Coming Home to Roost
by Shade

Disclaimer: Takahashi, Akamatsu and others own the
characters used.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Prologue: All Fucked Up and Nowhere to Go
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It all started with a letter.

The plain yellow envelope was delivered in the
afternoon and picked up along with the rest 
of the mail by Kasumi Tendo. Seeing that it was
addressed to the younger of their two houseguests, 
she took it into the room that the Saotomes used as
their own. There she found Ranma lying 
on the floor, dozing off into his textbook assignment.


Shaking her head in amusement, she bent down to gently
shake his shoulder.

One eye sleepily cracked halfway open as she made
contact.

"Geh...Kasumi? What is it?"

"There's a letter here for you, Ranma."

Groaning slightly, the pigtailed young man stretched
out on his arms and legs, 
joints popping slightly as he shook his head like a
wet long eared dog to pull 
himself into full awareness.

"Thanks Kasumi. It's probably another challenge from
Ryoga or something like that."

Still yawning into one hand, he reached out and took
the proffered envelope with
the other. Using his index fingernail, he slit it open
and slid out the folded 
letter inside.

Opening it up, he started scanning it without much
interest.

Kasumi first realized that something was wrong when
she noticed that Ranma seemed
to have turned to stone, his features a ghostly grey
white and his entire body 
frozen stiff in place. Bulging eyes communicated a
terror far beyond mere words 
and for a few seconds she was certain that he was
going to faint dead away.

"Is something wrong," she asked hesitatingly.

Slowly signs of life returned to Saotome's still pale
features.

"I'm doomed," he whispered in a tone devoid of all
hope or thought of escape.

After all, where could he run to? They'd simply track
him down again and just be 
in a worse mood when they finally got a hold of him.
It was the kind of moment 
where one typically requires the entrance of a
sympathetic ear and a shoulder to cry on. 

Ranma's father Genma walked in instead.

"What's the matter with you, boy? You look like
something the cat dragged in."

It was a testament to just how badly he was shaken
that Ranma didn't even flinch
at the mention of the dreaded creature.

"They've found us."

"What, those stupid bill collectors again? What have I
told you before, boy? 
It's fast or it's free when it comes to dining out."

Ranma shook his head in exasperated negation.

"No Pops, you don't understand. *They* found us."

He shot his father a meaningful look. Slowly the light
of comprehension began 
to dawn on the older man's face. His face paled to
match that of his son's.

"Oh Hell."

Yeah, that about summed it up for the two of them.

Genma wasted no time after that. He pulled his worn
backpack out and started 
shoveling in all the basic necessities for life on the
road.  

"Hurry up, Ranma. We can be out of the city and in the
mountains training 
by nightfall if we're quick."

When the young man made no move to comply, the older
man turned back towards him.

"What are you waiting for?! Get a move on," he yelled
impatiently.

"They wrote that if either of us runs, we'll get it in
the end."

Genma froze as the chill fingers of the Reaper settled
on his back.

That was the scary thing about them. When they said
something like that,
they *meant* it. He hung his head in defeat and
abandoned the still open backpack.

"So what are you going to do, boy?"

"I dunno about you, but I'm gonna go and get
thoroughly drunk."

"But what good will that do," a bewildered Kasumi
finally managed to ask.

"Well it sure as heck can't hurt."

Despite their impending doom, Genma found himself
starting to chuckle 
at his son's deadpan tone. 

"Sounds like a plan. Let me just call your mother over
first and then I'll join you."

Ranma nodded absently as he made a beeline towards the
sitting room where Soun kept the good stuff.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Kasumi, is dinner ready yet?"

Akane and Nabiki paused to kick off their shoes before
entering through the front hall. 
It had been a pleasant afternoon devoid of the usual
weirdness and violence
that only seemed to take place when Ranma was around.
Of course Akane had yet
to realize that her older sister had mooched off of
her for most of the shopping
they'd done and was planning on quietly borrowing the
rest at the first good opportunity.

