Bert Miller wrote:
Well, I enjoyed this. Another nice chapter, and
a few overall plot developments, it looks like.
Yep. Actually, this was closer to the size I envisioned for most
chapters when I first started writing this. Right around 40-60k.
Quoting DB Sommer <email@example.com>:
"It's poor reception. Gourry, pull out your Sword of
There's nothing more demeaning to one's life than becoming little more
than a supplement to a household appliance.
not like I've broken anything� yet."
Looks like a single-char ellipsis there and in Nabiki's
next line, following "bruises", and elsewhere.
Okay, though it comes through fine on mine.
Slowly she looked down to the new growth
Nice to see Happi introduced in this storyline, too.
Lots of potential for fun!
Akane's eyebrow twitched. "Od's blood. A troll on
Midgard. And it knows
Her secret identity isn't going to last very long if
she's in the habit of talking like this as Akane.
% It's a *foreshadow*. :)
"Greetings, and Manservant.
That certainly looks odd. Suspect you want something
other than "and" there.
% Should have just dropped 'and'. Used your grammar recommendations, BTW
Yusaku Hino (aka The Crusher)...
Heh. This cameo I liked. And it certainly fits in
continuity, given what you did with Kyousuke. (However,
it's "Hikaru Hiyama", not "Haruka".)
Gotcha. Looked up his name and forgot hers. And I do try to keep some
continuity going. Even the Eva reference from Thor's memories has a role
a walking testament to self-pity, excessively
melodramatic misery, and a propensity to whine
double heh! Captures my feelings about Yusaku
% True. Sad but true.
Two sets of lives flashed before her eyes...
Hmm. Does she remember them later?
% Not the whole ones, no.
A pair of eyes...
..senses far beyond those of mortal or god alike
Interesting. Now who could this be? Rather high power
level, too. That last clause would seem to rule out
Odin, but who else has an interest in Thor?
% Oops. Will rewrite as 'nothing short of a cosmic entity' since the
being is either a god or mortal. :)
Punishment would have to come. Immediate punishment.
Heh. And a very fitting punishment, too.
% Thanks. Honestly, I never warmed up to Loki as a bad guy in the
comics. But now I'm having fun with him. This also ties up that Hercules
plotline I left dangling many a moon ago. I'm trying to tie up some of
them, you know. :)
Thanks for writing and sharing!
% And thanks for C+Cing
.---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
| Administrators - firstname.lastname@example.org |
| Unsubscribing - email@example.com |
| Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject |
`---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'