Abdiel wrote:

Ah, hell. Wait a week for the C&C of Chapter 2, and a looong while for Chapter
3 and above. (shakes head) Man, but I have quite the backlog...
 

I know the feeling.

As per usual with your fics nowadays, the plot and content is superb. Now that
I've given you your Novocain, let's talk about formatting. First off, as far as
formatting goes... the smart quotes are back and the special-character ellipses
have never really left. (shakes head) I have three theories concerning this
problem. 
 

I'll try using the Notepad option, then.

On 7/7/06, DB Sommer <sommert@connecttime.net> wrote:

 

Avenging
Act III, All You Need is Hate
Chapter 1

Standard disclaimer: I don�t own any of the Marvel characters or other
characters from the numerous animes which are within.
   

Still, few complained about the current leader, founder Itsuki Mikura.
Under his direction the ALF had financial resources like never before.
Some claimed it was their super-powered hacker, Overrider, that had
obtained stolen them, 
   

Hmmm. Pick: 'obtained' or 'stolen'?

If both, suggest: 'obtained/stolen' or 'obtained and/or stolen'
 

% Okay. I sort of thought it worked as is, but I can change it.

while others maintained Councilwoman Juna Ariyoshi
 

herself was secretly funding them while running interference in the
government to keep them ay bay.
   

keep them ay --> keep them at

Ix-nay?
 

Heh. Did use most of your grammar corrections.

animals were rescued from what can only be called in execution. And I
mean that in a literal sense,� he said ominously.

Angry mutterings and a few voices rang out in response to that.
   

The other side of PETA.
 

Actually it turns out there really is an ALF, ironically enough.

Iron Rose, Daredevil, Wasp, and Giant Man had their attention riveted to
   

Captain Japan: Ah yes. The B-Team.
 

% Eh. Not really. They pull their weight in one way or another.

the young man in the yellow shirt, purple pants, and striped bandanna
lashed around his forehead. 
   

I dunno. The halftone pattern Takahashi uses on Ryoga's bandanna is definitely
checkered upon further inspection.

% I would describe it as sort of slashes of stripes, I guess. When you 
say checkered I always envision a checkerboard.

You can even check the anime: same thing.
Then again, Ryoga doesn't wear purple pants either.

%That's a Hulk thing. Purple is his trademark. it sets off his green 
skin quite nicely. :)

Hibiki� person that the Hulk turned into. Or turned back into, if Ryouga
was to be believed. A quick talk with the young man showed Ryouga had no
idea of how or why the transformation occurred, only that his memory
blackouts were a fairly recent occurrence.
   

Come to think of it, Ryoga shape-shifts into four forms. Day-mn, he's a regular
Freeza/Super Saiyajin.
 

% Except not all of his changes make him more powerful. :)

Also he was eager to return to Tokyo, both to find out why he was
turning into the Hulk, as well as �finishing some unfinished business�
   

Heh. Lots of things had been put on hold because of everyone's 'superheroing'.
 

% Yep. Or outright altered.

Upon returning, Thor, Captain Japan, and Hawkeye said they had to leave
   

Aw. The A-team's gone. I pity the foo' B-team that was left behind.
 

% Hulk and Iron Rose have more raw power than the others that are missing.

unavailable since he was on his honeymoon. Reed Richards was off in some
other dimension with the Challengers of the Fantastic, and Walter
Langkowski�s whereabouts were unknown.
   

Hmmm. Dunno who the third one is.
 

The man who would become Alpha Flight's Sasquatch, who used gamma rays 
try to make himself into a superhero. Instead the gamma blast weakened a 
mystic barrier and one of the'Great Beasts' bonded itself to him, though 
he mistakenly believed his change was from the gamma rays for the 
longest time.

�The next person that calls me obsessive, I punch out. I�m legally
entitled to do it after hearing that story,� Daredevil informed the others.
   

Heh.
 

% That line went over a lot better than I thought it would.

�The heck I do!� Ryouga shouted, his skin again taking on a dull green hue.
   

What's with the sudden shift to the wholesome 'heck'? Ryoga's been known to use
'hell'... albeit from a Viz dub, but still.
 

% Writer's perogative.

�Someone stole my set of mechanical arms. A nutcase that named himself,
�Dr. Octopus�. I believe he was Japanese, actually. 
   

Ah, aren't they all.

% No. There are still some heroes and villains in the US. Plant Man 
actually has a vital role to play at some point. Nova is around, and a 
lot of lesser known super beings.