The sky was in the final fading stages of reddish
twilight, a sharp contrast to the brightly
lit interior of the house. Both girls were looking
forward to a set table and a good
meal, it was hard work trying on clothes and spending
money like it was going out of style.

But to their surprise the dining table was still bare
and no delicious smells
emanated from the direction of the kitchen.

"Kasumi?"

Puzzled, Akane started looking for her older sister to
remind her to start cooking
for them. It was then that she noticed there seemed to
be some kind of commotion 
coming from the Saotome's room. As she headed there,
the strong odor of heavy duty
sake mingled with the even smellier aroma of hard
liquor hit her in the face like 
a brick wall.

"Ugggh! It stinks!"

Eyes watering, Akane finally managed to slide the door
open.

"..."

It was just as bad as she'd feared.

Dozens of empty bottles littered the floor. The
culprits responsible for the
mess were carousing about the room, dancing a jig like
they didn't care about
the spectacle they were making of themselves.

And even worse, they were singing!

	"Down a bottle of the very best, 
      	 Put some hair on that chest. 
      	Swig it around, don't be late
      	Let that whiskey permeate."

While her fiance's female form had a relatively nice
singing voice,
his male form couldn't carry a tune without shattering
it into a million
pieces. That lack of talent combined with his father's
attempt at a duet
made it an ordeal on par with having one's eardrums
scraped raw by bits
of broken glass soaked in lye.

And Akane could have done *without* that view of
Genma's hairy chest thank you very much!

	"What good are men today,
	Such silly boys who'd rather play.
	But they've a use to be found,
	Just pull their pants to the ground."

"Ka-Kasumi?!"

Akane stared with horrified fascination at the sight
of her oldest sister.
The normally docile young woman's cheeks glowed with
the cheerful blush
of alcohol as she lustily sang one bawdy limerick
after another. With her
normally neatly tied long hair all askew and a
scandalous amount of leg
and cleavage peeping out from her mussed clothing,
Kasumi presented the
very picture of what Akane had always imagined was an
"easy girl".

But how had this happened? The eldest Tendo daughter
had never done
anything like this before. Had the pervert taken
advantage of her?!

The unspoken question as to how Kasumi had arrived at
her current state was soon
answered as Ranma noticed the lack of fermented grain
liquid being ingested by 
the singing girl.

Skipping lightly across the room, he snagged one of
the few remaining unopened bottles 
on a table and popped off the seal with his thumb.
Upon reaching his target Ranma
hefted the bottle up and slid the dripping neck past
her moist pink lips without 
resistance. Kasumi took to it like a baby going after
her mother's milk.

"Chug! Chug! Chug!"

Ranma and Genma cheered their compatriot on as before
Akane's disbelieving eyes
the level of liquid in the bottle of 90 Proof Taipei
Rice Wine dropped at an
alarming rate.

When the last drop had been drained away, Kasumi
pulled the mouth of the bottle out
and tilted it neck down over the floor to show that it
was empty. 

The two males in the room applauded drunkenly.

Flush with this latest infusion of booze, the normally
prim and proper housekeeper
carelessly tossed the empty bottle aside, only Akane's
belated diving catch managed to save
the floor from a shower of broken glass.

Heedless of youngest sister's dramatic save, Kasumi
started pulling at her suddenly
restrictive clothing. Off came her baby chick apron,
followed shortly by her top and
long skirt. Soon she was clad in nothing but a simple
pink bra with matching panties
and a smile. Ranma and Genma roared their approval and
then proceeded to catch up 
with the drinking again.

"Kasumi! What are you doing," Akane screamed from her
position on the floor.

"Wheeeeeee!"

Getting up on the table, the half-naked Tendo girl
proceeded to do her best imitation 
of a French Can-Can. That this routine normally
requires a long skirt, petticoats
and stockings did not impede her attempt in any
fashion whatsoever.

