
galoot," Captain Japan assured him. "Now what we gotta do is spread out
and take out the rest of these losers before they get it in their heads
to start harming hostages."

Thor scowled. "Tis most unfortunate that Iron Rose is still delirious
from the concussion she sustained in battle. Since it could not have
come from these louts," she nudged one of the fallen ALF. "There must be
greater powers that lie within, powers that might test the goddess of
thunder."



- change to: �louts." She nudged�.

"Hulk likes laughing, but hates tests," he grumbled.

"T'would be a test of strength, which thou doth excel at," Thor reminded
him.

"Hulk would pass strength test. Probably get 'A'," he admitted.

 - I should hope so.


Giant Man was quick to intercede. "Forgive our companion. He's a bit
childlike in simply blurting out whatever comes to mind."

 - In other words, he's like the entire Ranma cast normally would be.


"What do you know, a Frog guy that doesn't completely suck," Captain
Japan admitted. "Though they'll be serving frog legs in prison before
the night is out."

 - Sticks and stones can break my bones, but bad puns will never
hurt AAAHHHH!!!


That should take care of Dragonfly, then
she could help Giant Man with his feathery problem.

 - "and then"


Man Beast gnashed his teeth in anger at seeing his offense thwarted.
"Foolish woman, that will not save you. I'll tear you apart with my bare
hands!" He rushed forward

 - Perhaps adjust to: "Foolish woman! That will not save you!"


Tabur spun and saw his foe. A cat girl, every bit of feline as himself.



- Ah. I see now�


As though heralding the inevitable, other fights began turning in the
heroes favor. The Hulk had finally recovered enough from the surprise
and force of his foe's savagery, becoming angry himself. "Hulk has
plenty of monkeys on his back! He does not want another one!"



- Now that's Banter! Spiderman gives you two Webs of Approval!



"You ain't going to be killing nothing, except time in a cell," Captain
Japan said.

 - Also on the mark. Still a pun, but a classic. Coming up with this sort of
 dialogue is such a staple for comic writing, and this comic characters, I'm
 impressed by how you can keep at it.


Man Beast's fury grew. "You think you've won? Well I've got news for
you,



- Colon or semicolon here, I think.



He did that several times, then stopped and turned to the group. "Hulk
likes Cat Girl. Cat Girl can join."

"We have to put it to a vote," Hawkeye protested.

"And Hulk voted. So now Cat Girl is on team." The Hulk's body posture
told everyone that as far as he was concerned, election day was over and
his candidate had won in a landslide.

 - Demand a recount! It's Florida all over again!


Everyone seemed content with the choice, with only Thor and Hawkeye
reluctantly accepting things.

Tigra's feline eyes glistened in delight.

Mission complete. Captain Japan would be hers. It was only a matter of time.

- I don't really review these, but I am reading them. And enjoying them.
Along with a hell of a lot of other people. Thanks DB!


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