I see a lot of spam, not a lot of fiction.  But who am
I to talk, releasing a rewrite?  ^_^

I'm mostly doing this as an excuse to publicly thank
Rick Spiff and The Eternal Lost Lurker.  Without both
of their constant and helpful support, it is highly
doubtful I would have found the energy to keep writing
like I have been.  Thank you both.

I also thank everyone else who has responded to this
story, because I love the ego boosts.  ^_^

The following is as shown on my ff.net page.  More
rewrites to follow, albiet after I finish a few more
chapters.

---

On the Rewrite:  

If you'll check my ff.net page, you'll note that the
time difference between my last attempt at writing and
this one is a span of several years.  Now that I've
got a bit of rust knocked off my skills I've tried to
rewrite for better story flow, and I've added a few
bits to hopefully make things more humorous.  Huge
thanks go out to Rick "Creative to a Fault" Spiff and
to The Eternal Lost Lurker for their corrections and
comments.

---

Otaku Muyo

(Because honestly, there's really no need for this.)

by Tannim Murphy

Disclaimer:  This is a work of fiction, any characters
or events that resemble real people are purely
intentional, and hopefully hilarious.  I do not own
any of the anime characters mentioned.  Anyone else I
claim ownership, and plan on making a bundle on
selling the movie rights.

---

Chapter 1

---

As it so happened, it all started on a bright and
cheery afternoon.  

The sun shed its light on the uncaring campus of a
community college set out in the wilds of California
(where land was cheap).  Sunlight rays illuminated
students and structures alike as most of the students
themselves scurried from place to place, intent on
reaching their classes.

However, lost in a forgotten corner of land there was
a building set aside from the rest.  Beyond the track
and field, beyond the archery range, beyond even the
gardens where the agricultural students liked to grow
their strange creations, there stood a single
building.  The area it was nestled in was more
suitable for a fair tale setting than a campus, and in
order to reach the structure a person had to traverse
a dense forest that completely surrounded the
facility.

Sweltering heat was made more uncomfortable by the
still air of the forest, and each breath choked with
the smell of pine.  Evergreens dominated the area
leaving the ground fairly barren except for a carpet
of pine needles.  The path through the area had been
cleared, but not recently.

The steady crunching of needles scared away several
woodland creatures as the maker made no effort to
conceal the noise.  He was muttering under his breath,
and with each step his grumbling became increasingly
louder.

"...off the beaten path, through the woods, what am I,
Little Red Riding Hood?"  A fist shook half-heartedly
in anger at nothing in particular.

The man was in his early twenties, wearing a blue
plaid collar t-shirt and a pair of jeans and dirty
blonde hair parted down the middle over a set of hazel
eyes.  His face looked young for his age, and it was
doubtful he would have looked even twenty save for the
small patch of hair on his chin kept carefully
trimmed.

He was Tannim Murphy, a college student that had
recently moved to the area and was looking for a job. 
As it was late in the job hiring season, and since
most of the seasonal college students had already came
back, this was proving more difficult than he would
have liked.

Tannim paused outside the building to stare at the
architecture thoughtfully.  Mostly it was the giant
'WARNING: EXTREAME BIO-HAZARD' sign that had caught
his attention.  The various other warnings and
cautionary signs did little to aid his comfort.  Some
joker had gone so far as to tape a cardboard sign that
read, "Abandon Hope Ye Who Entree Here."

As he paused to wipe the sweat off his brow, Tannim
glanced uncertainly at the want ads he had clutched in
his hand.  There were many things circled, but only
the one in the center didn't have a giant X over it. 
Not surprisingly it said "Looking For Subjects, No
Exp. Req."

Tannim growled in frustration.  "This is your own damn
fault for not being able to stay away from that new
box set," he muttered as anger replaced the slight
trepidation he had felt moments before.  "You can't
even afford decent ramen!"  He shoved any lingering
feelings of doubt away as he forcefully marched
himself into the building.

Inside the air conditioning hit him with an arctic
blast of chilled air one normally associates with
winter conditions.  The sweet relief from the summer
heat was welcome and he paused at the entrance to
savor the sensation.

"The things I do for money," muttered Tannim as
finally took a good look around the science facility. 
One side of the entryway was taken up by a giant
bulletin board covered from the floor to the ceiling
in various flyers and promotions set up by the
students and teachers.  Regularly interspaced between
these were safety warnings and regulations.

