Well, this took a bit longer than I expected to write and wound up being
a bit shorter than I expected it to be. Hopefully, it doesn't suck too
badly. Previous chapters are available on Fanfiction.Net or my website
(which is missing Chapter 8, but I should get that up tomorrow).
-----
I believe you have absolutely nothing to worry about.
Unless, of course, it takes you more than a month to finish the next one.
That, I could not forgive!
I meant to go through this with comments on individual sections and
spelling/grammar advice, but I can't find any of the second worth mentioning.
Congradulations to yourself and your prereaders, especially with your
preference for long sentences and large words. I can't believe you got through
the first scene (inner Naruto) without a single grammatical or spelling
mistake that I caught. Normally I'd criticize it for excessively complex
wording and spelling, but it worked there.
Perhaps just a bit too much description for the position of the sound ninja
when don't really care much about them personally and they are about to move
at the end of the scene. It's good description, but probably doesn't need to
be quite so long. The conversation between Kabuto and the Mist-nin was nice,
if a bit non-confrontational. Professionals make for boring
conversationallists :)
-----
"I checked with Shizune-sama yesterday to make sure Hokage-sama
had approved this insanity," Sakura replied. She certainly wasn't going
to complain about getting a dedicated teacher for these last weeks
before the exam - as much as she might wish for a less psychotic one -
but having the examiner for the third exam training one of the fighters
was completely ludicrous.
-----
A general comment for this and other scenes. Sakura is awfully composed and on
the ball in this chapter. She's been so for the entire fic, but it really
showed in this one. She never loses it or really missteps once. She should be
exhausted and emotionally precarious after everything that's happened, and
this isn't showing.
I love all the conversation between Anko and Sakura, but really think Sakura
should be having more trouble handling her. You mention her losing arguments,
but every conversation you show basically goes Sakura's way.
Really, I expected to have a lot more to say, but I can't find anything more
to criticize in this chapter. The parts with the other genin are great, as are
the parts with Naruto. Missing the fight between Naruto and Jiraiya was a bit
disapointing, though I understand why you don't need another Kyuubi fight
scene after the big one last chapter. I wouldn't worry about the shortness of
the chapter. You've got more drama and character changing moments in this one
than most. Padding it with words would probably give them less impact.
William
.---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
| Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
| Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
| Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject |
`---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'