Subject: [FFML] Re: [Kingdom Hearts/CCS/Lots][Dark] Unsung 2.1 - "Refugees"
From: "The Eternal Lost Lurker" <lurkerdrome@sbcglobal.net>
Date: 5/27/2005, 6:11 PM
To: "Steven Scott" <steven@imdanet.com>, <ffml@anifics.com>


Didn't comment on this before:

It wasn't until the end of the chapter that I figured out you were
just spelling things backwards. I understand that you want to
represent foreignness, but that's hardly the way to go about it,
because what Dash is saying here _doesn't_ sound like English. Try
instead spelling it out phonetically... "Hay, uuure awek!" or some
such. That will present some foreignness, without being just plain
weird.

It would also, as Scott-san commented, make him sound drunk. :P

I like the idea of spelling phonetically, though I'm tempted to just put
his speech in normal English now. (phonetic speech may make him sound
drunk or something, and a drunk kid running at a high velocity is a
recipe for instant disaster, so I'd have to test it out) I had thought
the backwards writing was perfectly readable... but I'll get back to
that later.

I don't see anything wrong with the backwards writing, really...though what
you might want to do is have it so that Sakura gradually begins to learn
better English, so that the backwards-talk gradually "descrambles" itself.

Something I didn't notice before--the logic here is a little twisted.
A
little thing called "elemental affinity mismatch" ring any bells?

I think that's what she does in the real episode. (and yeah, it is a
little off. Everyone knows it's Bolt against Water, Fire is for Ice.
Even if it means electrocuting Tomoyo)

Heh. Yeah...I actually don't remember that in the anime (which I have not
seen more than 1/3 of, to be honest). but if that's what she actually DID,
then it's fine. It just struck me as off.

(And just for the record, I'd have used a combination of Windy, Woody, and
Shield in that situation. The first and last of the trio to clear space for
Woody to work, and Woody to erect a wood shell around everyone to keep the
water out long enough to find time to really get rid of it.)

 She'd tried to get rid
of them, but her first hunch - the Shadow card

This also doesn't make sense. Using Shadow to defeat Shadow? Sakura's
generally smarter than that.

Help, I'm not as smart as a ten year old.

Nobody is. Except a ten year old. ^_^

It never even occurred to me before that Sakura would probably
immediately reach for The Light or something.
Guess I was thinking she might use The Shadow to try to control or
dispel them, but The Light would be a better first hunch.

Very much so. :)

Woh gnibrutsid.

Continuing what I was saying to Jon, I never realised how annoying that
is to read when *you're not the author and you don't already know what
it says.*
I'll change them. That is a bitch to read.

Heh! (I wrote THAT backwards, incidentally. :P) See my above suggestion.

I am REALLY glad I didn't go for anagrams like I originally considered.
That would have just been Dumb.

Yeah, anagrams would've sucked. The most middle-ground solution I've ever
come up with is to write everything the way the Japanese would attempt to
say/write it. This gets a little awkward because you have to shift your
mindset to Engrish, and think it out as romanised Japanese. Itsu akushuari
moa anoiingu tsu riido zan za bakkuaado shingu.

Dash Parr (The Incredibles): Youngest child of a superhero family,
Dash

Nitpick...he's not the YOUNGEST. You forgot about the baby. :P

Come on! The baby wasn't there for nine tenths of the movie! ;)

But he got his own special short on the DVD!

Anita King (Read or Die: The TV): As the eldest of the children at
the

Actually, it's just R.O.D, not Read or Die. :P

Yeah, I got the first DVD today, and realised the mistake.
Drake's from R.O.D. the TV too, for all the difference that makes.

Well, "first appearances" and all. The R.O.D franchise is a little weird,
admittedly.

Since the "Hsilgne" text

Iingureshi!

is quite common in this chapter, I'll probably
repost the fic to the FFML later. Thanks for comments.

Anytime. :)

==============================
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guts are spilling out of the sword wound
in your belly onto the ground, you want
your hair to look extra shiny and full of life.
==============================
The Eternal Lost Lurker
(Shodaime Shirikage)
www.lurkerdrome.com




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