utterly unnecessary flame... this was obviously a light-hearted spamfic not 
to be taken in any way seriously

Dave



----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Nick Leifker" <nightelf@thekeep.org>
To: "Cute Neko Hibiki" <wbanks@jam.rr.com>
Cc: "FFML" <ffml@anifics.com>
Sent: Monday, June 26, 2006 18:59
Subject: [FFML] Re: [Ranma] The New Lifestyle

This could have been fun.

Could have.

Problem is, it was written without thought, without contemplation of
the choices possible.  You practically pushed Ranma and Ryouga into the
romp together, without contemplating past obligations, without looking
at what makes these characters tick.

You claim that you're tired of people complaining about your work.
Fine.  Put thought into your work; put effort into your work.  You want
Ranma and Ryouga together as Michiru and Haruka?  Okay; what needs to
happen to make that final result occur?  How do they need to be
affected by events in order to get there?

Hate to say it, but going off and saying, "You know, Ranma could
suggest it to Ryouga, and then..." just isn't going to cut the mustard.
 It is plausible that Ranma would like the feel of sex as a woman, and
would want to keep her curse.  However, that's something that would
happen from experience.  The whole 'picking up lesbians' thing?  Ranma
has sexual relationship problems with women already; sorry, that's
going to need a much different explanation, one that will affect future
situations in this story.  Ryouga, if given a choice between not being
cursed and being cursed as a woman, wouldn't go for the Nyannichuan
curse unless he had some dysphoria issues that aren't indicated in the
manga or anime - issues that WOULD show up rather painfully in his
thought processes.  So it may be best to have the Nannichuan closed for
the day or something similar, so that the Nyannichuan is his only
choice.

See, all of that needs to be considered when writing JUST THAT FIRST
PART, if you're going to write something that makes sense.  That
doesn't include the process for Ryouga from boy to girl to raging
lesbian, or Ranma to a similar state.  Finally, it doesn't include
Ranma and Ryouga running away to do the Sailor Moon thing.  ALL of
these, in a decent work, need to be thought out and planned, and that
didn't happen here.

Then... after THAT... you have to think about how you want to present
it; you don't necessarily have to go a pure chronological route.
Perhaps at morning coffee at Haruka and Michiru's home, as they talk
about the past?  How about as the pair spar together - Ranma's fluid
style accentuated by added grace and Ryouga's power undiminished by her
own change?  Even if you do go for the chronological route, there's
still the matter of what scenes you show - and how.  When Ryouga faces
the springs, what is he thinking and why?  How would Ryouga feel once
she got her new body?  How does Ryouga get introduced to lesbian sex;
does Ranma introduce her to the joys of a female body?  Here, it's
just, "Let's get Ranma-chan and Ryouga-chan as Haruka and Michiru as
fast as possible, without thinking about how they get there."  As with
character logic, there's no thought presented here - at all.

To be honest, giving either of these - thought about character logic,
and thought about presentation - would make the story forgivable.  Back
in the day, Jeff Rutsch skewered the Ranma characters into something
mind-boggling - but he did it with panache, and he did it with serious
thought in regards to style and technique.  Problem is, neither gets
done with this story.  You don't think about logic or presentation; you
just take an idea and barf it onto a computer, regardless of style or
sense.  Either one would get my thanks, especially because "out-there"
Ranma works aren't that common.  Because it clearly has neither, this
story only earns my contempt.

-- Nick


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