I'm surprised there isn't an anti-Japanese sentiment in
this universe. Then again, that's a double standard, seeing that in the Marvel
Universe, most of the villains came from America... Or did they? I do remember
a lot of foreigner villains. Ah, but I yet again digress.
 

% Since most of the stories take place in the US, most of them are from 
there. Though there were a number of British villains shown in Captain 
Britain's old series.

He pushed the button and said to the speaker, �Activate and kill
everyone in the building above you.�
   

Whatever that 'sleeper' thing is, I'm about to find out.
 

% Yep. Only those familiar with the Marvel Appendix characters would 
probably remember the Sleepers.

It discovered that the triggering mechanism
 

and internal generator had both corroded due to age and weak materials.
   

Tsk.
 

% The original's worked fine, of course. But then, if it had worked, 
everyone but the Hulk and Iron Rose would have had problems.

�It was an acc--� She stopped, realizing that the truth might not work
on her companion. Best to make the explanation simple and something he
could appreciate. �I mean, the No-Neck Robot tricked me.�
   

Heh. Will you look at that? By this time they already know each other's quirks
enough to work as a cohesive unit. Somewhat. :P Considering their newbie status
during the Herb/Mandarin arc, it's nice to see them develop their respective
characteristics further. Kudos.
 

%Thanks. They are getting somewhat better as they become more familiar 
with one another and have a focus.

Testing the theory, Wasp shrunk and blasted the robot in the same place
again, slowly wearing away the armor. Then grew and did the same. Giant
Man repeated the gesture as well.
   

Huh. The two members of the Avenger's 'B-team' were actually able to wear down
the sleeper, as opposed to the more popular members, 'Iron Rose (Man)' and 'The
Hulk'. Interesting.
 

% Yep. In the original, stories lent themselves to allowing different 
characters in the spotlight, rather than having Thor simply kick all 
their foes butts.

The Doctor Octopus reference is from Avenging�s sister series,
Defending. Hayato Myojin followed up on his thoughts.


DB Sommer: Member of the Fanfiction Mailing List since �97. Come on and
join the fun for some good C+C and stories. Just send an email to
ffml-request@anifics.com
with �subscribe ffml� in subject line and you�re in.
   

Wow. Now _there's_ one way of joining in with the fun of advertising for the
FFML: putting it in your sig. Oh yeah, formatting error: combine
"ffml-request@anifics.com" with "with 'subscribe ffml' in the subject line and
you're in'."
 

Now I've got to remember to add that to all of them (since i haven't 
remembered since I posted this. But yeah, this was one way to promote 
the list.

Hmmm. I might as well copy-paste-edit my reply here. As usual, great
introductory chapter. Can't wait for more. Hope you can fix the formatting,
looks like a bit of trouble has popped up in the word-wrapping department as
well. Prose flowed reasonably well, seeing that you're using a simpler, more
modern and less archaic and flowery style. Also, most of the grammar mistakes
are avoidable. Indeed, it's nice to see a fic that's well-proofread. :) The
content leaves me more than a little curious to what will happen next. The last
thing was an understatement, of course. Even a basic 'setup' chapter for
greater plot points such as this is just as enjoyable as a 'confrontation and
plot resolution' chapter. It's indeed time to milk the moment before the great
shebang.
 

% Yeah. The next chapter I'm due to write might leave some people a bit 
surprised by how it ends, but by the end of the 3rd act, it should all 
make sense.

The grammar and spelling's great. It's not perfect by any stretch of the
imagination, but it's definitely not horrible either. No purple/needlessly
dragging prose. 

% Descriptive imagery has never been a strength of mine.

No thesaurus words. Quite a bit of formatting problems but
hopefully everything will be fixed by the next chapter.

% Probably not in the last two, but hopefully in the next one.

The level of research
you've put into this series astounds me,

% Nah. Collected Marvels' all my life (though now i'm starting to sell 
some of them off due to money and space). I'm rereading some of the 
stuff over the last while, in order (when you buy piecemeal, the 
multipart stories come the same way. :)

and the inclusion of both old and
latest anime in the previous and present chapters (even anime that has yet to
be released internationally save fansubs) keeps everything fresh and
not-so-dated. 

% Yeah, I try to do that. But a lot of the key characters are 'old 
school' anime since they were planned back in 2000.

Furthermore, the potential plot points look like, 

% All of which should come together. I hope. :)

% Thanks for the help. It's really appreciated.

DB Sommer

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