The other wall was lined with plaques.  Upon closer
inspection it was revealed that the plaques held names
and what accolades they had won.  It was generally
along the lines of 'Most Likely To Become A Super
Villain,' 'Most Likely To Blow Up The Planet,' or
'Could Take Over The World If She Felt Like It.'

"What kinda whackos run this place anyways?" he asked
rhetorically.

Completely unexpected, someone answered, "The kind of
whackos that pay handsomely for willing test
subjects."

Tannim turned to meet the voice with an appraising
stare.  It was from a very beautiful woman with her
red hair held back in a practical manner via a
ponytail.  The lab coat did nothing to hide her
impressive figure, and enhanced the chest area rather
than diminished it.  She was also grinning at him with
an odd expression on her face; Tannim could only guess
that it was some sort of Washuu-like glee at getting
someone new to experiment on.

'Hold up,' thought Tannim.  'If she's anything like
Washuu, then she'll want to... and THEN... and
afterwards... in a nurse outfit!'  

Tannim grinned lecherously as cheerfully stated, "Sign
me up!"

The curvy red-haired bombshell held up a finger. 
"First question."

"Yes?" he said, distracted by the haze of
hormone-induced delusion.  This one had dancing nurse
outfits as its main theme.

The pause that the woman gave to slowly look over
Tannim like a piece of meat sent shivers down his
spine.  With a delicate lick of her lips, she asked,
"Do those jeans have metal buttons?"

He glanced down.  "Uh, yes?"  

She smiled slowly and broadly.  "Then off with your
pants."

"Yes!" he shouted and began grabbing at his zipper.

"And to help you with that, I'll turn you over to my
personal assistant, Tony.  Tony?"

The man that Tannim turned to see looked like he'd be
more comfortable on a football field protecting
quarterbacks rather than inside a science facility. 
He towered over the two at his seven foot height and
with a bulk comprised entirely of muscle and it looked
like he had trouble fitting through doorways.  By the
same token it also looked like wouldn't have had any
trouble lifting a few tanks.

Tony cracked his knuckles menacingly and spoke with a
voice surprisingly soft for someone his size.  "If you
would step this way, please follow me to the proper
disrobing area."

Tannim nodded meekly in response.

---

Several forms (and minus one set of pants) later...

There was a serious draft that chilled Tannim's naked
legs as he sat.  The bare metal on his skin didn't
help matters.  Once he got over how cold things were
Tannim finally took the time to contemplate the
machinery encasing him.  

"Huh.  This does look kinda like Washuu's device that
she used on Tenchi," he muttered in amazement.

Tannim was strapped into a chair with various
miscellaneous mechanical devices either clamped onto
or over him, of all shapes and sizes.  The crowning
touch was a metal headband lined with what looked to
be modified light bulbs.

"Are you into anime?" wondered Tannim.

"Huh?  What's anime?" the red-haired scientist replied
with confusion.

"Never mind," Tannim shook his head.  "It's nothing."

"Interesting little patch of hair you've got there,"
said the scientist gently as she tugged on Tannim's
chin hair.

Tannim smirked wryly as he delivered his usual
response.  "Well, I am an evil twin; we have to keep
up appearances."

The woman giggled girlishly as she tugged slightly
harder.  "A bad boy, huh?  I never could resist
those."  She gave a seductive wink and her hips swayed
side to side as she sauntered off to check the
electrical connections.

The young man simply grinned wider, enjoying the
attention.  It was fairly obvious the girl was just
playing with him, but he didn't mind.  There were
worst ways to spend the day than playfully flirting
with gorgeous women.

Within minutes the last of the probes and sensors were
stuck, adhered, and attached to numerous parts of
Tannim's body.  Once that task was completed, the only
door to the room was shut and locked.

As the woman was leaving, Tannim swore she put an
extra bit of sway in her hips just for him.  He was
reminded of a quote and found it particularly
applicable to this situation.

'I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave.'

A voice crackled over the set of speakers that linked
the room to the control center.  This was not the same
girl, but a man's voice.  "Now, you might hear a
ringing noise, and feel a sharp stinging sensation,
but I assure you that's normal."

