Subject: [FFML] Re: [Ranma] The New Lifestyle
From: "Cute Neko Hibiki" <wbanks@jam.rr.com>
Date: 6/26/2006, 9:47 PM
To: "FFML" <ffml@anifics.com>


----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Andrew Petalik" <wolf@magma.ca>
To: "FFML" <ffml@anifics.com>
Sent: Monday, June 26, 2006 8:20 PM
Subject: [FFML] Re: [Ranma] The New Lifestyle



This could have been fun.

Could have.

Problem is, it was written without thought, without contemplation of
the choices possible.



What did you expect from a teenage girl who flunked her english class, ny
bestseller?


You're missing the point. If you were able to write best-sellers, you
wouldn't be posting stuff here.
On top of which, the complaint about this story had nothing to do with
your English. It had to do with a series of events occurring which made
no sense and went nowhere.

So far, I've seen a couple of very helpful critiques of your post. You
should pay close attention what was said.

The points that were brought up are as follows:
1- You have Ranma and Ryoga both start chasing after lesbians before
going after each other. Why? Dare I suggest that this is a fetish of
yours that you wanted to quickly play out?

I'm a lesbian.

2- There is no logical progression for them to go the direction you've
pointed them in.

Ummm... there isn't?

3- Both Ranma and Ryouga are wildly out of character. Unless you can
give some reason for them to do this, no one will accept it. If you've
read "They Outward Part", you may find some insight on how the author
takes a character and gets him to accept a situation which, under all
other circumstances, would be utterly out of character for him. Hell,
even a knock on the head giving them both amnesia would at least be
something.

What is 'they outward part'?

4- What you posted is like an except from a larger story. I could almost
envision taking a book and opening it half way and reading such a passage.

Thought I did better than that, sorry.:(

In short, what you posted was an idea. Not a story. The idea should
either be considered the skeleton or perhaps the goal of the story. If
you take what you wrote and build a framework around it, you'll be going
the right direction.

How?

If you want the rest of the FFML to take you seriously, you have to give
some thought to what you are trying to get across when you write 
something.

What is it you want the characters to do?
Why do you think the players would do something... especially if it is
out of character?
How will other characters react when someone does something? In many
cases, just getting to the goal is not enough. The conflict the
characters cause as you move them to the goal is often more important
than the goal itself.

To all the above questions, I dunno.

FYI: Ranma and Ryoga becoming lesbian lovers has been done before. The
trick is not getting them together. It's getting them together in such a
way that the audience believe it could be possible.

What's the url for this fic, please?

-- 
 ___________
/ Here lies:\  Ryougasai... the eternal lost hentai.
|   Andrew    |
|             |
|   I think   |          Andrew Petalik
| he's hungry | Opportunity knocks but rarely. Don't let it
|             | slip between your fingers when it does.



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