Subject: [FFML] [hopefully garbage-less C&C][Avenging Side Story] Armored Schems (and Stranger Things)
From: Chester Castaneda
Date: 5/9/2005, 7:46 AM

-_- (grumblegmail'sthebombmybuttgrumble) Apologies to
everyone concerned and affected by the gmail garbage
spam, and of course it wasn't intentional, you silly

I _was_ going to announce the new email thing, but
apparently gmail sucks at sending a simple copy and
paste message. So instead, yahoo email's my new email
and stuff. 

Well, DB, your fic is using smart quotes again, which
doesn't translate well in ASCII. My suggestion is to
uncheck all the Autocorrect Defaults (found in the
Tools menu) before writing just one word. Oh, and I'm
almost sure you've read the whole debacle concerning
formatting problems and MS Word, so any other
suggestions to fix the funky smart quotes thing you
can look up from _those_ messages.

...Says me with the garbaged earlier message, but it's
not as if I formatted my message in the Cyrillic
language or something. To anyone who can tell me and
give me tips how to send C&C via gmail without the
garbage, my thanks. To anyone who had and plans on
beating on the oh-so-obvious dead horse via private
mail, let me ask you this... You _just_ thought of
that joke just now?

DB Sommer wrote:

Side Story 3
Armored Schems (and Stranger Things)

What's a Schem? Is it a word? Is it a made-up word? My
spellchecker doesn't seem to think so.

large degree that they couldn�t comprehend his
superiority, and 

That's not a word. Suggest: mis-categorized or (the
lamer sounding) incorrectly categorized

his attempts at just rule as �domination�. Too many
resisted his efforts at solving all of the world�s
problems by seizing 
control of it. These were the true enemies of
mankind, and they had to 
be dealt with.

Heh. That's one way of looking at it. The opposite can
be said by others who actually oppose Victor Von
Doom's rule. Though, this is strangely reminiscent of
Herb/Mandarin's shtick, if I remember correctly. Hmmm.
That take is certainly sounder than that of the anime
villain cliche of, "Destroy the world, rule over the
post-apocalyptic ruins." 

At the forefront of the resistance were two groups.
One was the accursed 
Reed Richards, Dr. Doom�s intellectually inferior

Hehehehe. I'm getting the Dr. Doom slant on things,

the right hand of Dr, Doom, he saw fit to impede the
Latverian�s various 
schemes. Through Richard�s manipulation of his
cohorts --his fianc�e, 
the stalwart Susan Storm,

'stalwart', is she? Why the sudden change of tone when
it comes to Sue? Does Doomie have a little crush on
Susie in the comics?

her impetuous brother, Jonathan Storm, and the 
abrasive mental gorilla,

Er, what do you exactly mean by 'mental gorilla'?
Sounds weird.

Benjamin J. Grimm-- he had formed an 
organization known as the Adventurers of the

Hmmm. Makes sense. It figures that, even without their
super-duper powers that they got via exposure to outer
space 'cosmic rays', they'd still be a major
impediment to Dr. Doom's rule. They're like those
fifties Space Explorer/Flash Gordon thing going on for
them, I gather. The plus side is that, even though
this is alt-verse, there's no Herbie the robot to
replace the now-powerless Johnny Storm. :P

Of late a second organization had become a thorn in
the Doctor�s side, 
one that had ruined a number of his attempts at
consolidating control 
over the Orient. In this case it was a team of
superheroes hailing from Japan: the
technology-controlling, genius Mr. 
Fantastic, the hideous (in both strength and
appearance) Thing, the 
self-proclaimed priestess of fire, the Human Torch,
and the translucent 
mistress of force-fields, the Invisible Girl. 