At this point the youngest Tendo daughter had finally
had enough.

She let the bottle roll out of her hands onto the
floor and got to her feet.
Turning towards the only possible cause for all of
this insanity disrupting
her normal order of things, she grabbed the target of
her ire by the collar 
of his shirt and slammed him up against the nearest
available wall.

"Alright Ranma, what did you do to my sister?!"

"Oh 'Kane, you need a drink too. No time like the
present," he hiccuped.

"How dare you get my sister drunk like that!"

"Ah she's having a great time 'r now. Let 'er hair
down, be happy," Ranma giggled at that.

Why had he ever stopped drinking in the first place?
He'd forgotten how good it felt 
to not have a single care in the world, even in the
face of a fate even worse than 
a fate worse then death come tomorrow. Even the
scowling features of his violent 
soon to be an ex-fiancee wasn't enough to dampen the
alcohol inspired giddiness. 
His father was right after all. Drinking was the
solution, not the problem.

"Hey, are you even listening to me?!"

Fuck her. Fuck them all. It didn't fucking matter
anymore. He was royally fucked anyway.
It was time to let it all fucking out to Akane. Let
her fucking know where she really
fucking stood with him.

"Hey Akane. I always wanted ta' tell ya-," he murmured
softly with a cheerful smile on his face.

Akane blinked in surprise before leaning in closer to
hear his words.
Despite herself, her heart skipped a beat. Could it
be, could he actually
be willing to say what he always refused to when he
was sober?

"I really, really..."

"Yes? Go on," she urged him eagerly. Hah! Take *that*,
Ukyo and Shampoo!

Ranma's face suddenly paled. His cheeks started to
bulge out as he gulped 
frantically and his pallor took on a slight greenish
grey tinge. 

"Hey, what are you...you wouldn't dare! NO!!"

*BLEEEEAAAARRRGGHHH*

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

"Hey Akane, what's with all the screaming? Damn, it
really reeks in here."

"Whoopshie!"

"Gah! Uncle Genma, get off me! You're heavy and you
stink!!"

"Do'n feel so good, lil 'biki."

"Hey, now wait a minute-"

***BLEEEAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRAAAAAMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAA***

"IIIIIIIIIIYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"



-End Prologue



Coming Home to Roost
by Shade

Disclaimer: Takahashi, Akamatsu and others own the
characters used.

Warning: Strong Language, Suggestive Themes and a Sick
Sense of Humor

--------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 1: Up Ass Creek with a Broken Paddle and No
Lube
--------------------------------------------------------

Soun Tendo smiled as he arrived at his home early in
the morning. Regrettably last night's 
local council meeting had taken longer then expected
and he'd had to make do with an udon stall
and a capsule motel for the night. He was looking
forward to a proper Kasumi prepared breakfast.

But to his surprise, when he entered his home he found
that the only thing out on the dining table
was a pot of still steaming tea. One eyebrow quirked
up as he finally noticed that his daughters 
and houseguests sitting there also seemed to be
unusually quiet for such a fine morning.

"Good morning everyone! When will breakfast be-"

"Would you mind keeping it down!"

Soun blinked in surprise as his best friend and future
son-in-law growled at him in chorus. 

"Well now, whatever seems to be-"

The words trailed off as he finally realized that both
men were looking at him with
reddened bloodshot eyes that promised to introduce him
to new experiences of pain 
and suffering if he didn't lower his voice. Perhaps it
was only his imagination 
running wild, but he could have sworn that his sweet
and lovely daughter Kasumi 
was also glaring daggers at him. But that couldn't be
right. Kasumi would never be 
upset with her loving father who only wanted what was
best for her.

"Ah, did something happen last night," Soun asked in a
much more hushed tone.

"Yeah, you could say that," Ranma snorted before
wincing in pain from the sudden motion.

"Dirty. Dirty. Never going to be clean. Never going to
be clean again," Akane mumbled 
to herself over and over as she hugged her arms
together around her sides. 

