DB Sommer wrote:

At least Jonas liked what he saw. They were slightly ahead of schedule, 
a good thing considering what had happened to the previous similar 
operations. And a part of him was glad at being present. If this item 
worked the way some of the people in R+D thought it would, he might need 
to transfer over to the New Energy Division, and being personally 
involved in securing the artifact would earn him plenty of brownie 
points. There was nothing like being at ground zero when a new event was 
on the horizon to boost one�s career.

	The phrase "Ground Zero" being chosen with authorial malice 
aforethought, no doubt.

The local heads of operations in Japan, Yoshihiro Kimura walked over to 
Jonas. �It�s secure, Sir,� he said in impeccable English.

	Head, singular.  And, since this if from a corporate flack's 
standpoint, perhaps it might work better as somethine like "Chief of 
Roxxon Operations, Japan," or something -- gotta keep all those shiny 
titles straight while climbing the corporate ladder.

�Never mind. I suppose it shows you have some initiative and 
resourcefulness to have dug up that information.� If Yoshihiro wanted to 
rise up the corporate ladder, and anyone at his level by definition 
wanted to, he would need those abilities. And if he was very good at it, 
Jonas would keep a close eye on him as both potential resource and as a 
rival. �What I say goes no further than here, is that understood?�

	Sug:  "Potential resource... and/or rival"

�Yes sir.�

Jonas looked around to ascertain the two were indeed alone, then began. 

	Sug began<>continued.

�When the Challengers of the Fantastic and Fantastic Four defeated 
Prester John, his weapon, the so-called �Evil Eye of Avalon� was 
shattered into seven pieces and sent to the far corners of the Earth. 

	Somewhere, Kagome Higurashi just sneezed.

hardened, even we can�t open it. At least not here. The only way to open 
it is with a molecular rearranger, and it�s not like you can pick one up 
in your local department store.�

	<ahem>  This is the MARVEL universe -- Reed and Tony buy them by the 
boatload at Wal-Mart.

Most sumos would probably fall before someone that big. A second was 

	Um... is the plural of 'sumo' 'sumos,' or just 'sumo'?  And 
technically, shouldn't it be "sumotori" anyway?

�We�ll have one guy playing both sides of the field,� the leader explained.

	Well, there goes your Comics Code approval.  :)

The leader laughed again. �I�ll introduce us. I am Crimson Commando: 
quarterback and strategist on the team.�

	0_0

�The rest of my team ain�t too bad either, but they need a hell of a lot 
more practice before we become the best superhero team on the planet. 
This guy here.� He walked over to the huge man. �Is Stonewall. He has 
super strength, extra tough skin, and is immovable once he plants 
himself. An offensive lineman if ever there was one.�

	Um...

�Hello,� Stonewall said in a very high, friendly voice.

Crimson Commando went to the small guy with the big hands and bare feet. 
�This is Monkey Boy.�

	Okay, dunno him from Adam.  Are we *sure* it's not Beast Boy 
("Changeling!"  "I thought you changed it back...") making a cameo 
appearance from the DCU?

small member. �And this is the final member of our group: Super Sabre. 
He�s super fast. Foes are literally defeated before they know it when 
he�s around.�

	Yipe! It's Freedom Force!  Or, part of them.  Or part of the 
Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.

Jonas nodded. �Now that the introductions are out of the way, here�s 
your mission.�

�Game plan,� Crimson Commando corrected.

	Someone's been tackled a few too many times.

The saucer extended struts and landed some twenty meters away. Jonas and 
Yoshihiro took cover with the security forces, allowing their heroic 
hirelings to earn their pay by acting as shock troops for whatever foes 
were about to emerge from the ship.

	Good plan.

A landing ramp unfolded from the saucer, touching the ground. A large 
hatch opened and a quartet of brightly-garbed people exited the craft. 
The first thing everyone noted was that each of the newcomers seemed to 
have some kind of snake motif. Two of them were women and two were men.

	Ah.  I vaguely recall the canonical version of these guys.

�You bastards nearly killed us,� the woman in orange and pink said.

Crimson Commando snorted. �Quit whining. If you can�t take a little 
rocket to the nose, you don�t have the right to call yourselves 
super-villains.�

�He does have a point,� the woman with the whips said.

	...superbeing trash-talking sure aint' what it used to be, is it?