Wow. You now have two sets of superheroes/heroes, one
the original, now-normal versions, the other the new,
Japanese versions. And much, much more, from seeing
the Avenging Handbook... @_@ (as a by the way, I think
you forgot to include the Blob in the Avenging
Handbook, correct me if I'm wrong... if I'm not wrong,
then I'll just collect my No Prize at either the 13th
month of this year or when I find a canon fanfic
interpretation of Slam Dunk, whichever time is most
convenient to me)

Sooo... are you really planning to make "Avenging" as
detailed, comprehensive and lengthy as Shampoo 1/2 or
aren't you? :)

increase efficiency, he began having the robots act
as though they were 
Dr. Doom themselves, outside the presence of the real
one or each other. 
He even went so far as to install them with his own
brainwave patterns, 
though all Doombots were rigged with sensors to
differentiate their true 
master from their fellow automatons.

Wouldn't it be a funny, almost Hollywood-movie-type
accident if (like the 'inhibitor' chip of Doc Ock in
the Spiderman sequel) the Doombots' sensors-to
malfunctioned and (more to the point) they couldn't
tell whether they're Doombots or the real Dr. Doom?
(shrugs) I know the paragraph above may just be
intended Dr. Doom meandering thoughts, but he really
should be careful with that. It's like he's setting
himself up for trouble, that. Good thing he got rid of
the Doombots later... or is it really a good thing?

Chii: Chi. (smiles impishly)

While his scheme had worked well in the beginning,
problems began to 
appear of late. The number of Doombots failures far
exceeded his 
original .055% estimate. It had gone up as high as
95% in regards to any 
complicated goal. Most of the failures could be
attributed to the sudden 
surge in superpowered

Suggest: super-powered

The absolute worst failure was the televised defeat
of Doombot X23F at 
the hands of Squirrel Girl, a mutant whose sole power
was the ability to 
control squirrels. Dr. Doom still hadn�t figured out
exactly *how* a 
bunch of squirrels had managed to disable the
Doombot, only that it had 
made him a laughingstock before the world. 

I have to ask if you know... _How_? How did a mutant
who's just a little below Aquaman in powers defeat a

Dr. Doom: I also have to ask the same question. It
doesn't quite make sense to me either.

He couldn�t even exact 
vengeance on Squirrel Girl at the moment, since she
had become a poster 
child of the U.S. Government as its �Ecologically
Friendly Superhero.�

Dr. Doom: If she had accepted PETA's offer instead,
then I could crush her. Nobody really likes those
overreacting, tree-hugging PETA hippies anyway!
He wasn�t prepared to deal with all of the resources
the United States 
had at its disposal --at least, not yet-- but the
time would come. He 
simply needed to prove his superiority to Richards,
and then destroy 
him. Once that was accomplished, Dr. Doom could move
on to bigger and 
better things.

In other words, he's stuck in a rut. :P

Therefore this new 
robot would be created in the image of something most
people would be 
reluctant to destroy: a cute teenage girl. 

Ben Oliver: (approves)

Only the most deplorable of 
people would try to melt, blow up, or tear apart a
defenseless, attractive girl. That hesitation would
cost them, given the 
obscene amount of power the robot concealed. He had
decided on the name 
of the design of the robot: Chobits.

This was an idea that was spawned out of the blue...
and spawned from feedback even. Heh. Your muse is
quite the complicated character, DB. 

Dr. Doom decided the prototype would be deployed
against the Fantastic 
Four, so he designed it with a slender build, long
flowing blond hair 
and a look of innocence at all times. It could even
cry. Given it was 
Doom�s genius behind the design, it took only a
handful of days to build 
a working model that would have taken a room full of
robotic experts 
months to create. However, there was a problem with
the Chii-FF7 
prototype: the damn thing could only say one word.

Yeah, well the fact that it can only say one word has
always been a point of interest for Chobits. Granted,
using the plot point in the context of Chii the
replacement Doombot is quite different from, say,
using it in the context of the usual anime tradition
of boy meets girl-android.

�It�s inconceivable,� Dr. Doom mumbled to himself.

(remembers The Princess Bride for some reason)

�Chi?� The Chobit he was working on inquired.