Tannim was left without a means of response.  One of
the last things they added to the sensor list was
something he had to clamp down on with his teeth.  It
wasn't very comfortable either.

With a suddenness that was frightening, the lights
went out and scared Tannim half to death.  He jumped
as much as his restraints allowed him to.

Static hissed for a moment as the speaker crackled in
the darkness.  The voice speaking was very distracted
now.  "Uh, don't worry, that's normal... uff da...
here's the REAL switch."

The light bulbs surrounding Tannim's head flashed
brightly, and the young man felt a crawling sensation
over his entire body as his skin attempted to escape
without the rest of him.

Then Tannim stopped feeling any kind of sensation
whatsoever, almost as if someone had cut out his brain
and stuffed it in a box.  His mind tried to race as he
realized he couldn't feel his heart beating, but
without the proper glands to support the action Tannim
really couldn't work up enough interest to care.

Limbo would best describe the sensation. 
Experimentation revealed he could 'speak' to a degree
an 'out loud' of sorts.  It would have best been best
described as a mental conversation, except for the
fact that there was no mind for it to take place in.

"So, this is it." 

"..."

"...death."

"I'm dead."

"..."

"...damn..."

"...really wanted to absolve some sins, too..."

"..."

"...sorry God?  Didn't mean it?"

"..."

"..."

"...no response...not a good sign..."

"Tannim..."

Tannim hesitated.  That last thought didn't have his
'voice.'  "God?"

"...you've got to wake up Tannim..."

"Huh?"

"...wake up...wake up...wake up..."

As he turned to search for the voice, Tannim finally
felt all sorts of interesting sensations return as he
fell out of bed and slammed onto the floor.

"Aaarg!"  Tannim clutched his nose in agony as he
hadn't been able to prevent his face from hitting full
force.  Blood began to seep through his fingers before
he hastily clamped them shut.

Tannim convulsed pathetically as he fumbled his way
off the floor.  His entire body had that 'asleep'
feeling when circulation is cut off for too long.  He
also had a nasty suspicion that if he didn't get
moving, and fast, the fuzzy sensation was going to
turn into some very painful pins and needles.  He
clutched desperately to the vain hope that perhaps if
he moved enough blood about before the needles set in,
he'd be all right.

"What's this all in here?"  A nurse alerted by the
noise grimaced as she entered the room.  Her white
outfit clung tightly to her over-weight form with a
nametag that read 'Hattie.'  She was obviously
somewhere in her mid forties, with raven black hair
tied up in a bun.  "What are you doing out of bed?"

It was a hospital, Tannim realized.  He also realized
he was damn lucky to have fallen off the bed on the
side of his intravenous drip.  His attention was
called to it as the nurse checked it while helping him
back into bed.

Tannim tried to convey his rising panic about the
upcoming pins and needles, but whatever was affecting
the rest of his body was also affecting his vocal
cords.  He could barely croak anything out above a
whisper, and even that was strained.

"...bodeeb...asleeb..."

"Oh, I get it!"  Understanding dawned in the eyes of
the nurse and Tannim looked up at her gratefully.  She
proclaimed, "You want to get some sleep!"

The nurse took Tannim's weak movements as sign of
agreement as she increased the flow of the medicine
currently attached to Tannim's arm.  His eyes briefly
bulged in horror, before the increased dose took hold.
 With the last of his strength he quickly rolled over
so that his nose was pointing down, and he made sure
that the blood from his broken nose would not flow
back down his throat while he was unconscious. 

---

Tannim awoke in a nightmare.  He could feel his entire
body on fire, even through the haze of drugs.  It took
several minutes, but Tannim finally realized why he
couldn't move: it was due to the massive amounts of
muscle relaxants mixed liberally with the sleep
medication.

He lost track how long he laid there in silent agony.

---

And as suddenly as it started, it was over.  Somewhere
along the line the pain had become bearable enough to
pass out again, and the third time he awoke in the
same bed, it was under less painful circumstances. 
His nose had stopped bleeding, and normal sensation
was beginning to return.

The door to the room opened and a man wearing a large
white coat stepped through.  But that wasn't the first
thing to catch Tannim's eye.  No, the first thing to
catch Tannim's eye was the bright blue hair that
covered the man's head.

"Woah, nice hair."  Tannim was impressed.  There had
to be some seriously strong neon blue dye out there to
get it that bright.

