[FFML] [si][challenge answer][spamfic]Captain Gamecube

Just a teaser intro, because I'm also working on a much longer crack epic multicrossover self insertion (not related to this challenge).

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Captain Gamecube
a spamfic by Dot

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When most people fall alseep playing video games, they just wake up the next morning with a terrible headache and a crick in their necks.

I get sucked into another world.

Lucky me.

Princess Zelda is staring at me, horror written all over her features. "Oh, shit."

Definitely not the first words you want to hear in a situation like this.

***

So, it turns out that there was a horrible mistake. The Gamecube that I bought was supposed to go to some other kid, a real gamer and not a part time "play to kill time" person like me, and definitely not a girl who had no potential for fan service. Of course, now that they'd exhausted their magic bringing me here, they were stuck with me.

I'm fitted with my equipement, a small black plastic controller.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Luigi asked, trying to be diplomatic.

I stare at the gallery of past Captains. "Really, really glad that I'm not Captain N64. And also that the Wii isn't out yet."

***

"Um." This is me, staring and trying not to squeal like a fangirl. "Why is Snake the instructor for Training Mode?"

"To keep the male readers interested," was the dry response. "Unless you're the type that's into hot women." Snake chuckles when I turn bright pink. "I was teasing."

"Can we get started now?" I squeak, feeling really self-conscious now.

"Of course. How familiar are you with first- and third-person shooters?"

"Mostly just watched my friends play it. My brother has Goldeneye and Perfect Dark, so he ropes me into that every once in a while." I scratch my cheek. "I usually end up getting killed a lot."

Snake looks thoughtful. "Then it might be best to start with basic awareness and sneaking techniques." He gestured, and a cardboard box rose from the ground.

I'm about to laugh, but a stern look from Snake made me gulp and climb in without another word.

***

I'm under a cardboard box shuffling around a hallway in the depths of Brinstar, hiding from the Space Pirates and looking for the rendezvous point with Samus.

I still can't quite silence the voice of reason screaming how illogical this is. Nobody bothers to investigate why there's a freaking cardboard box or seems to hear me bump against the sides when I move (I still haven't figured out how to do it in complete silence). Heck, I should be bringing every Space Pirate to my location every time I contact someone on the Codec, but once again, nobody notices.

I pause at a junction to check the map in my heads-up display--I'm not questioning the feasability that one, because it's my only means of reliable navigation.

(Snake had been quite dismayed at my almost utter lack of directional sense. "What will you do in worlds that don't have have in-game maps?"

"I dunno, the right hand rule?"

"...I'll have Otacon rig something up. It'll be ready by the time you come back.")

Having regained my bearings, I continue forward, but am soon brought up short by a green door.

I dial up Snake. "I need Super Missles." I switch the map to radar view, and almost faint when I see how many enemies are in the area. "Lots and lots of Super Missles."

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To be continued, perhaps? Or maybe make this a round robin of some sorts?

-"Dot"
http://dotchan.com/

I'm my own mind-altering substance. 8)