Subject: [FFML] Re: [Ranma][Star Wars] Balane of Force Opening
From: David Johnston
Date: 6/10/2006, 4:53 AM
To: Andrew Norris
CC: ffml@anifics.com
Reply-to:
rgorman@telusplanet.net

Andrew Norris wrote:
This is a rarity for me...
 
Eilsa Jardon sighed as she glanced at her surroundings, clear blue 
eyes taking in the scenery.  

 

"Another backwater planet," she muttered as she shook her head, 

the ponytail of her straight black hair shifting about slightly 

under the hood of the brown cloak she currently wore.  Underneath 

that were simple cotton white robes that hid her lean and athletic 

form. 

 

If a passerby chanced to look into her hood, her pale and 

aristocratic face was bearing a small scar on her cheek, an 

indication of an old, old wound.

 

As she stepped though the small market her thoughts turned to what 

she said.  

 

Not _quite_ backwater, but definitely not the most advanced she 

had been on.  Dodging the old fashioned radar to land her craft 

here, where her senses told her there would be easy resupply after 

she got lost. 

 

As she walked though the Market she was examining, she knew there 

would be no supplies for her here due to the walkthrough the 

market showed the stalls and shops selling fresh food, mostly 

vegetables and fish.


This sentence/paragraph doesn't work on more than one level.  Not only 
does it not parse, but it doesn't say very much.  Needs to be folded 
into the subsequent paragraph.  Something like:

Moving past stalls and shops selling fresh food she found others which 
sold primitive electronics.  Not really adequate supplies, but maybe 
she'd be able to jury-rig something that would hold together for a jump,
if the Force was with her.



 

The other shops were selling small electronics that she had built 

as a youngling.  The language was extremely difficult for her 

force powers to translate for her, almost as if it had no 

association with any she knew.  

I'm a little foggy on how that would make a difference to the Force.
Maybe:

The local language was strange, totally unrelated to any of the ones she 
knew.  Direct mind to mind contact using her Force powers was the only 
way she'd be able to get even simple concepts across.  But, as she 
reached out mentally, she staggered in shock as a cry screamed into her 
mind.


Before she could attempt to talk

to one of the venders, she staggered in shock as a cry screamed 

into her mind.  

 

A young soul, calling for help from a terrible fear driven home to 

her by the child's own Force.  Before she could think the Force 

think,


guided her actions, and she blurred towards the strident call, not 

thinking about the possible ramifications of her actions.  

 

Luckily, the residents of Nerima were used to the abilities of 

Martial artists.

martial


 

As she flashed over the roofs, cloak streaming behind her, the 

clarion call of fear and terror struck her even more desperately 

causing her to move faster, reaching for deeper and deeper levels 

of the Force, to save a soul from a horror beyond imagining.  

 

As she homed in on the pit of despair, she skidded into a alley 

where a small redheaded child was being surrounded by some local 

predator.  They looked vaguely like Cathar infants - small, furry, 

clawed, both playful and dangerous.  She couldn't convince of why 

they were threatening a small child, till a smell of fish wafted 

across her nose, reminding her of some Cathar's love of fish.  

Before she could act as her senses verifying the hunger of the 

predators, the child's emotions... _shifted_ was all she could 

think of... turning a desperate child to a mindless carnivore.

 

She stared, aware of how desperate the situation had become, 

especially when she felt the whisper of the child's own Force 

forge into insubstantial claws and scatter the small predators 

without any harm to them.  Her feelings confirmed what she saw 

indicating no hunger or anger from the child and a whisper in her 

mind hinted at a way to help this hurt soul.  

Actually the catfist persona is pretty angry at first.


 

She watched the child carefully, letting the feral child study 

her, while she sunk her soul deeper into the Force, letting it 

steer her and send out calming waves of emotions, as she knelt in 

response to the child approaching her and was rewarded by a 

sniffing of her out held hand.  

out-held


 

Without warning, the child  pounced, slamming into her chest, 

knocking her back onto the ground.  She looked down, and found 

herself with a lapful of child.  Calling upon the Force to calm 

the world around them, 

What, the whole world?


she sent waves of comfort as the purrs

quieted and slowed.