"Oh will you knock it off already, Miss Drama Queen. I
said I was sorry."

"Genma?"

Soun turned towards his friend questioningly.

The older Saotome took a quick sip of tea as he tried
to think of a proper response.
Proper in this case being one that wouldn't result in
his best friend trying to
skin him alive for getting his oldest daughter drunk
and then letting the other two 
apples of his eye experience the unforgettable
sensations of being vomited on by him 
and his son.

Of course it probably wouldn't have been so bad if
Akane and Nabiki hadn't
decided to resort to violence in the middle of the
event. They'd learned the
hard way that punching someone who was powerpuking on
you in the gut only 
changed the firehose torrent into something out of the
Exorcist.

"Ah...ask me later."

Though still puzzled, Soun nodded anyway. After all,
it wasn't like his 
best friend in the whole world would try to hide
something from him, right? 

"Yo Pops, don't forget to pick up the stuff we talked
about today."

"I know, I know. Quit nagging, boy."

"Fat chance of that, old man. If I'm going down then
you're sure as hell coming
along for the ride."

Genma shuddered involuntarily.

"Fine, I get your point."

The older man finished his tea and placed the cup back
on the table.

"It'll still take awhile to get it all together. Think
you can hold out that long, son?"

"No, not really," Ranma answered in a glum tone.

"Just remember to use the old Saotome charm. And if
all else fails, beg for mercy."

"Genma, is there something you'd like to tell me,"
interrupted Soun with a note of
confusion in his voice. Was he missing something here?

"It's nothing. Oh by the way, Ranma's mother will
probably be stopping by today to see us."

That last part finally snapped through Akane's stupor.

"Are you nuts?! Have you forgotten what'll happen she
finds out that *that*-" she sputtered, 
jabbing her finger in Ranma's direction forcefully.

Ranma rolled his eyes.  

"Look, the worst she can do is make me slit my belly
open before chopping my head off."

"And what do you call that?!"

"Getting off easy."

Akane's mouth hung open as her retort died unspoken.

"well what are you waiting for? If you don't hurry up,
we'll be late for school."

Ranma finished his cup of tea and grabbed his bookbag
with the carelessness 
of a condemned man being led to the gallows.

Nabiki gently used a finger to push her younger
sister's jaw back into place and 
murmered softly about putting the service charge on
her tab before leaving after
the pigtailed youth.

--------------------------------

"So care to tell just what exactly the hell is going
on, Saotome?"

"Nope."

Nabiki's right eye twitched in irritation.

"What, are you scared," she taunted sarcastically.

"Yep," he replied absently.

Nabiki almost choked on her tongue in surprise.

"Hey! Wait for me!"

Neither the pigtailed boy or the pagecut schoolgirl
slowed their steady pace, 
so it took longer for the frantically running
shorthaired tomboy to catch up 
to the two of them on the sidewalk.

"I told you to slow down, you jerk!"

Ranma didn't bother to respond, his head was
constantly scanning his surroundings
as he walked, paying particular attention to the
rooftops and windows overhead.
Every time a stray sunbeam reflecting off of a glass
pane or metal windchime
caught his eye he involuntarily tensed and started to
dive for cover before 
catching himself. At least none of the damn cats
napping in the morning warmth
on the brick walls was ebony in color, they were
mostly tabbies along with 
a few fleabitten tomcats. And there was still no sign
of Shippu in the sky.

But *they* were out there somewhere, watching and
waiting for him. And he was fucked 
six ways from Sunday when they finally got their hands
on him. Ranma Saotome considered 
himself a premier martial artist, but even he had no
illusions as to his chances against 
any of *them* one on one, let alone together. 

After all, he'd seen them in action before. It had
been a couple of years ago, 
but he doubted that they'd gotten anything but better
since then. Frankly, 
Ranma would have preferred to face an army of horny
Musk Dynasty perverts 
in female form with both arms broken rather then
confront the most terrifying 
force he knew of in the entire universe.