Dr. Doom finished attaching a wire to the back of the
Chobits head and 
ran his tenth diagnostic. Once again everything
checked out. Its neural 
net was fully functional. None of the dozens of
weapons interfered with 
anything. By all rights it should be working

Dr. Doom looked down at the Chobit. �What is my
name?� he demanded.

Chii pointed at the grey armored figure and said,

Dr. Doom snarled under his breath and pointed at a
chair. �What is that 
thing there?�

Chii pointed at it as well. �Chi.�

Heh. That had always been one of my favorite scenes in

It was the exact same response as the last five
times. While it was 
obvious she could differentiate things, she could not
verbalize the 
difference. �Is there any word you can say besides

Chii looked at him in doe-like innocence and nodded
her head.

When it became obvious she wasn�t going to say
anything further, Dr. 
Doom prodded her. �What word is that?�

Chi rose to her feet and flipped up her skirt. She
pointed at her 
underwear. �Panties.�

XD Though (as one fangirl pointed out) it's sad that,
in general, cute little Chii is just another
misogynistic symbol of a fanboy's ideal girl...
innocent to the point of having the IQ of a lamp post
and completely devoted to the spastic lead character.

�Anything else?�

�Chi.� She shook her head sadly and bowed

�Does the word panties apply to anything other than
the undergarments 
you wear?�

�Chi,� Chii scoffed, as though Doom was an idiot for
such a suggestion.

Heh. OTOH, despite misogyny, Chii is undeniably cute
and cheeky there. 

Dr. Doom�s personal transport, an inter-continental


�That�s Trapster, not Paste-Pot-Pete, 

(sigh) Is this some inside comic joke that I'm not
getting, DB? :)

and I�m in charge since I founded 
the group!� He once again turned to the castle and
cleared his throat, 
regaining his composure. �As I was saying, we are
foes of the Fantastic 
Four as well. In fact, I�m Mizuhara�s arch-nemesis.
He�s been stealing 
my accolades for years. That miserable liar. He even
has my sister 
firmly in his grasp. And all the girls fall for him
when they should be 
falling for me, since he�s stealing my genius. And��

The Wizard cleared his throat, gaining Jinnai�s
attention. �I believe 
you have a proposition to make.�

Nitpick: While most of the El Hazard fans will pick up
on the "Mizuahara's arch-nemesis" as referring to the
pasty-skinned Jinnai, methinks the narrative should
not state 'Jinnai' so out of the blue. 

Suggest, revising "gaining Jinna's attention" into
"gaining Trapster's attention" in the second paragraph
or better yet, add a "Jinnai" after the "I'm
Mizuhara's arch-nemesis" sentence in the first

Deciding paste wasn�t particular effective against
energy blasting 
robots, Trapster ordered a retreat, mostly as an
afterthought since he 
had already covered a dozen meters when he gave the
command. Obedient to 
the last, his trio of comrades also fled in the face
of far superior 

Paste? O_o


It was a one-in-a-million chance. The surge of
electricity that fried 
the speaker flowed through the power lines of the
castle. While Electro 
was highly incompetent, she did come with a powerful
battery, and she 
had drained it with a single discharge. There was
enough voltage to 
instantly fry the first four sets of insulation,
becoming weaker with 
each one. Under ordinary circumstances the fifth set
would have been 
more than capable of handling remaining power.
However, it was made 
using inferior materials and had deteriorated badly
over time. Had the 
main computer performed a system check even an hour
earlier, it would 
have determined the degraded condition of the
insulation and ordered it 
replaced. Instead, the electricity fried the fifth
set, and surged into 
Dr. Doom�s main computer, traveling through the
nearest set of lines.

Anime loves one-in-a-million chances. Of course, since
this is Excel we're talking about, consistent dumb
luck comes to play here. Reminds me of the time
Mihoshi was able to guess the password of a 10-digit
lock by randomly typing numbers in Vacation Days... It
seems quite the recurring theme in your fics, eh? 

The ones leading to Dr. Doom�s newest Prototype.