 

As she felt the child's Force signature calm and settle into the 

state that meant sleep, she slipped in her own touch, sending the 

child deeper into slumber which would allow her to move the young 

girl safely and get her to the ship so she could gather 

information on this girl's health.  She carefully gathered the 

girl as she resumed a more normal pattern for sleeping into her 

arms, and carefully moved out of the alley and then taking to the 

roofs with speed, but careful to not disturb the bundle in her 

arms.

 

As the cloaked figure departed, faint calls of "Ranma!" could be 

heard over the wind, if the Jedi was paying attention.

 

**********************

 

Balance of Force

 

By 

 

Andrew 'MageOhki' Norris

 

with grateful assistance and kibitzing from 

Nicholas 'Nightelf' Leifker

 

Major C and C provided (not all of it accepted, mind you, but most 

was) by

Quedrom

 

Prologue

 

The Child.

 

**********************

 

As Eilsa laid the child into the capsule she kept in her ship, she 

shook her head.  A six year old.  Unbelievable.  She couldn't 

conceive of a Jedi able to form solid weapons with the Force, much 

less a child of such a young age using it at all.  She brushed the 

bangs of the sleeping child, sighing softly at the thought of the 

scene earlier today.  She stepped back and gestured at her 

medical droid to run a complete medical history of the child, only 

a Jedi healer could determine the cause and reasons for the state 

she saw.

Second clause doesn't follow from the first.  Try inserting an 
"although" before "only".



 

She stood up as the droid began its work, and she went to the 

small galley, making a cup of kaff for herself.  As she sipped it, 

she walked to the cockpit of her ship, to study her journey.  A 

planet this advanced should have been discovered by the Order or 

Republic scouts already.  

 

Though... she had been traveling for a long time and she didn't 

have a clue where she was now.  Worse, she was out of range of 

contact with the Temple, even if she was of the mind to seek their 

... advice.  She finally found the name of the planet, only 

because of the recording and translating watch she had her 

computer did, or... was this Nihon the name of the area she was 

in? Eh, no real matter she thought as she stood in response to

the medical droid's call for attention.

 

"Madam, you need to look at these results" M-21J spoke as Eilsa 

strode into the medical bay.

 

"Readings?"  Her response was in a soft contralto as she held out 

her hand for the datapad.  She glanced though the basic data, and 

then moved on history.  She slowed down as her eyebrows rose, and 

her face paled.   

 

She set aside the datapad and studied the child in the bed.  Her 

Force presence blazed like a beacon, and any rational Jedi would 

assume that's why she lived though all the injuries that the droid 

reported.  Part of her was severely tempted to put her into stasis 

and head directly for the Temple, since she was either a orphan or 

abused by her parents, but that would not be the way of the Jedi 

as she and a few others saw it.  She couldn't work within whatever

the law was here, but she could at least find out from the child's 

own lips what and how these conditions occurred, and who caused 

them.

 

************

 

She wasn't taking her back.  No way.  No how.  No chance was he 

returning to his parents.  Nor the situation in Nerima.  She 

regretted not listening to her first impulse, but that was a 

passing fancy.  She also knew that what he told her, while more 

than he'd tell any stranger, was still incomplete, and he would 

have avoided the Neko-ken as he called it training altogether.  

She breathed as she watched a 6-year-old body do a jump and a kick 

that many Jedi in their prime could not do.

 

She shook her head.  Yes, the child, and while she believed his 

actual 17 years of age, she couldn't make herself consider Ranma a 

person on the verge of adulthood.  While the child had many flaws, 

to be expected of one raised by a Sith in all but name, goodness 

still shined within the child.  

shone

Not a bully to his true inferiors,

nor someone who was greedy in an evil sense, or even one who 

sought power for power's sake.  