"You like?"  The man patted his head.  "Runs in the
family.  My dad always said, 'blue hair means
brilliance.'"  He gave a small laugh at his own joke. 
"By the way my name's Ken, Ken Sanada.  But enough
about me, how are you feeling?"

What a whacko.  "Well, doc, I--" Tannim was
forestalled by an upraised hand.

"I'm not a doctor."

Tannim blinked.  Had he been drinking something he
would have done a spit-take.  "What?"

The scientist shrugged.  "I'm one of the lab people
that work here.  There'd been news you'd finally
regained consciousness, and I'd been sent to make sure
you were okay."

Tannim took a few seconds to ponder the implications
of that statement.  "...you mean I'm still at the
laboratory?"

"Yep," replied a nervously grinning Ken.

"Why?"  The young man was baffled, not to mention
slightly horrified.

"Well, we figured what with hospital bills being so
EXPENSIVE, and all, and the nurses office here is
equipped with the latest in medical devices since we
never know just WHAT kind of injury we'll sustain, and
what with the rising cost in health insurance, and
also... well...."  Ken trailed off from his rambling. 
"Okay, we wanted to avoid any sort of lawsuit for
performing an experiment beyond spec, alright? 
Someone leaned on a switch a little too hard, and a
little too much juice was used too fast."

Tannim sighed but realized Ken was right, there
wouldn't be any hospital bills.  "Do I still get
paid?"

"Well, see, about that..." Ken tugged nervously at his
collar.

The look of sheer horror caused the scientist to avert
his eyes in order to deliver his next piece of
information.  "It seems that several very new and very
experimental procedures were used in order to save
your life."

Tannim's voice was hollow.  "Yes?  And?"

"These procedures, they were quite costly..."

"...no..."

"You owe the--"

"No!"

"I'm sorry, but even if we paid you quadruple time for
hazard pay for the entire time you were out, the cost
is--"

"You can't do this to me!" Tannim protested.  "I
nearly died!  In fact, I think I might have!"  The
sudden jump in Ken proved it in Tannim's mind.  He
stared hard and his voice went flat.  "I did die,
didn't I?"

"Technically, we just think your soul was separated
from your body.  Your physical form was unharmed." 
Sanada had the grace to look sheepish.  "And the use
of the medical facilities also cost--"

Tannim held up a hand to stop Ken from speaking any
further.  "Okay.  I've had enough for one day.  I'll
accept that I owe you oodles of money in exchange for
me being alive.  Can I at least rest up first before I
have to start paying you back?"

"Well, the credit cards we found in your wallet have
already hit their limit, and--"

"Out!" Tannim shouted and pointed at the door.

"Yeah, sure, take all the time you need."  Ken left
the room in a flash.

Tannim Murphy shivered at the implications of his soul
being separated from his body.  As important as that
was, thoughts on the status of his soul had to wait. 
It wouldn't be long before someone would be checking
in on him soon, and he figured they would probably try
to give him more sleep medication.

A quick check of the room turned up his clothes.  As
he lifted his jeans, Tannim glanced down at what he
assumed was his shirt.  It was the exact same design
as his old one, except that it was green, not blue. 
"Did they dye it?" muttered Tannim in confusion.

It didn't matter.  As soon as he was dressed, he moved
over to the window.  It was just as he had surmised;
the room was located on the first floor.  Thankfully
the window was well oiled and slid open easily.

"Like hell I'm going to pay those kinds of bills!" 
Tannim grunted as he hefted himself over the window
sill and towards freedom.

---

The resulting scramble for the car and drive home did
much to calm him down.  He didn't regret what he did,
but he knew it might come back to bite him in the ass.
 Tannim just hoped the laboratory would want to keep
the incident quiet and not report him to the police or
anything.

As apartments go, it was actually quite nice, despite
being on the second floor.  The property had a creek
running behind it that provided the area with some
relaxing noises, as creeks are wont to do.  An open
window usually could catch the sounds quite easily,
and made for nice background music.  Since the complex
was towards the edge of town, the traffic wasn't bad
either.

The door slammed shut with a very loud bang.  Keys,
wallet, cell phone, and spare change quickly found
themselves ejected and placed onto a handy surface.