"Are you even listening to me?!"

"Not at all."

The youngest Tendo daughter started to develop a
dangerous blue glowing aura.

"Look Akane, why don't you and your sister go make
yourselves useful and keep an eye out 
for anything strange," Ranma spoke casually,
unperturbed by the sounds of knuckles 
cracking in preparation for acts of extreme violence
on his person.

"And what exactly should we be looking for, Saotome?" 

There had to be some way to make some easy money off
of this. 
Nabiki knew it was only a matter of finding it and
exploiting it.

"Any funny looking pale feathered long necked birds
flying around, black c-cats 
and/or shiny objects on the roof where they shouldn't
be. You know, something 
out of place here." 

Nabiki and Akane blinked in surprise, the latter
coming out of her fury to stare
as her older sister pointed in the direction that had
just caught their attention
as they reached the main entrance of the school
grounds.

"You mean like the bird that just landed on that
lady's shoulder over there?" 

"Yeah, like tha-" 

There was a pause as Ranma froze in midstep. Ever so
slowly his head rotated 
to the right of the school gates. That was Shippu
alright, the bird familiar 
of the Aoyama Clan. And there was no mistaking the
undeniably feminine form 
contained within the fine white uwagi and bright red
hakama even with the 
oversized bamboo hat pulled down in the front to
conceal the figure's face 
from view.

"oh fuck," he squeaked out. 

"Greetings, my husband."

His second wife. 

Tsuruko. 

---------------------

It had been a normal school morning with all of the
usual student 
chatter right up until the moment those magic words
were uttered.

"Greetings, my husband."

All conversation ceased in an instant as every boy and
girl within earshot 
simultaneously turned their heads towards the unusual
spectacle of the resident
pigtailed martial artist standing frozen like a deer
staring down the barrel of 
a 12 gauge shotgun.

"HUSBAND?!"

Chaos erupted as a crowd of shouting and gesturing
teenagers swarmed around
the various persons of interest.

"Akane, is this true?!"

"Is Ranma cheating on you again?!"

Yuka and Sayuri popped up on either side of their
startled classmate
and started the verbal barrage.

Akane's brain was still rebooting from that unexpected
bombshell.
Sure there had been Shampoo and Ukyo, but neither girl
had ever spoken 
those words with the assured credibility that this
Yamato Nadesico did. 
All she could do was stare in disbelief at the Ranma
shaped stone 
statue in front of her while her own open mouth made
unintelligible noises.

"Saotome, is this true?!"

"How dare you get such a hot babe like that when you
already have Akane,
Shampoo, Ukyo, Kodachi and Miss Hinako!"

"Yeah, leave some for the rest of us!"

"But maybe this means Akane is finally available?"

"Hiro my man, forget Akane. I mean, will you look at
that new chick?
I'd totally hit on it like a pair of bongo drums."

"Yeah you got a-"

*WHAM*

"Hey wait a-" 

*WHAM*

----------------------

Ranma snapped out of his horrified paralysis just in
time to catch the unsavory 
direction that Hiroshi and Daisuke's conversation was
going. The solid backhands 
to their faces was an instinctual reaction.

"Guys, you keep talking about her like that 
and you'll never eat solid food again. Got it?"

Turning back to Tsuruko, his heart skipped a beat as
he noticed the faint smile
on her lips. He couldn't see her eyes with the hat in
the way, but her 
fingers were still well away from the grip of her
sword which was a good sign.

It seemed his chivalrous action had bought him a few
more seconds to come up
with an explanation for his wife that would not
involve him discovering a whole 
new definition of pain and suffering at her hands.

"Uh...hey honey. You look beautiful. Um, I really can
explain-"

"And who are they, Dearest?"

There was just the faintest trace of steel in the
undertone of her silky voice.