By Jedi teaching, there's no way that Ranma's training could have turned 
him into anything short of a serial killer


But... she had to fix this.  The

only way Ranma could become what her Force senses told her she 

could become, was if she took the child with her.  

 

However, to do that, she'd need to acquire fuel and to deal with 

the Neriman mess.  She couldn't just steal the child.  

Of course she could.


Even though

Ranma's father was a Sith, and his mother was a clear threat to 

her own child's safety, that still didn't give her the right or 

the duty to just steal the child away.  It would not be the Jedi

way, 

Sure it would.  Except that a Jedi might consider it wise to kill 
Ranma's parents first.


and even if she was willing to waive that, it would lower her

to that... panda's level.

 

And in truth, she would have to also need to deal with the others 

in fairness.  The Amazons, Ukyou, and the Tendos...  they should

provide no difficulty in this situation, but still having Ranma 

disappear without at least letting them know and say goodbye to 

them was truly against the spirit of the Code she followed.  

Frankly, I'm not seeing the problem.


 

'Assuming I could kidnap the child, that is.  Even not needing 

fuel, she is quite skilled.  ' 

Not needing what?


She thought with a slight snort and

smile.

 

 She had a feeling that training Ranma in the ways of the Force 

would tax even Windu's skills... not because Ranma was inept... 

but because she exceeded her teacher or could quickly if her words 

about how fast she learned were true.

 

She picked up a data chip with a visual recording of how the Neko-

ken was taught.  She shuddered.  The memory of Ranma's tone of 

voice as he described being put into the pit repeatedly...

 

The idea that someone was foolish enough to put a child though 

such torture was bad enough.  Knowing that it was the boy's father 

made her sick. 

 

It was nothing short of a miracle that Ranma didn't hate his 

father for this.  Indeed, all throughout his tales, he never 

actually hated anyone.  Some of their actions, yes, but not them.  

 

She picked up another chip, relating the experience of Jusekyou.  

Even when she saw it with her own eyes, she doubted she'd actually 

get anyone to believe this without them seeing it for themselves.  

 

Yet another reason for the child to hate, and Ranma didn't.  

 

Another data chip.  

 

"The seppuku promise."  She snarled softly before recovering her 

poise, still wondering at what type of mother would agree to a 

pledge made with a handprint by a 5 year old to -kill- himself if 

he wasn't... manly.  

Oh come on.  It's a big galaxy.  I bet there are thinking creatures out 
there who  are every bit as harsh with their spawn.  This strikes me as 
a projection of the author's opinions rather than a believable reaction 
from a Jedi who has seen an unimaginable breadth of cultures, and 
cultivates an attitude of serene acceptance of all things.



She took a deep breath reciting the Code in

her mind, till she calmed down.  She had always felt drawn 

to children, and loved being with them, and often wondered if she 

made the right choice in staying a Jedi, instead of becoming a 

mother.  How could she even consider herself a mother after having 

agreed to such a action.  She couldn't bring herself to even think 

about striking down one of her padawans if they fell, but to fail 

to live up to some 'standard' as artificial and variable as being 

'manly'?  It was a perversion of the very nature of motherhood, 

and it both horrified and angered her deeply. 

 

She stood up to collect herself and control her anger while 

replaying the discussion of Happosai in her mind.  There was a 

Sith if she ever had heard of one.  Self taught maybe, and not 

quite sunk to the level of depravity that some could go to, but 

clearly in thrall to the Dark side.  

 

She briefly recalled the discussion of Shampoo and the other two 

Amazons, and rather looked forward to meeting Cologne, but wasn't 

sure of Mousse.  Shampoo had potential, if she wasn't too old, 

that is.  

The fact is, Ranma's too old regardless of what his body looks like, if 
this is set in the prequel.


She moved on to Ukyou and shook her head at another

father that basically shuffled his problems onto his child.  