The sun was beginning to set, and Tannim decided to go
to sleep early.  He felt as if he had been run over by
a truck, and was out the moment his head touched the
pillow.

---

Tannim Murphy was not an early riser.  His alarm had
not been set the night before, and he had just gotten
through one of the roughest ordeals of his life so
far.

He slept until two in the afternoon.

It was the hunger that finally caused Tannim to stir. 
He shuffled his way through the morning routine as he
began mentally preparing another day of looking for
work.

Even though he knew it would do him no good, Murphy
reflexively opened the refrigerator door.  Yep, still
no food.  "I have got to get something to eat."

The young man settled down with the phone book, and
opened it to 'pizza.'

"Hello?  Is this Octagonal Table Pizza?  Yeah, I was
wondering if you had any job positions available.  No,
but you always accept resumes?  Okay, thanks."  He
hung up.

Tannim dialed another number at random.  "I would love
to work for Pizza Shack; do you have any job openings?
 No?  Okay, thanks anyways."

Another number.  "Little Nero's Pizza, please let me
work for you!  I beg you!"  The line was cut off as
the other end hung up.

Tannim stared grumpily at the phone.  "You suck."  He
began dialing again.

This time a young, hesitant voice answered the phone. 
"H-h-hello?  T-this is the Goddess Relief Office. 
T-there w-will be--"

"Oh, I'm sorry; I must have dialed the wrong number. 
I was trying to reach Angelino's Pizza," Tannim
interjected before turning off the phone.  While it
was great to see a fellow fan with a sense of humor,
he was simply too hungry to waste any sort of time
chatting.

He sighed as he flipped through the yellow pages once
more.  Tannim paused over an ad for a gaming store. 
The restaurant idea to getting him free food wasn't
working.

"Sure, why not?"  He dialed the number.

This time the voice was harsh and brooked no room for
argument.  Each syllable was spat out rather than
spoken.  "MegaGamers, whaddya want?"

"A job."  At this point Tannim was tired of beating
around the bush.

"When can you start?"

Stunned, the young man replied, "I'm not busy at the
moment."

"You're hired if you can get here in thirty minutes."

Tannim was out the door like a shot.

A few seconds later, Tannim's mirror glowed, and a
strikingly beautiful girl with light-brown hair
emerged.  Her exotic outfit looked more appropriate
for the theater rather than for casual wear.  Adorning
her face were three strange, triangle-shaped markings.
 She also looked to be about fifteen years old.  

"Hello!"

Her energetic cry was met with the quiet air of the
apartment.

"Um, hello?  Is anyone here?"

Silence.

"Oh dear."

---

MegaGamers, a prominent local distributor of gaming
merchandise, was located inside the Crossroads Mall. 
The mall itself was quite an impressive structure and
boasted two stories worth of stores.  It was easily
the largest mall in a three hundred mile radius, and
thus was fairly popular.

The parking was atrocious.

Tannim cursed as the third parking space he had
finally spotted was snapped up by a domineering sports
mom in an SUV.  The look of pure, unbridled hatred at
the world at having to deal with the screaming terrors
in the back had caused Tannim to hesitate.

In the end he decided to park back in the boonies. 
This was the literal backside of the mall complex,
where parking was scarce because you had to walk quite
a distance to get to the really good stores. 
Incidentally, it was also the farthest one could
possibly get from the food court.

The entryway held one of those large directories that
provided a rough estimation of where all the various
stores were located throughout the mall.  Tannim
paused to check it as he hadn't actually been to
MegaGamers yet (he usually went to Greatest Purchase
or somewhere similar), and was relatively unsurprised
to find it located next to the food court... and quite
a walk away from him.

There is a certain stride that people who have worked
in large retail stores develop.  Tannim liked to call
it the "Wally World Walk," from where he learned it. 
Deceptively simple, the "Wally World Walk" was very
similar to the power walk, but you didn't wave your
arms because that would waste precious energy needed
to function for the rest of the work shift.  This walk
was used when one had to travel from one part of the
store to another to show that you were busy.  It
didn't matter if you weren't actually doing any work,
as long as you were walking quickly place to place;
you were less likely to be bothered by a manager or
customer.  The side benefit of the walk was that it
was also very, very fast.  It was one step below
skipping in terms of speed, and wouldn't get you funny
stares.

