Subject: [FFML] Re: [C&C] Relentless - Epilogue 2
From: Thunderstruck
Date: 5/30/2005, 12:41 PM
To: Gary Kleppe
CC: ffml@anifics.com
Reply-to:
thunderstruck_comic@comcast.net




Gary Kleppe wrote:

                     EPILOGUE TWO:
                Kimagure Orange Ryouga
   


Once again, and for the final time, I'm commenting on the chapter as it appears
on the web site.

Since this is the last installment, I'll plug Grayson's current work. You all
knew there had to be a reason why he's been posting as thunderstruck_comic,
right? Well, here it is:

http://www.onlinecomics.net/pages/incl/go.php?comicID=4165

For those who've enjoyed Relentless, go read.

 


Thanks for the plug, Gary. Hope any of you guys who like
webcomics come check it out.

"It should... slide right in, right?"

She did a quick check. "Should be fine. Are you ready?"
   


RYOGA: AAAARGH! I'll never figure out how to tie these things! Do I really have
to wear one for our wedding? Couldn't I at least just get a clip-on?

UKYO: Let me put it this way, sugar. Either you wear a tie at our wedding, or
*I* do and *you* wear the bridal dress.

RYOGA: Um... right. Slide it in. Yeah.

 

"FLIP!" he shouted. His arm jerked up like a catapult, spatula
held tight in his powerful grasp. The okonomiyaki took off like
a rocket, launching from the portable grill into the clear blue
expanse of the Tokyo summer sky.
   


Well, I was close. :/

 

There's something unbearably sexy about cooking okonomiyaki on
an open grill, anyway. Um... at least I think there is.


 

It had been one of those scenes that looked to get ugly - three
bullies with time to kill, picking on some poor pasty-faced geek
wearing some weird candle-holder headband.
   


Uk is Gos' schoolmate, so it's possible that they'd know each other, but then
again Gos isn't the type who people remember anyway.

 

That was kind of the idea. Gosunkugi is one of those characters I
never managed to work into the plot, so I figured I'd give him a
brief cameo here.


 

"I want to go back!" Akari wailed, throwing herself into Ukyou's
arms. "I want to go back to that day! Why can't it stay that
way? Why can't we... can't we just stay like that?"
   


Akari's reaction here was a bit forced, but the in-joke makes it all worthwhile.
:)


Ryoga and Akari make a good Kyosuke and Hikaru. The one who really doesn't fit
the pattern is Ukyo, at least not as she's developed in this story as being
openly affectionate towards Ryoga. Not that this is a problem for your story,
it just keeps it from being a full KOR fusion.

It would've been nice to throw in some classic KOR bits before the happy ending.
Like Ryoga accidentally getting caught in a compromising position with Akari and
one or both women misinterpreting it.

 

It was a matter of how long I wanted to make the epilogue, really. I could
see a whole multi-chapter fanfic unfolding on this kind of love triangle,
but that wasn't really where I wanted to go.


I really liked the explanation of Ryoga's directional problems. It makes sense
>from what we already know, while elevating his problem from a comedy device to
more of a classical tragic flaw, something that's based more on a strength than
a weakness.

Not much left to say but congratulations on finishing this masterwork, and I
look forward to keeping up with Thunderstruck and whatever else you end up
writing in the future.



 

And my thanks to you, Gary, for all the excellent C&C... some of which
I have yet to figure out how to implement, but all of which has been very
helpful.

Here's to hoping that the completion of "Relentless" serves as inspiration
to other fanfic authors who have unfinished epics awaiting attention. 
Like...
oh, let me think... no names are coming to mind here... perhaps... SATAN?
No, not him. Give me a sec... it'll come to me.

Seriously, you have my gratitude.


Grayson Towler
http://www.talesfromthevault.com/thunderstruck


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