Fer De Lance was off guard by the uselessness of her weapons. Stonewall 
responded with a loud �Furuba!� and swatted her away with an open palm 
strike. She went sailing away, body limp as it landed with a thud on the 
packed earth.

	ITYM "caught off guard"

Bushmaster lashed out with the blades on the backs of his hands 
(silently noting either he or Fer De Lance ought to switch the location 
of the weapons, since they were nearly identical.) Much to Bushmaster�s 
amazement, the small youth leapt into the air with an inhuman agility. 
All he saw was a blur as two oversized feet planted themselves squarely 
in his face. Powerful leg muscles drove the appendages into Bushmaster�s 
skull, rattling his brain enough to cause unconsciousness. The last 
thing that went though his mind was that the kid really needed to wash 
his feet: they smelled awful.

	Man, if you think THAT's bad, wait until you meet The Spleen.

Super Sabre stood confidently over his fallen foe. �That takes care of you.�

Coachwhip began writhing on the ground. �Oh god. I can�t believe you 
tied me up in my own whips.�

�They aren�t too tight, are they?� Super Sabre asked, concern in his voice.

Her writhing increased . �No, but I can�t move a muscle, and it�s really 
turning me on.�

�What?� Super Sabre asked, his jaw dropping.

Coachwhip began breathing hard, as though she had just raced in a 
marathon. �Bondage is so erotic. Why don�t you put me over your knee and 
spank me for being a bad girl?�

	Okay, this is just SO wrong....

Super Sabre began to back away in fear. �No way!�

�Do a good enough job and I might reform,� Coachwhip offered.

	Might actually be worth it, for that.

�I�m not that sort of guy.�

Coachwhip tried wiggling toward him. �Whip my ass! You know you want to!�

	Didn't he just-- oh, you mean *literally.*

Super Sabre ran away from her in terror.

	Fast.

The last member of the quartet, Rock Python walked slowly over to his 
foe. There had been no doubt in his mind who he would pound into pulp. 
Anyone stupid enough to insult a super-villain�s costume to his face 
deserved to die. It wasn�t like there were any seminars on super 
villains and style or something.

	I'm pretty sure Janet van Dyne has done it at least once.

Crimson Commando aimed his gun at Rock Python and shot him in the legs. 
The villain barely paused in his speed as he continued heading toward 
his foe. Crimson Commando fired several more shots at various non-lethal 

	Sug:  end the sentence at "paused."

areas of Rock Python�s body, all to no effect. He even resorted to 
shooting him in the head, which barely made him flinch.

�That won�t work,� Rock Python said, making a great production of 
cracking his knuckles. �Even armor piercers won�t do more than leave a 
bruise. And if you do that, I might break more than just your face.�

	Well, you could shoot him in the eyeball...

Crimson Commando pushed a button. A small dart with a suction tip shot 
from the box and attached itself to Rock Python. Two wires led from the 
dart to the box. �Your skin can still conduct electricity, right?�

	Actually, you need *two* darts, each with their own wire, that both 
strike the target.  Plus, if they don't penetrate the costume, they 
won't reach the skin in order to cause conduction.

Rock Python went from the dart. His fingers had just brushed against it 
when the box shot a huge amount of amperage down the wires and into the 
villain. Rock Python fell over, smoldering and clearly unconscious.

	"went from the dart"?  I think something's missing, there.
	Also, tazers work with high *voltage,* and low amperage.  Amps kill 
-- volts shock.

�Thought so,� Crimson Commando said, resetting the weapon.

�That was actually easy,� Gibbon said.

�Maybe superheroeing won�t get us killed after all,� Super Sabre said in 
relief.

�Or it could be the day is merely young.�

	
	Uh oh.

All eyes turned toward the origin of the voice: the serpent saucer. 
Standing at the base of the ramp --having walked out while everyone was 
caught up in battle-- were a dozen people, also dressed in snake themed 
costumes. All of them exuded an air of danger.

	
	So, *why* did they sit out the first round?

The villain clapped. �Bravo. Nice work. I sincerely thought those four 
would do better with their audition.�

	Ah.  That's why.

�Audition? What is this? Tryouts for �Super-villain Idol�?� Crimson 
Commando snapped.

	I started to say "American Supervillain," but we're not *in* America, 
are we?

