Another vote for prose. Also, line breaks are a bit over my mail service's limit (which is set to
max), making it a bit of a hassle to read (besides it being in script format - sorry, couldn't
resist :p ), so you may wish to reduce it to about around 65 letters per line (65 makes a good
average).

--- Matthew Hanson <vgz@mac.com> wrote:

Joe Fenton already covered most of my criticisms in his review but he  
missed this one.

On May 3, 2005, at 10:01 PM, Eric Holdt wrote:

Ryoga:  So what are these housemates of yours like?

Tenchi:  (Grins sheepishly) Well uh, actually...they're all kind
of...aliens.

Ryoga:  (Blinks twice) What?

Tenchi:  Heheh, yeah.  See, first there's Ryoko, who's the most wanted
space pirate in the universe.  Then there's Ayeka and Sasami, they're
the princesses of Planet Jurai.  Then there's Mihoshi and Kiyone, who
work for the Galaxy Police Department.  And last is Washu, the self-
proclaimed greatest scientist in the universe.  I'm actually part  
Jurian
myself.

Tenchi tends to go out of his way to keep the details about space and  
his heritage a secret.  He would never just tell a random guy about  
it after they first met.  Plus I believe there is some sort of law  
against doing so in the OVA.

Like Joe said, rewrite it in prose and work on keeping the characters  
in-character and you should be able to turn this into a decent fic.

Matt
<vgz@mac.com>
<http://homepage.mac.com/vgz/>

http://ca.geocities.com/troythomas4/

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