wlit0613 wrote:
Well, this took a bit longer than I expected to write and wound up being
a bit shorter than I expected it to be. Hopefully, it doesn't suck too
badly. Previous chapters are available on Fanfiction.Net or my website
(which is missing Chapter 8, but I should get that up tomorrow).
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I believe you have absolutely nothing to worry about.
Unless, of course, it takes you more than a month to finish the next one.
That, I could not forgive!
Well, we'll have to see. :)
Perhaps just a bit too much description for the position of the sound ninja
when don't really care much about them personally and they are about to move
at the end of the scene. It's good description, but probably doesn't need to
be quite so long. The conversation between Kabuto and the Mist-nin was nice,
if a bit non-confrontational. Professionals make for boring
conversationallists :)
Well, part of the reason for it was to explain how the Leaf could miss
little things like hundred-ninja invasion forces in canon and why folks
like the Sound Four seem to be more or less able to enter and leave the
village at will.
The rest was just me indulging in world-building, which is one of my
guilty pleasures as a writer. I've got this whole story building up in
my head about the First and Second Hokages, the founding of the Leaf
Village, and so forth, but I doubt it'll ever get written, so I let bits
and pieces out like that.
A general comment for this and other scenes. Sakura is awfully composed and on
the ball in this chapter. She's been so for the entire fic, but it really
showed in this one. She never loses it or really missteps once. She should be
exhausted and emotionally precarious after everything that's happened, and
this isn't showing.
Hmm. Interesting point.
Sakura is trying to keep everything bottled up and not think about it
(for now, mostly successfully). That's part of why she hasn't gone back
to see her mother, because that would require her to bring all those
emotions back to the forefront. She does let it slip briefly last
chapter at the Valley of the End, until Kiba punches her out of it. At
some point, she'll probably suffer the consequences of choosing this not
particularly healthy way of dealing with her problems, but that's still
ocming.
This is definitely something I'll look at when I revise, though.
I love all the conversation between Anko and Sakura, but really think Sakura
should be having more trouble handling her. You mention her losing arguments,
but every conversation you show basically goes Sakura's way.
True. This is partially an artifact of the fact that most of their
conversations aren't planned out in advance. I'll take a look at this
also, either for the "final" release of this chapter or the eventual
revision.
Missing the fight between Naruto and Jiraiya was a bit
disapointing, though I understand why you don't need another Kyuubi fight
scene after the big one last chapter.
I skipped that fight for two main reasons. The first, as you point out,
is that we had a big Kyuubi Naruto fight last chapter. The second is
that, while subduing two-tailed Naruto is something Jiraiya definitely
should be able to do, actually sitting down and working out precisely
how he would do it is pretty hard.
Thanks for the comments!