�Somewhat. The four people you fought were trying out for a position in 
the Serpent Society. That�s us, by the way.� He indicated the large 
group before him.

	That's the name I couldn't recall.

Super Sabre looked the group over. �There�re an awful lot of you.�

Sidewinder shrugged. �To be honest, we don�t have any true powerhouses 
on the team. I guess anyone of the Hulk�s or Tomazooma�s stature doesn�t 
want to go with a snake motif. Rhinoceroses or Buffalos seem to be more 
in their line. But what we might lack in strength, we make up for in 
versatility and numbers.�

	Works for me.  I always wanted to see someone construct a superteam 
that way that could go up against the heavy hitters like the Avengers 
or the JLwhatever and give them a run for their money.
	Of course, these guys ain't it.

Super Sabre ran forward full speed at Sidewinder. The world seemed to be 

	Ugh.  "ran forward full speed" just does *not* work for me, 
grammatically.  Maybe something like "blurred into motion, charging 
Sidewinder at his best possible speed."

Super Sabre had cleared half the distance between him and Sidewinder 
when something caught his eye. It was the woman standing next to 
Sidewinder. Like him, she wore a full body suit, though a swath of green 
hair poked out the top of her outfit. Her outfit was skin tight and 
unusually plain, a black body suit that showed a slender form 
underneath. Her boots were slightly large, and for some reason she wore 
kneepads. She was the least snake-like of the group.

It was then she did the impossible: she moved. No, she didn�t just move, 
she moved at normal speed. Super Sabre was so focused on Sidewinder he 

	Sug "had been" <> "was" -- by this point, he's definitely noticed 
her, but just didn't have time to react.

had no time to react as the girl ran forward, arm outstretched. He 

	"ran forward"?  Ugh, again.  Maybe "Moved to intercept" or something?

barely had enough time to roll with the clothesline as she nearly 
decapitated him from the force of their opposing velocities.

Super Sabre�s unconscious body skidded across the ground at a speed in 
excess of one hundred kilometer an hour. He kicked up a dust cloud that 
stretched for a full kilometer before friction and inertia forced him to 
stop.

	Which is why superspeed w/o super-resilience or a Wolverine-grade 
healing factor is just a Bad Idea.

The remaining members of Eyeshield 21 looked on in stunned silence.

The girl in black moved slow enough to become visible again, wrapping an 
arm around Sidewinder�s waist in a very intimate manner.

Sidewinder said, �This is Black Racer. She moves fast in every way. She 
seduced me within a week of meeting her.�

	TMI!!!

Puff Adder took a deep breath as he ran, seeming to become bigger a 
moment before he struck Stonewall. He bowled into the hero full force.

And Puff Adder was sent flying backward anyway.

	Sug:  "And bounced."

The villain lay on the ground, rubbing his head. �Geez. That guy didn�t 
budge an inch.�

A beautiful woman, slender with a dancer�s body, moved next to the 
fallen Puff Adder. She was dressed in a simple white dress that showed a 
great deal of flesh, and with only a pair of green snakes flowing up the 
side. The only other snake thing about her was a snake shaped tiara on 
her brow.

	Side or sideS?

�I don�t think you want to tangle with him, Asp. He�s a tough one,� Puff 
Adder warned.

Asp looked Stonewall over. �Tell me, did he seem to be wearing armor?�

�Nah. He seemed more like Anaconda. Naturally tough. Not wearing armor 
like Death Adder.�

�Good.� Asp held out her hands and a twisting bolt of yellow leapt forth 
from her palms. It struck Stonewall dead center in his chest.

	Yellow what?  Energy?  Lightning?  Light?  Duct Tape?

For a moment nothing happened, then Stonewall�s eyes rolled into the 
back of his head and he hit the ground, unconscious.

Asp smiled at her handiwork. �It doesn�t matter how big he is. My venom 
blasts paralyze the nervous system. If they can hit skin, they can 
affect my foe.�

	Turnabout for Rock Python, eh?

While Stonewall fell to Asp, Crimson Commando was in motion. To Gibbon 
he yelled, �Run interference!� While he aimed a gun at the still casual 
Sidewinder.

	"While" should not be capped.