Ranma gulped audibly. A cold sweat started to break
out as he watched her left hand
slowly start to drift towards the hilt of her sheathed
katana.

"Oh those two girls? Nobody important, just that me
and pops are kinda guests at their home
because of their old man and he's got this stupid idea
of trying to unite the schools
and I swear on my life that I never cheated on you
with either of them because really
they're just not my type and did I mention that it's
not my fault-," he babbled frantically.

"Ah, I see. Well that's okay then," Tsuruko said as
she gave him an enthusiastic thumbs up.

Ranma almost collapsed in relief as the wide brim of
swordwoman's woven hat came down
and he was finally able to see her normal twinkling
eyes rather then the terrifying 
demon gaze of the Shinmeiryuu battle/punishment mode.

"Excuse me. Who are you calling nobody?"

The frost in Nabiki's voice more then made up for her
sister's lack of a response,
being as Akane and pretty much the rest of the entire
student body had gone flying 
in every direction at the strange woman's totally
unexpected reaction to Ranma's 
painfully inept explanation.

"So she's your wife?"

"Yes."

"So where's her ri-"

Nabiki gawked at the shiny gold ring on Tsuruko's
outstretched finger.

"You would not believe what I had to go through to pay
for that."

Oh ho! The middle Tendo daughter smelled opportunity
here.

"But what about that passionate performance in the
theatre?
What will my poor sister think of you just taking her
lips
like that?"

Ranma could have cheerfully strangled Nabiki at that
moment
for bringing up that particular piece of old history.

Tsuruko's gaze sharpened on him.

"School Play. Tape over the Mouth," he blurted out
quickly.

"Ah." 

Her features relaxed once again.

Disappointed by the lack of reaction to her verbal
ploy, 
Nabiki decided to try again.

"And how about the time you cradled me in your arms? 
How could you forget about that?"

"She fell from the roof. If I could do it all over
again, 
I'd let her fall flat on her ungrateful butt."

"Then how do you explain attacking Miss Hinako in the
teacher's lounge?"

Nabiki's grin grew increasingly catty.

"Chi Vampire. Counter Shiatsu Points on her Chest."

He was definitely going to kill the middle Tendo
daughter, he decided. 
No, wait. That would be letting her off too easy. He'd
have to come up
with something really nasty for her, provided he
survived the next
couple of minutes of course.

"I see."

Tsuruko didn't seem to walk so much as glide
gracefully across 
the ground towards him. As she approached, it took all
of Ranma's 
willpower to keep his quivering knees from knocking
together as 
conflicting memories of unimaginable pleasure and mind
destroying 
terror intermingled in his racing mind.

'I mustn't run away. I musn't run away. She'll cut me
down if I try.'

When she was only two paces from him, she stopped.

"Now tell me, my husband. Why did you depart so
hastily from me?"

Despite the cheerful tone of her words, Ranma's
features turned bone white.

"Well you see, that is I kinda thought you needed time
to cool down.
I mean, it was an awkward situation and all. What
with-"

"With my finding you and Yuriko naked in bed, you
mean?"

Ranma's life flashed before his eyes. 
There was no escape this time.

"And who exactly is this Yuriko, Saotome," Nabiki
asked dryly.

His response was bleak.

"My Mother-in-law."


-End Chapter 1


Yamato Nadesico: Japanese term referring to the ideal
Japanese woman. Wiki it for more info.



Author's notes: I live. 




Omake! Omake! Omake!

- - - -
-Deleted Scene Omake

Ranma blearily opened his eyes as he lifted his head
up from the soft cushions 
that he'd been resting on. His head felt like a
clogged bilge pump left out 
in the sun too long. Now he remembered why he'd given
up drinking.

As he tried to get up he found that he was unable to
do so without causing 
an unpleasant peeling sensation around his crotch
similar to having a piece 
of duct tape on the skin being slowly pulled off. It
felt horribly familiar.