 

 

She stopped pacing and thought about the Tendos.  This would take 

careful handling.  Her training as a diplomat allowed her to pick 

up on clues, and while she was sure Ranma didn't want to get 

married, even at his proper age, he did hold feelings for the Dark 

Marauder in training called Akane.  He had fondness for Kasumi, 

the eldest of the three daughters while Nabiki...

 

It is said that there are many paths to the dark side, and greed 

is one of them.  Perhaps it was  a good thing she wasn't a student 

of this planet's way of the Force, otherwise there would be three 

Sith to consider.  

 

Last but not least was Ryouga.  She wasn't sure how to consider 

him.  Was he just a victim of hardship and circumstance, or was he 

truly disturbed?  Ranma's description of him wasn't conclusive 

enough, though Ranma didn't bash him, she sensed that Ranma was 

displeased about some of his behavior, but wouldn't say what.

<big tears well from my eyes>  Oh poor pitiful picked on Ranma...
Incidentally, this whole business of Eilsa thinking?  It violates the 
"show don't tell" principle.  Or to put it another way, it wastes our 
time.  Don't have her spend all this time thinking at us. We'll figure 
out that she doesn't approve of Genma when she decapitates him.



 

She shook her head, thinking back onto the interview she had with 

the young man.

 

******

 

"Hello, My name's Eilsa.  What's yours?"  Eilsa asked in a warm 

tone.

 

"...  Ranma" a young female voice answered.

 

"Ranma?  An interesting name.  'Wild horse', right?"

Oh come on.  How would Eilsa know what a horse was?


 

She was answered with a nod.

 

"Ranma, I hope you don't mind, but I need to ask a few questions."  

Eilsa was rewarded with a sigh and an annoyed comment from the 

girl.

 

"Okay... what did Pop do now?" 

 

Eilsa studied the child and came to a mental conclusion.  This 

wasn't the first time something like this happened.  

Except that it doesn't make sense.  Genma HAD given up on the Neko-ken 
as a training technique by this point in the timeline.


What type of

world did she fall on?

 

She shook her head.  "Mind telling me why you acted like a cat?"

 

"Cause my father is an idiot" Ranma responded like it was the most 

oblivious fact in the world.

obvious


 

"Ah... but how did that happen?"  Eilsa was getting the funny 

sense she wasn't dealing with a six year old mentality.  The 

patterns and emotions weren't corresponding to that, nor what 

thoughts she could sense.  More like a 13 or 14 year old.  Then 

again, the child was in a feline state of mind no less than an 

hour before, so the unexpected pattern might be intentional.

 

Ranma shrugged.  "Like I said, Pops is a idiot.  He found this 

martial arts technique - the Nekoken - and decided to teach me in 

it.  Training consisted of wrapping me in fish sausage and tossing 

me into a pit full of c-c-cats - repeatedly" The offhand tone it 

was spoken with would fool most.

 

Eilsa wasn't one of them.  "So... that would explain the injuries 

I found."  The tone made it sound like a mystery solved

 

Ranma's expression was puzzled as she replied.  "Injuries?"

 

"Your body shows a horrific number of injuries.  Your bones have 

so many healed breaks that I lost count - everything from your jaw 

to ribs to both your arms and legs - on several occasions.  Or was 

that something else?"  Her tone of voice matched her eyebrow's 

questioning stance.

 

Ranma shrugged.  "Eh, only scratches mostly from that.  Lots of 

them, but can't recall any broken bones from it."

 

"So where did the broken bones come from?"

 

"Eh, training mostly, I guess."  Ranma's casual attitude was 

beginning to scare the Jedi.

 

"14 recently acquired hairline fractures of the skull from 

_training_?"  The stress on the last word indicated to anyone 

aware that Eilsa's view on such training was... displeased to say 

the least.

 

"Huh.  Those are new.  Akane's work."  Ranma's response was 

casual.

Bunk!  Bunk!  Bunk!

If Akane was actually doing that much damage and Ranma couldn't totally 
heal it, Ranma would be dead, or in a persistent vegetative state.

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