The surge of power went directly into Chii�s neural
net, slightly 
melting one of the key circuits. It was only a slight
marring, but it 
was there. As the surge finally petered out, Chii�s
features shifted 
>from that of a wide-eyed innocent, to one of
calculation that would have 
done Doom himself proud.

So from Elda, Chii became Freya, apparently. So
where's the gothic black dresses that would have done
Kanako proud?

Japan, and a laptop designed by Sidney S. Goldfarb of
Toledo, Ohio, who 
was actually five time smarter than Dr. Doom, but had
no desire to rule 
the world.


remarks about Dr. Doom being a �Tin-Plated Napoleon�
and dressing like a 
�color blind Frenchmen.�

color blind Frenchman

Walking down the ramp and to the roof�s surface, Dr.
Doom was surprised 
to discover a group waiting for his arrival. It was a
squad of Doombots, 
headed by Chii, who was dressed in an alluring black
leather outfit that 
accentuated her lean, feminine figure. 

Ah. So no Freya-Elda thing. I guess that's okay too,
considering the fact that it's such an obvious angle.
But still... Leather Lolita? ?_?

Chii tried laughing in sinister fashion at her
handiwork, but the best 
she could manage was a high-pitched snicker and a
glance that made her 
look insufferably cuter.

At this point, the narrative agrees with Dr. Doom that
'insufferable' can be an adjective of 'cute'.

�Actually, every living being in the country despises
you. When Mistress 
Chii announced she was the new ruler, everyone threw
a really big party. 
There was lots of ice cream and pie, and then we had
a vote about which 
one of your loses was the most pathetic. The one with
Squirrel Girl won 
in a landslide.�


�That was a malfunctioning Doombot that lost, you
worthless little 
pencil sharpener!� Dr. Doom raged.

So says Retroactive Continuity.

Chii gave a tired sigh and went further into the
castle, going downward 
into the deeper levels until she came upon a room
that was the size of a 
small warehouse. The Doombots flanking it saluted her
as the huge door 
opened at her command. Inside revealed a factory
where a number of young 
female robots were being mass produced on an assembly

At the master control of the operation was a persocon
that was Sumomo�s

No, not a correction, just a soapbox. (shrug) I've
always found it funny how 'persocon' became specific
to Chi, Sumomo, Kotoko and all the other girlbots like
her when the term was originally just a Japanese way
of saying 'Personal Computer' (as opposed to 'P.C.')
I've seen enough Japanese shows referring to their
desktop computer as 'persocon' to notice the
difference. OTOH, I could be wrong, so meh.

�Cool,� Sumomo said. �We�ll insinuate

Is 'insinuate' the right word for this sentence?
Sumomo is 'implying' the persocons into every home?

�Chi,� Chii said in chastisement.

�Aw, that�s no fun.� Sumomo pouted.

The real Sumomo is scarier than that, and she doesn't
have a psychotic slant to her. :)

Sumomo stopped performing her handstand and returned
to her feet, 
shouting, �Warning! Warning! Contact with the
Doombots that were 
assigned to kill Dr. Doom has been lost.�

Chii appeared startled.

Kotoko said. �That�s impossible. With his force field
disabled, that 
should have been five times the power necessary to
destroy him.�

Typical. You have to give Doomie at least that. Old
school "The bad guy always gets away to ruin another
day" a la Murdoch from MacGuyver.

Still, it was a time to rejoice. She�d start to issue
her Persocons to 
the general populace, reinforce the castle and set up
some defenses of 
her own making, and begin her search for Dr. Doom
while keeping an eye 
open for robots like her she could be friends with.

Herbie the Robot: Chi?

It was good to be the Queen.


[End fic.] Just a little something I whipped up. A
was amused at the 
idea of evil Queen Chi, especially at Doom�s expense,
and this seemed 
the most likely way to do it. Hope you enjoyed.

I was a cute and short piece of fic. It's not the best
(I personally thought the antics of Ranma and co. in
Sextacular was far more funnier than this piece, same
as with the already classic 'Yardwork'), but gave me a
chuckle or two. Needless to say, but keep on writing.
Abdiel out.

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