His bloodshot eyes looked down to see what the problem
was.

"Oh Fuck. Not again."

His dick was planted to the root in some strange
woman's shaven pussy. 
A pasty mixture of semen and vaginal lubrication had
dried and hardened 
to the extent that they were almost glued together
where they met.

Ranma hoped that there wouldn't be any bloothirsty
husbands bursting 
in without warning this time as he started to look up
towards her face.

"Kasumi?!"

Indeed, the eldest Tendo daughter was unmistakable
despite her frazzled
hair and swollen lips. The young housekeeper moaned
softly as the chill 
morning air on her now exposed breasts brought her
sensitive nipples 
to attention.

"Do it to me again," she murmured sleepily.

Ranma blinked. Well, he was dead anyway. 

So he shrugged his shoulders and obliged her.

-----------------

Akane Tendo didn't want to wake up. She knew with
absolute certainty
that if she opened her eyes it would be the worst
mistake of her life.

But when she heard Nabiki start screaming right next
to her, she couldn't
help but peek just a little.

Genma Saotome smiled sheepishly back at her as he
scratched his sodden 
crotch. He wasn't wearing any clothes. And after a
moment, she realized
she didn't have any either.

"NOOOOOOO!!"

"Well, at least now the schools will finally be
joined," the bald man muttered.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

- - - - - - - - - -
-Bukkake King omake

It was your normal Furinkan school morning.
The sun was shining, the birds were singing
and there were Ranma and Akane-

"I can't believe you *violated* me like that!"

A record scratched as the listening students tried 
to figure out if they'd heard that correctly.

"So it was your first time, big deal. You get used to
it after awhile."

"You've done it BEFORE?!"

"Since I was nine. All Pops had to do was show me the
basics."

Eyes goggled and mouths boggled as the boys and girls
realized that
their ears were not deceiving them after all.

"You unloaded all over my face, my hair and you ruined
my clothes!" 

"Well it's not like I could stop in the middle, now
could I?"

Male imaginations pictured Akane, her transparent wet
clothes sticking to her-

Nasal blood vessels burst as the boys passed out to a
man.

"And how could you keep going and going like that?!
The human body can't possibly 
contain that much liquid!"

Female imaginations saw Ranma's unleashed equipment,
preparing for the money shot-

Redfaced highschool girls started swooning left and
right.

"Well you should have known better then to handle me
like that."

"If I hadn't stopped you, you would have done it to
Kasumi instead!!"

Thus was the legend of Bukkake King Ranma born.

- - - - - - - -
-Mother-in-law omake


"Mother sends her regards."

"Does she now," Ranma's nervous attempt at
lighthearted laughter died in his throat.

"And a gift."

"Gift? What gift," Nabiki started looking eagerly
around for something of monetary value.

"Don't be shy now, come on out."

Tsuruko beckoned at something hiding behind the length
of her hakama.

Three blue eyed little girls with long dark hair
peeked out.

All of them sharing an identical face.

Ranma prayed that this didn't mean what he thought it
meant.

"Say hello to Kuriko, Kiriko and Kotoko. My new
sisters."

"Papa!" "Daddy" "Father!"

The triplets dashed towards the stunned pigtailed
martial artist.

Ranma finally decided to take the easy way out.

He fainted.

- - - - - - - - - -
-Omake by Lord Raa


"And who exactly is this Yuriko, Saotome," Nabiki
asked dryly.

His response was bleak.

"My Mother-in-law," the young Saotome admitted. "But
in my defense, 
she did say that she wanted to 'put her son-in-law to
the test to 
make sure he's suitable for her daughters'."

"'Daughters'? Kindly explain that one, Dearest,"
Tsuruko said rather icily.

Ranma sighed in defeat. "Pops kinda sold me off as
Motoko's concubine."

"And who's Motoko?" Nabiki asked, making a few mental
calculations 
as to the price this newest information.

"My little sister," the kendoist answered.




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