eimii wrote:
You know, it never fails; in the decade that i've been on the FFML,
whenever someone screams 'the sky is falling,' all the lurkers come
out of the woodwork. Let us hope that it lasts this time :P...
Clearly, what the FFML needs to survive is a secret conspiracy dedicated
to providing carefully timed declarations of the FFML's impending doom.
Gods, it's been so long slince i last did any sort of C&C -_-;. I suppose
i ought to encourage the fandom though; both times i tried posting the
first chapter of my Naruto fic to the list, i was greeted by the sound of
crickets... [poke/prod/bludgeon]
Well, if you feel up to a repost, I believe I can guarantee you at least
_one_ response. :)
When that happened, it was almost impossible to get them to let him to
the job himself again.
...let him [do] the job...?
Good catch. Likewise on the other typos, in particular the gender
confusion with the pronouns. I have enough problems with that when the
characters are _not_ changing genders mid-paragraph...
It was one of countless tiny
details that meant that his three students might have well have been
shouting that their little speeches on their likes, dislikes, and dreams
had been only slightly more revealing than his own information-free
example.
This is a somewhat convoluted sentence, and it took me a few read-throughs
to figure out what it means. This is probably because one is initially
inclined to take 'shouting' in a literal sense. Here's the wording i probably
would have used it i'm understanding the sentence correctly:
[It was one of countless tiny details that told him that his students' little
speeches on their likes, dislikes, and dreams might have been only slightly more
revealing than his own information-free example.]
But, as this is C&C, this is only what i'd do. In my opinion, being busy works against this sentence ^_^;...
You're probably right. :)
I'll definitely mess around with that sentence .
Hmm... the Kyuubi conspiracy has never seemed to be something that anyone was
willing to _alter memories_ over, per se; seems a little drastic... [shrug]
Yeah, you're right. I'll probably mess around some with that bit there,
too.
Naruto backed away nervously. "Please don't hit me, Sakura-
chan," she whined plaintively. When Sakura didn't say anything, or in
fact do anything but twitch several more times, he took a step forward.
"Sakura-chan?" he asked, worry plain in his voice.
Angry Sakura is another one of the rare circumstances where Naruto might
sometimes become visibly nervous, it seems ^_^;...
Indeed it is. :)
Juuuuuuust a thought: neither Sasuke not Naruto's methods of concealing their
true genders would have held up long with Hyuugas around... especially not if Hinata
is... er... ^_^;...
Oddly enough, that's never brought up in the genre of fics that I'm sort
of parodying here. :)
You are definitely right, though. Any serious version of this sort of
thing would need the Hyuuga to be playing along.
Kakashi's eye widened. Even he had never heard that the tiny
Haruno Clan had a bloodline limit.
Kakashi: "Anko... you've been withholding important information again..."
Anko: "Hmm... pull your pants down and say that again; I'm not sure I heard you right."
Heh.
Shikamaru was too engrossed in the ensuing argument with Ino to
notice the sudden look of crushed hope in Chouji's eyes, but Asuma
wasn't. "Damn old pervert," he muttered.
Heh... the chouji bit is disturbingly plausible, somehow O_O;...
The InoShikaChou bit in this fic is probably the closest to being
plausible all around. The bit that stretches the most is Shikamaru
being into Sasuke, but I couldn't really see Shikamaru going after Kiba,
Shino, or Naruto.
***********************************************************************
Yuuhi Kurenai was presently vomiting, grateful she'd made it to
a toilet. Despite what her friend Mitarashi Anko loudly declared,
Kurenai was not a prude. Thank you very much, she was a well-adjusted
[thank you very much] should probably be tacked on at the end of the prior
sentence, rather than the start of a new one.
Indeed.
Retching up a fresh wave of vomit, Kurenai swore to herself that
she was going to get revenge on Anko. Somehow, this had to be her
fault. It just to had to be.
[Anko high-fives the Hokage.]
Eh, _this_ one's not her fault. The host of young Aburame who will
believe that Kurenai is really into insects shortly after she attempts
her revenge _will_ be Anko's fault, though. :)
It was entertaining, though another chapter of Hundred Days would have
provided more meat for the folks harping about 'genuine' C&C being a dying art.
Unfortunately, the next chapter of One Hundred Days is still fairly far
from completion. Those fight scenes don't write themselves, after all. :)
I hope to get it out by the end of the month.
I _have_ been reading that, by the way, and i like it... but i have been too lazy/busy
to offer much constructive commentary lately, and i have to confess that i've got a bias
that makes me skip or skim large portions of the fic: i don't like reading about the 'title'
characters of most series, such as Naruto ^_^;. In shounen manga, they get far to much story
focus and deus-ex-machina assistance as it is...
Perfectly understandable. It took me quite a while to develop an
appreciation for the character of Naruto myself.
I'm glad you're enjoying the parts of One Hundred Days you read, though.
:)
Ah well... hopefully this helps, even if it's just a spamfic. Off to write some more!
It did indeed help, and thank you very much for commenting!