Tannim used it now as he made a beeline for the back
of the mall.  A glance down to his watch confirmed
that he had five minutes to get there, and he went
into the auto-pilot every kid develops to navigate
high school hallways, ducking and dodging around
groups as well as individuals.

The mall was busy as usual and Tannim had quite the
time of it.  He focused his attention so much on his
progress that he felt like he was in something
approaching the 'Soul of Ice' technique.  In
approaching a sort of Zen state he let go of his
consciousness and simply let his reflexes navigate the
mess for him, and this worked well up until a point.  

It was at the food court that things had started to go
wrong.

In retrospect Tannim decided he had made his first
mistake the moment he laid eyes on the MegaGamers
store.  It was as if everything else in the world
ceased to exit.  He made a bee-line for the store
without bothering to consider how his path might
affect others, and there was a steady stream of people
cursing behind Tannim as he turned on the Wally Walk
to full blast.  

Normally a large group of beautiful women ranging in
ages from thirteen to nineteen would have been noticed
by anyone.  Tannim would have noticed if he hadn't
been so determined to get a job and a decent meal.  As
it was he ignored the group completely in favor of
focusing solely on the MegaGamers storefront.  These
women were obviously not used to moving out of the way
of other people, and it was with considerable surprise
that the one girl in the center of the group carrying
a drink was suddenly blindsided.

Tannim awoke with a start from his trance as he halted
his forward progress.  The girl he had bumped into
looked to be around sixteen, and was wearing a very
fashionable blouse.  The drink Tannim had knocked onto
her was currently soaking the front of it.

The group around the girl had fallen deathly quiet.

"Sorry bout that," Tannim mumbled and quickly walked
off, the entrance to MegaGamers a mere hundred feet
away.  He wasn't trying to be mean or rude, but his
stomach was hungry, and would brook no interruptions.

He had just gotten to the outside of the circle when a
piercing scream split the air.

"GET HIM!"

He wasn't sure who had said that but for the second
time that day, Tannim found himself taking off like a
shot.  That fraction of a second head start proved
enough as he managed to dash inside the store's
entrance ahead of the chasing girls.

Tannim ducked behind a group of kids discussing the
latest Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh cards.  He even went so
far as to position two of the children so as to be
better hidden from view.

The girls tried to follow, but were immediately
swarmed by the multitude of kids who had gathered
after school to spend their lunch money.  "Ack!  No! 
Brats!  Retreat!"

Tannim peered over the shoulders of his cover.  "The
coast clear?"

The kid nearest to Tannim, sporting a red cap, nodded.
 "Those Amazons won't be back for a while.  You're
safe.  What'd you do to piss them off, anyways?"

"Heh, Amazons, huh?  I bumped into one of them and
spilled their drink."

"Ooo, a clothes defiler.  Man, I feel sorry for you
when you leave this store."

Tannim would have loved to have spoken further on the
subject, but he was interrupted.  A sharp voice rang
out behind him.  "You that kid from the phone?"

Tannim looked up to see the face of an older German
man peering down at him.  He stood and grinned
sheepishly.  "Sorry, sir, I was hiding from some
Amazons."

"Well hurry up, the little monsters have been released
from school and they demand their appeasement.  Get in
the back and start bringing out the boxes for this
weeks tournament."

"That means I'm hired?"

The older man glared hatefully at the children.  In
response, one of them showed him their tongue.

"Yes.  Now get to work before I take out my
frustrations about my job on you."

Tannim got to work.

MegaGamers was a store that devoted its stock to as
many gaming publications and figurines as one person
could possibly fit into a store.  Role-playing books
took up one fourth of the store in their own little
library section, while an impressive selection of
playable figurines took up another fourth.  The middle
of the store was dominated by large tables that were
used in weekly tournaments for the various games.  The
wall the cashier was located on also housed all the
various card game sets.

Tannim was kept busy with requests to fetch various
cards and memorabilia from the top shelves.  He was
also beginning to understand why the job opening was
available.  While his boss wasn't exactly a mean
person, he was very, very bitter.

It wasn't a bad work environment, since he had worked
at Wally World before, and knew the ropes so to speak.
 Still, it was difficult; the sea of children was not
something that could be dealt with lightly.  It
actually was amazing to think that his boss had been
dealing with them for quite some time.