Gibbon looked at the half dozen super villains heading toward him and 
Crimson Commando. �Oh what the hell?� He gave a war cry and leapt for 
the group. Maybe a suicidal attack would catch them off guard and he 
would beat them all. He had heart. He was the underdog. He wasn�t about 
to let fear rule him. The good guys always won when those factors came 
into play.

	He's gonna get creamed, ain't he?

Crimson Commando knew it was over, but was damned if he wouldn�t take 
the cocky snake leader with him. He aimed a gun at Sidewinder, who 
refused to move. Crimson Commando smiled. He had worked with Super Sabre 
before. No matter how quick Black Racer was, she wasn�t fast enough to 
prevent Crimson Commandos reflexes from firing first.

	"Commando's" -- possessive.

Black Racer disappeared for a few seconds, then came into view again, �I 
swept the area. We�re secure.�

A lead pipe to the back of the head sent her to the ground.

	Who--?

Sidewinder gasped as fifth member of Eyeshield suddenly� well, he didn�t 

	Okay, even *I* forgot he was there.  How do you *do* that, DB?

exactly appear from nowhere, as if he had been invisible. Nor had he 
been moving at super speed and finally slowed down. It was like he had 
always been there and Sidewinder only happened to notice him because he 
had hit Black Racer.

�Get him!� Sidewinder shouted.

Mr. Anonymous found himself set upon by over a dozen super villains, and 
learned the hard way that sometimes anonymity was a blessing.

	Well, it seems like people don't lose track of him once they notice 
him, as long as they try.

She wrapped a knuckle on the side. �Looks like adamantium to me. It�s 
impossible for any of us to crack it.�

�So we�ll sidestep it, my dear Black Mamba.� Sidewinder�s cape engulfed 
him again, folding in on itself until it disappeared from sight. A 
moment later the process reversed itself, the cape appearing from 
nowhere, and unwrapping to reveal the man underneath.

	Darned teleporters.

�Teleportation. Not much of an offensive power, but unparalleled in 
obtaining hard to get merchandise.� Sidewinder held a peculiar device in 
his hand. It almost appeared to be a holder for a torch, in approval. 

	Scrambled sentence.

�The induction ceremony, as we discussed,� Sidewinder said.

Cottonmouth nodded, pulling out four communications devises that also 
served as homing beacons.

He handed one to Bushmaster. �Like the tail,� Cottonmouth said.

Bushmaster bowed his head, stoically accepting the card.

Next Cottonmouth walked up to Rock Python. �That guy didn�t know what he 
was talking about. It�s a great headpiece.�

�Yours is nice too.� He accepted the card as well.

	<snerk>

Coachwhip was next. Cottonmouth said, �Here you go, and if you ever need 
tying up, I can show you a good time.� He grinned lasciviously.

�Snakes turn me off,� she said icily.

	...boy, are *you* in the wrong lineup.

Fer De Lance accepted the badge.

Cottonmouth then showed his superhuman ability as his jaw literally 
dropped a foot and a half, showing off a set of razor sharp teeth. He 
lunged forward, his mouth widening to inhuman dimensions as he engulfed 
Fer De Lance�s entire head. His jaws shut with an audible snap. There 
was the sound of bone breaking as he drew his head back.

Fer De Lance�s headless corpse sprayed blood everywhere as the body fell 
backward, spasming reflexively.

	...ooookay.

Hydra double agent. I am very much an �honor among thieves� sort of 
leader, which is why I bargained for our official release from our 
current employer rather than just running off, despite her giving many 
of us our abilities. Like Cottonmouth�s cybernetic cranial and digestive 
tract reconstruction.�

Cottonmouth nodding in acknowledgement, crunching away.

	Ugh.  Ew.  No, make that EEEEEEeeeeeeeeWWWWwwwwww

When no one else stepped forward, Sidewinder said, �Excellent. We will 
now return to our employer so she can fix our Serpent Saucer. We have 
but one more piece to track down, then we�ll be freelancers and our own 
bosses. No more goddamn requests for vacations, time card punching, or 
filling out forms in triplicate. And to add frosting to the cake, I got 
us a top notch severance package to give us a start. I have my eye on 
this cozy little hideaway in Hawaii for our base of operations. No dark 
dank fortresses in the middle of nowhere for us. It�ll be fun in the sun 
and ocean waves lapping at our feet��

	Well, I will admit this guy seems to have it more together than most 
supervillain-leader types.



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