Subject: [FFML] [Adfic][Guu] How Many Licks?
From: "DB Sommer" <sommert@connecttime.net>
Date: 5/7/2005, 1:24 PM
To:
CC: <jimbader@yahoogroups.com>




Whipped this up quick because it hit be fast and I was in a hurry.





How Many Licks?



A Jungle Wa Itsumo Hale Nochi Guu Adfic



Any and all C+C is appreciated. You can contact me at

[sommert@connecttime.net]



All of my fics are stored at the following:



Larry F's new address at:

http://www.rakhal.com/florestica/d_b_sommer/index.html



And also Angcobra is now storing fics, at

http://www.hostultra.com/~AngCobraFics/dbsommer.html



At fanfiction.net:

http://www.fanfiction.net/



Newer works at Media Miner

http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/



Standard Disclaimer: I own neither the rights to Tootsie Roll Pops (suckers 
with Tootsie rolls in the cednter) or Guu.



Notes: This one is an adfic. That is, a fic done in an advertisement format.



xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx



[An announcer appears on the screen. He is handsome man, pale-skinned and 
well-dressed. He holds a microphone in one hand and a Tootsie Roll Pop in 
the other. Behind him is a jungle.]



Announcer: (To the audience) We've come to the jungle to see if folks here 
know the answer to the ages old question, 'How many licks does it take to 
get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?' Let's ask this person here. (Walks 
up to a young man, about 13 years old) Excuse me, young man. Do you know how 
many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?" (Holds 
out a Tootsie Pop in offering)



Waji: Licks? Hahahahahahahahahahaha! (Doubles over in hyena-like laughter 
for the next five minutes)



Announcer: I see. Well, why don't we move on and ask this lady with the 
large knock. that is, knock up. I mean, ask her a question? (Walks up to a 
woman dressed in a leopard skin halter top and skirt) Excuse me, Miss?



Weda: It's Mrs.



Announcer: Darn. I mean, Do you know how many licks it takes to get to the 
center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?



Weda: (Stares at the offered Tootsie Pop) Do you have any that are rum 
flavored?



Announcer: Ah, no.



Weda: How about Whiskey flavored?



Announcer: No.



Weda: Fine, I'll settle for a sake flavored one.



Announcer: We don't have alchohol flavored Tootsie Pops of any kind. This is 
a candy. One targeted for children.



Weda: Not interested then. (Walks off)



Announcer: (Impatience in his voice) Let's continue on. We'll try this older 
gentleman with the afro on his chest. (Walks up to the man, then says to 
himself) Afro on his chest? Wait. Move on.



Chourou: (Spots announcer before he can escape) A visitor from the city, eh? 
I am mayor of our fine village. How might I help you?



Announcer: I'm conducting interviews on how many licks it takes to get to 
the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop.



Chourou: While I don't know the answer to that, I do know how many licks it 
takes to get to the center of a Pokute. Here, I'll demonstrate. (Grabs a 
nearby Pokute and begins licking it. It squirms and wiggles as it tries to 
escape)



Announcer: (Backs away nervously) That's all right. We'll ask someone else. 
(Out of earshot) What the hell? Is this place full of nothing but a bunch of 
lunatics? (Bumps into a small girl with green hair.) Excuse me, young lady, 
but do you know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie 
Roll Pop?



Raia: (opens mouth)



Announcer: No, nevermind. Your response will probably be just as stupid as 
everyone else's. (Walks off, leaving the girl to silently stare after him.)



Cameraman's Disembodied Voice: We aren't going to get paid if we can't find 
someone to put on camera.



Announcer: Fine. We'll give it one more shot. We'll ask this pale 
cherubic-faced little girl. She looks photogenic. (Walks up to the 
pink-haired girl with bright, red sparkling eyes.) And what's your name, 
little girl?"



Guu: (Cheerily) Guu.



Announcer: At last! A winner! Do you know how many licks it takes to get to 
the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop? (Holds it up for her to see)



Guu: I can find out. (Her features suddenly shift, all light and caring 
disappearing as her eyes become two narrow emotionless coals. Her tongue 
lashes out like a scorpion's tail, shattering the offered Tootsie Pop into a 
hundred shards.) One. (She declares in a flat voice devoid of emotion)



Announcer: (Trembling) Thank you. (Turns to go)



Guu: (With hand held up pensively to her chin) I wonder how many bites it 
takes to eat an annoying television announcer.



Announcer: What?



[There's a moment of darkness accompanied by a loud gulping sound. Light 
returns a moment later, showing only Guu standing there]



Guu: (To the camera) The answer to that is one as well.



Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx



End Ad fic:



Sorry. Was just looking for something to do in the small amount of time I 
had. That and I like Guu. Hope you enjoyed this silly little thing.





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