The work day was fairly uneventful, though Tannim did
spot several women prowling the entrance.  It was as
if some sort of nerd-field kept them repelled from
actually entering the store.  Given the horde of kids
Tannim was currently catering to, he really couldn't
blame them.

He even managed to finagle some money from his boss so
he could afford to eat on his lunch break ("That's
coming out of your paycheck, bucko!").  Tannim wasn't
so incredibly stupid as to actually venture outside to
fetch it himself, but a pack of cards worked like a
charm to bribe some kid to get it for him.

Time passed, and eventually the store emptied.  Some
lucky ten year old had won tournament and parents had
shown up to reclaim their children.

It was six o'clock when it happened; Tannim was
restocking the depleted card game displays, and Mr.
Gunter (the only name Tannim could finagle out of his
boss) was in the back retrieving supplies for the next
round.

"My name is Makoto Kino, and I'm calling you out!"

The proclamation shocked Tannim to his very core, and
he dropped the box he was currently holding.  He
turned sharply to see the speaker.

Sure enough, standing outside the store was a really
tall half-Japanese girl.  Aside from those two
features, however, she would blend in perfectly with a
crowd of gossiping cheerleaders.  Her fashion sense
could have been picked out of a Macy's Catalogue.

"Ha ha, very funny," said Tannim, and he turned away
from the girl in disgust.  Was there a hidden
concentration of insane cosplaying women in the area
he didn't know about?  First the Goddess Relief
Hotline joke and now this.

"Don't take me lightly!" she shouted, pointing a
finger for emphasis.  In her anger she took a step
forward.  "You'll pay for what you did you our Queen!"

Tannim didn't know whether to be more surprised by the
fact that Mr. Gunter had materialized next to him as
if out of thin air, or the fact that he was now
wielding a shotgun.  He decided on the latter.

"You know your kind isn't welcome in this store. 
Always window shopping, and never buying!" Gunter
stated menacingly and he chambered a round for effect.
 "I have the right to refuse service to anyone, and I
choose you.  Now git."

Makoto beat a hasty retreat, but not before throwing a
hate-filled glare in Tannim's direction.  The look was
returned was one of befuddled amusement.

"You'd best steer clear of those girls, boy.  They're
nothing but trouble."  The older man casually rested
his shotgun on his shoulder.

Tannim eyed the weapon warily.  "Not that I'm not
grateful and all, but where did you get that?"

"Isn't it obvious?"  Tannim shook his head to the
negative.  Gunter shrugged and said, "I used to be a
terrorist."

Tannim really had no response to that.  "Oh.  So, when
do I work tomorrow?"

For the first time that day, Gunter's face was a mask
of puzzlement rather than bitter resentment.  "You are
not frightened at the prospect at working with me? 
Those little bastards think its 'cool.'  I've
threatened to shoot them a couple of times, but they
just laugh me off."  He kicked at nothing in
particular in a gesture of irritation.

"As long as you don't blow me up, I'm cool.  Besides,
I need the money."

Gunter grinned at this clapped a hand onto Tannim's
shoulder.  "Ah, a man after my own capitalistic heart.
 Come, we have paperwork to fill out."

The younger man grimaced in remembrance of the last
time he heard those words.  "Actually, I'm kinda
trying to lay low.  Is it possible to work under the
table?"

"Wellllll..." Gunter stretched out the syllable as he
mulled it over.  "I suppose I could give you trading
card boxes and let you sell them off for your own
personal profit...."

This time it was Tannim's turn to grin.  "Thanks boss,
you're a life saver."

He was waved off.  "Don't thank me yet.  Once you know
the store enough, I'll finally get a day or two off." 
Gunter smirked.

Tannim blanched at the prospect.  "I'd rather face the
Amazons.  Speaking of which, I guess I'd better figure
out what's the deal with them."

"Do you require backup?"  Gunter hefted his weapon for
emphasis.

"...only if I run back into the store as if the hounds
of Hades were on my tail," the young man muttered
despondently.

"Right."

Tannim moved forward slowly.  It was humbling to
realize the scariest situation he's ever stepped into
was against a horde of teenage girls.  The young man's
mind was working in overdrive at this point, with
plenty of adrenaline pumping for whichever he decided:
to fight or flee.  It was in this state that he noted
that the girl claiming to Makoto did, in fact, look
remarkably like her.  It was the hairstyle that
clinched it, Tannim decided.

