Subject: [FFML] Re: [Ranma][Fanfic] The Adventures of Lost Girl, Darth Mousse, and Some Asshole, Part 2
From: "The Eternal Lost Lurker" <lurkerdrome@sbcglobal.net>
Date: 11/27/2005, 9:39 AM
To: <ffml@anifics.com>, "George Masologites" <gth782m@mail.gatech.edu>


Ranma landed on his head, sending him toppling face-first
onto the concrete.  "What's up, fuckface?"

Kuno'd be lucky if THAT much of him did that...

The girl looked relieved.  "Akane!  Thank God we found
you," she huffed.  She stared at Ranma irately.

Kuno scowled at the two new arrivals.  Accursed minions of
the demon Saotome, no doubt.  "And who are you, to treat
with Akane in such a familiar manner?" he demanded, holding
his bokken before him threateningly.

Uh...dude? I know you're trying to write Kuno in (cliche) character here?
But stop and think for a minute.

A person who is, by all appearances, an ORDINARY GIRL just appeared, and
seems familiar with Akane.

Stop and ask yourself:

Is Kuno *really* likely to take *A SEEMINGLY ORDINARY GIRL* to task for
talking to Akane?

For that matter, I'd think Kuno would react FAR more strongly to the Zealot
than to Ryouga.

You have to give Kuno credit.  Not too many people would
see a huge armored monster armed with deadly psionic blades
and think, _I should really challenge that thing to a
duel._

Kuno-chan is special. And not in a good way.

Ryoga reached into her pack, and pulled out the last vial
of Spring of Drowned Zealot water.  She faced Ranma, who
was glaring at her angrily.

She smiled at him.  "C'mere, asshole."

Uh...Ranma being a nine-foot-tall alien monster is better than him being a
raging asshole *HOW* exactly?

He snickered.  "Fuck you, bitch."

And they proceeded to commit Cliche Ranma Lemon #437-B.

Oh, wait, sorry.

Ryoga _would_ have been right, except that Ranma pulled a
White Snake Venom Reliable Fist at the last second,
vanishing and causing Akane to lurch forward and land flat
on her face, so the vial spilled its contents all over
Kuno's prone form, instead.

Oh dear...

"Fuck you all," Ranma groaned

And strangely enough, he did. Twice. Before anyone could blink.

Months of paternity suits followed.

"Okay, okay, jeez," Ranma grumbled.  "Well...how about
Spring of Drowned Life-Size Darth Vader Poster?" he asked
hopefully.  "Mousse seems to like that pretty well..."

Oh HELL no.

"RANMA SAOTOME."  A menacing figure in a leather jacket,
camouflage pants, and combat boots stood in the newly
formed doorway.

"Who are you?" Ukyou demanded.  "And why did you kick a
giant hole in my wall, when the door is literally four feet
away??"

People in the Ranmaverse seem to have a real problem with that...

"POISON SNAKE DEEP HOLE BLOW!"

This, incidentally, is why we do *NOT* translate technique names in
fanfiction :P

Ukyou charged at him.  He somehow managed to dodge her
first strike, and then sort of dodged the second one, but
she was much, much faster than he was and the third psi-
enhanced punch cracked him cleanly across the jaw.  He
soared across the restaurant in a perfectly smooth arc and
landed head-first in Ryoga's pack.

Uh-oh.

Ranma bounded over to Ukyou happily and clung to Ukyou's
arm.  "Ohmygawd, you like, _protected_ me, Ucchan, you're
like so totally cool 'n' stuff!"

Oh good grief.

"Curse you, Ranma Saotome," Ryu snarled.  Before he could
attack, Ukyou poured a glass of cold water on him, and he
changed into a furious orangutan.  Hot water.  Instant Ryu.
Cold water.  Eagle.  Hot water.  Ryu.  Cold water.  Gangsta.
Hot water.  Ryu.  Cold water.  Akane.

Talk about your identity crises...

Okay, truth time.

The first part of this? Was amusing...as a short, silly gagfic.

I had misgivings about the notion of it being continued further, but thought
perhaps it could be done in an amusing manner.

And it was, in part.

But truthfully, I think the joke is already old, the random Starcraft
crossover tacked onto the end of this part is NOT really doing anything for
the fic itself except making it more messed up than it needs to be, and to
be perfectly honest, reading this...makes me feel like your whole entire
purpose for writing this in the first place was to see how much profanity
you could justifiably cram into a Ranma fanfic.

The first part was hilarious. The second part, less so, but still quite
funny. However, I'm thinking you should have quit while you were ahead.

I'll still C&C the subsequent parts, possibly-probably, but for my money,
this one already jumped the shark.

The Eternal Lost Lurker
www.lurkerdrome.com



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