The fruits of my labors, be they ever so humble.
Ugh...few too many seeds... *spittooie!*
I personally blame the fact that I've been on a self-insertion
fanfiction kick, and I've been reading (some even for the first time)
some of the older, and/or more well-known series in the business.
Twisted Path, Undocumented Features, Otaku Reflected, the Labor Series
by Metroanime, Bubblegum Zone, Bubblegum Avatar, Drunkard's Walk, Trials
by Tenderness, Oh My Brother!, Oh My God?, Ma Vie Et Roses, and
everything written by Carrot, among other things.
Wah! No mention of Pencils or Plort? ;_;
I still maintain DB Sommer's Yardwork is the funniest thing I have ever
Mmm, I'll have to go along with that. :)
(Because honestly, there's really no need for this.)
But then, is there EVER?
As it so happened, it started on a bright and cheery afternoon. The sun
shed its light on the uncaring campus of a community college, set out in
the wilds of California (where land was cheap). The summer rays
illuminated students and structures alike. The structures continued to
stand perfectly still while most of the students themselves tended to
scurry from place to place.
They tried it the other way around for a bit, but the structures got awfully
tired running around, and the students got bored standing still. Plus, it
just looked silly.
However, there was a building set aside from the rest. Beyond the track
and field, beyond the archery range, beyond even the fields where the
agricultural students liked to grow their strange creations, was a
single building. The journey to reach it was quite arduous, and not
only did one have to travel quite a distance from the main campus on
foot over a dirt path, there was the matter of the small forest one had
to traverse as well.
Bets on it being the anime club building, anyone?
Aside from the required eyebrows
Wow, your college has a dress code requirement for eyebrows? o.o;; That's
Tannim paused outside the building to stare at the architecture
thoughtfully. Mostly it was the giant `WARNING: EXTREAME BIO-HAZARD'
sign that had caught his attention. The various other warnings and
cautionary signs did little to aid his comfort.
Aah, so THAT'S where they keep the tentacled horrors from beyond...
"This is your own damn fault for not being able to stay away from that
new box set." The young man muttered to himself as anger quickly
replaced the slight trepidation he had felt moments before. "I can't
even afford decent ramen!"
Why buy decent ramen, when crap ramen is a quarter a cup?
The young man paused to ponder that last thought. "Wait a second. If
she's anything like Washuu, then she'll want to... and THEN... and
afterwards... in a nurse outfit!" Tannim grinned lecherously before he
finally spoke aloud. "Sign me up!"
Tannim was strapped into a chair with various things either clamped onto
or over him. Sensors and devices of all kinds were placed about his
person, with the crowning touch being a metal headband lined with what
looked to be light bulbs.
Nooo! They're SOUL SPRITES! They'll suck out your SOUL JUICE!
The red-haired woman giggled girlishly as she tugged slightly harder.
"A bad boy, huh? I never could resist those." She gave a seductive
wink before walking off to prepare something or other.
NEVER a good sign.
"...sorry God? Didn't mean it?"
Ken trailed off from his rambling. "Okay, we wanted to avoid any sort
of lawsuit for performing an experiment beyond spec, alright?
Hey, at least he's honest.
"These procedures... were quite costly...."
"You owe the--"
Saw that coming.
Tannim attempted to process these latest revelations, but found he
couldn't. He held up a hand to stop Ken from speaking any further.
"Okay. I've had enough for one day. I'll accept that I owe you oodles
of money in exchange for me being alive. Can I at least rest up first
before I have to start paying you back?"
"Well, the credit cards we found in your wallet have already hit their
A quick check of the room turned up his clothes. As he lifted his
jeans, Tannim glanced down at what he assumed was his shirt. It was the
exact same design as his old one, except that it was green, not blue.
"Did they dye it?" He muttered in confusion.
First indication that a Sliding has occurred!
"Um, hello? Is anyone here?"
Awwww. Missed it by THAT much.
Tannim ducked behind a group of kids discussing the latest Pokemon and
Yu-Gi-Oh cards. He even went so far as to position two of the children
so as to be better hidden from view.
Oh, that's just low. XD
"Well hurry up, the little monsters have been released from school and
they demand their appeasement. Get in the back and start bringing out
the boxes for this weeks tournament."
"That means I'm hired?"
The older man glared hatefully at the children. In response, one of
them showed him their tongue.
Wow. Lovely attitudes on all fronts, there.
It wasn't a bad work environment, since he had worked at Wally World
before, and knew the ropes so to speak. Still, it was difficult; the
sea of children was not something that could be dealt with lightly. It
actually was amazing to think that his boss had been dealing with them
for quite some time.
The cattle prod and riot shield help...
It was six o'clock when it happened; Tannim was restocking the depleted
card game displays, and Mr. Gunter (the only name Tannim could finagle
out of his boss) was in the back retrieving supplies for the next round.
"My name is Makoto Kino, and I'm calling you out!"
Tannim didn't know whether to be more surprised by the fact that Mr.
Gunter had materialized next to him as if out of thin air, or the fact
that he was now wielding a shotgun.
Tannim eyed the weapon warily. "Not that I'm not grateful and all, but
where did you get that?"
"Isn't it obvious?" Tannim shook his head. "I used to be a terrorist."
Tannim moved forward slowly. It was humbling to realize the scariest
situation he's ever stepped into was against a horde of teenage girls.
Isn't that some kind of rule of life, though?
Tannim knew he was in deep trouble, but that nervous energy that filled
and energized him also found that statement to be hilarious. He
couldn't help but chuckle. "What, that blouse belonged to all of you?
Was it on a time share?"
It was a bit shocking to Tannim to say the least. "You mean you're
honest to goodness, real life Amazon Mallrats?"
...I think I just brainfaulted at that.
Before they could get angry with that outburst, Tannim interjected with
another one. "Wait, you mean I've got to fight her? The fourteen year
old girl? I'm like, three times her size."
IN THE CHEST! *rimshot*
The realization struck Tannim with the force of a twenty pound
`I am going to have my ass kicked by a fourteen year old fangirl
pretending to be Makoto Kino from Sailor Moon.'
Story of my life.
(C&C to be continued next post...)
The Eternal Lost Lurker
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