These thoughts kept Tannim from worrying about the
slowly enclosing half-circle.

"Okay, I'm sorry about the drink, but don't you think
personal challenges of honor are a little bit much?" 
Murphy tried to reason with them.

The one he had spilt is drink on earlier was looking
quite angry.  Her brown hair was swept out of her eyes
in a gesture of irritation.  "We do NOT appreciate Our
new blouse being ruined by the likes of YOU."

Tannim knew he was in deep trouble, but that nervous
energy that filled and energized him also found that
statement to be hilarious.  He couldn't help but
chuckle.  "What, that blouse belonged to all of you? 
Was it on a time share?"

The darkened glares he received in response shut him
up pretty quick.

"We do not appreciate your jokes.  However, according
to Amazon Tradition, once a challenge has been issued,
none may interfere."  The anger was replaced with
confidence.  "We're certain that Our subject Makoto,
though she is young, will still be more than a match
for you."

It was a bit shocking to Tannim to say the least. 
"You mean you're honest to goodness, real life Amazon
Mallrats?" he asked incredulously.  Before they could
get angry with that outburst, Tannim interjected with
another one.  "Wait, you mean I've got to fight her? 
The fourteen year old girl?"

The girl in question stepped forward at this with a
smirk on her face.  "I will not fail the Queen."

Tannim had to quickly reevaluate the situation.

Makoto, while half-Japanese, was blessed with the
other half of her genetic makeup composing of the
'very tall and strong' genes.  She had studied martial
arts, and had finally found acceptance in a group
(something her Japanese soul had yearned for).  She
was confident, and not backing down.  Her stance said
it all.

The realization struck Tannim with all the force of a
twenty pound sledgehammer.  He whispered to himself in
shock, "I am going to have my ass kicked by a fourteen
year old fangirl pretending to be Makoto Kino from
Sailor Moon."  Unbelievable.

Well, it was all or nothing, and if he didn't get the
all, he'd be left with nothing.  No dignity, at the
very least.  Tannim assumed a casual stance; he'd seen
them often enough in martial art flicks to replicate
the feat.

"I warn you, the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu style is a
killing art.  I cannot be held accountable for my
actions if I defend myself."  Not only was Tannim
sweating bullets, but his voice was wavering and
cracked.  His fate rested on that line of complete and
total bullshit.

Sweet relief flooded Tannim, and mentally thanked the
Lord for bubbleheads because some of the girls bought
it.  They moved back a few precious steps, just enough
to create an opening.  With this boost in confidence
Tannim was able to convincingly play out the next
phase of his plan.

He posed dramatically for the assembled crowd.  "But I
suppose I must end this quickly!  Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu
style final attack!"  Makoto firmed her stance, while
the rest of the girls took a few more steps away.

Tannim acted like he was winding up for some
spectacular attack with his arms, but he was really
getting his feet into a runner's starting position.  

"Shining, Sta-- hey, what's that over there?"  This
was delivered with complete conviction, a shocked
look, widened eyes, and finger pointing.

Bless their mallrat hearts, every one of them fell for
it.  For the third time that day, Tannim took off like
a shot (something he seemed to be getting rather good
at).  By a quirk of fate, the girl claiming to be
Makoto was smack dab in the middle of the biggest hole
in the girls' perimeter.  He actually had to bowl her
over as she was starting to face forward in order to
escape.

"I accept your challenge!"  Tannim shouted as he ran
away as fast as his feet could possibly carry him.  He
didn't dare look behind.

Murphy barely made it to his car and out of the
parking lot.

---

It was a bruised and weary Tannim that climbed the
stairs leading to his apartment.  Every last one of
his bruises had resulted from him running into things,
or falling over, in his mad dash to escape.  He was
just thankful that he had made it to his car without
anyone following him.

The young man tried to use his key to unlock the door,
but found that it was already open.  He was in the
process of recalling how in his mad dash to leave had
had forgotten to lock the door, when he finally
spotted someone else in his apartment.

"Greetings!"  The girl cheerfully proclaimed.  "I am
the Goddess--"

"Belldandy?"

---

TBC...

-Tannim Murphy

"Writers who take more time trying to spell than write are editors."  -Unknown

My Fics: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/126066/

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