I actually thought that the beginning of this was your
best piece of work yet.  The time you took to lead up
to the premise actually compelled me to keep reading.

But the premise and conclusion were both hasty and not
really given any sort of detail.  Instead of writing a
bunch of small fic snippets, I'd suggest concentrating
on a single story and expanding your elements.

-Tannim Murphy

"Writers who take more time trying to spell than write are editors."  -Unknown

My Fics: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/126066/

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